My 4 month old daughter has not been sleeping. She hit a growth spurt about 3 weeks ago and ever since, she'll take 1 or 2 20 minute cat naps during the day and is up every hour to hour and a half all night. Furthermore, she'll only fall asleep if myself or her dad is holding her. She's healthy and is getting plenty to eat (breast fed), I just don't understand what's going on. I hate the idea of letting her cry herself to sleep, but I'm running out of ideas.
Hello All,
Ok, so I went out and bought "Healthy Sleep Habits; Happy Child" and promptly began reading it. As I perused the descriptions of over tired children, almost every word of it rang true. Up until about 2 or 3 weeks ago she was sleeping like an angel and one of the easiest tempered babies I've ever seen. Preceeding the change, we had a very rough week, where I needed to aid a friend who'd lost a child and much of our day time was spent away from home for a few days. It was after this that all the problems developed. So, silly me, I didn't recognize what was happening and thought it was a growth spurt, or teething pains or...she had been possessed by demons. Just kidding. Anyway, the info in the book totally resonates with me and we decided to give it a try. At the moment, she is sleeping in her crib (we decided it was time to move her out of the cradle in our bedroom) after 39 minutes of wailing, 11 minutes of crying and 8 more minutes of wailing. My God this is hard! The poor little thing is going to have a serious sore throat and swollen eyes tomorrow methinks. I feel horrible and with every exhasperated scream, I doubt if this is the correct course of action. I've never believed that babies should be left to cry, but I also know the importance of rest. Sleep, like everything else, is a learned behavior and it's time to teach our little one. So, in a nutshell, I'm heartbroken but hopeful. I sincerely appreciate all of your responses and suggestions and kind words of support. Please keep them coming! Sometimes Mama needs some soothing too!!!
It really sounds like she is in an overtired cycle. Sleep begets sleep and lack of sleep begets... lack of sleep. Think of how you are when you don't get enough sleep. Sometimes headaches, etc. At 4 months old, little ones should only be awake about 1.5 hrs - 2hrs at the most before going down for a nap. Try putting her down faster for her naps when you first see signs in the morning that she might be tired.
It WILL get better! With all things like this, make your mantra "this too shall pass" because I promise it will. You may lose your mind for the meantime, but just stick with what works best for you and your baby and your family and don't give up. Babywearing can make your life a WHOLE LOT easier, get a sling or a mei tai wrap and strap the baby to your body so you can get on with life, and try cosleeping if possible so you can get some rest.
Hi Julia:
My heart goes out to you. Our first daughter was the same way. She was always a poor sleeper. When I would tell people that she didn't sleep they sort of dismissed me as exaggerating. I wish that I had some wisdom to pass along. She is 2 and a half now and still struggles with sleep. She is wonderfully brilliant though and I think some of her non-sleep is from her mind not shutting down. In any case, you will survive this. Take breaks. Get help from her dad. Put her to the breast in bed with you and get some sleep so you will be ready for the long day ahead. All will be well. And, if/when you feel comfortable, talk to your doctor and let her cry herself to sleep. She needs it just as much as you do.
Good Luck!
She's still at that age where she doesn't really have a sleep schedule yet. My kids were both 3 months old when I ditched the basinette in my room and moved them into their own rooms and own cribs. I began establishing naptimes at around 6 months I think. One way you can keep from having to let her cry it out, is whenever you think she's getting tired, lay her down BEFORE she falls asleep. This will get her used to being in her bed while she's awake, and will only set her little internal sleep schedule to know that when she lays down in her crib, it means it's time to sleep. This will help you TREMENDOUSLY in the future. I started out laying my kids down just whenever they acted like they were starting to fall asleep. Even if it was only for a 15 minute nap, I still always made sure they had that nap in their crib. After the cat nap phase started to come to an end, I started laying my kids down at around 9 or 9:30, then again at 1. The morning one was always real short, only about 20 minutes usually. The afternoon was was always 2-3 hours though. Once they start having trouble laying down for that afternoon nap, but can't keep their eyes open past 4 or 5, then you'll know it's time to cut out the morning nap and go to one a day. As long as you're in tune with your child's signals, you'll always know when it's time for a change. The best thing you can do right now is establish healthy sleeping habits. Do that by letting them fall asleep in their crib, and everything else will be a lot easier.
My kids have all had this problem. When my oldest was still in bed with us and my 3 month old was to the she only sleeps in the swing point and we had a wind up swing, we talked to our doctor and he recommended a book called Healthy Sleep Habits; Happy Child. It helped a whole lot with knowing what was typical and what I should be expecting from my kids at different ages. I did let my daughter cry and the change was incredible. She went from only sleeping in the swing and not napping to three naps and 12-14 hours of sleep at night waking once or twice to BF then going right back to sleep in her own bed. It's hard to do, but it only takes about 2 days of long crying and then a few days of 15-20 minutes and then your set. The book also helped us get our 2 year old out of our bed. So those two were doing well when the twins came along. The previous success helped when it came time to let the twins cry it out, although that was hard and twice as loud. My husband had to leave the house, but the change with them was just as drastic. Anyway, look up the book and add my stories to the ones in the book and good luck.
I agree with Kathy, babies are trying to communicate with you through their cries. Babies were not designed to "cry it out" and mamas were not designed to be able to listen to it. Keep holding your baby and enjoy this time while she's little!!!
Well, when my son (5 1/2 months) was having a hard time falling asleep, we put him in his swing and it worked like magic. Maybe a couple of nights of you doing this will help her get in some routine. Also, is there a calming bedtime routine in place? With our son, it's bath, lotion (while I sort of massage his little legs/arms), jammies, nursing and then sleep. We did the same with our first son (COLICKY) and it worked. We also have some sort of white noise in their rooms. Now, it's the humidifier. Our older son has soft music (instrumentals) playing.
Is she still eating at night? If so, how many times? If more than once, I would try feeding her a little more during the day. At 4 months, I think even BF babies should be about to go about 6 hours at night (I may be wrong on that). We were lucky and our son has been sleeping through the night since about 10 weeks. BUT, he was a chomper during the day and ate a ton - he is breastfed.
Good luck. Hope it helps.
T.
It is natural for babies to want to be held. I like the advice of the pp about wearing your baby. I had to wear my baby constantly for about the first 6 months. I'd bounce on my pilates ball with my son in his wrap so he would sleep. It is very important for them to get lots of sleep at this stage. They need it to grow. I second the swing idea and having them nap every couple of hours. If she's not getting solid naps, she is defenitely overtired which makes it that much harder to fall asleep easily.
This time will fly by before you know it. Just think of the time you hold your baby so she will sleep as meditation. Concentrate on her delicate details: her soft skin, her pretty eyelashes, her wispy hair, the curl in her little pinky. You will be glad you did in a few months when you realize she doesn't want to be held and instead wants to explore the world on her own.
