My Hubby Has Gone Crazy with These Sports!

My son plays Hockey year round. He also has asked to take a year off. I said no way. He has been playing since he was 5 years old. He also plays basketball and he golfs. He is now 13 and loves to play his sports. I think its healthy and he has learn sportsmanship, team work and commitment. He also has lots of other interest besides sports. I think he will be just fine.

I Do not agree with pushing Kids into sports my 4 yr old plays baseball, basketball, football, and golf. But he loves it and everyday asks his Dad or brother to play with him. My husband and our older son want him to play in MLB or NBA when he is older but if the day comes when he don't want to play that's when as a mom, I would tell my husband if he keeps pushing him he will not want to play when he is bigger and will resent him for pushing him. I did not push my older son and he plays high school football, and basketball. Your the mom stand up for your son.

First off, I'm sorry your son (and you) are dealing with this. This is rotten and stressful for all involved.

Since your husband won't listen to you or your son, maybe he'll listen to sports experts. Please show your husband this article from Sports Illustrated:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/M...

It talks about the dangers of kids getting hurt because of parents pushing them too hard. Injuries caused by chronic overuse, bodies wearing out because the kids are just too young, etc. If your husband doesn't understand the psychological damage he might be inflicting, maybe he'll get the physical argument.

(And by the way, I'm also a sports junkie. I coached ice hockey at the collegiate level, have played sports all my life, and love watching live and televised games. But I can tell your husband first-hand about the drawbacks of his approach. I HATE one particular sport for the sole reason I was pushed into racing at 4 years old; I will never willingly ski again. When I found a different sport I loved at age 9, I continue to play it almost 40 years later.)

Best wishes.

wow, i'd be putting my foot down about this. it's great that your husband is a sports nut, i guess, and that your son is playing some sports. but when he wants out, that's time to listen to him. peyton manning is a paid professional with a career he's worked on his whole life. 7 year old boys should not have that sort of responsibility on their little shoulders.
back your dh right the hell off.
khairete
S.

Your son took the lead, made his own choice, asked not to play -- and his dad is clearly so in love with sports that he totally ignored his child's preference. Your husband may say "Oh, I'm just letting him try different sports so he can find one he's really good at," but do you really buy that? I can't, after what he said.

We are not talking here about a kid saying "I don't want to do my homework" or "I won't do my chores." We're talking about a child asking to opt out of an OPTIONAL activity when he already has three other optional activities. He's not asking to sit home and stare at a computer game or turn into a couch potato.

I don't know where to send you from here, but if your husband is talking to your son this way when your son is only seven, try to imagine the relationship the two of them will have by the time your son is 12 or 14. Your son will feel intensely pressured to do sports he may not want to do, in order to have dad's approval and love. Your husband is showing your son this: Dad loves you if you play sports, period. You are a good kid if you play sports and stick with them No Matter How YOU Feel. Your son will grow up feeling that dad's love must be bought with sports.

And what happens when your son is older and it turns out other kids are better at some sports than he is? When he's not a star player, not the quarterback, not the best baseball player or the high-scoring soccer player? The pressure will get much worse. If your son's a star, wonderful, but what are the chances he'll be a star, realistically? What will your husband do and say then? What comments do you think your husband will have the first time your son says "I want to be in the class play this fall instead of playing ball" or "I want to spend the summer at computer camp or art camp instead of baseball camp/football camp/soccer camp"? That is -- if your son develops the courage to say those things. He might not, if his dad pressures him this hard. Then you'd have a frustrated child who does not get any say in his own activities.

Picture, too, how you will be in the middle when schoolwork gets more intense. At seven your son has relatively little homework. Picture older elementary school or middle school, when there is MUCH more homework, projects, etc. Your son will be so stressed that both school and sports will suffer badly and the results of academic issues in middle and high school can affect his prospects the rest of his life.

I think your husband needs a huge wake-up call now, not in a few years when your son is stressed out and rebels, or stressed out and doesn't rebel and ends up believing dad hates him for not being a star player.

Your husband sounds like the kind of man who needs to hear this from a coach, a school principal (preferably male) or another man who is involved in sports. I would enlist a male family friend to talk to him seriously about how over-scheduled your son is, and how much pressure dad is putting on his son. I wish I could say he could accept a talk about this from a woman principal or from you but -- I would wager he is not going to listen to anyone but an adult male who is into sports himself.

If your SON did the choosing, would he choose every one of these sports? You will never know if he might have been good at other things -- academics, arts, music, anything. He will never find out what other talents he might have. Sports are great but not at the expense of absolutely everything else.

stand up to your husband. he's being an idiot and the worst kind of sad, tired cliche. he would be hard pressed to find ANY rational logical intelligent parent to agree with his way of thinking.

the ladies will give you better advice than i would. i'm not sure i could have a civilized conversation about this. how awful for your child. and you're allowing it?

It sounds like your DH is living vicariously through your son. Just because your DH wants your son to be "pro", doesn't mean your son wants that. The reality is that most kids that excel at sports will still not turn professional.

What if he's creative? Or musical? Or mechanical? You will never know because he's not doing what HE wants to do. I think it's sad that your DH's ego is getting in the way of your own child's wants. Time to be the "b" & put your foot down.

Now, if your son gets a chance to discover his own likes & returns to the sports, and wants to play competitively when he's older, then that's a different story, to be revisited when he's older.

Ugh. Well first off, I do think your husband needs to at least hear your son out, although it's clear he just doesn't want to. I would talk to your son first and find out the reasons behind why he wants to sit out this season...is it b/c he doesn't like football, b/c he's tired, b/c he doesn't think he's as good as his teammates, b/c dad pushes him....you get the idea. If you get a better grip on what is going on it will be easier for you and your son to talk to your husband about it and may not be about not wanting to play but about another factor. Then again, it may be about just not wanting to play and that's okay too. At 7 he's starting to figure out what he wants and likes and that should be heard and respected although for parents that is sometimes hard. We want our kids to do things we like so we can relate and sometimes that just isn't reality!

I don't agree in over scheduling kiddos and forcing them into a ton of things they don't like...but I do agree in having kids be involved. In your case it seems your son is into other things so they can compensate for not playing football this season. I am not opposed though to kids having one activity every season and it doesn't necessarily have to be sports. Now that doesn't mean that if your kid is worn out you shouldn't just take some time out, of course! But in my opinion if he takes these next few weeks/months off he should do something else this winter to stay involved and active, even if it's an after school club or an art class or something different.

How about this season, listen to what son wants and find a team for dad to play on.. Ask HIM if Peyton Manning ever quit playing sports.. Nope, so dad why did you quit?

Always listen to your children. If son needs a break, gosh, allow a break. He has a voice, listen and honor it.

Here is a gift to you. My nephew, who has been the quarter back on his high school team since 10th grade, used to play football at your sons age along with baseball, basketball..

At one point, he asked to stop. He was in every other sport the rest of the year. He did not join football again until he was in 6 th grade. And yet, his natural skills were still there for this sport. This is his Senior year and he is amazing.

He is planning on also playing baseball, usually as shortstop..He took last spring off to protect his arm for this fall. So he is hoping to make the team again.

I would ask your son WHY he doesn't want to play. And you ask him when your husband is not around.

Kids want to quit for various reasons. If your son wants to quit because he no longer likes football, wants to do something else, feels too pressured, is injured, etc. then I think you need to intervene on behalf of your son.

Sometimes I'll have kids who want to quit and they just need more encouragement. I coach gymnastics and many kids reach a "plateau" and they get frustrated because they can't get the next skill. So they want to quit. That's the time when parents need to gently encourage them to keep trying.

Your husband is half-right. Some of my gymnastics kids take the summer or one season off and when they come back they are disappointed to find out that everyone else advanced while they did not. It also takes a while for them to even get their old skills back. So that is TRUE...

...but underneath that there has to be a love of the sport. And for goodness sake, he's only 7, not 14!! Your son may not love football. That's okay!

Please listen to your son and be his advocate. He could get really injured or grow to hate ALL sports. He is at a good age for him to try a variety of things and see what his love is. Later on he can choose one or two to specialize in.

I do want to mention that one of my co-workers had a daughter who loved gymnastics. Her mom was the coach and her daughter was great! Her mom put her on a team and suddenly the girl HATED gymnastics. She didn't want to be pushed. She hated gymnastics for 4 years! She refused to set food in the gym, even though she was very talented.

Now, 4 years later she has decided to return (on her OWN she decided this) and now is the best on the team. So taking a season off--it'll be fine!

Tell hubby that DS needs a break from football or all team sports this year and you are signing him up for ballet and martial arts. In fact many if not most pro sports athletes take both ballet and martial arts. It teaches them flexability, motion and how to get the body to function better.

Tell his you are also DS's parent and you have the right to make decisions about your son's future too.

No, I don't think hubby is right. Hubby is trying to live through his son. Your son may not have the all-consuming love of sports that his father has.

You need to talk to your hubby and make sure he realizes that your son is his own person - with his own likes and dislikes. If he keeps trying to shove his love of the game onto your son, he is going to drive a wedge between them.

If hubby thinks your son needs to be like a pro player, remind him of how many pro players get arrested for DUI, drugs, domestic violence, dog fighting, etc. Is THAT what he wants for your son because it is part and parcel of those players' lives!