My 3-Yr-old Is Making a Habit of Crawling into Our Bed "For Just a Minute"...

Hi Christine
My daughter will come into my bed and cuddle. when she wakes me up I say you can cuddle for 5 minutes. I let her cuddle then tell her it is time to go back to her own bed. she will with no problem. So if you like her to cuddle maybe that will work for you. Good Luck :)T.

Do what you think is best. Don't listen to your mom or your sister or anyone who is telling you what you need to do (or what you shouldn't have done to begin with.)

If you love the time your 3 year old spends with you in bed, then enjoy it while it lasts. Because it won't. She will outgrow it and then you won't get those nice cuddly nights anymore.

If you need the sleep and she's disrupting it, you need to have a talk with her. Get down at her level and tell her that she needs to stay in her bed now because she's a big girl. Tell her that if she comes in to sleep with you, she will need to sleep on the floor. (You can even make a little bed on the floor for her.) Let her know if she stays in her room for a whole week, she will earn a reward. If none of this works, you may need to resort to "putting your foot down" like your mom says.

No matter what, do what feels right in your heart for you and your daughter. I would be a little careful about using babygates. My 2.5 year old has no problem climbing over them but depending on your daughter, it may work for you.

Good luck. Before you know it, you're going to have a teenage girl who spends all her time in her room. :-)

your daughter is likely feeling insecure because another baby is coming. also, at three the "spooks" can start. your daughters imagination is expanding and suddenly the boogy man seems very real. she may be needing a little extra attention to reassure her that another baby will ok. It's annoying, but try taking her back to her room and crawling in with her for a bit instead. That way mom is near to chase away the boogy man, and she gets used to being in her own bed again.

mother of six, preschool teacher

When I was expecting #2, I would read books, sing songs, etc with my then 2-year old. However, I would fall asleep while reading a book so then he expected me to stay there. Once the baby arrived and I was nursing, the days became unbearable. We put a sleeping bag and pillow next to the bed and let him come and sleep there. He rested easier being near Mom and Dad and I got some sleep too. Just be sure to look before getting out of bed! I did not step on him,thankfully. We now are having a two year old climb in bed with us. We will be pulling out the sleeping bag out soon!

Hi C.,
You sound like a great mom!
Here's my experience and opinion...
I had the same dilemna with both our son and daughter... I asked our ped., and she stated that each child is so different and have different needs. She has four boys, two of them crawled into bed with her every night, and the other two rarely crawled into bed with her. They all have different needs. She said that when a child crawls into bed with the parent, it's usually because they are needing love and security. Sometimes they need more attention during the day as well. She said it's all for a season, and to seek out what each individual really needs. No worries, because that time does come to an end.
Our son still crawls into bed with us towards the end of the night, and our daughter crawls into bed with us when she wakes up in the morning. They need their cuddles and snuggles and then they're much better during the day.

Hope this helps. Enjoy your babies! :)

Blessings,
G. H

Once the baby comes she will probably get more used to crawling in on dad's side of the bed where there is more room.

People who don't like snuggling with kids in bed just don't get how much those of us who do are getting from the experience (and our kids as well). C., there are two different kinds of people out there: snugglers and sleep-aloner's. Don't let the sleep-aloner's make you feel badly about being who you are.

This is NOT an intellectual discussion, it is one of the heart, the body and the soul. Children who have snuggly parents are lucky! My kids (13 and 20) are both loving and secure, they never fight and they are affectionate with their friends. I like to think that snuggling in bed helped to make them this way.

Idea: look around you at parents who are snugglers and those who are sleep-aloner's. Look at their children. Do you see a difference?

You have to be sturn and put her back in her bed. The same thing happened to me when my daughter was 3, she would then sleep next to my bed because she didnt want to go back in hers. But I continued working on it and she eventually stayed in her bed. It's sooo much nicer this way. Good luck!!!!

Personally, I would not want the nighttime interruption. When the baby comes, you are going to have your hands full. (BTW--You don't mention what your partner thinks of it all.....)

I would put an end to this now. If you do it later in the year, she might associate it with the new baby. Let her "break down" when you bring her back to bed. She will do that for a few nights and then get over it.

If you and your husband do not have a problem with it, then leave it be. I would absolutely make the "advice" from mom stop. It isn't anyone else's business, but they only know when we complain. If you decide that you are fine with her coming in, then if mom asks how things are going just say "We got the situation resolved satisfactorily, thanks!"

If it is a problem for you guys, then just do not allow the cuddle time to take place in your bed, go to hers.

I have had two kids in my bed several times. I always sleep with my nursing babies, and sometimes the toddlers are not ready to be on their own every night. They DO grow out of it. From my 4 year old to my 18 year old, none of them are in my bed, just my 17month old.

You just need to do what you and your husband are comfortable with and refuse to allow family and friends to insert their opinions into your bedroom.

Read Dr. Sears for some back up. He has a great study he did on his own wife and children. Sleeping with mom actually regulates a child's breathing and may, in fact, prevent SIDS. Many, many more children die in their cribs than in their parent's bed, making the safer alternative in my opinion.

My daughter used to sleep with us, but was wild in her sleep. When she turned three we had another child and she just needed her bed. It was so hard! The second time around my son started doing the same thing as your daughter and it got more frequent. I know I didn't want the same issue, so I started walking him back to his bed and tucking him in again. Soemtimes it took a couple of times, but eventually he didn't even find me since he knew I would just put him back in his bed. He does still come in the room during storms and I now just fix him a little bed on the floor next to my bed. He feels secure, but not comfortable enough to make it a habit.

You'll be awake at that time of night anyhow when #3 gets here so why not just enjoy the closeness with your 3 year-old while you can? No need to make your bed off limits to the big sister just because baby came along. She is going to feel less rejected by you when #3 comes along if you let her into your bed when she needs you. I think a big part of 3 year-olds is still 'baby' and they need a little babying from time to time. You are doing a good job. Big deal if she likes to cuddle with mommy in the middle of the dark, dark, night. It is not a sin to let your 3 year-old crawl into bed with you. There are worse habits to fall into, like eating meals in front of the tv or swearing or nose-picking. If you give into it now you don't have to give into it later. She will be a big kid in only a little while and eventually won't want to crawl into bed with you at night. Enjoy it while it lasts! I wish I had a few nights like that but my 3 & 6 year old sleep like hibernating bears!!

Our kids did this. We did not fight it, but could not sleep with them in our bed as they wiggle too much. We would grab a pillow and blanet and set it up on the floor right next to us and let them lay down there next to our bed. They stopped even waking us up. They will sometimes just show up there lay down and go back to sleep. And pretty much have gotten out of the habit of coming up there much at all anymore.

Hi C.,
I can feel your "pain"! We have 4 1/2 year old twins who did the same thing your daughter is doing. After about a year and trying just about everything to stop it, we decided to put a baby gate in front of our door at night. This will allow them to still get to the bathroom and we can hear them if they really need us. It has been amazing what better sleep my husband and I have gotten!

Good luck!
L.

I don't have a lot of words of advice, but definitely sympathy! We've been dealing with the same issue for the past 6 months with my 3 year old. What has started to work in the last couple weeks is a sticker chart. She's still in a toddler bed and I found a cute train sticker chart with 24 track spots to fill. She gets a sticker each morning she's stayed in bed, and she gets a new "big girl" bed at the end. That should be next weekend, and we'll probably continue with a special activity at the end of another sticker chart if it seems like she falls back into the getting out of bed habit. We really clap and make a big deal of the stickers in the morning, she gets to pick which one she wants off from 4 or 5 sheets that are just hers for this purpose, and we tell her how proud we are of her that she's stayed in her bed. I wish you luck!

When my daughter was small and would wake up during the night, I would go back to her room with her and lay with her in her bed until she went back to sleep. My son's always stayed in their beds and never woke up much, but when they did, I would go into their rooms and deal with the reason they woke up, a drink or a nightmare, give them a kiss and they were good about going back to sleep on their own. It was always understood that we have our bed and the kids have their beds, it wasn't ever a issue on sleeping with us. Co sleeping is a nice concept but you sooner or later have to change the rules and you do this at your convenice not the childs. That has to feel like a let down to be allowed to crawl in bed with mom and dad for as long as the they can remember, then to all the sudden be told "no you can't do that, you have to sleep by yourself" It is losing something they concider a security. If you wait until the new baby is born you could cause resentment towards the baby, the cause of her security being taken away.

Maybe you can tell her that there isn't room since she has gotten to be such a big girl and lead her back to bed, don't just send her. Lay with her on her bed and rub her back, it always relaxes them enough to put them back to sleep. Always put it in a possitive way, how big she is now and she has her own special bed. It might take time but I am sure she will soon be sleeping through the night for you in her own bed.

Also I disagree with the sleep aloners vs snugglers comment. My kids always slept alone and we snuggled plenty during the day, reading, watching shows on tv and such. My oldest isn't much of a snuggler now at 26 but my 25 year old and 20 year old still love to be hugged and snuggled with.

We have always made our sleep decisions with this criteria: how are the most people going to get the most sleep, and what do we think is ok. I personally don't think that sleeping with kids is overindulging them. I don't like sleeping alone either. As far as advice goes, would you let the 3 year old get into bed with the 1 1/2 year old instead of you? Then s/he wouldn't be alone, but wouldn't be in the habit of sleeping with you when your baby comes.

We are having a very similar problem with our almost 3 year old. I think the child is trying to stay close to you even when you are trying to make room for the new baby.

If it only lasts an hour or so, try to enjoy it. She just need the extra assurance that she is loved. The new baby will probably affect her enough to have her stay away at night- after all nobody likes to be spit up on.

During the day take an 1/2 hour out and spend it as special time with her. If she gets her cuddling and attention time then, she may not need it at night.

Our 2 and a half year old-exactly the same story. i notice she is like a little popsicle when she crawls into bed with us. so, when i try and tuck in blankets, etc. to ensure she stays warm, she often doesn't come in. i'm with you, i just don't have the heart ( or energy) to make her go back, especially when i can warm up those little piggies and fingers in our cozy bed. we also have a 3 mo. old that we co-sleep with, so 4 is a crowd in even a king size bed. just follow your heart. there are no hard fast rules, just what feels right to you. peace, A.

My son started doing this when he was 2 1/2. after a couple of months of trying to get him to back to his room, we tried putting his bed in the room with his 2 brothers. That night he slept all night in his own bed and has ever since!(all 3 of them still share a room-they love it!) He was just lonely all by himself. If your daughter is in her own room, maybe try putting her in a room with the 18 month old so she's not alone? It worked for us!

We just went through this with our soon to be 4 year old. We made a sticker chart and for every 7 stickers she got a small "prize" and when she got to her last sticker (I made it for 3 weeks), she got a movie that she wanted. It worked- we are almost to the movie and she hasn't come into our bed for a couple of weeks, just an occasional "mom can you lay in my bedroom for awhile." Good luck!