Moving to Another State

I sorry to hear about your divorce. I, too, am going through one myself. Luckily my ex and I live in the same town. He gets the kids (ages 6 and 4) every other weekend and occasionally during the week if something special is going on. (I try to be flexible.) Being 12 hours away is a little more difficult, but you and your ex need to create a set schedule of when he can visit the baby, the baby visit him, whatever. It is really up to what you two feel most comfortable doing and is best for the child. With my kids, we try to be consistent so they know what to expect. Especially around Christmas when his family is in Alabama and mine is in Florida. Also, when you go to court for the final hearing, the judge will follow state guidelines as to how many weeks during the summer you each get, how you will divide holidays and school vacations (of course when he gets school age!)

If you continue talking about his dad and showing him photos of him, your child can remember his connection with him, but that's about all you can do. Most of it is going to be up to his daddy and how involved he wants to be in his life.

A.,
sorry if I don't have an advice for you, but my sister is going thru the same thing and she wants to move away from her ex...she just doesn't know if she can do that (her ex won't let her move). How did you get to have the right to move yourself (and more importantly the baby) away from your ex?
My sister is afraid the judge will have her stay where she is, and she wants to move in with me and my family.
Any advice?
Good luck with everything, I am sure you'll work it out.

Hey A.,

In my situation the way it ended up that the judge wouldn't even allow my ex to have overnight visitation with my daughter until she was 2 1/2. I don't know how the relationship is with you and him, but over the years we have found that it is easier to suck it up and meet half way, especially when it is your decision to move. We picked a public place half way between the two locations and switch. Now that she is 5 he gets her every other weekend, and this was the first year he wanted her for a week during the summer, we also split the holidays in half 9-3 and 3-9. Good luck, let me know if you need anything.
A.

I will tell you from personal experience their is nothing you can to to ensure they have a good relationship. I have 2 year old twins and I tried that with their father calling him to see if he wants to see them and stuff and he always had an excuse why he couldn't. It's up to the dad to make sure he keeps a good relationship with the child.

please think this through carefully my husband and i are friends with a marine who just got divorced he has an 18 mo old girl he lives in NC she moved to Mass. more than 12 hours away...she thought the judge would understand she had to live with her parents and work out a reasonable visitation well the court ordered visitation for 4 months with mother then 4 months with father... this is so hard on both parents and worse for child...its heart breaking and this does happen when both parents are good parents please find out what the visitation is before you make the move and again maybe your ex can help u to take care of yourelf till u get on your feet so you dont have to leave i think he would tink this is abetter alternative and it truly is better for ur child

Its hard to say but its going to be hard taking him back and forth but you gotta do that maybe twice a month or more if you can but keep pictures around and talk with your X about it. They can do special trips when hes older but for now hes so little but it really up to him to make that relationship with him.

I know moving your son away from his dad is a hard enough situation but you have to do what is in your best interest and will help you provide the healthiest living environment for your son to grow up in. I too moved out of state when my daughter was 3yrs old, from Indiana to SC to be with my now hubby. It was the hardest thing I did, I left everything I had known for 27yrs!! But even just not living with her father, we still couldn't get along very well. I know it varies by state but this is what I had to do in order to move her......I had to fill out a paper with my new address, I had to have a physical address that I would be moving to, and a reason why I was moving. It got submitted to the Judge, he approved it and mailed a signed copy to myself and my ex. Now he and I were never married and the only court thing we had was a child support order. I let him see her when ever he wanted before but we tried to follow the IN state guidelines for visitation. Now, SC doesn't have visitation guidelines so I'm thinking when you go to court to finalize your divorce the Judge will make some sort of visitation order for you and his dad to follow. In most cases since it will be so far away, you'll have to meet half way for the exchanges during visitation (I drive to TN and her dad drives from Michigan to TN, but now she is 6 so we have been playing around with the idea of her flying by herself). IMO, if you and his dad are on good terms, I'd sit down and talk about what you both can do to make sure they have a relationship and work out an agreement on visitation and travel back and forth before you go to court. If you can agree on something then the Judge will more than likely approve it. And not only will it help keep a relationship between son and dad, as your son grows up he will see that mom and dad can communicate about his needs in a healthy way which is probably the most important thing out of all of it. I know it will be hard since he is just a baby, feedings and all that fun stuff, but as long as neither one of you have unrealistic expectations and demands then you should be able to work something out. Just hang in there!

S.

Moving away is always hard in a divorce. As long as you do your part and always provide the ex a point of contact for you and the baby, you should be OK. Although the baby is still too little but eventually there will come a time when the baby will have to go and visit dad. Are you ready for that?? Is it necessary for you to move back home? How would you feel if he had the baby and due to a divorce he moved out of state 12 hours. Not fair at all. However I would TRY if possible to stay where you are. Can you guys live together?? At least until you can be on your own??