My Daughter Cut Her Hair and I'm Really Upset

J.-

The line that got me was "has this happened to anyone else?" Crack me up!! (I'm a kindergarten/elementary school teacher taking a bit of time off to be at home with my kids.) Man, every family has a hair cut story and they all laugh about it. It is sooooo normal!!

Laugh, J., laugh. Give your daughter a great big hug, tell her how beautiful she is, take a picture of her in her new 'do', hang the picture proudly.

AND THEN TOTALLY SEPARATELY have a teaching moment where you tell her she needs to let you know before she takes scissors to herself(or anyone else for that matter :)), for safety reasons. Make certain she really understands the concern is safety, not vanity.

And then laugh, laugh, laugh. There are many more moments to come, especially with a tazmanian devil in the mix, and the only way to get through them will be laughter. Practice now. :)

Good luck!

I've been there!! Both my daughters have gotten unsanctioned haircuts, my oldest first cut her little sister's hair, and then later on cut her own.

I was upset, but you know what? Every time I told my story to explain why she looked the way she did - or even when I didn't say a word such as in the grocery store and someone passed my cart - I heard story after story from parents whose children cut their hair. And usually their stories were worse than mine!! (Night before Easter, cut off whole pony tail, reverse mohawk, etc!)

Although you feel angry, try to take a step back and put things in perspective. It could have been a finger! They don't grow back! And take pictures!! We love looking at the pictures of the girls now, and they remember why they always have to ask permission to use a scissors!

Oh man! It is inevitable it seems! I am sorry, but it really will grow out quickly, and I am sure her first impression in Kindergarten will be more of her personality than her haircut...they are too little to care about such things...at least I hope!! :-) If you are really concerned, you could get some wide headbands she could wear with her bangs pulled back until they grow out?

Of course you are upset--- you love your treasure and were feeling anxious anyway- and now she has ( to a fond Mommy's eye -) reduced her beauty somewhat. But I promise- this has happened MANY times before --- MANY --- ask a childrens' hair stylist for some ideas- but I promise- the children wont think anything of it. One of my dear friends from 55 years ago when I started first grade ---had her head shaved due to ring worm -- made no difference- we thought she was a fine friend - and we still do.

Blessings,
J.
aka- Old Mom

No one will notice your daughter's hair at kindergarten because everyone one of the other kids will have a similar story, embarrassing habit, or oddity that keeps parents talking. The other kids won't notice. They might even think it's cool.

My daughter did it too. She is 7 now. I went to the salon & had them help me find a cute cut so it would look good until it could grow out.

Remeber to take pictures so you can laugh about it later.

Haha! Relax! It will all grow back...
As others have said before, every fmaily has a story like this. I remember myself and my sister doing this around your daughters age... just make sure to keep the scissors safe in the future.
BTW, I don't think the new haircut will hurt her start in K - anxiety in this phase is normal and if it wasn't the hair, it would be something else...

I have to challenge you here... I dare you to take her into kindergarten her first day and see how many of the other kids have cut their own hair or picked out their own clothes (which I assure you will not match!), or drawn on their face with a marker, etc.
We all have that dreaded moment when our kid does something that they didn't realize was wrong and would make them look goofy... and we have to be seen in public with them as much as we just want to hide in a closet until it goes away.
Kudos to you for not bursting her bubble, but I would explain that maybe next time she tell you she wants her hair cut... FIRST!

J.,

I think all the kids and parents are going to be so nervous and filled with anxiety of their own the first week that nobody will even care! I understand your feelings, I cut all my son's long curls off at the start of the summer and was irritated with myself at first because I didn't think he looked as cute but after a few days you dont even see the missing hair, you just see your beautiful kid!!

I too, am a shy person and am having anxiety about kindergarten...but it will be okay!

---I saw that someone else was throwing out quotes and it reminded me of what my dad used to say to me when I was stressing out..."Dont sweat the petty.....pet the sweaty"!

K.

Hi Jody, sorry to hear you are having anxiety, you should drink some chamomile tea whenever your feeling over whelmed (which is going to happen more often than not)

I do not think I have ever met a 4-6 yr old who has not cut their own hair at least once. Seems like they always find where the scissors are. Both of mine managed quite well on their own and I really felted helpless at the time. One girl cut her bangs short, I finished the cut by just trimming them up so they were sorta even. A few years later my second girl cut 6 inches off back and center. She was upset with herself when she had to give up her all of her long hair and sported a short style that year. It took a few years for it to grow out and she learned her lesson. Neither of them ever cut their own hair again.

Money was tight and being the family barber was and still is part of my job description. My mother told me that I too cut my hair when I was that age. I remember cutting my own hair while growing up, even Barbies got a trim now and then. Sometimes it turn out and some times it did not. Even today I will trim a bit off the front when needed to save a few dollars.

Your adventures in raising your kids has just begun. I advice you to go with the flow and have a good time with it all. Two of my favorite quotes are "Don't sweat the small stuff, everything is small stuff." and "Love, patience, and forgiveness for all things always."

Best of luck to you!

I. "herbaliva"

What a teachable moment! I agree with other moms that this is not as big a catastrophe as you think. AND you can still make the most of it.

You might look a little deeper at your concern about that first impression, and talk to your daughter on that level. Tell her that first impressions count, sometimes more than they should, and help her find examples where her first impressions of someone affected how she treated them, for better or worse. Tell her what a haircut like hers suggests to you about the wearer, and that other people probably will have similar impressions.

If that cut says "troublemaker," "rebel," or "weirdo," teachers and adults might not assume the best about her, and treat her with less kindness or patience than she deserves. Ask her how she hopes to be treated, and what ways of dressing or presenting herself is most likely to win that kind of response from others.

Good luck!

i'm a little confused on one part, the whole "i don't want to burst her bubble". i know this happens and i would make sure to keep the scissors out of reach but shouldn't you let her know that it's not ok for her to cut her hair. it's not ok to play with scissors...she could have been really hurt. i can't believe that someone actually said she had a right to cut her hair. kids need to be guided and told when they do something wrong that it was a bad choice. we are here to teach them, right?
i think you are justified to be worried about how she looks because there are so many people out there that cut their kids hair in crazy cuts on purpose that there will be people who think you had it done. if it were me i would tell anyone that will listen "she found the scissors and did this before i could stop her". just because it is wrong to judge people doesn't mean we don't all do it....can she wear hats to school??? at least it will grow back.

Sooo.... I have had this problem more than once.

I would allow her to have this haircut until just before school starts. Then, take her in for a "trim" and quietly tell the stylist to fix her as best as she can. Have the stylist gently tell her that sometimes we can't see well enough to cut our own hair and that next time your daughter wants a cut, she should ask to see the stylist so she can get what she really wants. It's never too early to let our kids know that there are a lot of things we can do for ourselves, but others are best left up to professionals.

I would also start taking her with me when I get my hair cut, colored, or styled. Allow her to have at least a bang-trim and hair wash at the same time. It will give you time together that will be special to her and you will encourage her to leave her hair alone.

My daughter has Autism and with that comes a lot of sensory issues. She cuts her hair because the feel of it bothers her eyes sometimes. We're working on her simply telling me so I can cut her bangs for her if she can't wait and we keep her hair out of her face whenever possible.

Good luck. I'm sure it will be fine before school starts. Most kids have fast growning hair.

You are unjustified if you ask me - and your daughter may have a very good reason for cutting her hair.

My 6 year old just cut her bangs for the first time ever - when I asked her why she did it, she told it me was because they got in her way when she was swimming and during gymnastics. She was in need of a hair cut for quite some time, so this totally makes sense to me and we immediately got down to the salon to help fix it. You can't even tell anymore.

For what it is worth with Kindergarten - we got my daughter's hair cut about 1 week before the first day and the lady cut it way to short (she has a bob type cut) - she looked liked a little boy if not wearing pink. I was a little miffed - but it grew out and by the time pictures came around, she had the cutest hair ever, I put three bright clips in her hair that matched her outfit and now I have the cutest kindergarten picture ever - I might not have the adorable picture if the lady had not cut it too short. You never know where you new road will take you - enjoy the scenery.

Enjoy your little girl for wanting to be pretty.

M.

It either has happened to nearly everyone, or it's still coming. I think hiding the scissors is a good idea even just for safety. Just go with it and encourage her creativity while setting boundaries that you'll help her with any haircuts she thinks she needs in the future.

don;t worry, mine gave herself a cut also ,only she cut both sides off and gave herself a mullet!!!!
she did have down to her bottom curyly hair. So i now have a large bag of curls. But it will grow back!!

J., I totally feel for you! I'd be upset too. Of course you are not the vainest mom on the planet, any mother whose child is just about to start a new school would feel the same way. I love that you are sparing her feelings while she thinks her new do is pretty. I guess I would try to skip ahead a few years and realize that some day this really will make for a funny story. :) Good luck.

My daughter did this on a Saturday night.

You can imagine the comments I got at Church. I had to wait until Monday to take her to get a hair cut. She had this lovely long blonde hair. She cut off so much that she ended up getting a Dutch boy hair cut. (sigh) I hid the scissors too.

Your daughter's haircut sounds more severe. I think you will just have to wait til it grows out. As I kindergarten teacher I saw this a couple of times. It might be a problem socially. Is it possible to take her to a hair salon and ask for a nice style that will make her good rather than punk?

That is what I would do.

3 days before my friend was to leave to go to a family reunion, her daughter cut chunks of hair off in various places, down to the scalp. My friend took her to a salon to try to do something, but all they could do was shave her head it was so bad. this child went to meet family that has never seen her. she looked like a cancer patient. And to top it off, like that was not bad enough, her hair grows really, really, really slow. Her body does not produce enough natural growth hormone, so she had very short hair for over 2 years. I wished I was making this up, it was bad.

you could take your daughter to a salon and find a cute cut to hide or blend in until it grows out, or you could let it be. most kids seem to do something like this at some point. And be thankful it is not as bad as my friends daughter.

I know it's not funny, but I can't stop laughing. My 7 y/o old son gave himself a pretty awful haircut himself recently. He was quite proud of it. One day you'll look back and laugh. I'm sure she won't be scarred for life. Luckily hair grows!

8/3/09
That's what I get for laughing! My son's hair was finally growing out and looking decent again, until husband's parents took it upon themselves to take my son to the barber! He now has just about the worst buzz cut ever!!! I am sooo not happy. He is starting a new school next month and I had wanted him to look nice. Not so funny when it's your own kid! Sorry I laughed...