My 5 Year Old's Behavior.......

Hi, I'm parent to 3 sons (2 grown and 1 15-year-old), plus I've taught 5-year-olds for 20 years. This behavior isn't totally unusual for this age. (A baby in the house might explain some of it, too. My sister came when I was 5 and I didn't feel cute and adorable or tended to for a while.)

5-year-olds are very savvy. As with all kids, they want some control in their lives, and they are seeing just how far that control can go.

Kids know when they're pulling your chain, and the more you react, the harder they'll pull. And I also know that 5 is a brief peek into the teen years. Shock value goes a long way for them. Mine used to say I wasn't his mommy anymore and that I couldn't come to his birthday party. Well... obviously he didn't mean that, because I was the one throwing the party. *smile*

I seriously doubt that your daughter hates you. You are her mom, you aren't her friend. It can't be both. You are an AUTHORITY figure, not a peer. But you can be an authority figure in a loving way. Above all, don't argue with her.
Will your husband work with you on coming up with a list of chores that are her own - making her bed, putting up her clothes, picking up things that are hers in other rooms - and each day that she completes the chores, she gets a ticket (you can get a roll at Office Depot). At the end of the week, she can cash her tickets in on a reasonable and inexpensive reward or privilege (princess movie, etc.,etc.). Eventually, you will probably need to add the contingency that she needs to do these without a reminder from you, or once again, it won't be your daughter controlling her own behavior.

Refusal to comply with you should result in an immediate and logical consequence. Something like 15 minutes earlier to bed (if she can't cooperate like a big girl, she can't have a big girl bedtime). After that, for each minute she sits and stalls, it's another 5 minutes off. OUTLAST HER. Don't give in, and don't ever let her know that her little insults are affecting you emotionally.

If she says "I hate you", though, that needs a more serious consequence. A firm "We don't say those words in this family" followed by a trip to a neutral place without distraction or entertainment for 5 minutes should be sufficient. And an apology to you is in order AFTER she has had her time alone. Then tell her you love her.

She sounds like a bright kid - sometimes they can really work your patience (their goal) - but don't let her undermine your position as the parent.

Get in as many snuggling, reading, loving and laughing times as possible. They are more powerful than the most expensive toys.
Good luck!

It broke my heart the first time my son told me this...and he said it out of anger (I wouldn't change a light bulb!)
My response to those kind of out bursts usually sounds something like this - I am sorry you feel that angry/sad/upset/mad (whatever) but I still love you.

There have been times when my son just doesn't listen to anything - or he does, and then forms an arguement of why it can't be done....it is enough to make me want to throttle him on a daily basis....
I finally start taking stuff away and truely being a 'mean mom' as he calls it. I be sure that when he does start listening to point out that mean mom went away because he was following the directions.

Just remember - you are the parent - you are smarter, bigger, and stronger than she is...even if she has more will power and energy!!

Good luck!!!

I understand what your going thru i have two teen age girlsmay of my own . but one thing they are not allowed to tell me they hate me they can tell me the don't like me or there realy mad at me but never tell me they hate me . hate is a very stong word . i made they look up the word . then asked them if thats how they felt about me and the said no . i know your little girl is only five maybe you could read her the meaning . they get in alot of trouble if the us the hate word . but yes it is only a fase it will pass the or may not i think it depends on how you raise them . its very hard to rais girls because they are so emotional then add the attiud. with it its very hard . just keep being strong and lean on people if you have to . hope thong work out good for you .

It's a phase. I get it from both of my girl & boy twins. Also I get from him.."Mommy, you hurt my feelings. I don't like you anymore. I'm gonna go live at my other families." This is usually after I don't let him do something or he got in trouble for something. My daughter tells me and everyone that we arn't her friend anymore. Usually after she doesn't get her way. I told them they do not say that to friends or they won't have any to play with. I also tell the friends not to say that or they won't get to play with them. But I did read not long ago that girls are getting more bossy and mean. And the big part was if the others didn't do what she wanted then she wouldn't be friends with them. I think I read it on yahoo in the daily news before. So I am putting a stop to that early. And if I hear it from any of them I tell them "Why don't you pick something you all want to do? You cannot make someone do something they don't want and can cause you to lose your friends for good." Then they all find something else to play. Hope this makes you feel a little better that it's not just you!

I dont have much experience with 5 year olds but have you ever asked her why she hates you? Maybe a little heart to heart and treating her like an adult might help. Kids like being respected and can really surprise you sometimes when you let them be an adult in a conversation too. Hope this helps.

It may be a stage. Eveyone talks about the terrible 2's but I went through the ferious 5's. Stay strong and always follow thru with your threats. I tried to set up a reward system instead of always focusing on negative things. Good luck

ID SAY IT IS A PHASE....BC SOON WILL BE THE ONE WHERE SHE SAYS...I KNOW YOU DONT LOVE ME...EVRYONE HATES ME......KIDS ARE KIDS AND THEY HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL OVER THIER LIVES AND SOMETIMES LASHING OUT TO YOU IS THE BEST WAY FOR THEM. IF THEY LASH OUT AT THEIR FRIENDS, THEN MAYBE THEY WILL LOSE A FRIEND. BUT HEY A LSH TO MOM IS SAFE FOR A KID.....MOMMYS DONT LEAVE NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. SO NEXT TIME YOUR KID SAYS SHE HATES YOU, TELL HER YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD AND REMEMBER SHE DOES NOT HATE YOU.

It sounds like she's having a tough time adjusting to the new babe (assuming you didn't have too many discipline problems prior to this). I would suggest going on some "dates" with her. Do something with just you and her. My little girl LOVES the movies, so my husband & I take turns taking her to the cheap theaters & sometimes to dinner. I know it must be breaking your heart to hear her say these things, but don't take this behavior personal and don't let her see that she is affecting you. Stay firm and consistent on your discipline so she does not try to use your guilt to manipulate you. You'll be providing the safe boundries discipline creates and still letting her know that she is special & loved. Keep your chin up! You all will get through this!!! God bless!

Hey Girl! I dont know what to tell you. I am going thew somethings with my Four year old son! Mr. Attitude, I ask him to clean the room everything is no. I would have to say maybe work w/her, that is what I am doing. Wait off on the Dr. Do some different things at home with her. It could also be a reaction from the 10month old to.
Take care,Good luck,
K.