My Baby Wont Sleep! - Denver,CO

Babies will "startle" themselves awake at night. To deal with this with both my children, I swaddled them at night, it helped a great deal!! Just cuddle til the baby is ready to go to sleep, then swaddle, it worked for me!! Hugs!!

E. Daloisio (Tucson)

Hi A.,
My baby will not sleep soundly if I don't swaddle her. She is 5 months old now and she is still being swaddled. The swaddlers are sold at Babies R Us or you can swaddle her on your own. It's getting a little more difficult to use the swaddlers because she is getting big so we are using her bigger blankets now.Hope that helps...I was also told that some fussing is good and to let them do so, it will allow for some much needed sleep...
Alex

My son went through some of the same patterns and I could not figure out what was causing the new patterns. I then realized it was from teething. Your son's teeth may not have broken the surface yet, but they could be causing him pain. This pain will lead him to wake up more frequently. I also tried to let him cry himself back to sleep and whenever possible not take him out of the crib. It did not work. He wanted to be cuddled since he was in pain. Even though I knew he was not necessarily hungry, I found that feedings soothed him. So instead of doing the right thing and letting him cry and stay in bed, I feed him and he's out 20 minutes later. It makes my life a lot easier and I get a lot more sleep. Plus, he does have occasional nights that he sleeps through when his teeth must not bother him as much.

Why is bringing him into your bed "not good?" Read Dr. Sears book on co-sleeping (avail. at the library) and you'll feel much better about this solution. Sounds like that is what is going to work for you. You need to sleep, so does he, bottom line. Drs and nurses at the hospital where you gave birth probably told you never to do it- that's because they're concerned about liability. As long as you are not a heavy smoker or drinker or extremely overweight, you'll be fine. And in a few months, he'll outgrow this stage and sleep in his crib again.

Let your baby sleep with you if that allows him to sleep. There are countries where the entire family sleeps together. Your child is telling you that he isn't ready to be away from you. Listen to him. Good luck.

Hi A., I have four children myself, ranging from 7 months to 11 years. There are so many reasons why an infant is having trouble sleeping or staying asleep. And there are just as many solutions as there are problems, so first thing take it easy with yourself! Remember, this too shall pass. Keep your child's best interest at heart and you can't go wrong!
Second, educate yourself. There are several different schools of thought for infant sleeping. The best site I've found for this kind of info is www.babycenter.com. The link for this particular problem is (copy & paste into address bar):
www.babycenter.com/general/baby/babysleep/3669.html?ccRel...
Now you might need to be registered to read it, but it's free.
Pick your child's age, and the problem you are having, and the site will provide you with several different approaches, from all ends of the spectrum. Dr. Ferber (cry it out the right way) Dr Sears (babies need to be �parented� to sleep with rocking, nestling, pacing) to the Amer Assoc of Ped (which is kinda middle of the road) and everything in between.
Lastly, pick a method and STICK TO IT! Above all, consistency is the key to any child-rearing dilemma. Decide which approach is best for your family. Then follow it for one solid week. Seven full days and seven full nights. Follow your plan for every naptime and bedtime. Don�t give in, just tell yourself 5 more days, 4 more days.
You can pose this question to eight different people, and get eight different answers and they will all swear it worked. Why? Because they're consistent and believe in themselves as parents. You�re a great parent! Just look at the message boards, there are thousands of moms struggling with the same thing you are, it�s not the hardest part of parenting, but it probably is the most common. Good luck! Let us know what happens
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." � Leo J. Burke.

Hi A.,
If you are a reader like me, here are some good books that might be of additional help to you:
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
and The Baby Sleep Book
I bet your 4 mo old has just begun to realize that even though mom is around during the day- she isn't at night and he's probably getting a little separation anxiety. Hopefully there are some tips and information in the above books that can help you.

M.

I am curious to know why you "know thats not good!" when you put him in your bed? Is it safety concerns and SIDS risks? Or just that your afraid that you're starting a cycle that will be hard to break? Safety concerns and SIDS risks are very valid (and you are a wonderful parent to be thinking of his safety), but if that is your only reason please know that there are ways to safely co-sleep (email me if you want to know more). If you are concerned that you are starting a cycle that will be hard to break, understand that it will be hard to get him to sleep by himself no matter when you do it (it's hard now, isn't it?), and it may be easier to reason with a 3-4 year old ("your a big boy now, and big boys sleep in their racecar bed..." etc.)than it is with a screaming infant. I know parents of 3+ year olds who never co-slept, but the kids still crawl into bed every night. Also, my sister has co-slept with all 4 of her kids and when it was time for the child to move into his or her "big kid" bed, they just made a big deal out of it (let him/her choose the new bedding, etc.) and they would tell the child 2 weeks before "after we go to church 2 times (frame of reference small children can understand), you will start sleeping in your big kid bed," counting down until the big day and making sound exciting. By the end the kids were so excited to do it, they hopped in bed and never looked back (and they never had a kid in bed with them after the age of 2). You need to do what's best for your family, but I personally would never let my baby cry it out. I just have to go with my gut on that one.

We have the same story, my son is 3 years now. But we did the same thing and some would say its a bad habit to get into, I will say that it is hard to break in our case the switch over to our bed became earlier and earlier in the night, to the point that I just put him to sleep in our room it took me about 2 years to break that cycle. I always say do what works for your family! I was very lucky my husband never cared if Clayton was in our bed,except when he flopped around during the night.my husband is a light sleeper once disturbed can't go back to sleep. Would it be an option to move his crib into your room that way he is close to you but still in his bed, we did that and for a while it worked. I know about being exhausted when he was little he slept 30 minutes every 2 hours in a 24 hour cycle that was it and it sucked but as mom you do what you have to. I wish you lots of luck.

Do not put him in your bed first off because he will become dependent on it and it could be something that you will struggle with for years to come. My sister did that with her son and he's almost 4 1/2 and she has to deal with it. there could be several reasons that he's waking up. He could be growing, he could be hungry, he could have an ear infection or he could be starting to teeth. Once I started my daughter on cereal and solids she did that as well. You could try feeding him a little later, even if it's only 15 minutes later and trying feeding him more. I would also try not to go into his room right away when he wakes up because he might soothe himself back to sleep. Also, when you go in there don't pick him up. Rub his tummy or his hairline, sing him a low lullaby, but don't pick him up. It sounds mean and it will be hard not to, but it truly works. It will teach him that it's time to sleep and him will become reliant on himself to fall back asleep. I know he's only four months old, but they are smarter than you think at that age. Don't rush out to the doctor because it might be an ear infection. I would rule everything else out first. My daughter is four and has 22 ear infections throughout her little life so far and she would do that, but the first time she threw up as well and then I took her in. From then on it was mothers intuition and getting to know my child when I knew it was an ear infection. Hope this works!

Hello A.

My son is almost 9 months and around 4 months he started to do the same thing, and around 2 weeks later he popped out two teeth. He slept good for about another 2-3 weeks and then we were up all night again. With no surprise it lasted 2 weeks or so and out popped another 2 teeth. Now, I think its almost a habit for him and I am tring to break it too. I would guess your little one is teething. Good luck.

Two things. It is probable that your baby may have an ear infection or may be teething. This happened to my now 2 year old when she was 3-4 months. She had an ear infection. Ear infections are very painful when the baby is on their backs. Also teething is very painful at night when they are trying to sleep. My guess is that he is just as exhausted as you at 4:30 and falls asleep in your bed from that. Check with the pediatrician about ear infection or teething.

There's nothing wrong with putting your baby in your bed with you, contrary to popular, yet disappointing, belief. My husband and I sleep with our baby of 3 1/2 months in our bed, and it works great, because I just put him on my breast to nurse and I get to sleep, my husband gets to sleep and so does our baby. If you go to www.askdrsears.com, he explains why it is actually quite good and useful to sleep with your baby. A lot of people these days say things like, "It's YOUR bed" or "Babies should sleep by themselves" but it's pretty absurd to think that babies will sleep by themselves, especially at such a young age. If they're supposed to put themselves to sleep, it doesn't take a parent to "parent" them to sleep, it could just take anyone putting them in a bed and closing the door. Besides, the instinct you have to tend to your baby, as you put it, is normal and is in you for a purpose. Don't ignore it!
I am back to work full-time myself, for now, and I gotta tell you, there's NO WAY I could put my little guy in his own room yet because I would never get enough sleep!
Good luck to whatever you decide to do for your situation in your family!

I have a 7 yr. old and 2 yr. old and when my 7 yr. old was a baby she would be SO exhausted but absolutely would not sleep in a crib. So out of selfishness ( I needed sleep) and worry that she would hurt herself with all of her intense screaming, she began sleeping in our bed. That didn't end until she was five years old and decided she wanted her own room.

According to a book by John Grey, we are the only westernized country that puts our children in separate beds, in separate rooms. So after reading that, I really didn't mind having her sleep with us. It created a bond which has persisted. A lot of times she still loves our bed. And our two year old sleeps in our bed too now. So I think if it makes your baby feel better, sleep better and hence you sleep better, let him sleep with you! I think ultimately babies don't like to be alone, they like feeling safe next to us, and why not? His crying is his only way of expressing discomfort and a need for you.

I've been going through the same thing w/ my 6 month old. Our doctor said that we just have to let her cry. She said that me even going in there and giving my daughter her pacifier if it fell on the floor was hurting the process. It has been very painful - but on our 3rd night, it is getting better. Our doctor said that babies have sleep cycles and they have to learn to fall asleep after each cycle. I got into the habit of helping my daughter go back to sleep after each cylce, but after 3 weeks of a total of 4 hours of sleep each night, I reluctantly started just letting her cry (after talking to our doctor). I swore I wouldn't try that technique, but I was not surviving on sleeping a total of 4 hours each night (1 hr asleep, rocking for 2 hours, asleep for 2 hours, up for an hour, etc.) Good luck!

Let him sleep in your bed. It's as harmless as letting your baby wear diapers. One day, he will use the potty. And one day he will sleep in his own bed, without any tears. You and your husband can enjoy the bond and intimacy that comes with a family bed. You won't feel any guilt and your baby will feel, "Yes, my mommy is my parent at night and during the day", "I'm safe". Try it....There's great bed rail out there, so that you and your husband can lay next to each other. And as far as intimacy between you and your husband is concerned, be creative....You can even buy a twin sized bed and put it in the baby's room, then just sneak in for a little time alone. Or there's the kitchen, or the dining room. Just have fun with it!!! Research this carefuly before you make a decision.

I went to my parents room every night until 10 or 11 years old. They always made me go back to my own, then I would cry etc... I wish they had let me sleep in there as a baby and toddler. I might have been more secure and I wouldn't have all of these bad memories of childhood. Why didn't they want me in there? They would have gotten more sleep and so would I.

You could use the closeness at night if you're planning on going back to work. Check out the book "The Family Bed".

Good luck!

Hi A.,

Both my kids went through the same senario. My doctor told me to try "white noise" in the room with the crib. We bought an air purifier and turned it on low. The noise made all the difference in the world, it helped to drown out other noise in the house as well as provide a constant noise and they stayed asleep. They are 3 and 2 and they are still running in their room!

Good luck,
MH