This afternoon when I was watching TV, my daughter, now nearly five-year old, came to me and touched my private parts. Oh, my gosh!!!!! I was really shocked and asked where she learnt it. She told me a boy in the kindergarten touched hers. I was extremely angry but I knew she knew nothing and it’s not her fault. I talked to her and tried to let her know her private parts shouldn’t be touched by anyone and, if same things happened again, she should tell her teacher first and then parents. My daughter giggled when I was talking to her and I didn’t know if she understood what I said. Now I am very anxious and I don’t know how to teach her to protect herself. Please give me some advice.
Tell the school. They NEED to know. My daughter at 5 completely understood when I told her that NO ONE is to touch her in her private parts (unless helping to wash - and that is no more - she's 7 now). And looking is only for trusted family or the Doctor and at the Dr's, ONLY if mommy, daddy, or grandma is present.
You are walking a tight rope. Be careful not to make too big a deal... yet you do want to set your little girl, and the little boy straight.
Sounds like you handled things perfectly, but I do agree the teacher should be alerted. Other than that I wouldn't make a big deal, unless it happens again.
What was easiest for us was just to tell the kids that (except for a doctor in special circumstances) other people should not touch under where their bathing suits cover. That way they get the message but it's not a big deal about "parts." It's just a "private" area.
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Definitely notify the teacher in writing and make sure she is clear with you about how it will be handled. I would want the kids parents to know. You may want to find out from your child if this was a one time or multiple occurrence as well. Especially if this is a one time thing--these kinds of interactions at this age are pretty common. I don't think this same age peer need to be labeled a potential abuser ! Let's lighten up a little --ever heard of playing doctor?
Check out some kid friendly books on good touch/ bad touch, for example this one "The right touch" by Sandy Kleven. http://www.amazon.com/Right-Touch-Read-Aloud-Prevent-Coll...
I agree that kids are curious, and exploring is part of growing up. However, I am concerned that it happened at school. Where is the teacher? This is a bit strange.
in this situation the only thing you really can do is educate her. Keep talking about it , keep reminding her that it's her body and not his he shouldn't be touching it, and she shouldn't be touching his.
This happened to me when I was a kid with a boy I knew. Nothing else ever happened.
But I also think you need alert the teacher to the situation.
It's definitely time for the 'no one touches your private parts except parents (for like diapering/cleaning) and doctor' talk. Everyone needs to keep their hands to themselves. A little bit of curiosity (I'll show you mine if you show me yours) is to be expected but you tell her she's getting to be a big girl and it's not something anyone should do.
Let the teacher know so she can keep en eye on the situation and so you have a discussion about what will happen if it happens again.
There shouldn't be anywhere at school (or playground) where kids can't be watched. Sometimes those little play houses need to go if this is the sort of thing the kids are playing inside them.
The very first thing you need to do is contact the school & set up a meeting. I would talk to the principal as well as the teacher & any teacher's aides in the classroom. A kindergarten classroom full of kids should not be the place where 2 essentially babies have the opportunity to be alone long enough for something like this to happen. I would also be concerned about the little boy doing this to your daughter, but she is of course going to be your first priority.
You need to have the "stranger danger" talk with your daughter and even though she will probably giggle her way through it, it's got to be done. Explain to her that even other kids can be "strangers" and that her body isn't for anyone to touch at all, ever, with the ONE exception of when you or your husband are bathing her.
... at her age, does she know... about stranger danger and what is private and about inappropriate touching? It seems she does not, at all.
It is not only about how 'she' needs to protect herself, but rather IF she knows what to do, if something happens.
Its good you told her to "tell the Teacher first, then the parents." BUT... it is NOT a 'child' who should be telling the boy's Parents. A 5 year old, needs the parent to ALSO, take care of it.
And YOU need to tell the Teacher, not only your daughter.
Don't leave it up to a 5 year old to do all this, they are still very young and cannot handle adult decisions nor even know how to handle it.
In any case, she told you a boy in Kindergarten touched her privates... so, you need to now, TELL her Teacher. And/or put it in writing.
There is no telling, what happened, but the Teacher should know that a child was touched. It is not up to us to decide, whether it was just kid type typical behavior or not or if it was something really weird/inappropriate.
You daughter did not tell you exactly what happened... nor if this boy did it once or often.
all the best,
Susan
sounds like you did a great job with it. keep it low key....you don't want your understandable anger and worry to come through to her. she didn't do anything wrong, and the little boy probably didn't really either. exploration is natural at that age but she does need to learn about privacy. let the teacher know what's going on, and keep working with your daughter calmly and quietly about keeping her private parts private.
take a deep breath, mom. you did good. it's okay.
khairete
S.
Find out who it was and tell the teacher. Just so they know. there may have been other complaints.
