My 3 Year Old Won't Eat - Long Beach,CA

Hello J., My daughter just had a new baby she's 2months old. Her 2 year old daughter also went through something similar. We started to observe her behavior and noticed that she acted out only at certain times usally when a lot or most of the attention was focused on the new baby. I also went through the same thing with my daughter, when I had her baby brother well they are now 22 & 19 years so grandma from my 22 year old. My advice is observe his behavior. You have a fairly new baby in the house. Did he start acting up when she was first brought home? A lot of times kids will act out or do certain things to get attention when there is a new baby in the house, and if maybe other things did not work for the amount of attention he required or felt he needed. He is now trying something new for you to focus on with him. Kids are very smart, they'll start observing you. Has he actually thrown up? Do you notice him eating other snacks or things he really likes. Just observe him, I hope that's the case and it's not something more serious. Just hug him and let him know how much you love him. It's just a phase. All other advice good also.

I too have a picky 3 year old. I give him a little of everything on his plate and let him choose what he wants to eat. When he won't eat his favorite stuff, I don't push it. Most of the time when he doesn't want his favorites, either he isn't hungry, he is tired, or he is sick.

One more bit of advice--the more you push him to eat, the less he will. So, calm down and don't stress about it. The best advice I got was -Kids only has control over 2 things in their lives -what they eat and where they go to the bathroom.

Yes, it's a phase. He's 3 years old, and this age is a hard age.... some think the 2's are tumultuous enough, but actually the 3's are worse. LOL. Your son IS normal. Just don't turn it into a "control" issue with him or give him food hang-ups.

This is a good book From Amazon.com:
"Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy" (Paperback)
by Louise Bates Ames (Author), Frances L. Ilg (Author)

really though, if Doctor isn't worried yet. Then rest assured. My girl did that too, at 3 years old, at 4 years old, at 5 years old, and now she's almost 6 years old. Finicky phases ebbs and flows. It'll pass.

In the meantime, try making good ol' healthy smoothies. Whether with veggies or fruits. A great way to sneak in "protein" and calories and healthily is making a smoothie with: Peanut butter, bananas, and vanilla yogurt, with milk or almond milk as the "liquid" part to add texture to the smoothie. My kids LOVE this when they are going through finicky phases.

Or, try and see if he will "drink" V-8 drinks.

For "protein".. my kids seem to like it when I BBQ meats on the grill for some reason. I marinate the meats in yummy sauces first for a few hours.
Yuo can also BBQ fruit kebobs on the grill too...pineapple, tomatoes, and such. It tastes real good. Even clementine mandarins are very yummy grilled...I simply peel them, leave them whole then put directly on the grill until it sorta browns slightly and carmelizes....it actually gets sweeter when it is grilled.

Or, try giving your child "Pediasure." Lots of Moms do this when their child is picky, or the Doctor's usually recommend it. Also well used, is "Carnation Instant Breakfast" which I've been told lots of Mom's like this as a way to ensure their child is still getting nutrients/calories/rounded intake during times of finicky eating.

Good luck, hope this helps,
Susan

Hi,
You have so much advice and all of it is excellent. I just wanted to add one possibility I didn't see here: two of my kids (especially the youngest) have fought the same issues as your son. In their cases, it is because they have nervous stomachs, so to speak. When they are worried about something they feel nauseous. I, too, remember fighting the "nervous tummy" since preschool, so I imagine it's genetic to some extent. It makes mealtime a matter of choking it down. I have four kids, but only two have this problem.

My youngest is habitually worried about something, but she keeps it inside -- and it makes her tummy just sick enough that she can't manage to eat well. I've noticed an interesting pattern: her tendency is to act MORE carefree and energetic as her worries grow. (Quite the opposite of her other three siblings.) Thus, when she's most worried, she's most active and eating the least -- instant weight loss. I'm working diligently to ease her into habits of open expression and discussion so that she doesn't bottle up her emotions. She's only 5, for Pete's sake! Separation anxiety is often a component of her worries, unfortunately.

Both of my 'worrying' children also suffer from acid reflux, for which they are treated, but the problem really spikes for them when they stress out.

I know it's hard to imagine a little guy stressing out, but what's trivial to us sometimes means the whole wide world to a preschooler -- like if there will be enough purple clay tomorrow. (I kid you not, that was actually one of the 'worries' I had to tackle!) The worst part of emotionally based eating problems is that they just don't show up in lab work.

If you think this might be an issue, try using lots of open-ended, broad questions around the time your son is almost ready to fall asleep -- that's when my little ones finally let down their worries and give me clues as to how I can help them. Sleepiness seems to have a slight truth-serum effect.

Best of luck -- and keep pushing that doctor to get to the bottom of this. You're doing a great job. :-)

You are absolutely correct. Eating issues should NEVER be turned into discipline issues unless you wish to compound the problem a hundred-fold. I have four kids - oldest 26, youngest 9. Kids change. They go through stages, they go through phases. This may be a phase, but if he is losing weight and talking about throwing up, you need to keep letting the doctor know that the problem has not resolved itself. He could have a medical issue, and it is your job to make sure that possibility is not overlooked. Push for blood tests if this continues and you take him to the doctor. If testing rules out any medical issues, just back off your son and do not push the food issue and it shouldn't last too long. But keep on top of the possibility of a medical problem. And be on the lookout for any other physical changes.

I would stay away from punishment and food, time outs for not eating is not a good idea, your sure to develop more eating issues. It's a phase, keep trying new food, they'll eat when they're hungary. If he continues to loose weight check in with your dr. but be careful to not make this a power struggle, he'll win in the end. Just keep on presenting the food. My little girl has been picky since birth, we just keep presenting food and she eats when hungary and can go weeks without eating, but she'll eat when she's ready.

I'm just curious if your son's in preschool. One of my friend's son was a really good eater until one day he came home from Preschool (he was 4years old)and decided that he didn't like a lot of the foods he used to love to eat. Turns out, his other classmates were making comments about his food and how they hate this and that...like veggies etc. Or that they thought his food looks strange. It must've made him feel self-conscious and since then, he said he doesn't like those foods either. Now, he's 7 years old and still a picky eater.

Hello stay at home mom,
Sounds like your little one needs a good cleaning out. How are his daily bowel habits and most of all does he drink sufficient water. You might look for a gentle laxative for kids called 'Castoria'.

I remember when my kids were young and a response like that...poor appetite, always meant their little bodies needed a good cleaning out.

Hope this helped you.
D. C.

If you doctor isn't too concerned than I wouldn't be either. ;)

I've often read that toddlers go through phases like this where they won't eat much, and then next hing you know he'll be eating like a horse!

If he doesn't want his meal, just calmly say "Ok then, that's fine!" and put his plate aside in the fridge. If he tells you later he is hungry - give him the same plate back. If he does the same thing - you do the same thing too. Do this until he finally eats it.

Children will not starve themselves, so don't worry too much and don't let him eat lots of junk food if that's all he wants (some mothers tend to think "well at least he's eating SOMETHING, better than nothing - but this is not true. You still want your child to eat healthy, of course).

Good luck!!

Ps - Here is an interesting link from www.wholesometoddlerfoods.com that talks about picky eaters;
http://www.wholesometoddlerfood.com/pickyeater.htm

As you can see, you can't force a toddler to eat! Stop asking him what he wants and try offering him "snacks". Stop calling it lunch, dinner, etc., and call him for a snack. Try putting a little bit of different things into a muffin tin. My kids loved that! Couple little pieces of apple into one, cheese cubes in another, whole wheat crackers in another, diced chicken, a little spoonful of cottage cheese, etc. Just a little in each one. See if that helps. Also read this book "How to Get Your Child to Eat, But Not Too Much". It's an excellent book, and you'll probably refer to it off and on with each child.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid-Eat/dp/0915950839/...

Okay, so someone else already mentioned it but my Best Friends little boy went through this and it was because the 'older' kids at his Aunt's house didn't like veggies or certain foods. For about three weeks, he refused to eat anything but, cheerios and chocolate milk. Every once in a while he would eat a piece of chicken or fish, but it was like he was sneaking it. While everyone got worried, the doctor reassured he was just going through a phase, and if WE just talked to him about why it was 'gross' (was his word) eventually we'd get to the core of it...and, they did.

She and her sister encouraged the older kids to be more positive about food in front of the younger kids, as they were role models (they loved that at 9 and 11).

My son is 2 now, and we have weekly issues with changing likes and dislikes. If he's not into he won't eat it, and I do what one of the other posters mentioned and continue with dinner, and let him sit if he wants or get down. Eventually he comes back. But, on days when he's really determined not to eat what I cook, I make sure he has his 'chocolate milk' aka Pediasure and he loves the new flavors of Juicy Juice that incorporate veggies, not to keen on the V8 unless Grandpa drinks it too.

All-in-all, I think you're doing what you can. If you are really worried talk to you son's doc for advice. Good luck.

he might be cutting his back teeth, or he might have a case of thrust, or this might be a control issue , and once you responded so he got your attention now he knows how to push buttons if he is starving he will eat, dont react, don't punish, sit some snacks by him when he is playing, watching him so he doesn't choke he will eat. this might be a control issue.

J.,
Its so funny, but when i read your dilemma it sounded like you were talking about my son. Hes 4 and about a month ago for almost 2 weeks he didn't want to eat. But a couple weeks before that he grew about 3 inches and now he is skinny as a rail! Don't force him or be mad at him. He can't help what his body feels. what i did is feed him snacks. like the one lady suggested. A hawaiian bread roll, a motts apple sause cup, a piece of string cheese. Just snacks, and plenty of fluids. This will pass you will see. Good luck with your little man.

Hi J.:
I can understand you being concerned,but your sons behavior is not unusual. They are no different than you and I,when it comes to eating. There are just going to be times, that he isn't hungry. There have been to many times to count,when I'd have a craving for something,pile it up high on a plate, only to take a couple bites,and realize I really wasn't hungry! I'm sure we've all been there. Now,imagine someone attempting to force feed that to you.I'm not saying your force feeding your son,but,to punish him with time outs,and taking away things,for refusing to be hungry when you want him to,is only going to create poor eating habits in the future.As a matter of fact, thats probably why he has continued to lose interest in eating,all week. Meal time, is suppose to be a pleasant time. He should enjoy eating.My advice,would be to stop pushing,stop punishing,and except,that hes an individual,who simply chooses to eat when hes hungry.If he isn't hungry,don't take it so personal. Let him out of his chair. Believe me,he won't let you starve him. I wish you and your growing son the best.

Hi, J.,

A few doctors have said that kids sometimes go through phases, a couple of weeks?, in which they don't feel like eating and that's OK. As my dad says, "They'll eat when they're hungry." I wouldn't force your son or worry about it.

Good luck,
Lynne E

Hi J.... I would stay away from any type of punishment. It may backfire in the long run. I know how frustrating it can be when a picky eater doesn't eat. My son is 3 1/2 and has gone through the same thing. He is a little guy so when he misses a meal I completely panic. My doctor said the same thing, "don't worry when he is hungry, he will eat" and HE DID!! And... he will make up for lost time so hang in there... this phase will come to an end!!

My 3 year old starts doing the something similar. He looks at the food, declares it to be "yucky", refuses to eat and leaves the table. We just ignore this behavior and go on with dinner as a family (we have 4 boys). Since I know nothing is wrong with him I figure he'll be back when he's hungry. And sure enough... he does.

So if you know nothing's going on health wise, just ignore it. Don't punish him, he'll only get the attention he wants, since at that age they don't care whether they get positive or negative attention as long as somebody reacts to what they're doing.

Hi,
My son was always a very good eater and then started getting "picky" at 3. I'd seen children get picky at this age, so I didn't worry too much, but then he started saying he had a stomach ache after eating. When he started to eat very little of even his favorite foods I got concerned. It turns out he had pin worms. Something I had no experience with, but apparently its common. Because he tends to put his fingers in his mouth, he's gotten them a few times over the years, despite the usual instructions to wash his hands before eating (now I know why - I always just thought it was about dirt!) and keeping his fingers out of his mouth. Kids can pick up pin worms from anywhere - preschool, playground, etc. The eggs are microscopic and if you get one on your hand and then the hand goes in the mouth - there you go. It's easy to test for and just takes a pill to eliminate them. You also must wash all bedding and vacuum well. Keeping your fingers out of your mouth will break the cycle. Although highly transferrable, the rest of our family didn't seem to have a problem - I think being aware of washing hands/keeping them out of your mouth is extremely effective. For us, an upset stomach/off eating was the telling sign that he might have picked up worms - again! It's gross, so I think a lots of people don't talk about it. But it has nothing to do with being "dirty" people or anything like that. It's very, very common according to my Doctor.