My 6 Yr Old Son

When my sister-in-law's son was in the 1st grade just as he would start to understand something then the class would move on to the next thing so he wasn't getting the practice of doing it all right in class. he repeated 1st grade and is doing fine. he was at the younger end of the class the first year so he diden't seem to old the next year. There's nothing wrong with repeating a grade that young it shoulden't effect things to much.

My first thoughts are that he is not challenged enough with his school work. He gets bored with it. If he can do the work in front on you 2, then like you said - he knows how to do. See if the teacher will work with him to change the work around a little that doesn't make it so montonous.

I've experienced similar situation recently with my 6yo (who is my third child). My son has a below normal reading level and he really does not like the worksheet way of teaching. He feels that 1rst grade is way too demanding compared to kindergarten and doesn't get up in the morning eager to get to school. Once he is there and settled in his attitude improves. My husband and I have met with his teachers and they are of the opinion that much of his challenge is developmental and not lack of ability,because he just turned 6 at the beginning of the school year and most of his classmates turned 7 during the school year. My son may repeat 1rst grade next year, my husband is extremely disturbed by this. However, I am not upset because seeing the same information that he is struggling with this year, getting the extra reading instruction, and building his self-confidence are more important to me than his progressing to 1rst grade. One-on-one at home is so different from doing the work in a very loud and busy environment at school. We maintain a peaceful environment in our household, as much as possible with 5 people living in 2000 square ft. I've deciding to continue supporting my son's efforts in school with additional math worksheets on the weekend and reading during the week and let his development determine whether he should progress. Because this is your oldest son I'm sure this is very upsetting, however I was the oldest child in my family with an October birthday and I was always the youngest in the class and I feel that in itself was a struggle academically. Just wanted to give you a different perspective. A. Burnette, Hillsborough, NC

As a former Kindergarten teacher, and as a mom, I have seen this happen often! Depending on the age of the child (the younger they are, especially boys, the harder school can be), he may not be emotionally mature enough to go on to the next grade. Sometimes, they can do some of the work, but not all. If promoted to the next grade anyway, some students continue to struggle throughout the years, when they didn't get the remediation they needed at the time. ESPECIALLY if reading is the problem. A lot of times, advancing a child, hoping he will catch up, has the opposite effect and damages his self-esteem when he sees that almost everyone around him reads so much better and/or makes much higher grades. This really starts to show up in 3rd grade (or whichever year they start getting letter/number grades instead of evaluations). My own son, who is almost always smarter than most kids in his class, started the thing in 3rd grade about not doing the work at all or not turning it in. His grades plummeted! He had to work at it, some was organization skills, attention problems, and he still struggles with it a lot of times (now in 6th grade). My daughter on the other hand, is one of the youngest in her class, loves school (mostly because of the socializing!), but struggles in 3rd grade now, even though she is a great reader. She dislikes Math and fights against doing it. Sometimes she goes through cycles of not doing her work at school and wanting to bring it all home for me to "help her". After a couple of weeks and stern consequences, she usually shapes up for another few months and tries harder.

Most of what he is going through is based on personality, some of it is a stage common in most children. But how his parents and his teachers deal with it, that will determine how it affects his future as a student. There are still a few months left to really work with him, both at home and at school. You are on the right track by having an open relationship with the school, teachers, and getting him all the help they can provide. Some other suggestions would be, if at all possible, to try to schedule time to come in to school and have lunch with him, spend time in the class helping the teacher or other students, or doing fun activities with the class. I see that you work and have smaller children too, but whatever you can do, even if only sporadically, will show him how much you value education and that school can be fun for you too! Also, if there is any older child he looks up to - a family member or friend's child or a neighborhood kid - try seeing if that child could help out. Older children usually love to help a younger one with schoolwork, or just talking to them about how much they love school and which subjects they like and even don't like. He needs to understand that he isn't going to LOVE everything about school, but that everyone has to go and do their best work. And talk to him about when you were his age, and have his dad, grandparents, whomever... also talk with him about those times in their lives. Stress the value of education and that you didn't get to be in the job you are by just being lazy in school - you had to work hard and get good grades and keep trying when you didn't understand something.

Eventually, all this will sink in. Keep reading - all the time - let him see older family members reading as much as possible and DISCUSSING what is being read is VERY important! Some kids can read the words on a page, but not understand what they read about. If it comes down to it, I am a firm believer in retaining children in the earliest grade possible. I now wish I had held my daughter back from starting kindergarten when she was just turning 5 - but she seemed ready at the time. This is the first year she has struggled much at all. She is working through it okay, but if she shows that she isn't ready for 4th grade by June, she will be back in 3rd grade again and ready to mature at her own pace.

Sorry this is so long, and I am sure you are getting lots of other great advice. Heed whatever makes sense to you, and just remember that you are doing the most important part - and that is being involved! You'd be surprised at how many parents don't show any concern about their child's education or school behavior.

Best wishes and God bless!
A. V

I have an 8yr old son who has gone through the same stage a couple of different times. He is now in the third grade and still has spells of irresponsibility. He got two conduct marks last week for not putting his name on his paper. He has already had to write off for this very reason.
I think it is especially hard with boys because school is about so much more than learning for them. He also struggles with reading but mainly because he would rather be doing something fun!
For advice: I made my son a small laminated checklist that I attached to his daily folder. He has to check off whether or not he has turned in his work from each subject and that he has what he needs in order to complete his homework each night. (He has a bad habit of leaving his workbooks, or other materials needed at school.) He is in the accelerated reader program so he also has to check off if he is supposed to bring home an A/R book that night. The teacher agrees that it has really helped him remember each thing every day. Maybe a variation of this along with accountabilty will help your son.
Good luck and God Bless!

L.,

Maybe you should have him tested. He may also have a little fright at school, maybe there is something going on that isn't good you should look into. Maybe he has found something more interesting than doing his homework?? There are all sorts of things to look for, you just need to look into. Try a tutor for his reading or hooked on phonics or something like that. Take care, K.

Have you had your son's eyes checked? We went through a similar situation with our son last year. He started off pretty good. We worked on home work everyday and he could to the work at home and read as well but when he got to school he would blow it. We went round and round with his teacher and the school. To make a long story short, we had his eyes check out and found that the muscle in his left one was not working together with the right. So when he was reading the left eye would tend to "wander" or move in a different direction than the right eye. My husband sat and watched our son read with me and said that it looked like he was going cross eyed when he read. The school put him through tons of tests as well to see if he needed some special ed help. They just would not take the suggestions of the eye doctor to help him in the class room. They said they had to do the testing before they could change anything in the classroom for him. I was so angery and frustrated. We fought with the school the whole year. My son became very frustrated and shut down at school. He even admitted close to the end of the year that he stopped reading his tests and was just putting an answer down. He has gone through a year of vision therapy to correct the problem and it is working. He ended the year last year in reading with a 49 and had to repeat the first grade. This year he had a 97 in reading for the first semster. He also made the principle's list. Our son was afriad of saying he was having a problem because he tought he was going to get in trouble. But he realized that by not saying anything was getting him in bigger trouble because he was getting grounded for all the bad grades he was getting because he was doing the work at home but not at school. He is much happier this year and does tell me more about things that are bothering him.

Just be sure to have everything possible checked out. Stay on the teacher and the school. There are programs and testing that they can do if they have not done it all ready. Just hang in there. Get him to sit down with you and try to get him to open up about what is going on. Like my son he may not realize that what ever is bothering him could be the root of the problem.

L.,
My son is also in the first grade and is struggling with the reading. He had struggles in kindergarten and I knew by October of this year that things weren't improving much. He too is a bright child but his reading ability isn't matching up with what I feel is his intelligence. (He too can do all the work but not when he has to read everything for himself. If we read it to him or with him - he has no problem. But if he has to read it totally by himself - he will misread words and this will cause him to get the answers wrong)
I really think the reading issue is behind your son's current behavior. My son's grades also recently took a nosedive. After talking with his teacher - it turns out that she is no longer "reading all the questions" on the tests to the children. You might ask your son's teacher if there have been any changes like that recently. If you son is struggling with the reading/work in class - he may not want to turn it in if he thinks he has not done well on it.
On getting a handle on your son's reading issues - this is something I am still working on with my son after six months. A great start is a book called "Overcoming Dyslexia" by Sally Shaywitz M.D. The title to me was a little misleading because I guess I used to think about dyslexia as just reversing letters. Dyslexia really covers just about any issue a child has with reading. This book has become my bible. Dr. Shaywitz does an excellent job explaining how a child learns to read and she gives benchmarks in reading that should be met by certain ages. Dr. Shaywitz gives also instructions about how to go about figuring out what your child's problem is. For example, Dr. Shaywitz gives specific instructions on what to ask your child's teacher: 1)Ask the teacher exactly how your son's reading progress is being measured. 2) Ask what reading group he is in and what level read that group represents 3) Ask how your son compares to other readers 4)What are the expectations for the end of the year? 5) What specific help is he receiving now? (type of program, size of group, minutes per day) 6)Can you visit and observe during the reading lesson. These type of questions can help you learn exactly what level your son is reading at.
I also had my son tested at the Lindamood Bell center. They specialize in tutoring for dyslexic students. They did about 2 1/2 hours of testing and did about 11 tests. They recommended that he enroll in tutoring for 4 hrs a day for about 12 weeks. Their tuition is fairly expensive so at that point I went back to the school and talked to my son's teacher. From there- they did a few more tests and now we are going to have the school psychologist do a full testing on him to help pinpoint the issues. I guess the point here is that although the school had identified him as being an at-risk reader - they were only giving him additional computer time as the intervention. When I came back with specific scores from the Lindamood Bell center - it was something concrete for them to respond to. (The Lindamood Bell testing is not cheap either - I actually had a 50% off coupon at the time I did that testing). You might also ask your school speech pathologist if she knows of anyone in the area that does the reading testing. Some standard reading tests are the Woodcock Johnson and the Oral Gray Reading Test.

Lastly, the Charles Schwab Learning website it also a good site for info. I like the message board the best on that site. It is www.schwablearning.org
Good luck - it is a process of elimination but keep asking the questions!

You know that may be a sign of immaturity. My youngest son was like that and we did hold him back. There is no shame in that. It really and truly benefits the child. I think it is just a phase. But I would make sure that I give him a good vitamin, and you being a pharmacy tech, you can pick out a really good one from the drug store and bring it home. Make sure he takes that every day... that aids in brain function as his little brain is still growing and developing. You may also look for other supplements from the drug store such as flax seed oil or something like that, that will boost brain function.
Also make sure that no one is picking on him or make sure that he isn't depressed for some reason. Ask questions about does he like his teacher or maybe a he wants to be in another class with his friend. You never know but I would keep talking to him and asking questions and see what you can find out. It could be something so totally different that you would never figure would be bothering him. If you can't figure anything out then maybe it is that he is just a little immature and if that is what it turns out to be, don't worry about it. That will give him one extra year to grow and mature and with one year under his belt, he should really be smart next year.
Best of luck to you.

You need to find out why he doesn't feel the need to work with his teacher, when my son stopped working with his Kindergarten teacher it was because he felt she was being mean to him and come to find out she had singled him out. If he can do it at home there is some reason he is not doing it at school and that much extra work could be defeating your own purpouses. he is a child and needs time to do other things than read. I know that reading is immportant, but play is too. talk to your son and find out what is happening at school. Ithink that is your best bet as he does it for you.

have you had him tested for add, adhd, or dislexia. any of these disorders can hinder a generally bright child.

Hi L.,

I would look into seeing if there is an issue with another child in that class. It sounds to me like he may be intimidated. Is there any kind of bullying siutation going on? And, how does he say he feels about his teacher? I would make sure that he is receiving the best reading tutoring the school offers or maybe look to help out of school. My son had a similar issue and once his reading and handwriting strengthened, it was much better. There was also a bully situation involved. Once that was under control, he has done much better. I hope this helps. L.

I am right there with you. I have a son, Niko, who is in first grade who is at the level now, where he should have been when he started 1st grade. I worry that he may have ADD, which my husband will hav e no part of. His teacher says he is fine when he is in a group, but when it comes time to do independent work, he will do everything else to avoid it. WWhere do you live?

I have three boys and just finished a course to be a substitute teacher again. Something that some of the schools in my area are doing is a "refusal to work" sheet. That if your son refuses to do his work he has to sign the sheet, that he can choose from three reasons he didn't do it. (1. I don't feel good today, 2.I don't understand the work, 3.I need some help) Even though he is young, he will be able to understand that he needs to do his work. Testing him for ADD and other disabilities should be done after you explore if he is really having trouble understanding the work, or is nervous about something going on at school. Maybe they can have a Teacher Assistant come work with him?

There is a book by Dr. Mel Levine called "A Mind At A Time". It's a great book and really opens your eyes to how intricate the brain is. There is also a website: www.allkindsofminds.org
I wish I could give better advice on the reading but my son is in the same situation! I'll be thinking of you! Good Luck
E.

I have 6 yr. old twin boys in 1st grade with very similar issues. I do think a lot of it is maturity, but no matter what... it's hard. My twins are number 3 & 4 ... I hav a 13yr old daughter and 9 yr. old son who are above grade avg, so this has been very difficult for me to understand.

Up until just recently, the twins were behind in their reading levels, unfocused, they were "pulling cards" in school for talking, they always had "unfinished work", etc.
I wondered about ADD or learning disabilities. I started volunteering during "Centers" so I could help & observe them. Of course, they did fine when I was there (so I guess you could say it helped). :-)
Then one day my husband came home from work and said that we should try giving the twins "fish oil" .. I said huh?? A friend of his at work had similar issues with his boys and they started giving them fish oil / omega-3 vitamins. I did a lot of research online and ... sure enough ... from what I read... it's great "brain food". The effects are supposed to be better that ritalin (for ADD/ADHD children). I kid you not, one of my twins... the omega-3 has DRAMATICALLY changed him. He is more focused at school(& home), he's finishing his work at school, he jumped a whole reading level in a week and a half, and he hasn't "pulled a card" at school since(it's been about 3 1/2 weeks)!! It's amazing!! I spoke to his teacher a week after starting him on the fish oil and she was in AHHHH of the changes.
If you decided to try it...You can buy it at Whole Foods (I don't know where else) in a kids version. I tell my kids it's their vitamins and they love them. I give them the "sour gummy" version - they think they're like fruit snacks... but there is also a chewable tablet if you prefer.

One more idea .. my pediatrician suggested trying a montisory school. ???

I there!

I would get the book Ending the Homework Hassle by John Rosemond. It doesn't just cover homework, but classwork as well. I had to actually start with the plan in addition to Chapter 3 in order to motivate my 3rd grader. The book incorporates daily priveleges, as well as builds up to what he will earn on the weekend. It shows how to jumpstart their motivation and how to put complete responsibility on the child. The book is extremely easy reading - I was actually able to start the morning after I picked it up.