My Childrens Father Is Back in the Picture and My Boyfrind Is Way Upset!!!!!!!!!

Sounds to me like he's a child himself and doesn't know how to have a discussion with his girlfriend about his real thoughts and feelings.

He won't believe you if you simply tell him he's important... Or even show it for some time. Ask him why he doesn't think he's important. And don't let him give you the lame answer, "Because their dad's back... *whine, whimper, poor me*"

From experience I know how hard it is to be in the "step Parent/ Ex shoes. My X had 2 kids and his X-wife played mind games with him so after 2.5 yrs he left me to go back with her so he can be with the kids.

You cannot help but to think you are going to loose the kids, you have a bond with them and if things end you have no legallity to stand on. I was with the kids every weekend and 2 weeks a year for those years and since the break up I have never seen them again. I still think about them even though I have my own 3 now, and wish I was in their life.

I would just sit down and tell him exactly like you told us what you feel. He is in a very vanerable situation and men do not handle that well, they are meant to be strong so they feel weak and hate it. Recognise that and let him know that the father has the right to see the kids and that will never change the fact that it has been him that has been there for them for 14 months. The kids will never forget that. The better you all get along and act as a family the better off the kids will be.

Good Luck. Hugs!!!

The boyfriend shouldn't be anything to them. He's your boyfriend that's it. He's pouting like a child and needs to get over it. He will never replace their dad in their lives and it looks like he's trying to do that.
If he wants kids of his own or wants to be their step dad he needs to man up and put a ring on your finger.

He needs to get over it.

If your boyfriend is not ok with your kids dad being in the picture then he has got to go. Regardless, that is their dad and there is nothing else to it. The kids need their father.. He really should not have a say in the situation.. It is not like your are spending time with him and what not.
He doesn't sound ready for children. With you already having three, and if you do want more than he shouldn't have any reason to not want to have kids with you unless he doesn't want to get "stuck" with 3 step-children. (Not to be mean) He needs to man up. He is being dramatic for saying his biological clock is ticking....
Hope all goes well!

i agree with tina...he feels threatened, his home his life, your relationship with him etc...

try sitting with him and discussing these issues with him. if you're ok with dad being back in the picture then he will need to learn to like it too, but if he's the only dad they have had...that would be a hard pill to swallow need to work with him on it 14 months is a long time for ANY adult to get attached to children.

Usually women say it. When your "biological clock is ticking" that means you don't have much time left to have babies and you are getting the urge I guess. You are out of your "prime" of baby making years I guess. LOL Quite honestly, I hope this doesn't sound harsh. But, your boyfriend of 14 months has NO right to be upset about your childrens father being in their lives. None. Zero. He really does need to get over it. The children will be better people with their father in their lives (if he is a good dad and sticks around) I'm not sure if you guys are married.... but if you aren't it is surprising to me that only after 14 months your kids are calling him step dad.

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I am a step parent who raised my step son and his mother came in and out of his life whenever she felt the need. Your BF apparently loves and cares for your children and he is afraid of loosing them. In my opinion you should have discussed the situation with your BF and let him at least give his opinion, not just told him the Dad was picking up the kids. It sounds as if you live with him and he is very much a part of the kids lives and he is feeling threatened right now. As far as him not wanting to have kids with you that is a whole other discussion the two of you need to have cause what is the point of being with him if he wants kids (his biological clock is ticking) but not with you. That means he needs to move on and have his kids with someone else not continue a relationship with you and let your children become more attached to him. That isn't fair to anyone.

I don't know what your or your boyfriend ages are but it almost sounds immature. I may be wrong, he could just feel threatened. Sounds like he cares a lot for your children.

I would ask him about the comment about his biological clock. It sounds like he wants kids of his own. He needs to understand that you are not on the father's side, you are on your kids side. They have a father and deserve the chance to know him. It won't make them (or you) love him any less.

Sounds like he wants to have a kid with you. Maybe he didn't realize it until their bio dad came into the picture and in his eyes, the kids were taken from him. Please be open and honest with him, don't wait to tell him something until the last minute, it will make it seem like you're hiding things from him. And he needs to realize it is good for the kids to have their bio Dad in their life. I have been with my husband since my daughter (now 6) was 1 yrs old. She always says she has two Daddy's. My ex and my husband did not like each other at first but over the years that has past and they realized the more love my daughter gets, the better it is for her. Good luck!

Normally, if someone's "biological clock is ticking" then that means that they want to have kids sooner than later. They don't want wait ten years from now to have kids. Often, this is more the case with WOMEN than with MEN (since there are birth problems the older a woman gets, not so the older a man gets).

Your kids are your kids. You need to look out for their best interest. If that is being with their dad on weekends or whatever, then your boyfriend should be willing to accomodate. If he truly loves you, he will make this work. No guy wants to share his girlfriend's time or his 'step-kids' time with another guy (would you want your bf and his kids to go hang out with his ex?). But he really needs to be with you on this and understand that you are not working with your ex because YOU want to, but because it's what's best for your kids. You two can have kids and not have to "share" them on the weekend with anyone.

Hope things work out for you.

It sounds like you got hit with a lot all at once and that certainly can send everything for everyone into a tailspin. I'd suggest a little time for all to 'chill' and stepping back so each of you are not coming from such a reactive place. That to me is the first thing to do before honest conversation can truly take place. I would also remind boyfriend and ex and yourself that kids are involved and their best good is what needs to be remembered. I agree with one of the posts that seeking professional counseling from an impartial party might be a very wise step. Good luck J..

Usually it is a reference to the want/desire to have children. Sounds like he is contradicting himself or maybe does not know what the term means? I would COMMUNICATE with him what your expectations of your relationship with him are and make it very clear that there will be no escaping your kids' biological father permanently (he is their dad) and if that is something he can not handle then maybe he should walk.

I do not know the history of your ex and your family but my thoughts are assuming that your ex is not hurtful, abusive, possesive, or a fair weather father/ex. If it is the case that that applies to your ex then there is reason for your current boyfriend to be leary of your ex's return and you ned to figure out what is the most important for you and your kids right now and communicate it with your boyfriend. You two need to be on the same page or at least be aware of what page either of you are on.

Where has the father been? I'd be very upset if my husband's girlfriend just randomly showed up after a long while and wanted visitation rights, especially after I've been raising them. You DO have to think about your boyfriend's feelings in this situation, if you love him and want a life together. All three of you, you, boyfriend, and kids father need to get together and TALK about this. The father should NOT be coming and going in their lives. It's extremely stressful on the kids and you and your boyfriend if the dad is coming in and out of their lives. They NEED stability and he ISN'T giving it.

If your boyfriend is in your kids lives ...then he is very important. It does not mean your children like or love him any less because bio is back in their lives. He needs to realized they need to see the bio dad. Its extremely important your boyfriend gets over this jealousy faze and know that its about the children. If he wants children he should tell you. Time for a heart to heart talk with him. Good luck!

I agree with alot of moms here. U should of told your boyfriend in advance that your ex was coming to see the kids that way he knew he was coming and it wouldn't be a surprise for him. He believes that the father is going to take the kids away from him after he raised your kids for 14 months. It just wasn't fair for him. As other moms has said, the dad is a treat to him now and u need to sit down and talk to him. Good Luck

Find out why he is so insecure. Something else is the under this situation. My boyfriend is the same way but it all honesty they have a right to have a relationship with their father. If doesn't want kids & you do then you may need to consider a change. We as women spend to much time trying to make things what we want them to be knowing that things are no good for us. You can love hime but how happy are you with settling? Take a stand, and if you guys are supposed to be together then you will. Just because you love him and he loves you, does not mean you belong together. Now if their father is going to be inconsistant you need to consider that as well for the sake of your kids. Good luck! ~K.

What a whiner! Personally I think he is trying to make you feel bad. He is NOT the children's father and never will be. If he marries you, he will be their step father! How selfish of him to think that he can be their dad and make you keep those children from their father! He has issues and apparently is jealous and immature. You are not stupid for asking, as a matter of fact, good for you for noticing that something is not right. Men don't have 'biological clocks', they either want kids or they don't and if he wants kids then he should ask you to marry him and have one of his own and be a stepdad to your kids! 14 mos is not too long, I think he needs to either grow up and know that those kids need time with their dad or you need to move on. Good luck

I think your boyfriend is just Jealous.
For some people it is harder to control those thoughts. Some people feel Jealous about alot of things but don't like to talk about it.

I'm sure he really did not mean to hurt your feelings, he is just hurt and scared to lose you.

It is SO important for you to sit down with him and tell him that
* you love him very much.
* that you want him and not your EX.
* that you think it is good for the children to spend time with him & their bio father. THE MORE LOVE THE BETTER.

Right now he just needs to be reassured that you WANT & NEED HIM and that the EX will not come in-between the two of you.

Please go easy on him, being jealous is hard to overcome.