Mother of 2 Needs HELP!

Been there! "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" is the best book ever by Marc Weissbluth. Every mom should own it. The best advice I can give is to be as consistent as you possibly can and that you will prob need to let Alex cry to sleep. It is rough at first, but so rewarding in the end (after a few wks, depending on the kid...my second was soooo stubborn) when they are able to put themselves to sleep. I found that the more I tried to soothe my little one, the more I stimulated them and interrupted their process of falling asleep on their own. Get them as sleepy as you can, but not overtired, and then just put him down, crying or not. Let him work it out. That's all you can do! Good luck!

M., you simply must let them cry. The first time it is the hardest and the longest. Each nap and bedtime after that gets better. Eventually you can lay them down anywhere at anytime and they'll go to sleep. Be strong, we all had to do it and it is the only thing that works.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet, as it always gets great recommendations, but I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Marc Weissbluth.

I really like his balanced approach (offering advice for the whole spectrum of parenting beliefs from co-sleeping to cry it out). But more importantly, he addresses all the concerns you expressed (naps, other children, change in schedules, etc). It is also a guide not only for infancy - he addresses sleep habits from infancy through adolescence (and even adults).

Anyway, check it out - - it's a pretty easy read and easy to continue referencing when you have questions later on. I know the principles helped me keep my sanity with my 3 boys - now 1yr, 2 1/2 yr, and 4 yr.
Good Luck!

DO NOT use BabyWise. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. Here's info on the quack who wrote it: www.ezzo.info
It's kind-of OK for formula-fed babies, but breastfed babies who are subjected to it are frequently diagnosed with failure-to-thrive and your milk supply will drop horribly low. A baby should be fed at least 6-8 times a day. His schedule works out to 4-5 times. That's obviously not enough. You will starve your child.

Books that are compassionate and understand what babies need? "No-Cry Sleep Solution", "Happiest Baby on the Block", "The Sleep Book" and "The Baby Whisperer". No starving babies and no endless crying-it-out.

I understand that you are tired and running ragged, but don't do something unhealthy for your baby just to make ends meet. Single-side nursing can help too. If you only feed on one side, the baby is sure to get all the hind-milk and that helps them stay fuller longer. Only switch sides when you are sure one side is empty.

Lordie...all these "cry-it-out" advocates. There's no need. I have never let my children CIO and they sleep 12 hours at night. They sleep through the night when they are ready, there's no reason to teach them that when they need you you won't be there:(

I would try some classical music or lullaby CD's to help him releax, sometimes you just have to let them cry until they figure out you are not going to pick them up. It's hard but you have to do it, everytime you pick him up after you lay him down he's figured out you will.

Hi M.,

This is a rough time. I applaud you for nursing your little guy! Maybe some La Leche League (LLL) moms have ideas? LLL has a website, I just don't know the address.

Could you "wear" the baby in a sling or snugli as much as possible?

I didn't work two jobs, jsut some sporadic work as a musician, so we probably didn't try as hard as we could have to "schedule" our kids. Our attempts didn't work. Some kids just don't schedule well.

I would ask for help from family, friends, paid babysitters etc. for a chance to get some sleep. Maybe someone could take the kids outdoors while you nap.

You mentioned wanting to keep ends meeting--have you applied for assistance that might help on that angle? Food stamps, WIC etc. WIC can be received by nursing moms too, it is not just formula.

I also read a tip somewhere once that if you can make one room totally baby- and toddler-proof, do so. Put a mattress on the floor in there. Get a playpen or crib or something to put the baby in, that the 2 yo can't get into. When you all need sleep and you are the only adult available, all 3 of you go in there. Put the baby in the playpen, lie down on the mattress and cuddle your toddler; or put the toddler in the playpen and cuddle the baby.

Hope that helps. Good luck to you!

K. Z.

I second the recommendation of "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child". It worked wonders for me.

Try the book "on Becoming Babywise" by the Ezzo's. It is a great book on getting babies on a schedule and getting them to sleep through the night. It worked for me with my two boys. Good luck, remember this is just a phase and it will get much better!

I would highly recommend the book Baby Wise. Ideally you start from birth but they guide you through how to "re-program" your baby too. In a nut shell you need to make sure the baby nurses at least 10 minutes/side. That means you have to keep the little one awake. By nursing at least 10 minutes/side the baby is getting a full meal and not just your foremilk (dessert). After nursing keep baby awake for awhile. Then put baby down for a nap. Eat, play, sleep is the pattern to stick to. Try to get baby on a 3 hour schedule. 3 hours from start nursing to start nursin. I always change the diaper between sides to wake baby back up. This book was highly recommended to me and it was a godsend. My daughter was sleeping 8 hours at night by 8 weeks. I gave this book to several friends and all of their babies were sleeping through the night no later than 12 weeks.

Okay I know exactly what you are going through! I am reading a book right now that came suggested by a pediatric Dr at Childrens. It is called Sleeping through the night by Jodi A. Mindell. I am not willing to do the cry it out method so my husband who is a dr at Childrens was talking to some other dr's he works with and this is a book that one of them had and let us borrow. So far it has worked. Hope this helps! I know how important sleep is!

I hate to tell you, but children make their own schedules. I know it is tough and we as adults like to make children fit our lives. It is possible to some degrees, but you need to try and sleep when the baby sleeps, lay down with both and rest while you can. Breastfed babies eat on demand and sometimes that is really hard. My daughter screamed her head off when I was not holding her, I just had to tell myself she was not dying and I had to allow her to scream for a little bit just to get some chores done.
try a swing with vibration and maybe some soft classical music, that always soothed my children.
goodluck, I know it is hard, but think of all the rewards in the end.
You could ask for help from friends, families or dad

There are a lot of different viewpoints on this subject. We read Preparation for Parenting by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo(same as Babywise which Michelle mentioned) and followed their advice regarding a sleep schedule with our kids. The hospital had them on a 3-hour feeding schedule, which is exactly what the Ezzos recommend, so we just continued with that. The 3-hour routine started with feeding, then awake time(except for at night), then sleep time. We did have to let them learn to cry it out at first, but that didn't last long and they are both great sleepers. My daughter slept through the night at 6 weeks and my son at 4 months. You can find out more about this method at the Growing Families International website: www.gfi.org. We didn't necessarily agree with or do everything they teach, but some of the advice was very helpful. Also, to avoid waking our daughter when our son was waking up at night, we put him in his pack & play as far away from her room as possible and then we just used a baby monitor. Good luck!

i know you are very busy but routine is the answer. try to find a time at night that would be good to snuggle your toddler and read a few books. as you are reading the books let them know that after reading the books it's bedtime...so it won't be a surprise to them, meaning a little less fussing. unfortunately the other half of this plan stinks. at least with the toddler, (good news: it's never too late to reverse bad sleeping habits), when you put your toddler down no matter how much they cry you must NOT pick them up. what i did when my child was young: i would set him down after our reading and lullaby routine and if he cried then i would go in every 5-10 minutes and let him know we hear him but he must go to bed. it is tedious but it worked. it is against govt. standards to let your baby cry in bed without contact for more than 20 minutes...so let them know after a few minutes that they are heard and you love them. as far as your baby, try doing the same. hopefully, that helped.

Hi M.! I am not a huge go to book person......but this one is GREAT! It is called "How to solve your child's sleep problems"! I picked it up at Barnes and Noble. It is an easy read. He is very loving and has great ideas. Everyone that I suggest it to agree's! Sweet Dreams! Good Luck! N. G.

i'll get a lot of flack for this, since some people feel strongly about it.... but we used baby wise with our second baby and it worked PERFECTLY. she slept through the night at 6 weeks for the first time, and regularly from 2 months until now!!! the idea is that if they have a regulated eating schedule their sleep will also be regulated. you feed them every 3 hours right when they wake up (so nursing is not associated with falling asleep!!)

look into it... it's not for everyone, and it wasn't for me with my first, but with a busier schedule carting a toddler around to playgroups and such it was so nice to have a predictable baby schedule so i knew when i would be feeding, napping, etc.

best wishes, and if at all possible find a friend to help sometimes so you can NAP!!!!!!!!

M.,

This may be weird advice, but if I could go back to a year and a half ago, I would change one thing. I would not be as concerned about my new son waking up my three year old daughter. I kind of sabotaged myself.

First of all, she's a great sleeper and she slept through a lot of the crying anyway. So my leaping out of bed the instant he began to peep was unnecessary. And the fact that I did it made my son less likely to soothe himself back to sleep. I am really kicking myself because he's just now figuring things out and sleeping through the night. At 23 months. Ugh.

At fourteen weeks, your little one may be beyond the swaddling stage, but it might be something to revisit if he's open to it. And maybe try a swing or bouncey seat in his room instead of his crib. Perhaps something different to his routine would throw him for a loop enough to get him sleeping.

Good luck to your whole family. I know how precious sleep can be if you're not getting any of it.

J.