My 3 Yr Old Is a Nightmare All Night. He Doesn't Sleep Through the Night... Ever

Hi K.,
I'm sure this is frustrating (and exhausting!). Has he ever been able to soothe himself back to sleep upon awakening? Do you think he is anxious about the new baby?
Have you tried a soft nightlite and music playing in his room all night?
This is a tough O.. You may have to do the whole sleep training thing all over. Keep taking him back to his bed, say "time to sleep" , no conversation, etc.
Hope this helps. Hang in there!
Denise

These are tough issues to address, because when you're dealing with a developing child it can be hard to tell if this is stubborness or if there is something going on...
Here are some of my ideas...
1. food allergies (specifically gluten and dairy)
2. yeast overgrowth
3. phenol intolerance (look at the Feingold Diet)
4. Sensory Integration Disorder-maybe his internal clock just isn't working properly, does he like pressure? (deep pressure sensory input)
5. is he too hot/cold?
6. is he afraid? having bad dreams that he cannot communicate?
7. wet diaper? gas?
What else is going on? Is there anything else he's doing that seems out of the ordinary to you? Anything at all? Behaviors are a great indicator...we need a whole picture to understand what is going on. Sometimes things that you would not link to the problem you are having are exactly the key to unlocking the answer.
I don't disagree with Ferberizing him, so to speak. I would just be sure that he isn't struggling with something else first.
Both of my sons have trouble with sleep off and on, so I totally understand. My youngest is a nightmare as well.
Hugs!! I hope you are able to figure this one out...

Dear Little mama, My heart goes out to you. In fact, your problem reminds me of my own early years of childrearing. My first one drove me literally nuts with not staying in her bed, demanding someone to stay there til she fell asleep, and then getting up at all hours of the night. I hate to tell you this but that didn't seem to stop til elementary school started. I read a book by Richard Ferber and I think it as called How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem. wht I remember he suggested was tough love. Basically, put them back in bed and walk away. ok that sounds good except they got up and came back in my room..My solution was to put her in a trundle bed, open the door , put a baby gate in the door so she couldn't come out. Harsh, i know. HOWEVER, it helped. She would get up and go tothe gate and cry "mama, mama, " i'd go see her check to make sure she was fine. she was . i put her to bed and walked away. NO cuddling or chatting. strictly business. of course, the first few nights were awful . sometimes two hours of it . once she fell asleep at the gate. my mother in law thought i was mean. i didn't give a hoot and once she tried to rescue my daughter andi thought i was gonna shoot her, ha! Never mess with a sleep deprived mom. God bless you, you work as well. honey, i don't see how you do it. i really don't. so anyway. you have to be the boss. try that book. i'm sure you can get it really cheap on amazon.com. and really .... good luck. I hated those years, ha!ps i am a 52 year old mom now of college aged kids and I still hated those years, ha.No fond memories there. but once they were like four and up it was fun.

I agree with the post about the Ferber method. It works like a charm. You will have one or two bad nights, but it sounds like you are already having bad nights anyway. This worked for both of my boys, who needed the techniques at different stages. My oldest needed it as a baby and again at 3. My youngest needed it as a baby and just a simple explanation at age 3. It really really really really works and it isn't mean. You are teaching your children good sleep habits and saving the rest of your family the stress. Everyone is happier after a good night's sleep. You really have to read the book, commit to it and just decide to get tough. Try not to waiver from the techniques. It is hard but SO WORTH IT!!!!! Good luck to you.

I'd check with the ped. first, and then get Ferber's book. You need to help him learn to sleep through the night. Sleep deprivation is hard on you, but it will literally effect you kids' brains ability to grow and function. It will take a week of sleep training, but I promise that you will be glad you did it.

Could he be waking up because he just peed or needs the bathroom? This can happen at this age because they are starting to be able to hold their urine longer. It may be best to change his diaper or take him to the potty if he doesn't mind. A quick snuggle in his bed will probably help him drift off to sleep.
Also check out the book, "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurkinca. It talks about some of the reasons why children are not good sleepers. It may help you structure his day better to promote sleep at night. It has worked like a charm with all four of my kids.

This probably won't solve it, but I'd bring him into bed with me, after dream #1. then let him sleep between you where he feels safe for the rest of the night. Either that, or have your hubby join him for security's sake in his twin bed. That way, you will both get more sleep, plus your son will feel safe and child #2 will sleep. You can take turns doing the nightmare rescue routine, and maybe he'll begin to feel safer in his room that way.

Don't know what the cause is, but you can't change his dreams, you can only deal lovingly with his symptoms.

I would recommend Elizabeth Pantley and the No cry Sleep solution there is even a website you could google.

I would also suggest looking at his overall sleep. what time does he wake, and in what mood, does he take a nap, what time is bed time?? Look at the whole picture and maybe tweaking something during the day will help.

Pantley also talks alot about soothing night time routines, no tv in the evening, no horsing around with dad, soothing baths if that works. Maybe a night time snack. At one point i would purposely wake my daughter at 11 pm and take her potty so she wouldn't wake me up at 1 am needing to go. She always fell right back to sleep.

You could try fixing him a bed on the floor in your room for a little while to see if that keeps him from waking you up, H'll know you are right there and not have to wake you up to get to you.

good luck, Sleep deprivation is the absolute worst thing ever!

Please call your doctor on this one. They will probably have you monitor his sleep over a week or more (possibly indefinitely) to kind of track his nightmares. They will, also, give you some advice on things you can do.

Personally, I would look at his daily habits and his sleep habits and see if you can tell by what he is doing if there is any activity or events going on that are making his sleep issues worse. For instance, if he has more nightmares on a night where he watches television right before bed, then I would cut out the television.

Also, try to make sure you are sticking to a consistent bedtime routine. For instance, pee, wash hands and face, and brush teeth at 7:45. Bedtime story at 7:50. Hug and Kiss at 8:00 and tuck in under the blankets after the hug and kiss. The idea is to be consistent so that he knows what is going on each night. A set routine can be soothing for kids.

Also, see if you can find out what is scaring him in his nightmares. It may not be anything going on in his daily life. My middle child, a 4 year old boy, had nightmares for a good while last year about monsters. To help calm his fears we invented coping mechanisms. In the middle of this period, we bought an alarm system for our house (nothing to do with his nightmares) but when he asked what it was I told him it was a monster alarm. We, also, put monster bombs on his window. We put alphabet noodles and splenda packets in a baggie and tied it up and put it on the window sill. I know it sounds silly but we told him that the letters were for knowledge which scares monsters away. The Splenda was because they like sweet things but Splenda is poison to them. It really helped a lot. A couple of friends of mine filled up spray bottles with water and a little bit of their favorite perfume or the perfume they wear all of the time. Then at bedtime, they spray the room with "monster repellent". The kids sleep better and are happier plus they smell moms perfume as they sleep which helps keep them calm because it makes them feel like you are close.

If it is certain fears this type of thing can help immensely because no matter how much we tell them that monsters don't exist, they won't believe us. Their imaginations are just too active.

If he doesn't have a specific fear, try the spray bottle with the perfume and water. Tell him it is good dream spray. When you are doing your bedtime routine and tucking him in, make sure to spray his pillow. The smell of mom in his room and the fact that you are telling him something will help may be enough to cause a psychosematic response in your son and may help curb his nightmares. If it doesn't work, it won't have cost you a lot money. If it does work, you get a good night's sleep.

There is no sleep method that works for everyone. The key is to find one that works for you and be consistent with it.

Anyhow, I hope this helps. I know that nightmares and night terrors can really be hard on the whole family especially the parent up dealing with the effects of one. I hope that you are able to get a good night's sleep soon. Good luck with your little guy and with your pregnancy.