My Baby Hates People

I hate to tell you this, but my 2.5 year old is still very clingy. I've tried everything, but she still loves to be held (by me, only). Gets cranky after her naps so I have to console her, usually when I'm trying to cook dinner. It IS getting better, and she understands that Mommy cannot hold her all the time, but it can be very frustrating sometimes!! My hubby is able to hold her ONLY if I'm completely unavailable and she moves on pretty quickly, but I still have to drop everything sometimes. My Mom laughs at me and says that I was the same exact way with her, until I grew up and moved 3000 miles away!
I wish you luck....and LOTS of patience!

Just think how your being so indispensable to the baby's well-being is denying your husband the opportunity to have quality bonding with his own son! Get out of the house for two hours at least a few times a week. On one level this might seem harder, but really it is better for everyone.
No baby ever died from crying. In fact, it's a sign that they're hale and hearty, so don't be afraid to put them down when you need to take a shower.
And stop labeling your baby: that only reinforces what you claim to dislike, his clingyness. Don't say things like "My baby hates people" or he "never hit it off with his Dad." have you ever heard of "self-fulfilling prophecy?" Say things like "We are seeking ways to encourage his contentment with other people" Or "he is learning to self-soothe" or things like that, that speak positively where you want to head.
I used to say of my first born, "he isn't affectionate." After about three years, my husband said, "He's very affectionate, and he's affectionate TOWARD YOU." I realized that my own fears altered my perceptions! Over the past several years I have realized that he is indeed very affectionate and we are very close. But my awareness grew with my own self-confidence. Maybe some of that is going on with you.

I would go away over night and leave the baby with your husband. The baby need to bond with your hubby, and it sounds like that will not happen with you there. I know it will be hard, but think about how much pain it must cause your hubby to be rejected by his son.

That's pretty common, especially in the 6-8 months range stranger and separation anxiety is increased.

I chose to just sit it out. She will still (18 mo) not have anything to do with daddy on some days, on other days she is a total daddy's girl. She also does not talk or play with strangers (or people she does not know well) and will scream when they try to touch her. She is very aware of her personal comfort zone.

Even though my baby was and still is painfully shy, she did fine at daycare. Consistecy is a must! Instead of handing him over and leaving, spend time with him and the sitter before you leave. Give him to the same sitter/teacher every day. Make sure your daycare does not have a lot of staff turnover.
For the first 2 weeks I took my daughter to daycare for one hour a day and stayed there with her so she could get comfortable, then I stayed for an hour and left her for the rest of the day... she still cried sometimes, but then was fine after a few minutes. Now she jumps out of the car and can't wait to play... unless they have someone subbing that she does not now, then we're back to square one.

As for not liking dad - just make sure he is fed, burped, changed and don't try to meddle when he fusses at first. My baby only really came around to dad once I went back to work and he watched her on some days. They have to find their own way to interact.

I feel your pain! My youngest was in many ways the same - my neighbor called him the Rhesus Monkey because he was forever clinging to me. Honestly I would hold him as often as he wanted, but sometimes I just had to put him down to make a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich (in these instances I would just put him down and let him scream it out until I was ready to pick him up again)!

I went back to work fulltime when he was four months old - about three weeks before I returned to work we would drop him at the sitter for a few hours a day just to see what he would do. The screaming lasted about 5 to as much as 10 minutes and then he got over it!

He remained very stranger anxious until he was almost 2 and even now that he is just a few weeks away from turning 3 he still shows a little bit...what I have noticed, now that he is older, is that the fits when someone new tries to interact with him are nothing other than manipulation!!!! I look right at his face when he starts and I can see a very small grin appear at the corners of his mouth when someone backs off...my sollution ~ I invite folks to gently tease him (no one takes it too far) and when he gives up and giggles along it gives me hope that one day it will all go away!

Good luck!
*K

First of all, this is very common. You might try wearing one of your husbands shirts to bed in order to imprint your sent on it, then have him wear it while holding the little one. You should also leave to either another part of the house well away from the two, or go outside, get coffee, whatever.

This was a suggestion from the nurse who ran one of the New Moms groups at St. Vincents hospital.

Good luck, things will get easier. I was able to shower by putting a travel swing or bouncy seat in the bathroom where my kids (went through it twice) were able to see me and I could talk to them. I sometimes waited until naptime for my shower.

I used to measure my day as good or a bit off by whether I got a shower or not.

You might also try a Moby wrap to save the hips and allow you to cook and do other things around the house. My son was very clingy (still is a bit, but getting better since he turned one) and the Moby was a life saver. I could actually get something done and he was content.

D.

My daughter was just like that (she still is a little bit), but at four months I went back to work and she had to stay at daycare, that helped a lot. She wouldn't even go with dad for the first four months, She would just eat from me...
Just don't give up, some crying won't hurt. She is 2 1/2 now and is very social, people that haven't seem her in a while is always impressed how she has changed.

I have a SUPER clingy baby!! I have many times had to leave her screaming with daddy so I could go to the bathroom! She started it right around 6 months and was at her absolute worst right around nine months. The instant I leaned toward another person she would start screaming and hold onto me for dear life. She's now just over ten months and it's starting to get better. She will go to daddy and grandma. Just this weekend she went to her auntie and a grandma she'd never met before. I was in total shock... I though for sure she'd be screaming her head off in a second! I don't really have any advice, but I'm pretty sure she's growing out of it. Hopefully your little guy will too... I know, ten months sounds like a long ways away. Good luck!

Sounds to me like it could be a sensory issue.I A. not sure how early they can diagnose that but sometimes babies' nervous systems don't develop as fast and "new" (or even not quite as familiar can cause break down). I suggest you make up a "mommy smell kit". take your favorite perfume (or one you've worn with him around) Find things that smell pretty much exclusively like you. Is there a big sweatshirt you can ear for a few hours every time you leave the house? Even if its the day before. (Then just stick in a bag so it smells like you when you get up. That will help. Is it possible his vision is off or hearing and has learned to recognize your smells and voice too and is freaking out because you have to hand him off to "strangers"? Well, dad isn't a stranger, so he needs to step up..have him carry something of your on him that will definitely smell "mommy like" for a little while. However, he is six months old and dad can put him in his crib and walk away sometime. Its important for you two not to get overwhelmed too. I'd say its also become a bit of a habit, so with the "familiar smells and familiar things type idea in mind, start tugging away gently, increase by five minutes at a time til you are at half an hour..and continue on til an hour etc. It will at least extend your shower and clean up time :)

Hi,

sounds just like my daughter. She was glued to me for the first 12 months. My mom would come to visit and she would scream. It took about 3 days before my mom could even touch her. But I have good news. It does get better. It took awhile but my daughter started to turn around at age 19 months. I know you have a ways to go but it will get better. My husband couldn't even put my almost 4 year old daughter to bed without her screaming until very recently but it got better and better. Now she says mommy you can go out I'm staying with Daddy.

One thing that I found is that when I was not around (smell or see space) she was much better. So even though your son screams and acts up when you are there he will most likely do better when you are out of the house so he can't smell you or hear you. I went back to work when my daughter was 15 months old and it was very hard but she did great.

He will survive and he will decide that it's more fun to hang out and interact with people then to scream. I remember even taking my daughter to the doctor was a challenge until magically at 19 months she was fine. My pediatrician always said it was just because she was very intelligent and once she figured out that it was safe and okay and she got curious she would be fine. One day it was just like a switch had been turned and she was more curious then upset.

It is good for you now to get out as much as possible. He will be fine! It was hard for me but it was good for her to be away from me too.

Take care,

D.

baby will cry more when you are seen and or heard. I run a daycare and know kids adjust well if they are on a schedule and they know wha tto exspect of the new care giver. if you come running when he cries it works crying is healthy and ok you really need to give the child time to adjust to someone new and with out you right there to save the day. start out by leaving for only hour and have the time get longer as you go. my son was terrible at this age he cried and yelled and screamed until i was out of sight for a while and on a regular basis. it is hard but the quicker the departure the less stress for all and on a regualr basis it seems to work out better. also if you fill the need to call and check on him have a code word that means he is ok kids are smart and know when mom calls due to the conversation so to make it easier for all code words and routine are best good luck!

It's not at all uncommon, but that means you need to take more breaks from him, not fewer. If anything, have him leave you. Have your husband take the boys in the car, drive to a park, take him out in the stroller, whatever. The more he separates from you and then returns--even for 10 to 15 minutes at a time--the more he will understand that you will always come back to him, that he won't lose you for good. Babies can only learn that through concrete experience. Be sure to leave him when YOU look happy (don't let your own dread show!)... so that he knows your leaving is not punishment, but a joyous thing. Then be joyful when you return. His moods will be affected a great deal by yours.

Besides, if you get a break, and go for a brisk walk or read a chapter of a book uninterrupted, you are happier, and that will show on your face when you return. But it is very good for him to widen his support system. That will serve him for the rest of his life, and make transitions like preschool, school, and even work much easier for him down the road.

Yes, yes, and yes. I solved some of it by putting it her in a back pack--at least she was off my hip. Another thing I did was go somewhere else. That way I didn't have to hear my child cry for me. I found my self showering with my child sometimes just for peace, there was not way around that problem.

My daughter really did not connect with others until age 18 months. In fact she did not even eat for the day care until 2 years old--and she was a big eater! My mother was heart-broken that she could not hold my daughter:(

Time was the only solution for me and just to walk out the door, knowing that I had picked the best place I could to care for her. This lasted until kindergarten, believe it or not and then it was gone. Poof! Like it had never existed.

This is fairly normal and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Your baby will grow out of it...they all do. The deal is NOT to make a big deal out of it. Where our attention goes energy flows and this dislike of everyone but you isn't something I imagine you want your child's energy or attention to go to.

Give it time and mellow out! Babies cry and us moms have to learn to ignore it when necessary. Welcome to motherhood.

Sincerely,
C.

Both my daughters went through stages like that. My husband would tell me to leave the room and it would be okay. It was really hard to walk away when they were crying like that but sometimes you need a break! Usually after only a minute the baby would stop crying and be okay with her dad. The longest it ever took was 10 minutes. Each baby is different and it may be harder for your little one, but keep at it. For us the most important thing is that the baby could not see me or hear me and would eventually she would settle down with her dad. The advice about using the same sitter and making sure the baby was well fed, rested and clean diaper is spot on.