My 10 Month Old Is Already Throwing Fits!

Hi L.:
Your daughter is acting normal for her age.Better yet,shes acting normal,for any age.We all have our moments.Even as adults,we get frustrated,or angry. Don't deprive her of feelings,that come natural.She shouldn't be punished,because she is trying to communicate with you.Your daughter is using the only way she can right now to let you know how she feels. If she was able to talk,she would tell you.But until then,her only option of displaying her feelings is to cry or laugh or throw a fit when she feels something is unfair to her. (Like taking away the paper)You did the right thing,by distracting her.Don't make a big deal out of it.You could even make it funny and light,by giggling,and saying "Yucky" "paper tastes yucky" and then give her something that's ok to put in her mouth.Toddlers this age,put a lot in their mouths,because most are teething and it helps soothe.I would never use a child's bed for punishment or time outs.They will begin thinking of it as a bad place,and bed-times will be harder for you both,because she won't know if your putting her there because its bed-time or because shes been bad.At 10 months old, Shes to young to understand the concept of time outs or punishments.She only feels picked on,and deprived of her feelings. You'll be spinning your wheels.Be patient,continue to use distraction,try to teach her a few signs or small words,as the sooner shes able to communicate,the less frustrated she will get.Realize that while shes still very young,she experiences feelings, Just like you and I.She wants to express some of those, and she needs to feel free to do so.she just isn't able to yet.Telling her you understand how she feels,will go a long way in helping her.I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.J. M

L.,

This is totally normal...it usually starts happening when infants become toddlers. Their environment open up and there is so much to see and do, that they don't know how to temper the emotions and their reactions are no predefined for them. For example, your little girl has no idea WHY she shouldn't eat the paper. It was fun and silly and made sense to her, and you took it away.

Redirection isn't about 'tricking' kids, it's about giving them an option to what they were doing that wasn't okay. For example, if my son throws a toy, I take the toy and explain to him that it was not okay to 'throw the block' but, we can use it to make things...and we go from there. Talking and explaination goes along way with infants/toddlers and helps them develop verbally and emotionally. My son now at almost 3 has not had an actualy 'tantrum' since he was 2. He gets upset and shows his emotions, but we have worked together to ID his feelings and prevent tantrums from happening. Not to say he's perfect, because no one is, but it's a process and takes communication and hardwork.

When it comes to eating stuff she shouldn't this is the perfect age to start using words like 'dangerous' or 'bad' or 'yucky' to describe this stuff. With my kiddo we use the words dangerous for things that he shouldn't eat or touch, and he's great about being careful in places like the kitchen or the street. Make sure you use body language to make your point visual. Just saying 'no' means nothing to a child of any age, they require validation of the issue at hand. Even if she can't 'reason' through thoughts, you can help her learn how to and move toward that thought process.

At this age, I did a lot of explaining things around the house. 'This is the fireplace, we make fires in it and it's not safe to play past the end of the rug' and then showing him we could play on the rug but not past the line. It took a few times but he now knows, he cannot go near that area.

Just remember that our voice and feelings reveal a lot about US to our kids. Use a soft and gentle tone if she's making a huge fuss, so she has to stop to hear you. I tell my son that Mommy can't help him if I can't hear his words, and I use a whisper. Or if he was pouting, I would tell him 'when you're ready to help Mommy, help you then I'm here' and I'd go about my business. Often as they get older it's better to let them get through the fit and then explain why it was not okay. From a young age, I would tell my son 'it looks like you're mad at Mommy' or 'I understand what I did frustrated you, but it wasn't safe'.

I think sticking her someplace while she weathers the storm might be alright to keep her safe from herself or others, as long as you explain why she can't have a fit and express herself once she's calm. I agree with Julia, and would say try not to stifle the emotion or the tantrums will never end. Just be patient and loving and guide her away from this behavior and it will be fine. Remember she needs your help to learn how to behave and how to channel her feelings away from unacceptable actions.

Good Luck!

Totally normal at this age!! They are finally old enough to understand (to some extent) was is going on around them, yet not old enough to communicate anything yet. The number one important thing is to not "add fuel to the fire" by getting upset yourself when she throws these little "fits". Just act like it's normal for her to do this - because it is! Just tell her " I know you're mad, but mommy took this away from you for your own good, becuase eating it could make you sick" (or whatever applies to the situation). Trying distraction/replacement is great! Try that first, and if it doesn't work, then just give her a minute to "let it all out" and cool down (be sure to watch her so she doesn't hurt herself by throwing herself on the floor or something like that - which my daughter used to do and is really scary!).
I think you're doing a great job! Just hang in there! Like all phases, it shall pass with; time, patience, love and understanding!! :)

L.,
My 20 month old son still throws fits and I starting nipping it in the bud REAL early. He is very outgoing and strong willed. I have learned to pick my battles with him. He is a good boy but can switch too not so nice easily especially when tired. I have a friend whose daughter throw crazy tantrums (sometimes crying & screaming for over 20 mins) and she has been on her since day 1 about it. Each child is so different. Having said all of this, all you can do is try your best each day to keep things out of her reach that she cannot have and continue to be consistant about telling her no and putting her in a little time out. My son is getting better now that he has more of a grasp of cause and effect but some days I just want to pull my hair out! Keep up the good work as it will all pay off in time. Patience is INDEED a virtue! :-)

your doing just fine. i had to do the same thing with my daughter. i still use the same meathod and my little girl is 2. now when she throws a tantrum i tell her to goto her bed and if she doesnt go right away i tell her again and ask if i need to take her and she will say now and i walk her to her bed and sit her there. i let her out when she stops crying. so she will sit on her bed for 5-30 mins. your daughters tantrums are normal shes just letting you know that shes not happy with you taking what she had away.

Hi L., I think you did good, fits turn into tatrums, and a lot of parents believe it is normal, I myself do not, mainly because we have raised 3 kids without them. Every time she throws a fit put her in her crib/playpen and when she calms down take her back out, nip it in the bud early, cause it will get ugly when she gets older. I found if she has something like a piece of paper or something she's not supoosed to have ask her can mommy have that please, most kids will give it to you, then just give her a hug and say thank you, try this instead of just taking something from her, that's what we did with our kids when they were little, and thats what i do with my daycare kids as well, kids love praise, you may find her just picking up things and bring them to you you. Hope this helps? J. L.