My 12 Y/o Daughter Pulls Her Eyelashes Out

I would suggest Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) http://www.emofree.com
for this. It is a free manual you can download, completely non-invasive meridian therapy that you can learn easy. You can call me if you need help, see my profile.

The body knows that touching near the eyes will help relieve stress. Redirect her to the appropriate points to tap instead of pulling.

Love, L.

I started doing this when I was 12 too. I dont know why either. Stress of some sort maybe.
But if you dont get this under control, she wont ever stop. She needs professional help. I did not pull out my eyelashes though, I pulled out my head hair.

In the mean time find something for her hands to do. Crochet, beadwork, something anything!!!

Good Luck

My daughter did the same thing when she was 12 and also pulled out her eyebrows. We don't really know why but do suspect stress. I used an eyebrow pencil to draw brows in and put eyeliner on to disguise it but she didn't stop until some kids at school thought she was undergoing chemo treatments for cancer. The "phase" lasted about 6 months and she is now 18 and it hasn't happened again. Wish I had more advice we just stayed very supportive and tried to disguise it as much as possible and she grew out of it. Good Luck!
A. G

Hi R.,

It's true that anxiety triggers trichotillomania, and usually the treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), as few as even 10 sessions. Find out if insurance will cover your daughter seeing a psychologist, interview them and ask specifically if they do CBT or have done exposure therapy for trichotillomania (expose your daughter to what makes her anxious and prevent her from pulling her eyelashes - she learns to "sit" with and deal with the anxiety in a way that is healthier than eyelash pulling). It's great you have caught it so soon - and are so supportive. Look forward to hearing the update.

Hi R.,
I know of a great program that deals specifically with this issue. The person who has really good info is Abby Leora Rohrer, Please check this website out at: Pullfreeatlast or email her at: ____@____.com, I cant find her direct phone number but she lives in Boulder Colorada and has been recovered from hair pulling since 1994.

Hi Rieta,
Before you start ANY therapy or treatment, PLEASE contact Trich.org Besides the website, they are located in Santa Cruz. They are sooo helpful. Trich is actually more common than you think. I highly reccomend their documentary on trich, featuring several kids with it that made me understand my own son better. You are right, they really cannot stop. Trich.org will hopefully be able to help you find a good CBT in your area.
We are lucky to live in the area that has the world experts on this. So many therapists do not know how to treat trich properly. Some will reccomend medication which has been shown not to help at all in children with trich. Also, reminding her not to do it actually makes it worse. I know it's hard, it was difficult for me to keep my mouth shut about it. Just try not to mention it to her for now.
I know there is at least one CBT in Livermore that is good for treating kids with this, but most CBT who treat trich will not take children. I really like Angela's response. She's right on. Good luck.

Dear R.,
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I was afflicted with this in 4-6th grade, and it was a complete compulsion that I could not stop. I pulled out the hair on my head, and would have bald spots, and it was such a horrible time in my life. I stopped because my grandparents bribed me with a cruise, which I really wanted to go on. So it might help to find out something that she really wants (concert, dance lessons, etc.) and make it a reward for stopping. Also, find something that keeps her hands busy, like knitting or stress balls.

One thing that you might want to consider is that there could be an underlying reason that this behavior has surfaced. Mine was a direct result of being molested by a family member for several years, so there might be something going on that her subconscious is trying to let you know about.

I hope it will be some comfort to you to know that I did stop and I am now a happy, healthy, well adjusted adult. I wish you the best of luck dealing with this, and please give your daughter a big hug for me.

V.

Hi, R.;
I don't think you are doing anything wrong, and I don't think there is a huge problem with your daughter, either. I used to do the same thing at her age. It does feel itchy, and weird when new growth comes in, and if there is a lash that is growing in a different direction. I recommend 2 things. Have her use a tiny bit of Johnson's baby shampoo on a Q-tip at shower time (or whenever) to gently "scrub" the eyelash area. This "scratches the itch" without pulling out lashes. Also it cleans it so it is less likely to get infected, causing it to grow in weird. Second, she is getting bothered by how it feels, so try to help her concentrate on something else. Boredom or inactivity should be avoided. What is her passion? Mine is doing artwork. Help her discover what she loves and encourage her to do it. For me, I gained self-control after a few years. I know it's hard to see her do it, but both of you should think on what is going well. That helps both of you change your focus. J.

I also have trich. I'm 34 and mine started at 11. It's a medical condition your daughter will live with every day of her life. There is no cure or way to fix her. My parents tried everything from shame to punishment to positive reinforcement. None of it works because it's a medical condition, just like diabetes is. There are some doctors in the bay area who treat trich patients. The Trichotillomania Learning Center will be able to supply you with a list of doctors in your area. I am also willing to meet you and your daughter in person if you would like to ask me more questions. Personally, I had never even met another person with trich until I was in my late 20s because we all live in such isolation. I do have a normal life... I've been a teacher for the last 12 years, have a husband, and two beautiful small boys.
http://www.trich.org

Have you spoken with her pediatrician? Maybe the doctor can recommend a child therapist. It sounds like you are correct about her having anxiety and maybe seeking some professional advice would help. Good luck and God Bless.

I started doing the same thing, at about the same age. I probably had some stress issues, but I mostly remember that my eyes itched & it felt good to pull out my lashes. I never pulled out more than a couple at a time. Anyway, later in life (late 20's - early 30's) I was finally tested for allergies & found that I have a couple that are year-round (dust/dust mites), so there's not really a "season" where you notice the itching/burning eyes being worse. Once I started getting allergy shots, I noticed that my eyes didn't itch/burn nearly as much, (though I still notice I don't have much tolerance for wearing mascara) & I don't feel the urge to rub them or pull on my lashes nearly as often. You may want to have her tested for allergies, just to see if that may be the cause or at least a contributing factor. If there is a stress-related issue, it may be easier to focus on that, without the added stimulus of her eyes itching.

Good luck! :) -S. M.

This sounds bit like turetts syndrome, which is often caused by chemical imbalance. We have seen severe turetts greatly abated by balanced nutrition. If you want to talk about this please call A. at ###-###-####.

Oooh boy, I'm sorry about that. It is SO hard to stop obsessive-compulsive habits (I've had a few of my own over my life so I know the feeling). One thing I've heard is that you can't just stop the habit, you need to REPLACE it with something else. You need to do anything you can to help her stop this because her eyelashes will not regenerate forever. I would take her to a specialist - after 6 months this habit is getting pretty deeply entrenched in her brain.

p.s. - This does not mean there is anything "wrong" with her -- most people have some sort of little compulsive habit, some are just more noticeable or damaging than others. I see a lot of people chewing the inside of their mouths, for example, a habit I'm personally trying to stop right now - the inside of my mouth hurts a lot I do it so much. But she really doesn't want bald eyes.

My 6 1/2 yr old daughter began doing the same thing about 3 months ago. I don't know what has triggered it. She has been at the same school for 3 years now and is doing really well. Nothing else has changed in our daily lives so I don't know what it could be. My daughter also states that her lashes make her eyes itch. My mom suggested that I put vasaline on her eyes at night time so that she cannot pull them out. So far the vasaline has been working at night time but during the day I still find her trying to pull them out.

From what I know, this behavior is driven by some sort of issue. It doesn't hurt to get it checked out to be sure there are no physical issues like blepharitis, nits (lice), etc. though. If all is clear, you might want to see what is bothering her and address that problem. Best of luck with helping her.

One of my college roommates did something similar. Turns out she has mild OCD. I'm not saying that's what's going on with your daughter but you should probably talk to a doctor about this.

Hopefully it's just stress and will pass once she adjusts.

Good luck.

Trichotillamania is an impulse control disorder brought on by anxiety. I’ve done a little homework on the subject because my daughter is trichotillamanic; she pulls out her eyebrows. When I found out, I thought it was just another phase--a growing pain. What worried me was the denial, and the shame I could see in her eyes. She is 12 years old and pulls her eyebrows out; sometimes without even realizing it! It seems to be school that triggers it. She can stop for a few days, but then she’s at it again. I was afraid it would lead to even more destructive behavior. Many don’t even get diagnosed because they don’t think they have a problem. We had talked about it, and I eventually got the feeling that she desperately wanted to stop this behavior, but couldn’t. So I made an appointment for her to discuss her anxieties with a professional. Someone confidential. We haven’t gone yet, but as our appointment looms nearer, we both become more hopeful that her issues can be worked out.

Aside from that, there are several websites that you can visit that will sell you programs that promise to help you if you purchase them. One is www.stoppulling.com. There is also www.Trichtreatment.com . It has been said that these treatments are most effective when used in conjunction with behavioral therapy.

Good luck to you...

One who cares

Does your daughter wear mascara? When I used to wear waterproof mascara, I used to pull at my eyelashes and they would come out - but not to the extent that your daughter does. If she does, try switching to a NON waterproof mascara.

Also, when I have a lot on my mind I pick at my lips incessantly. It has taken years to train myself to stop. However, when I notice that I am doing it - I get up, move to a different room and get my hands busy.

Maybe ask her to come to you RIGHT when she starts to pick at them - and have her help with dinner, or cut apples for a snack or tidy up a room or groom an animal(anything to busy her little hands).

Hope that helps.

Hi R.,
I know what you and your daughter are going through. My son also went throught the same issue. He was diagnoised as having tricholtillamania also along with anxieties and OCD's. We saw many doctors, counselors, and other specialist. We found that when ever his anxiety level started to increase he would start pulling his eye lashes as a way of easing his own anxiety. He told me it felt good between his finger after pulling them off. We went through 2 years of this and started on meds, which i never like at all to begin with. I had to let that feeling go and trust my doc's. My son is 18 now and hasn't had the urge to tug on the eyelashes for about 6 years now, and he's doing so well with his life on his own. I'm very proud of him. I hope this helps you decide what actions to take. The best of luck to you and your family. Remember...be patient and understanding. This may take a while.

There is a local organization (Santa Cruz) that offers info and support - check them out at http://www.trich.org/index.asp
Best of luck, hang in there. --S.

Consider trying EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It can work wonders with this type of issue. Google it for more info, you can easily learn the technique yourself or you can contact me & I can refer you to a therapist (MFT) who does EFT in Santa Rosa. He has had success with complusions, phobias, etc. It really works!

HI R.,
I can offer hypnosis for your daughter to treach her, that she has choices about pulling her eyelashes or not pulling her eyelashes out.
Contact me, ____@____.com or by phone ###-###-####, ###-###-####. Please leave a message with your name and contact information and I will get back to you.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
S. Greenhalgh

Hello, R.
I often come in contact with young men and women in the line of work that I do. My suggestion is that you connnect her with a therapist. This behavior may be anxiety, and there are a lot of pressures in middle school that can contribute as well. We can have the closest relationship with our children, but they still won't share everything with us.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Kim B. (____@____.com)

Hi R. -

This type of behavior is rarely 'just because' and is usually symptomatic of an underlying issue and/or part of larger disorder - and I'm sure you've already heard that. Usually there is depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive isses as well.

First off, find a very, very, very good therapist to treat your daughter. If you need help locating one, please let me know. If you are in the Bay Area, I have an EXCELLENT therapist who only works with teenaged girls -- many of her clients are 'cutters' and she has great success with them.

Second, consider meds. Again, you need to find a very good psychiatrist to deal with this -- and only after she has been seen by a good therapist who can accurately identify the underlying issues (anxiety and/or depression, etc.). Once you have a handle on issues, you can treat them with psychopharms.

In the meantime, the most important thing to do is LOVE HER. Try not to get angry with her, show disappointment or frustration -- she will feel that and it will only make her more anxious and more likely to continue the behavior.

Remember, as 'dysfunctional' as this behavior is, it is her way of COPING with stress -- it is the 'best thing' she can do to take care of herself. The best way to help her is to help her find an alternative way of 'taking care of herself' when she is stressed.

If you have questions, just contact me. HUGS!!

J.

Hi,

My neice had/has this problem. It started about 18 years ago right after my father died. It is indeed a condition that really does need therapy and counseling. I strongly urge you to take her to see some good counselors - they can give her tools to help her. It is basically obsessive compulsive behavior.. they do not know they are doing it.

There is a website with advice and support for the individual and the parents. Please do not scold her for this as it compounds the stressful situation. Maybe try to latch onto some sort of security item. www.trich.org is the website.

My sister-in-law lived thru this. There is a conference on April 24th in Chicago.... as well as in Long Beach. She says that there is alot more information on the website now than when she was going thru it.... Basically go to the website.

Please let me know how it is going for you.

C. H.
Independent Mary Kay Beauty Consultant
Mother of a 15 yr old son and 11 yr old daughter.

Hi R.,

I agree with the folks that suggest that you contact trich.org in Santa Cruz. They have a wealth of information for parents and children. CBT and Habit Reversal seem to work the best for treating Trich. Eyelash pulling is more common than most people realize. Often the pulling doesn't progress beyond that. The best thing a parent can do is to be a calm, loving, accepting presence in your child's life and NOT punish or micromanage your child's pulling! It also helps to keep in mind that even though your daughter pulls her eyelashes - she's more than that.

Work on your anxiety and your fears.

If your daughter is willing, she could keep a journal of what she is doing when she pulls, and what she is thinking and feeling before she pulls. Then she will have an idea about what her triggers for pulling maybe. She could occupy her hands with other things such as stretchy finger toys, rubber bands or gloves. When she is in situations or experiencing feelings that trigger her pulling.

I have a 15 y.o old son who developed Trich when he was 8. One of the best things we did was go to the Trich family retreat held annually. That retreat helped us to understand our son in a new way and helped us to be calmer and more accepting of his struggle.

A Little About Me

I'm 49 years old. I have a 15 year old son and a 12 year old son. I have been married for 20 years and I work as a Marriage and Family therapist. Visit my page at http://www.attachmenttherapygroup.com to read more.

R.,
I use to do this when I was young, about your daughters age I believe. I am now 42, so there was no diagnosis for it.
I started doing it because one eye lash had become irritated and I went on a mission to find it and pull it out, this I did every night in bed because it seemed as though another would feel the same, hence giving birth to a habit. Like you said, kinda like nail biting.
Starting her new school may have triggered it, as I was a nervous child and this outlet seemed to be my comfort.
I stopped when someone finally made mention of it and I realized I looked very silly.
I doubt she is having any issues that need Therapy or anything of the sort.Just remind her that she wont have any eyelashes to put mascara on if she doesn't let them grow now.
Keep up the good work Mom!

Your medical insurance should cover some sort of mental health. If not, I would seriously complain because such things can cause some serious issues.

Mayhaps do not use the term CBT, the people helping you may not even know what that is (yes, they really are that ignorant sometimes). Just ask about mental health.

Hi R.,

I can identify with your daughter as I used to do the same as a young girl. As soon as they came in I pulled them out. I watched my teacher pull her eye lashes out one day and I picked up the habit. When I was nervous I would pull them. Is she sleeping well at night? Is she stressed a lot? I find myself occasionally playing with my eyelashes and that was 35 years ago when I used to pull them out. I had sleep challenges as a young girl with poor eating habits. I live in a wellness home today and it makes a difference in how I feel.

If you would like to help her with the itching I found that the colidal silver on a Q-tip and run it across her eyelashes will aliminate dust mites and itching.

Hope this helps.

If you want to learn about a wellness home go to www.nikken.com/ninamarie

My first thought when I read this was similar to what Valarie told you. There may be a sad secret that is causing your daughters anxiety.

I do not know anything about CBT, but my eyelashes itch because of allergies. I use Visine AC. I close my eye and put drops directly on my lash line. to relieve the itch( if I have rubbed my eyes too much the AC does burn alittle) Maybe this will help her with the icth part at least