Hi, I have a 8 year old daughter who has a really hard time being away from us. At the beginning of the year her 3rd she did very well, after the holiday break she started having anxiety about going back. This has been an on going problem since she began school, it gets better as the year goes on , but how can we get her to stop having these anxieties? She gets herself so worked up thinking she may have a sub or she is going to miss us that she makes herself sick in the morning. Last week she did not eat breakfast at all, and would ask questions constantly about does she need to ride the bus when she knows she does not. She also asks me to call the school and see if her teacher will be there etc. She tries to hold back the tears , but when the bell rings her eyes tear up , once she is in the class she is fine her teacher says no problems at all. What can we do to make her realize she is going to be fine and school and just get her to stop putting herself in this position every day. Tomorrow is Monday I pray its a good day. At a loss.
I just thought I would give you all an update on my daughter. Well Last week and today she has done wonderful. She is eating her breakfast again and does not have the anxiety she had the first two weeks back to school. I spoke with her and told her that I had been doing some research on anxiety and that I knew it was not her fault she felt that way sometimes. She really seemed to understand that I know understood . Ever since that day she has done better, and better. Thank you all for the wonderful advise. I know we will have more trials with this, but at least she knows know that I know what is going on and that she is not just putting on an act.
S.
I would see if there is any bullying going on at school. My daughter starting the same thing and we found out about some mean girls. Try that, try talking to the teacher to find out if there are any difference in classroom etc.
I have anxiety also, and have ever since I was a young child. I have a handle on it now. My husband helped me realized that I am in charge of my mind and the thoughts I entertain. It was hard, but things got better for me the more I acknowledged that fact and took control of my own thoughts instead of letting them go wild. When I have a scary irrational thought, I acknowledge it (just trying to ignore it doesn't work for me), then dismiss it as irrational and not based in reality. I visualize myself dismissing it, and then I replace it with reassuring thought or a pleasant memory. For instance, if I'm worried my husband might die on a business trip I bring in the logic instead of emotions and recognize that it is much more likely that his plane will land safely. I acknowledge that that's a real possibility, but I feed myself the positive words of, "And if the unlikely event of his plane crashing did occur, I would be okay. I am strong and capable. I would figure things out and I would be okay." Then I remind myself that I am in charge of my thoughts and not the other way around.
I have always had anxiety about death, and I remember once when I was around 8 I was so worked up that someone might die in my family that I was sobbing uncontrollably. My dad tried to comfort me to no avail, and tried saying no one would die. What finally worked was when he said, "Honey, are any of us dead right now? Or are we all okay? Deal with that if/when it happens, but until then enjoy us while we're alive. Why waste time feeling the pain when it's not your reality right now?" It brought me back down to reality. Oh, yeah, everyone's okay, so why I am crying like they aren't?
Express confidence in her ability to control her mind. It took awhile of my husband doing this before it finally sunk in with me (I just thought he was mean at first because he was being tough instead of coddling me). I was being a victim for too long and feeling like I couldn't choose any differently. I wasn't able to change until I accepted responsibility for my thoughts, so try helping her see that she's in charge. And have her attack the thoughts head on. Like, What's the worse that could happen? And how could I deal with that if it does happen? And how likely is it that that really would happen? Now dismiss the thoughts. And then she can try to focus on pleasant thoughts or meditation or guided relaxation (see http://www.blogtalkradio.com/HealthyMotherHealthyChild/20...)
Wow - First, I want to tell you that you are not alone, and I want to tell myself the same thing. My 14 year old has anxiety disorder. It started as a result of PTSD from her natural father (we are divorced - he was abusive) when she was 2. Since then we have gone through counseling, and tried quite a bit of other things. She journals, dances, plays sports, drinks chamomile tea when she feels stressed, reads inspirational books - devotions, listenes to soothing music, and talks about her feelings. After a few times of "freaking out" about changes and/or new things, we finally got through that change will always happen and it will not affect her negatively. We taught her how to recognize when whe is feeling stressed and when the anxiety is coming. Then we make the tea, put on the classical or other soothing music, I lay in bed with her and we talk about all that is bothering her. Art therapy has been helpful in the past, too. Journaling has been a God-send. This last October she was in the hospital with severe abdominal pain - due to stress and her principal told me that 6 other kids in her grade were experiencing the same things. She is on medication, now and we pray a lot. Some days are so difficult, I wish I could take all the pain away. I will keep you in my prayers, hopefully some of the things I listed that we have tried, will help your daughter. If you would like, email me at my personal email address - ____@____.com and perhaps we can come up with more things to try.
Good luck -
Have you ever thought about homeschooling? You are already a stay at home mom and children learn best in a relaxed loving enviroment. It could be hindering her education to be in an enviroment that gets her all worked up like that. Anyhow just an option I thought I would bring up for you to consider. best of luck to both of you
HI S., My daughter gets upset about things too and worries a lot more than a 5 year old should. I don't think it's quite like what your daughter is going through but I would wonder why she has such separation anxiety. My guess is that there is something more going on with her- maybe she feels insecure about something with respect to your relationship. I'm sure it's so hard for you to see her stress and get herself worked up about school and having a substitute. I would just keep trying to talk to her and maybe probe other areas other than the ones she is presenting. Has there been some recent family stress or mayor changes? Hope that helps and that she will start to feel better. Good luck. Sincerely, K.
Hi S.,
My whole family suffers from anxiety. My mom is actually in the doctorate program at UNLV for Psychology, so she's had the opportunity to meet the best in her field in Las Vegas. She met this awesome therapist who specializes in Anxiety, and I have the name and number for the guy. I'm not sure how much he charges or anything like that, but if you're interested, send me a message and I'll give you his name and number. This might just be an isolated problem that she will eventually get over... But if it seems like she really might have issues with anxiety, then maybe you would want to look into seeing this guy. He's supposed to be amazing. Anyway, let me know if you want his information. Good luck!
C.
Hi S.,
I would suggest a constitutional homeopathic remedy. They work wonders. I am the director of a free alternative healthcare clinic here in Northern New Mexico, call if you need help locating a good homeopath or other alternative healthcare practitioner in your area. ###-###-####.
Hi S.,
I had the same problem with my daughter when she was six. We had moved into a new house and our next door neighbors house burnt down. I think she was feeling very insecure. She would cry for me all day long, off and on. The thing that finally worked was: I made a special envelop with her name on it and decorated it with flowers, butterflys, etc. Each night I'd write little notes. Some would say how much I loved her, some would tell her she was going to be just fine and others would remind her of fun times we had spent together. I'd usually would include about six per day. For the first few days she'd read them and following that, just knowing she had them was enough. Maybe you could include an "in case of a sub" note. Then tell her that if she has a sub, everything the sub needs to know is on the note. My daughter is now nine and still gets anxious about returning to school following a break. I will go over everything with her. Is there something you are afraid of? Are you worried about the school work? You like you teacher, right? You have a lot of good friends, right? etc. She can never really put her finger on why she gets anxious. I have her do deep breathing, in through her nose out through her mouth. Then I pray with her and rub her back and cheek until she is able to relax. This usually will help her relax and be able to sleep. One thing that I do know causes her anxiety is being over tired. I really have to make it a point to stick to her bed time as much as possible.
When my other daughter was about four I had to have a note written to give to the daycare. It had my phone number (although they had it) and every day when I leave her off, I would have to hand it to the teacher and tell her that she could reach me at that number if she needed to.
I wish you all the best. I know how difficult it is to see you child suffer through anxiety. As a kid I suffered anxiety and i remember what a terrible feeling it was. I remember I just wanted to be held and made to feel secure. I hope some of this is helpful. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers!
E.
My daughter is in Kindergarden and we have had the same problem with her. I would drop her off for breakfast and i would have to take her and sit with her and then it was a fight for her to go to class. If we skipped breakfast in the morning and just went to the playground she screamed bloody murder as i walked away, finally it got to the point where the school told me to pull up walk her to the playground and walk away, they pretty much told me to dump my kid and run...... i felt like the worst parent on the face of the earth...... but it worked, there was a little girl in her class that saw what she was going through and in a sense "took her under her wing" and i have not had any problems since! Its not much but its all i got.......
My son was similar....he is 10 and I have him seeing a psychiatric P.A. who prescribed zoloft, and he is 100% better. It's a chemical imbalance that needs to be addressed, so I hope you can get her on something. What a horrible feeling to be that worried!
Hey S.--
Unfortunately I'm up typing to you because of my own anxiety problem (9 months pregnant and about to give birth), so I understand this only too well. Along with the other suggestions here, there are some natural things you can do to physically support her that should be helpful. Give her supplemental vitamin C and B-complex--these are the vitamins used by the adrenal glands. They are water soluble so only stay in the system for about 4 to 6 hours. Do not give her the vitamins after around 3 pm as they could keep her up at night. If you go to any natural health store you can get something called Bach's Flower Remedies--Rescue remedy would be perfect for her. Give it to her anytime she is starting to get nervous. You can also try homeopathic Calms Forte by Hyland's.
Also, there is a process called Neuro-emotional technique (NET) that has worked very well for me. If you are interested in trying it email me and I will get you the practitioners phone number. I've even used it for my three year old who is a little nervous about the new baby coming. Works great!
Hope this helps!
J.
There are some books for kids about anxiety that are pretty good. There is a series "Don't Despair on Thursdays!" and one for each day of the week about emotional issues. Other books I like are "What to do When You Worry too Much", "What to Do When You're Scared and Worried", "When My Worries Get Too Big! A Relaxation Book for Children Who Live with Anxiety". Just look on Amazon, Barnes and Nobel or other book seller on the Internet and put in "Anxiety Children". It's a start point for discussion.
Hi S.,
My daughter had this issue too. It was very hard on me and I didn't want to listen to the "professionals".
A lot of time the kids respond to our reactions. At eight she should be able to be reasoned with by offering a non-confrontational, loving, yet firm discussion about what is expected of her. Maybe ask her what her fear is? Is there a bully at school?
With my daughter, her teacher was not as warm and fuzzy as mommy and this was really hard on her. I would pick her up at school and have some one on one time with just her and ask her about her entire day. Eventually she settled into the fact that school is a must and there was no negotiating.
She is now 22 years old and I believe it has taken her this long to become a secure young woman! Good luck!
R.
please get her help now as it only gets worse. My daughter is now 13, she has missed 12 weeks of school and i am not allowed to leave the house as she freaks out afraid something bad will happen to me. If you find a support group please tell me about it because i am so lost. I only know that if i could have figured out EXACTLY what was wrong when she was 8, we might both have a life today.
D. ###-###-####
I would contact the school and ask to set up an appointment for you and her (not necessarily together) with the school psychologist (or private psychologist that they suggest). This isn't something that I would look for a solution to through anyone other than a professional.
