My Hubby Do Not Let Me Go Out When I Wanna Have a Girl Night out...why?

Becoming a parent changes priorities, so I can understand him not necessarily wanting to go out dancing (and I really can, as someone in her mid-40s ... those days are over). If you want to go out with friends periodically, I'd be worried that he's telling you what you can and can not do. If you're wanting to go out all the time, then he probably has a legitimate point. Parents don't usually go out dancing every weekend.

Marriage is about compromise - from both parties. You don't "need" to go out dancing on Friday or Saturday night with a girlfriend - perhaps that is the part he is objecting to, the bar scene. Does he want to stay home all the time? Or is it that he doesn't want to engage in the same kind of "fun" that you do?

Some posters have said "you don't need permission." No, you don't need permission, but happy marriages are built on trust and the ability to work out disagreements. If you simply go out, when you know that he is totally against it, that isn't working things out - it is two people doing whatever they feel like regardless of how it makes the other person feel.

Would your husband be so opposed to you meeting this same girlfriend for coffee? Or to go see a movie? I feel like his objection is centered around the bar/club thing, not necessarily anything else. Most people his age (and yours, to be honest) have gotten past the "need" to do the club thing.

Good luck.

I think you already know - he's 52. By then, we're pretty much done with Friday and Saturday night dancing/clubs, etc. Maybe you should quit asking and start just telling him you're going. You shouldn't need "permission" you're a grown woman.

What do you mean he won't "let" you go? You're an adult, you don't need his permission to spend time with your friends.
So go, if he doesn't like it well that's too bad, that's what a man gets when he marries someone twenty years younger.

Do you even have kids? You list everything but kids on your profile. I don't see why it would matter to him if you go out with friends unless you have small children at home.

You decided to marry a man 20 years older but NEED to dancing on a Friday or Saturday night??? You married him and it's not a need. Go to dinner or the movies.

Stop asking him if you can go out. Tell him you are going out.

He shouldn't be stopping you from having a girls night out. That is controlling behavior and not healthy for your relationship. What is his reason?

Likewise, you shouldn't need to go out every weekend (not sure how often you are asking him). I think going dancing once or twice a month is totally reasonable though.

You need to sit down and talk. Figure out what makes him so uncomfortable about it and find a way to ease his fears. Is he worried you will meet another man? Or even flirt with another man? Does he think you'll drink too much? Or drink and drive? Get to the root of the problem and maybe you can solve it. For him to just forbid it though is ridiculous.

I agree with Starr. I'm sorry, and I know other people have differing opinions, but when I met and started dating my spouse, we didn't get married to go out to bars drinking and dancing. We were glad to be done with that life. And in fact, had mostly left it behind already by the time we were dating. We didn't go out to bars on dates. Or dance clubs. We went to dinner, and movies, and destinations and did activities together (canoeing, hiking, went to sporting events and concerts). All things that we STILL go do together or with our kids.
I don't understand why married couples are attracted to that scene at all. Some are, I guess. Just not us. But to go without your spouse...there is an underlying message that you are looking for something if you are there. Whether you realize it or are willing to admit it, or not.

No, you don't need permission to go, but have you asked him what about it he thinks is inappropriate for you to be doing? Go have dinner with your friend. At a restaurant even. Go see a movie with her that husband has no interest in (a chick flick or something). Go take a bottle of wine to her house and sit and catch up. Or invite her to your house.

But partying at a club?? I don't get why that would be something you'd be interested in. I really don't. You like to dance? So dance with your husband. Turn up the music and there you go. Or is it that you prefer putting on a show for strangers? I just don't understand. If you and husband enjoyed it together, fine. But why you would want to go do that alone, without your spouse... that just seems like you are looking for trouble. It's an easy way to get caught up in an extramarital relationship. Booze, dancing, and no husband around...

We can't answer why. You have to ask him.

I love to dance. My DH does not. I sometimes go dancing with my friends without him. He likes to play basketball. I do not. He goes to play basketball with his friends without me. None of these things cause any conflict in our marriage.

If it causes conflict in yours, you need to communicate to understand why each of you feels the way you do. If you can't communicate, you should get a marriage counselor to help you do so. Good luck.

I agree with Starr. My husband and I are 17 years apart (I am 32 and he is 49). He would NEVER tell me I couldn't go to a bar with my friends (which I have done maybe 2 times in our almost 11 years of marriage). I don't tell him he can't go do what he likes either. However, we have three very active children and our lives are centered around their activities. I don't have the energy to go to a bar or go dancing every weekend, nor do I want to. That's my family time.

So you don't need his permission, but I don't know how a marriage is supposed to work if you all don't enjoy similar things and spend time together. It has nothing to do with him being older either, if he is controlling that is his personality, not his age.

Do something other than go dancing and drinking. Have several girlfriends over for dinner to your house and watch a chick-flick together afterwards. If they are single, ask them not to talk about going out with men in front of your husband. Then get together for movies night out another time. If your husband doesn't like it, tell him that he can come with you or he can stay home.

What he cannot do is act like his is your father and tell you what you cannot do. What you shouldn't do is go out drinking and dancing and upsetting him with men coming on to you.

There is a happy medium and you must create it. You don't quite get what you want, but he doesn't quite get what he wants. You make a compromise.

sweetie, is this your husband or a strict father?

the 20 year age gap is probably partially to blame, but this is clearly a dynamic that's oppressive to you and needs to be changed.

i don't know *why* he's opposed to you going out without him. maybe you've given him reason to worry. how would we know? i can certainly understand him not wanting to go out dancing on the weekends, i'm a few years older than him and can't think of many things i'd want less. but if you want to, you're an adult and you should choose for yourself what your leisure activities are, and your companions if your husband isn't interested in joining you.

sounds like you need to sit down and redefine your relationship. i don't understand any woman whose man won't 'let' her go out. are you a prisoner?
khairete
S.

My husband is very supportive of me going out with my friends. He likes to have some advance notice if possible just so he can make plans with the kids. Although if it is spur of the moment 99% of the time he is like...go, go go and have fun!!

HOWEVER, I am not dressing up and going out to go clubbing (drinking and dancing) with friends. We are going to dinner, or dinner and a movie, or fancy coffee, or dessert...we are hanging out and talking about our kids and our husbands...and other stuff relaxing and enjoying being out without our kids. There might even be a few drinks involved but we aren't going to a pick up place/singles hang out. (I guess even if I were he would be like "have fun" on my way out the door).

We didn't give up our friends and lives apart just because we got married. You guys should have talked about this before you married...

Well, you sound very immature. Wives don't go out partying without their husbands. Perhaps he should divorce you so you can go be a teenager with your friends because that's how you come across.

Now, if you are married to this man and he doesn't want to go out partying and dancing then perhaps you can find some adult things to do with your friends? Or find new friends? Most married women do not go to clubs or other stuff with their friends. They go out to eat then home. They go to a movie occasionally then go home. They go shopping a few times per year then go home.

Being married is an adult venture and going out partying with friends is a teen/young adult thing. I am sorry for your husband while he waits for you to grow up. Sorry Gabby, you got married to this man. Either figure out if you're 18 or a married adult.

I got tired of going out dancing in my early 20s so I can see how he doesn't
feel like it at 50. And you know what was fun about going out with my girlfriends dancing? Getting dressed up, having drinks, finding the cutest guys, flirting, and dancing. Once I was older and in serious relationships it was more about movies and dinner and things to do with my significant other. I would still go have drinks with friends occasionally, but I didn't "need to" go clubbing every weekend anymore.

Sounds like you guys are on TOTALLY different pages with different personalities in different phases of life.

So you need to compromise. What will he do with you? He doesn't want to do out dancing but where does he like to eat? Does he like having people over? Does he have friends he would go hang out with and watch football and you could join him? Does he like movies, malls, shopping in hardware stores? Do those things a few times per month with him. Put him first. And go out dancing sometimes with your girlfriend but not every weekend. Show him you care and compromise like adults.

If he never wants to do ANYTHING, and the ONLY thing you like doing is dancing with your girlfriend a lot....then honestly...you guys don't have much in common. You can't force him to like it that you go out dancing. Would you like it if he went to parties all the time without you? I know you would want to go with him with your personality, but if you didn't like parties would you always want him out drinking and socializing with lots of women and a buddy every weekend?

I'm sorry, you lost me at "does not LET me go out".
He's not your father.
And if he'd like to continue being your husband, he should realize that you have social needs that he can't (and shouldn't) fulfill.

I am 39 & married to a 47 year old. Up until a year or so ago, I did go out most Friday nights with my friends, even shockingly to bars. He didn't "allow" me, but I did check to see if he had plans. I still do go out once or twice a month. He may go out once a week.

Frankly, you are at 2 different stages of life. If you want to go out with friends, do it in reasonable ways. Set a time limit. Be open in communications. Above all, go on dates with your husband. Your marriage comes first. But no you shouldn't give up having fun completely.

My husband doesn't 'let' me do anything. He's not my boss or my keeper. I do what I want. Same goes in the opposite direction. My husband and I have both shared and separate interests. We don't always do things together. Adults need to have mutual respect for one another, or a marriage will never work.

Unless you've given him a valid reason why you can't be trusted to be out without his supervision, you choose your husband poorly. The two of you are not compatible. It doesn't mean he's a bad person, it means that you shouldn't be married to each other.