My 3 1/3 Year Old Won't Sleep on Her Own Bed

These phases come and go as the child may feel a little needier and then feel a little more independent. I have tried (with a lot of success) to give my almost 4-year old a "Sleep With Me" account. I'll tell her she can only have 2-3 nights of sleeping with Mommy, so spend them wisely for the week. After she uses up her "account" I remind her that she spent her nights already, but she'll get more nights when the new week starts. It does'nt work ALL of the time, but she does spend more nights in bed and soon enough, the phase passes.

I am a believer of tough love.

I am the parent and adult, therefore, my rules are the ones my son is expected to live by. If the rule is he sleeps in his own bed, then he sleeps in his own bed. The ONLY exceptions I make is if he is very sick, or if there is a thunderstorm (he is terrified of them).

My son also tried to avoid sleeping in his own bed when he was around 3. We went through the bedtime routine (bath, book, tucking him in), and then I turned off the light and left the room. I had a tall baby gate in the doorway so he could not leave the room and didn't keep many toys in his room. I simply left. He cried, he screamed, he yelled. I ignored him, and eventually he would tire himself out and go to bed. After the third night, he went to bed without the temper tantrums and after a week, I was able to take the gate down. He now happily goes to bed in his own bed every night and rarely gives me any grief over bedtime.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do... bedtime issues are tough!

Maybe you need to figure out why she suddenly feels this way. Have you asked her? Did something scare her? You could talk it out with her if you knew what it was. This seems to work really well with my daughter who is just under 3. She understands logic if you present it in an understanding loving way. Maybe your daughter is having nightmares and you could talk about it. If she's sleeping in your room she obvioulsy feels she needs you more right now. My daughter also responds very well to "We are going to start doing this because this is what big kids do". Big kids also go to school and other things she's excited to do so it's a motivator when put in those terms.

Good luck to all of you!

Sleep better soon,
L.

C., It's called who can survive the longest. Do you ever watch the Super Nanny on t.v.? You are the parent, put your foot down, she won't hate you. She'll be mad for awhile but she won't hate you. Put her in her bed and tell her to stay. You might have to do this several several times but she will get tired and stay there at some point. Don't give up and keep putting her back. Once she does it through the night have a big pancake breakfast and a lot of praise for her. The next night it might start all over again but you have to be continual or a child just thinks they can wait you out. Believe me, at 6,7,8, they will try you even more just to see how long you can last, nip it in the bum right now. Good Luck, by the way, I am speaking from experience.

Christina:

As someone else said.. there is a reason.. instread of fighting... win the war not thebattle/ let her sleep nes/with you.. you will all sleep better and when she is feeling more secure she will return to her bed.

P., RLC< IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc
800 LACTATE

If you let her sleep with you, you all will be more rested. You can put her near to you, but not in your bed, if this is what you want. We co-sleep in the same bed and we love it. Check out books by Dr. William Sears for various forms of co-sleeping and tips for better sleep. At 3 1/2 yrs., she wouldn't want to be without you at night.
Amy

I had a similar situation with my son, who was challenging in every way imaginable. When he was 3 years old, I started us both in a program called Tuesdays Child:

www.tuesdayschildchicago.org

A plan was recommended by my mentor and I stuck to it and it worked within 4 nights. It's not an easy couple of nights but in the end it is SO worth it. When you decide to start and I would start tonight if possible, you go through your bedtime routine and kiss her goodnight, I added, I'll see you in the morning, goodnight. My son would actually get up out of bed and I was told to lead him back to bed, (say nothing) and walk out of his room. I was told to make note of how many times I led him back to bed. Although, I was not supposed to say anything, after my son got up for the 20th time or so, I did say, it is time for bed, I will talk with you again in the morning. That first night, I admit, I did not think it was going to work, my son got up 34 times and I was starting to think letting him fall asleep in front of the TV was not such a bad idea, (that's what I had been doing). Anyway, after 34 times he finally stayed in bed. The second night he only got up 8 times, the third night 3 times and after that, he never got up again! This whole process may sound extreme, but it worked and in my opinion, it worked relatively quickly!

Sincerely,

J. Penfield
Stayin Home and Lovin It!
www.juliepenfield.com
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Hi, i just got my 3.5 year old in her own bed after about 6 months of struggling. I would to a bedtime routine and then tell her she had to sleep in her bed for 5 minutes and then she could come to my room. I gradually increased the amount of time. I also drew a smiley face on the calendar for Monday and told her that on Monday she would have to sleep in her own bed because she is a big girl. We started talking about on Friday and by the time it happened on Monday she was fine. We had one rough noght when she wanted to be back in our bed and after making sure she wasn't sick or scared she went back to her bed with a sippy cup of water. We took 6 months to get firm about it, but once we did it was better within a week. Good luck!

Hi C.,

Have you thought that it may be something with the bed? IS she completely potty trained? Maybe she had a little accident and the bed has a slight smell to it. It may not be noticeable unless you are laying right on it. She may not realize that is the problem. Try refreshing the mattress with Febreze(we buy it by the gallon,it seems!) Also was the dog in there? Maybe try flipping the mattress also. Good Luck!