My Daughter Tantrums and Sharing

Temper tantrums are traumatic - for you at least. They do outgrow them, faster if you DO NOT GIVE IN!!! Calmly remove the child from the situation. At home, put her in her room, at the store, remove her to her carseat - then (this is the hard part) LET HER YELL. If you do not give in and can remain calm, let her anger play out - then calmly as her if she is now ready to behave. When she says yes (she will eventually) go back to what you were doing when the tantrum started. The in-store tantrums will cease almost immediately if you just calmly remove her, place her in her car seat and wait like you've got nothing better to do. (I kept a magazine in the car for just such occasions). If it helps you or gives you something to look forward to, my "tantrum babies" are now 16 and 10 and both behave beautifully in public. Good luck and STAY CALM. This too shall be funny some day.

The only thing I have to add to the other comments is that sharing isn't a developmentally appropriate concept for a 2 year old. Don't force it - just accept it. Sharing kicks in naturally around age 4. She's not doing it to be mean - it's a survival instinct.

My friend was just telling me about this book called "The best toddler on the block." (or something like that...) She said she read it, and that it worked absolute wonders for their toddler. Try that! Hope that helps!
Lynsey

She IS going through the terrible 2's and as a Mom of a terrible 2 I know your pain!!!!

Here are a few things that work for me (sometimes)!!! Have toys that she only sees and plays with while shopping, not the same old things.

Also IGNORE THE IDIOTS that have a comment or look to let you know they don't approve. They either have never had a 2yo or they didn't bother when they did.

Also try to multitask. I often feed my daughter chicken nuggets while shopping or a snack and plan my outings accordingly. Or if it is nap time give her her blanket and bottle while shopping. It makes me have to eat on the run but I get peace and a fed child and my shopping done all at the same time.

Also remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!! ;) They grow up way to soon and someday (or so I'm told) You will get to shop in peace and alone! A.

M.: I have been there with all four of my teen and grown children and we can laugh at those days now. They seem to stand out very clear. Our only son of the four threw a temper trantrum outside the post office on the concrete (making sure he stopped just short of banging his head hard on the pavement). I stayed nearby and told him calmly that when he was finished we would then go home. After a few minutes and some strange looks from people passing we did. He never did it again. One of our three daughters threw a tantrum at a drug store just at the checkout where all the "goodies" were offered. I did the very same thing and said when she was done we would leave. I also talked to the kids before we left and reminded them that we would not be buying treats at the checkout. The less we react the more apt they are to cease this. Definitely working around her sleep schedule is a good idea. This new independence is control for her and is so normal. Our guidelines and CONSISTENCEY of what we expect with as few words as possible (I'm notorious for lectures and it does NOT WORK)is the key. My daughter outgrew her naps right at 2 but went to bed decent. Got out several times. Brought her back each time. A gate can help if this is a problem but the BEST is a routine of winding down will help her. A warm bath, light music, night light, story time, tucking her in time and then leaving without letting her control the whole situation. Rewards work wonders though when she has done positive things. Praise, stickers and outings. This stage will pass. Her life is just filled with so much wonderament.
Sharing will come with time. She needs to witness positive sharing between you and your husband or gentle guiding while she is playing with a playmate. I suggest to my daycare kids that if they cannot share their toy then that special toy needs to remain in their backpack. And that is okay. But I do require them to share all of 'MY' toys with each other and encourage it through our daily play. Not just by telling or yelling but by sitting with them and showing them. Enjoy. R.

I love 2 yr olds. Everything answer is no. Wanna go outside to play? NO. But then they run over to get their coat to go outside. Want a cookie? NO. But the little hand comes out for a cookie.

The only tip I can give you is to remember that they are making choices just because they can however they are easily frustrated by everything in their world. Try to avoid things like being stuck in a line at Walmart when she should be home for her nap. Work around her routine as much as possible.

Most of all when someone gives you the look during a tantrum don't pay attention. Any moms out there have been there done that so the ones giving the look are the same ones who say, "If I had a child mine would never do that." Kinda like I did before my 3 yr old threw herself on the floor in front of the Captain Crunch cereal screaming Iiiiii Waaaannnnntttttt That! Fantasy parenting .... so much easier than reality parenting.

Hi M.,
So we're going through the same thing, my daughter just turned 2 but we've been at it for a while!

There are times, for me at least, it's not worth the fight. Example: I let her pick out her clothes (as long as it's weather appropriate). Yes, I've walked out of the house with a toddler that's wearing lime green pants, pink striped shirt and black dress shoes but then she listens during the shopping trip 'cause she got her way on something.

We also don't always share, we "take turns". If there is something she doesn't want to share she needs to find something that mommy/daddy/friend can take a turn with. Then later we switch and take turns with the other toy.

Does this always work? Nope. Have we had time outs? Yup. Am I learning to be patient and calm during the 2s? Oh yeah!

Good luck and hang in there!

~Kristal

Children go through many stages, that doesnt mean parents have to 'wait it out' You should be correcting her behavior immediately. The second she screams in public, remove her and give her a consequence. Even if you have to go home and put her in time out and then go back to the store. Let her bring a teddy with her and if she screams take it away. BUT most important is to tell her before you leave the house just what will happen if she screams or carries on. Remind her again as you are getting out of the car. Her evil (lol) 2 y/o mind will wonder if you will really do it. So she WILL scream. Don't say a word..dont tell her to stop or else, just pick her up and walk out of the store. Put her in the car, if she stops you can warn her again and go back in the store, but chances are she will keep screaming so you must go home. She will soon learn. I dont expect you will have to do this more than 2 or 3 times. IF you are swift and consistant.
Sharing is harder, 2's have a hard time sharing, 3's begin to get it, but I know grown ups that cant share. Its very frustrating being 2 and not being able to communicate your wants. But you need to teach her to listen, time out if she doesnt. Dont argue, beg, plead or yell. Time out right away. My 2 y/o grand daughter spends a lot of time at my house and is not allowed to touch my computer. She can play with her moms, but knows she cant touch mine. If she does she gets a time out. The other day I left the room and came back to see her at the computer, she looked at me and went into the corner. It was sooooooooooooooo cute. She knew, but couldnt control herself, so she punished herself.
This will get better