My 4 1/2 Year Old Sucks Her Fingers and Is Starting to Be Criticized by Peers.

There was a girl in my daughter's preschool class who, at age 4, would suck her thumb in school. We all thought it was a bit different that she was sucking her thumb in the middle of the day like that, not as a soother at night...and that she felt comfortable with it.

The social end is one issue. The medical end is another. I assume that by age 4 you've already been to the dentist at least a few times, but if not, please make an appointment and see what the specialist says....

My niece's dentist had her go to a behavior psychologist when she was about 6, to get her to stop sucking her thumb. It was agonizing to break her of the habit, but it had to be done. Her palat was all messed up from this, and she had to have a mechanism put in her mouth, all because of the thumb sucking. A friend's daughter had a similar situation, also with a behaviorist. My nephew now is going through this...different side of the family, same story...he sucks his two fingers and now has a damaged palat and will need to wear something because of it. He doesn't need braces, but he needs something to correct the damage from sucking the fingers.

Good luck!

Oh I feel so bad for her but you have to know that you are not doing her any favors by letting that habit to continue.
Case in point: a good friend at church has a daughter who is now 10 years old and she still sucks her two middle fingers. They are calloused! Not to mention they will have to spend a small fortune on orthodonics. This nice little girl has zero friends and is withdrawn. I think it because she has gotten picked on at school so much
Add all that up and the continued picking she will have to endure...
I know you love her but sometimess tough love is nessasary

Hi D.,
Just to give a different and perhaps unusual perspective.
My daughter sucked her thumb constantly. My family as well as our friends and even strangers would make fun of her. Even though I didnt want a dentist bill I knew sucking her thumb was inherited and that it was her way of self soothing.
So I took it as an opportunity to teach her to be herself even if it meant being teased. Eventually her friends quit teasing because she was worth it. And she learned a valuable lesson.
As a general rule I don't teach my kids to change their behavior in order to please their friends.
By the way, my daughter is 9 now - on occasion does still suck her thumb, has never lost a single friend over it and is quite comfortable in her own skin.
Good luck.
-H.

I would be careful how you approach trying to break this habit. She is a smart girl and she apparently knows her mind. The girls in question weren't important enough for her to want to break the habit to play with them. That's a cue to you.

On the other hand, if it comes up again, maybe you should ask a different question: what would happen if you only sucked your fingers at home? And let it go. Let her think about that. Let it be her decision.

If you really can't stand it, do you think you could give her gum to chew or something like that when she's home ? The problem is that sucking IS a way of calming us. Heck, I drink diet soda and I drink it from a bottle, and I laughingly tell my husband that I was fixated at the oral stage, cuz I'm still drinking from a bottle. I think that the easiest way to begin to kick the habit is to give her something else to keep her mouth busy. gum, sippy cups, and/or give her things to do that keep her hands busy -- Putt Putt Saves the Zoo and the other Putt putt computer CD's are pretty cool for kids to play. There's also the Jumpstart Kindergarten series. You could let her know that she can't have wet fingers on the computer, so when she plays at being a big girl and uses the pc, she has to keep her fingers out of her mouth. A non pc thing to do is to build with Legos. That would keep both hands busy -- but DO watch the age levels -- they are serious age levels, they are the only toys I've seen out there where I would seriously abide by them no matter how precocious my child.

Good luck !

b

I, too, sucked the two middle fingers on my right hand from infancy. I also twisted my hair with the fingers of my left hand. Finally, when I was seven, my mother told me she would buy me a pair of roller skates if I stopped sucking my fingers. I tried to do it cold turkey, but it didn't work. Then I decided to try sucking the two middle fingers on my left hand, but they didn't taste nearly as good. Finally I was able to stop when I was seven and a half. I got my roller skates for my eighth birthday.

I still twisted my hair until sometimes my mother had to cut out the knots. When I was in eighth grade my mother said she would get me a permanent wave at the beauty parlor if I would stop twisting my hair. I still couldn't stop. One day when the student teacher in music was going to be observed by her supervisor, she asked me not to twist my hair while the supervisor was there. I complied. Then I decided I could stop all together. When my mother was convinced that I wasn't doing it anymore, she took me to the beauty parlor and I got my first perm. I guess it takes determination on the part of the offender and also a little bit of incentive (at least for me) to really kick a habit. Now-a-days I would try prayer.

My daughter did this until she was about your daughter's age. At that time we just gently reminded her that she was a big girl and didn't need to suck her fingers. This wasn't an ongoing thing to say, but every now and then I would say it or my parents if she sucking when they wanted to play a game with her or something. When you took her to the dentist around 3 years old did he say anything to you about her teeth or jaw? My daughter was actually sucking her fingers during her visit and the dentist asked how long she had been doing that. I said since birth. He said "I guess we won't break her of that!" Ortodontia comes later LOL!

My son who is almost 4 sucked just his first finger constantly until his dentist told me I needed to break him of the habit before it started pushing his top teeth out. And yes he did this for soothing, he also did it out of habit. But you have to do what is best for your daughters health. I also used the stuff to stop biting nails that goes on like nail polish, and withing 2 days my son was done. He learned other ways to sooth and also started talking alot more and alot clearer.

Like anything else, this is about what is best for your daughter, so you have to decide how you feel about it and enforce your decision gently and patiently since it's a life long habit to her. Yes, habit-it's not about soothing anymore-even if she does it to sooth, she doesn't need to, it's a habit.

The reason the girls are making fun of her, is that many kids are taught it is not OK to suck fingers and thumbs when you're no longer a baby-possibly when their own habit was nixed by their parents. This isn't about those kids. Many parents aren't bothered by their kids doing it, so either thing you pick is going to be fine in society.

Either you think your daughter is mature enough not to continue this, and it would be best for her to learn to break a habit as a matter of learning and growing, or you feel she should keep doing it as long as she wants and be proud about it.

I'm in the same boat. My daughter has sucked two fingers since birth, and I've always found it adorable. However, now that she's three, I see that it's not adorable or necessary anymore, but I've been too lazy to urge her to stop.

We recently stayed with family for a month, and absolutely everyone thought nothing of telling her "No Fingers" because all of their kids and grand kids learned to stop that when "the time came" around two or so. I didn't protest, because I also felt she should stop, so I chimed in as well. To my surprise, she didn't mind at all being told not to do it. She liked fitting in with the big kids. She really tried, and as soon as she slipped, and someone mentioned it, she would removed her fingers. Now we're back home and I'm still working on it with her.

I know it will take time, but it's not hurting her to learn self control and to get praised for being good about learning to stop. I'd like it if she quit before school even if it takes effort.

If you decide to help her quit, I would keep it simple and not about big broad self esteem issues and standing up to bullies or being a baby. I would make it about being a positive step in her big girl life. Keep the command simple, "No fingers". Don't tell her about being a baby etc. Give her a big huge hug every time she takes her fingers out and think up fun things to do when she stops for longer, and don't sweat it too much. Good luck whatever you deside! I hope this doesn't take long for my sake.

My daughter sucked her thumb until kindergarten and finally stopped because she was made fun of. I would explain to her that, while it is wrong for her friends not to play with her for that reason, she is getting to be a big girl and its time to leave the habit behind. Read the book "Berentstein Bears and the Bad Habit" together and try the method they use. Best of luck.

I see alot of parents telling you to let it go But in my opinion you should try to break her of the habit , this habit can cause alot of problems in the future my 3 yr old sucks her thumb occasionally now but she was sucking it constantly so much that she made her own thumb sore and was asking me to put a bandaid on it I used a product called THUM you can get at the local drugstore it just brushes on like nail polish but when she put her thumb in her mouth she get a burning sensation i tried it it tasted like pepper or nail biting solution here are some other problems it can cause There are no major health problems directly related to thumb sucking. Some of the minor ones are:
- The skin of the thumb becomes thick and whitish in color. This disappears as soon as the child gives up thumb sucking.
- The teeth of the upper jaw are pushed forward and the teeth of the lower jaw are pushed behind. This problem persists only in the first set of teeth. The permanent teeth are not affected as, generally, the child stops sucking his thumb by the age of six.
- If the thumb is not kept clean sucking it would lead to infections of the digestive tract like gastro enteritis etc.

Some checkpoints for parents:
If your child sucks his thumb ask yourself these questions:
- Is your child getting enough time to meet other children and people to play with?
- Are his toys suitable for his age and interests? Are they entertaining enough?
- Is he being left to himself for a long time in his pen?
If any of the above is answered yes, it's time to give your child a better time. The best solution for a child not to suck his thumb is to give him a life that interests him and pacifies him.

Dear D.,

Both my children are thumb suckers and both are in school. My oldest is 6 and goes to afternoon kindergarten and still sucks her thumb but she chose to limit it to only at home once some discussions occurred with her peers about thumb/finger sucking and being equated with babies. She has never been ridiculed or ridiculed another child for thumb/finger sucking. We have never pushed or tried to convince her to stop because I sucked my thumb until 10/11 and can still remember the contentment, feeling of security and comfort it gave me. And I also know that thumb sucking has absolutely no effect on a child's speech or teeth (both old wives' tales). My daughter made her choices as to when, where, and around whom she would suck her thumb. And I find it positive that she can self-sooth and has done so from an early age. My 4 year old son is in morning pre-school 3 days a week and is still an avid thumb sucker. There are pictures of him sucking his thumb during pre-school. The only conflict which has arisen with us (his parents) and him about thumb-sucking is we do not allow he, or his sister for that matter, to speak to us while thumb sucking. We say, "we don't understand thumb". I know that when i see my son sucking his thumb he is uncomfortable, be it socially, mentally or physically; feelings of shyness and insecurity, feelings of tiredness, or feelings of confusion. And I am proud that he knows how to self-soothe and comfort.

Soon enough, either by peer pressure or lack of interest both my children will stop sucking their thumbs. Have you ever seen a 20 something sucking their thumb/fingers? And until them I am prepared to be their advocate rather than their critic, especially when there are so many other more important battles to fight.

Good luck on working this through with your child. You and she will find a way.

Humbly,
ann m.

I am a mother of 4 children and 3 of them are thumbsuckers. There is no magic fix. As other parents have said, it is a method for them to self-soothe.

The oldest is 8 years old and still sucks occasionally, mostly at home when watching tv or when getting sleepy. I also have a 5 year old that still sucks pretty frequently, but not while active. I'm guessing that's while preschool has been fine. Then a 18 month old industrial thumbsucker.

I have given the older 2 talks about trying to stop. I don't push the issue. I will let them stop when they want to. But I wouls recommend you start atleast bringing it up. My oldest has been wanting to quit for a few years. I have helped him with reminders and even taped his thumb up at night with bandages, at his request. I have been trying to get my 5 year old to want to quit.

My children see a pediatric dentist every 6 months and he believes that we should try to let them stop when they need to. He agrees that these children need it. But it DOES cause changes to the teeth and mouth. It can be anywhere from very mild to severe depending on the child and degree of thumbsucking. My boys all have changes and will be needing treatment. It is not an old wives tale as someone mentioned.

I don't want to keep rambling. But maybe start talking to her about it. Even tell her that some kids may start saying things and ask her if she'd like to try to stop doing it. Eventually she may tell you yes and need some help. Maybe you may want her also to try to stop because her fingers can be dirty. You can explain that you don't want all those yucky things in her mouth. I tried that with my 5 year old but he is a boy. Unfortunately he thought that was funnier and it had the opposite affect.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

Before you attempt to change your daughter, please speak with the school and teacher. My three year old sucks her thumb. We know a family whose second grader sucks her thumb and the habit can be very hard to break. This child is not teased in any way. Do you really want to change your daugher to please a group of bullies?
Good luck!