My Almost 9 Year Old Is Not Developing

How do you know the other kids feel this way?

Be happy she doesn't want to grow up too fast - that's a good thing. And she definitely won't want you to talk to her like she's 4 when she's 13, so enjoy it while you can.

I remember the last big kiss/cuddlefest I had with my daughter when she was 12 -- I had been loudly cuddling and singing to her brother and she yelled from her room, "What about me, mommy?" and so I went to her room and loved her up for a few minutes. If only I had known that would be the last time... :(

Enjoy her and don't try to change her.

Every kid is different and reach these milestones at different times. I don't think there is anything to be concerned about but I completely understand how you feel. I have an 8 year old that has always had some maturity issues. She has the maturity level of a 5 year old a lot of the times. It's frustrating but I've come to the realization that's just how she is. I do worry about her socially though, like you do. I try to treat her as if she is 8 but my expectations of her are not high. She can only do what she can and no matter what I try to do I can't force her to "grow up". I refuse to talk to her like a baby though and I refuse to do things that she is capable of doing. I don't know of what advice to really give since, I too, am experiencing the same things with my daughter. Just be patient with her and encourage her in the best way you know how. :)

Okay, my daughter is 8 and in 3rd grade. As are about 3/4's of her class.
When my daughter is in 4th grade, she will turn 9 years old.
No, she did not skip a grade.

My daughter will be 9 in 4th grade.
My daughter is mature and just fine socially. And on par. And has no social or maturity problems.

I don't know why, it is so 'bad' that she is going to be 9 and in 4th grade. As I said, many of her classmates, are also her same age.
I was that age, when I was in 4th grade. I was fine, too.
I graduated High School at 17.

Now, you cannot turn back the clock, on how old your daughter is and in 4th grade.
Besides, holding her back.
But that is not an option for you.
Your child's 'problem' as you said, is her maturity.

How is she at home?
Does everyone treat her as a 'baby'???
Or do they treat her her age???

If she is having a hard time adjusting, socially, then work with her this summer.
Enroll her in activities/clubs etc., so that she gets more exposure to other kids and ages.

Talk to her.
Ask her 'why' she wants to act like a baby?
Maybe growing up scares her?

There is a GOOD book series called the "American Girl Books." Which is for this age. It is child appropriate, easy to read, and meant for the girl and Mom to read together too.
Just look for it at bookstores. They have it. Or online.

You need to talk with her.... with her. Not at her or down to her. But talk with her... about her feelings, why and how come's.

I don't know that you 'can' change a person's 'maturity.'

Or, talk to counselors or your Ped.

I think I would worry if my 9 yo wanted me to talk to them like a 4 yo.
YOu may already do this, but give her more responsiblities - basic laundry, meal prep for the family one night a week, cleaning chores (not just her room and bathroom, but something that contributes to the family).
I would also recommend you stop talking to her like a child even if she requests it and if there is a way she "initiates" it like baby talking to you, etc. don't respond to her in-kind and instead tell her why and that when she is ready to speak to you like a 9 yo, you would love to talk to her.
Again, all things you may already be doing, but just a few suggestions to get started.
Best of luck!

She can want you to talk to her like she's 4, but she's 9. You need to give her some responsibility and treat her like the big girl she is.
As for playing -- my daughter was a younger one as well... she liked dolls right up until high school. She liked to play legos and with her tiny toys until high school as well... it's only because she ran out of time that she gave up all of those things.
She is younger than her classmates. This is the problem with pushing kids who are academically advanced -- they are socially behind their peers.
Make sure she has friends who she enjoys spending time with. Make sure she has fun -- life isn't all about academics.
LBC

R., my heart goes out to you and your daughter, First, I need to ask why you think the other children 'look' at her like she is a baby? I can understand how you may want to shelter her somewhat. . As for her wanting you to talk to her like she is a four year old, this may be a good time to sit her down and talk to her about the differences she will face as she grows older. Talk to her about her fears, her doubts, what is going on in HER mind. How does she see her future in 4th grade..How will it be different than in 3rd?.. She sounds to me like she is very insecure. Is she under a lot of pressure to excel in her classes? Have you discussed this with her teacher? How does she act out of school in ways other than the '4 yr old stage talk'? Does she have any friends out of school? Something is nagging at me but I can't put my finger on it. Have you discussed this with her pediatrician? She is still young enough to want to be a 'mommy's girl' but the baby talk bothers me for some reason. I would suggest you talk to her dr and ask if s/he thinks she may need to see a child therapist. Sometimes a child will withhold info from parents if he or she think the parent will be angry or hurt by what the child tells them. Above all, be supportive.....Blessings to you and your child. I pray everything works out well for your child.

Ask yourself a couple of questions.

Why do you, as you say, "feel like the other kids really look at her like she's a 'baby'"? Are you basing that on specific things you have heard and seen for yourself as she interacts with other kids, maybe as you're volunteering in the classroom? Or are you basing it only on your own feelings and not on evidence from what other kids have actually said or done with your daughter?

What do you mean when you say she wants you to talk to her like she's 4? In baby talk, or just in terms of subjects? Does she want to talk only about toys and never about school, for instance?

When you say "she doesn't have anything in common with the kids in her class as far as the things they play," again, is that based on what you've seen yourself on play dates or in class? Are they playing things that don't interest her just because she isn't exposed to them? (My daughter couldn't care less about a lot of things her peers are into, like pop music and pop stars and fashion and many TV shows, because she's not exposed to them at home; that doesn't make her less mature, it means she has her own tastes and interests.)

I'm just saying, delve deeper into whether this concern is coming from specific things you observe and hear from other kids, or not. Is this all coming from a worry that she will be teased if she's not interested in certain things, or playing a certain way, in 4th grade?

Is she herself comfortable and happy with who she is right now?

You could talk to her 3rd grade teacher about this (without your daughter there) and also to the school counselor and express your concern. Find out if she has been teased or called babyish. You might find out that she behaves very differently at school than with you at home -- at home she may feel very secure in reverting a bit with you, and taking comfort in being "younger" at home, while she acts more like her peers when she's with her peers. You might find it's typical for kids to be at different maturity levels at this age.

Just things to think about. You may have been over all this already. And you may be surprised how much she changes over this coming summer. I'd just ensure she has a good, fun, not-over-scheduled summer with some time with other kids, and I'd talk to the counselor and teacher before school's over.

More info please !!! :)

What are the other kids playing v what your daughter is playing
4 v 9 and what that means to you (aka some examples)
etc

By the title of your post, I naturally assumed you meant she is not physically developing, i.e.into puberty.

So my 9 year old daughter is in the 3rd grade. She was 9 in Feb. Why is your daughter in the 4th grade? Did she skip a grade? Oh, just re-read, she's going into the 4th...

What is it that you daughter is playing with that makes you feel she is behind? Does she play with dolls at home still? That's OK. My daughter is a monkey bar fanatic. And has all her girlfriends who can do monkey bars on the bars at every recess and after school for monkey bar tag. Other wise, when we have playdates, they play with the animals, still play dress up...listen to music. Does any of that sound close?

Wow...your almost 9 year old is going into 4th? My almost 9 year old is going into 3rd. She probably is a bit more immature than her classmates. Especially if she is with a bunch of kids that are a year to a year and a half older than her!
I don't think you CAN do anything for her. Just talk to her in an adult voice and when she starts school sit down with her teacher and explain your concerns. They may be justified, they may not! You are not in her class all day, so she may behave differently when you are nto around. DON"T talk to her like she's 4!!!
L.