My 4 year son only wants me. Everytime I step out of the room all I hear is mom, mom, constantly. He will come into the living room and ask for a sippy and I say please ask your dad to get it and he says no I want you too mom. I don't know what to do he is driving me insane with this mom, mom an dif I don't answer he will start saying T. (which is my name) What to do? Please help.
So it has been 4 days. I have taken little advice from all of my responses and I thank all of you. Saturday, Trevor and his daddy had a day just the two of them. I went grocery shopping and boy did I feel the stress lift off my shoulders. I came home and he helped me put up the groceries and make dinner after dinner we sat down and watched a movie together and when he wanted something this time he went straight to his father. I have just seen a little difference in the past couple of days. And again, thanks for all of your advice.
T.
Is there a reason he will not ask his father? Does dad have the patience you have or does he send him to you? There are many reasons this could be. Worse case scenerio is when a child feels safer with one parent than the other for whatever reasons. Not saying this is the case here though.
Try empowering him by teaching him to be more self sufficient. At 4, he could get water by himself with the help of a stool. Or you could put juice in a small container that he can handle in the fridge. Begin teaching him several different things in increments to do for himself and give him lots of praise. Have his dad teach him things, too. It sounds like he's doing what my daughter(also 4) does every now and then, acts infantile because he misses that extra close connection and extra attention. Not that the connection is gone, but as they grow into child hood and become more self sufficient, it can be scary... but the praise will help.
My four year old only wants daddy to do it. It drives me crazy too. If it is something that doesn't matter then we let dad do it...if I am in the kitchen and dad isn't and he wants dad to come in the kitchen to get him something dad will tell him "no, you can take it from your mom or not have it at all. if you throw a fit you can go to your room until you are done". This usually works. Best of luck. C.
You leave out a great deal of information. Are you a stay at home Mom? or do you work? If you work this could explain your son's need for "Mom" only! He is at the "I want Mom" stage of life and even though this will pass, it can be very hard if you work! Do know that by about age 6 he will have gone over to "Dad's" side of the fence adn be only "Daddy's boy" for several years. While this will hurt, it is also a relief for you! Meantime you may have to sit down with him and explain that he is now a pretty big boy and he needs to get some of these things for himself...but he needs to ask you if he can before he does it!(and if he doesn't ask first follow up) This will satisfy his need for "Mom" and still make him a bit more independent! You should keep juice boxes and other things in the fridge for him to get by himself...but only a few at a time so he won't overdo the juice and snacks! He is old enough to get some things for himself and this should encourage him to be a bit more independent, and you can reinforce this by gently telling him he needs to do some things for himself, but only with your permission. This will not make you his "ruler", but will let you know what he is doing, while still letting him think he is a big boy now and more independent!:-) Good thing, right? The "Big Boy" card is very important right now! Your son is at or near a turning point, and how you gently deal with this is very important. Hope this helps. G./Mom/Grandma
Hi T.,
It seems to me that Trevor spends most of the time with you, so therefore has become very attached to you. It is important to teach him to be independent and also allow him to spend time with his father, even if you need to sneak out without letting him know you are leaving. It is important that he learns to play independently without you being there next to him constantly; just reassured him that you are there doing your chores or wherever you need to do. He will eventually come to the conclusion that it's ok to be alone, to play alone, etc. Talk to your husband about spending time with him, reading to him, putting him to bed, bathing him, feeding him. His father plays a very important part of his life too, as he grows older he will need to learn from him too, things that only him will be able to teach him; yes he is also learning from you, but let's just say he will be more complete having learned from both of you. Tell your husband that this will give him the time to build a bond with his son, this is his opportunity to shine to teach and to plant those great memories of the time they share together, and by all means don't forget to spend time with Shelby to (one on one, quality time)
Good Luck!
JC
I have an almost 4 year old and we just went through that. I just decided that it wasn't acceptable for her to completely monopolize my time and that Daddy can help too. I could see it wearing him down because he wanted nothing to do with her because she didn't want anything to do with him. I just stopped the nonsense and told her, "you either let Daddy help, or you won't get what you want". I also told him that he needs to understand it is a perfectly normal thing for kids to be attached to one person. Heck! It's hard enough for them to realize that there are more people besides themselves in the world! They are very symbiotic at this age, and to even consider getting what they need from more than one person is difficult for them to understand.
Things are great now and she willingly asks for Dad's help. Hope this helps you!
Stand your ground and don't give in at 4 it is a control issue. At 4 they feel the world revolves around them and until someone tells them different that is how they will continue to act. Start giving him some independence like put his sippy where he can reach it and start setting the rules very clear if you act this way this will happen and be strong. Boys are different so being a little tougher is ok. Do not let him win when he asks something answer and thats the end of it if he continues he gets a timeout now about timeouts my son would just to his room for timeout and life was great for him so I started doing timeout right in the livingroom but no one would talk to him and he hated if he talks during timeout it adds another minute so it did not take to many timeouts to change his behavior. Another thing we did was when dad was home the kids went to dad and if they wanted something I would not help them this totally involves dad and they learn that he is able to do what you do. Just be strong and set the rules and stick to them no matter what. It takes a couple weeks of a good habit to break a bad habit so start today and stick with it. and when he calls you by your first name totally ignore him and calmly put him in timeout with out saying a word to him. That is a control issue and he needs to learn you will not put up with it remain calm and don't say anything because that is what he wants he wants to get you going so then he is in control. remember to reward good behavior.
You didn't say what your husbands response is when your son does this. Ask your husband to step in and to take your son into the kitchen and give him his sippy. Maybe even a special snack that they can share together.
I know it may not help now, but someday you will miss this! :)
