My Ex Is Crashing My Visitation Weekends

You say she is crashing the sporting events but crashing would mean someone that was uninvited. Are you saying that the Organization of this sport said she could not attend? I doubt that’s the case.

I’m sorry this is causing so much turmoil in your girl’s lives. I’ll have to ditto what Michelle P. said. For your girl’s sake, BOTH parents SHOULD attend sporting events and school events. You and your ex need to find common ground and be amicable to each other. It is in the best interest of your daughters.

Is she harassing you or intimidating you at these events? If so, you and your ex REALLY need to go to mediation. Document everything and tell the court what she is doing. Someone needs to tell your ex that her selfish behavior is hurting her daughters and that’s just cruel!

I feel that it is very important for the kids for both parents to be at a game or other activities that the kids are involved in. I do not feel that both parents need to be at a practice. Maybe you and your ex need to sit down and discuss how this is effecting the kids. The main thing to remember with kids whose parents have divorced is that the kids are being hurt no matter what happens. They were used to having both parents around and now they only have one at a time. I am at everything my kids are involved in. But, I don't disturb my ex when I am there either. I am polite to him and no matter how mad I am at him, I always speak. Now, after 9 years of being divorced, we are decent friends and can discuss things about the kids. Your ex will always be in your life, so the sooner you can find a way to get along with her, the better.

Best of luck!

My sister and her exhusband end up at the same events because of the kids sports, performances whatever. They do not sit together, but of course greet (more like grit ) each other. The kids then hug and say hello to the other parent, sometimes sits with the other parent, but they respect whoever weekend it is..

I would encourage you to get this divorce finalized as quickly as possible. This will give closure to all of you.

Leave the girls out of all of this and have your attorney contact the ex wife's attorney and explain she can no longer cause disruptions and scenes. That you will get a retraining order if necessary or request she be evaluated for emotional problems. Do it if she continues this behavior. Document these events.

My sister always asked the kids for permission to bring her significant other on her week, because we were children of divorce and we did not always want to share our dad. We never said anything to our dad, because we did not want to hurt his feelings, but we always wondered what was the point of visiting him, if he was not really paying much attention to us and we did not have a time to speak about personal matters alone?..

It is hard enough to establish a new type of relationship with your parents when they are divorced, but then to bring others along really makes it extra hard and takes a lot of emotional energy for the children. 2 and a half years sounds like a long time, but to the kids, it is still fresh to them since they do not spend extended time with you. They used to see and be with you 365 days a year, now count the days they spend with you a year and you will feel the difference.

I am sending you peace and clarity.

Dear B.,

If “crashing your weekends” means your former wife wants to attend the children’s games I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. However if the adults involved (i.e. you, your girlfriend and your former wife), are unable to attend your children’s functions as civilized adults, then just make arrangements NOT to sit near each other.

This means at the end of the game your children might run to one or both parents to celebrate the game or be consoled by a loss.

If you and your former wife cannot agree to NOT sit near each other, it could be court ordered. I doubt that a judge would mandate that divorced parents could not attend their children’s school or sports functions, unless you, your former wife or girlfriend are causing public scenes.

If “crashing your weekends” means your former wife is coming over to your home or stalking you in public restaurants, amusement parks, etc., then you need to have a restraining order in place.

You have to both, determine what is best for your children.

Blessings……

Doesn't sound like fun to me.
If she was just showing up to view the game and be supportive to her daughter, I would say it shouldn't be a big deal that she share in the "big moments" If this were the case though, I would say that if there was a mid week special event involving your daughter, that you too would be able to attend to show support to your daughter.

I thinks it is wonderful that you are scheduling just daddy daughter time. It is proven that if a girl does not have a good relationship with her daddy that she can not establish good relationships with the men in her life. So, keep up the good work.

Now with that being said, if she is purposefully trying to ruin your weekends, you may want to deal with this in court. If part of the divorce agreement was you have weekend visits, than maybe you need to find out if you can keep her away. But, I would only do that if her "crashing" is upsetting your daughter. Because she seems like the type of person who would come back and make your life even more miserable.

The one thing to remember is that your daughters see and absorb everything. Even if your ex is being a jerk, you need to maintain your composure so your girls have a good role model. It may be hard, but it is possible.

If you are living with your new significant other, it may be hard to visit with your girls alone, but try to find alone time to make them feel like they are a priority. Keep an open relationship with your girls. Talk to them about their feelings. And what ever you do, don't bad mouth their mother in front of them. (I am a child of divorced parents)

Good luck and hang in there. Your girls need you!!

B.,
why do you have to tell her what you are doing? Don't even tell the girls, just pick them up and take them home, then you can decide what to do without her knowing. Just take the kids with you to were you are going and do your thing. If it's a public place where you are at and she shows up, just try to keep your distance from her, I know it may be difficult but just try. I'm not sure that you want to call the police, but you might not have any choice if it continues. The only reason why I suggest this is because then if you need to take her to court you would at least have a police report or something in writing showing that this is an ongoing event.
But in all, just take the girls and if they ask what you are doing that weekend with them, tell them that either you don't know, you haven't made up your mind or that it's a surprise.
Do they call their mother and tell her where they are? If so, you need to have a talk with them; but if not, then you should be okay.
Blessings

I have a feeling she's a bit jealous of the new significant other, so she's decided to be a fly in the ointment every chance she gets. However, I don't know her or you, so I may be wrong on that point.

I would tell her if she insisted on being present and inserting herself into your plans on your weekends, that you were going to have to get an attorney in on it and perhaps re-visit custody arrangements, look at restraining orders, etc. Explain to her that you really don't want things to get ugly because that wouldn't be in the best interest of your daughters, but you deserve your weekends with them, and that due to the fact that you're divorced and sometimes there are conflicts in plans and visitation -that means EVERYONE has to suck it up on occasion. Let her know that she is not welcome on your weekends and that you WILL do something about it if she continues.

Also, if the girls get dragged into it, please tell them that you aren't trying to be mean, but that obviously you and their mother don't get along that well any more, and you want to have times that you are together with them having fun without you being stressed over the situation.

I haven't read the other responses. But, if my daughter has an event going on (like sports, etc) and it's on her Dads weekend I go. He is invited to her events when she is with me as well. And, no we don't have a great relationship. I guess if she is causing problems while at the events that is another story.....but you didn't say what she was actually doing. Anyway, I don't see a problem with her going to her daughters softball games/practices even when they are on your weekend.

She just shows up?? How weird is that!! Why do you let her in? You don't have to SHARE your weekend with your ex when it is your weekend with your kids. That is just her being controlling. She is probably the type to call the girls and ask where you are and the girls don't want to upset mom so they tell her and she shows up. That's wrong. You need time with your daughters. What part of DIVORCED does she not get?? As for you having a new "friend" that is also none of her business. That is another part of BEING DIVORCED!! Tough situation, that can only be handled by being firm. Be as nice as you can but she needs to know that your time with your girls is your time!!

I don't understand how she is crashing your visitations? Is she coming to your house or showing up at the places you are taking the girls? Either way I would dare to do something different.

If she is crashing at public places, try not to let the kids know where you are going. If she is showing up after this step then you know the kids are telling her were you are planning to be and that needs to be addressed.

If she is showing up at your house, you may want to spend a portion of your visitation time at another undisclosed location. Just because the door bell rings doesn't mean you have to answer the door and just because the phone rings doesn't mean you need to answer it.

Always document on a calendar everything that happens on your weekends with the kids, if push comes to shove, you drag her butt back into court with Lawyer in tow and get this addressed. Personally I would just change locations and activities wherever possible. I really hope this helps.

How does she know where you are going to be? Is it activities that your kids participate in so she knows the time and place things happen? Are you telling the kids in advance of your plans? Is she calling while the kids are with you getting them to tell her the information? If it's the first then nothing you can do about it. If it's the last 2 then I'd suggest leaving everything a suprise for your daughters and not letting them in on it until they arrive at the destination. If she's calling and texting the girls to stalk while you have them I'd suggest getting the lawyers involved and having the court step in and make a determination on when she can and can not call or text while the girls are with you.

In public places, at games and picnics and such, I don't think there's much you can do about it. If you schedule ticketed events with reserved seating (tickets to the circus, Ice Capades, some other such thing), well she can purchase tickets too but it's very unlikely her seat will be anywhere near you. And if she's crashing your party, you can crash her party too on her weekends. Yeah, she's playing a spite game, and I understand not wanting to play it on her level. But if a game happens to be on her weekend, there's no reason you can not show up just like she shows up on your weekends. I wonder exactly how she'd react to that.

Hi B.
I assume she is crashing your weekends in public places? If she is then I don't think there is much you can do. other than try to avoid places you know she might be. If she is coming to your home or constatly calling the kids then I would file for a motion to revisite visitation arrangments.