Mother in Law Wants 2 Week Old to Sleep Over

Personally, after this act, I'd find her threat of not speaking to me to be the prize for standing up for myself!

We let them sleep over at g-ma's at about 4-6 months. B/c of this they have a wonderful bond w/ their grandmothers and great grandmother.

Sounds like a control freak! I would never let my baby stay over at anybodies house. They need mama at that age.
i wouldnt do sleep overs until my kids were about 2, and that was still iffy.

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Ack! Two weeks!? Good grief... We didn't go on a date until our daughter was two MONTHS and we went to dinner and left her with my mom for an hour and a half... That was it. I cried when we were driving out of the driveway... LOL. Two weeks, no way. What is she thinking!?

I have a very strange "relationship" (not even sure you could call it that) with my MIL. When things like this come up it is 100% up to my husband to put HIS foot down and deal with her on my behalf. Yours should do the same.

TWO WEEKS?

I would tell her NO as often and as forcefully as you must. You don't owe her any excuses or reasons. Your baby is barely out of the womb! She wants a two-week old newborn to be away from his mother? How about she come to you (IF you want her) and help you? You know, hold Jr while you shower? She's insane. I'd be looking for other controlling/weird behavior. I know people whose MILs just took over with the kids. Don't let her run you off from your own parenting. Just because DH survived didn't mean she was right or good at it.

My DD is 2.5 yrs old and I think I might consider it now if Nana (my mom) wanted to have her overnight but more likely than not I'll hold off on the sleepovers til she's a little older. She has a fine bond with Nana and she hasn't slept over yet, and my mom lives in another state. I don't think early sleepovers are necessary for bonding. That comes with visits over time.

NOPE never would let my newborn sleep over anywhere. My four y/o has never EVER had a sleepover. I can not rest comfortably without the sounds of my little girls sleeping peacefully where I know they are safe. Just tell her you are not ready for your baby to sleep over anywhere yet but if/when ever you are you will be happy to take her up on her offer.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. What is up with the MIL? That just seems strange to me that she is trying to do this... Your baby needs you! You are not being overprotective!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Tell your MIL no.
I hope your Husband, is on the same page.

This will set a precedent if you 'let' her and say yes because you feel 'guilty ' for telling her no.
I can't believe she is asking for the baby to stay over, when he is only 2 weeks old.

No way.
A baby this age is feeding a ton and on demand, and I doubt if she will get up at 12:00midnight or 2:00am or 4:00am or 11:00pm to feed baby.

It does not matter,
I would just say no way.

Basically... you need to have your own rules/traditions for your baby and family. Then Granny has to abide by that.
If this is your 1st baby and her 1st Grandchild... then you really need to set the pace of things. NOT your MIL.
Otherwise, boundaries will get displaced and MIL will take over. Possibly.
And certainly- DO.NOT. let her, make you feel guilty for your decision. Nor for anything else.

For me personally, it is not a 'mandatory' thing... that my child HAS TO sleep over anywhere, be it at Grandparents or other relatives. It is not, a perfunctory thing. At all. It is chosen. By the parent. If a child sleeps out at a relatives house.

I know some families, where their kids are at the Grandparents every darn weekend or every other weekend! Cool for them. They don't have their kids on weekends. They can do what they want sans kids. But then that means, the Grandparents are taking the kids to all their lessons/activities on the weekends too. Not the parents. And the kids do not get to spend time with their parents either, on the weekends. One kid told me "We're going to Grandma's house this weekend. Cause my parents are busy again...." And the kid was not real happy about it.

But going back to your question about what is a decent age for your child to sleep out. It really is up to you and how you feel about it.
It is really a Mom's gut instinct sort of thing. But for me, it would NOT be when my child is still an infant.

And the bottom-line is: YOU choose... when that is and how old your baby is. And if you never want baby to stay MIL's, that is your choice too.

2 weeks old!?!?! No way!

I've only read two other answers, but my answer would be "um, NO, are you insane?" if my mother in law said that to me. I really don't understand why she would say "if you don't let me have him overnight I won't see him at all", that just makes no sense. Something is fishy here, and I would be expecting my husband to put his foot down and tell her to regain her brain.

"How old is a decent age to let your child sleep out?".
About 9 years old.
You are not overprotective.
It's your turn to be the Mommy now.
MIL raised her kids. She's done whether she likes it or not.
If she needs more babies to care for - let her foster some who need her attention. Your baby has and needs you.
Even through extreme sleep deprivation I could NOT contemplate the thought of my child being away from me. At 2 WEEKS old - heck I was perfecting breast feeding and bonding with my perfect new little baby boy.
Tell your MIL not just "No" but "Hell, No!"
and DO NOT FEEL THE LEAST BIT GUILTY ABOUT SAYING IT.

He is still really too young. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

I am going to guess she thinks this will allow you to get a full nights sleep, but just thank her and then remind her that you are BF and the baby feeds from you on demand..

Eventually when you have the baby on bottle or is no longer BF, assure MIL that you will be fine with her grandchild spending the night.

Keep this in mind. It IS a good thing for children to get used to staying at grandparent or other close relatives home at some point. We had done this a little bit before our child was 1. She did great because each grand parent had a small crib for when we visited an dour daughter took a nap there. Sure enough when our daughter was about 18 months old.. My husband and I each go the flu at the same time. We were soooo ill. We called MIL and she was able to take our daughter. There was no way to take care of her and we in no way wanted her to also get sick.
When our daughter was 3, I was diagnosed with Spinal Meningitis. The Doctor said our daughter should not be in the same home with me, because she would demand to see me and I was too contagious. This time my mother took our daughter for 4 days. It was a life saver and our daughter was fine. My husband went over to visit her during this time also.

Also when you are ready to have another child. you will need someone to watch this child while you are at the hospital.

A long time ago families all lived together or were neighbors and so the children were raised by both the parents and grandparents.. It is always good for families to feel safe with each other.

Around 18 month they started overnights with grandmas. Maybe once a month or so. The kids love going. My youngest had his first sleepover at aunties at 3.5 yr and had a blast. The mom that said 9 I hope meant 9 months and not 9 years bc that will be the child that cries at a friend sleepover because they never were never away from home.

2 weeks is way too young ask your ped then you can tell her it's doctors orders. Let her be mad about it and throw a tantrum like a 2 year old.

No one would have been able to pry my babies away at that age. good grief. Maybe your MIL wants to watch the baby so you can get a good nights sleep? I would tell her you dont quite need that just yet but when you do you will take her up on the offer.

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When to leave the baby? When you are feeling comfortable and see that your Mother-in-law is good with your child.

It's okay that you aren't ready. You are not being overprotective in my book.
I think my kids were about 6 months old before I was ready and I was still a nervous wreck. I left them with my mother, but I thought she was overprotective and they would definitely be safe...... probably safer than with me. LOL!

You never know, she could be trying to be nice and give you a break. Just explain to her that the baby is too young and you are not ready to let her have the baby overnight; and ask if maybe she'd be willing to spend the day with you instead and babysit while you get some sleep (or time to do stuff around the house, or time for you to just rest). You're not being overprotective, you are just being a normal Mommy. How old is a decent age to let your child spend the night with your MIL? Whenever you feel that he is ready.

BTW, my kids are 8 and 6 and they've never spent the night anywhere without us! :-) Not really because we don't want them to, the opportunity just hasn't come up yet.

Edit: Okay, now that you've added more and said that she is threatening to not speak to you and refusing to come over and babysit for you means that she is crazy and not really caring what's best for you and the baby. I say that you should just ignore her (as much as you can) and just enjoy the time you have with your new baby. Don't let this unnecessary drama ruin your time with your little one. And maybe your husband can step in and talk to her (or yell at her ;-), since this is his mother? Good luck, and congratulations on your baby!!

Your MIL is being ridiculous - if you are breastfeeding, what is she going to do? And if you are giving a bottle, what is she going to do? Give a bottle every 2 hours and possibly be up all night with a fussy won't-stop-crying baby?

My DD is 3.5 and has yet to spend the night at someone else's house without us - probably will not happen for at least another 2 years!

Let her get her panties in a twist, and let your husband deal with her - she's HIS mother!

Your MIL is as crazy as a loon. Not speaking to you unless you allow your infant to stay the night? That is NOT the mark of a woman who is just trying to be nice and let you have a full nights sleep.

Good for you for not letting her control you! If she has that attitude then it's better that she not see your son or speak to you!

You are not overprotective. Your baby is far, far, far too young for a recreational sleep over. I can understand the women who had medical issues that necessitated a sleep over as a newborn, but this is not an issue for you at all.

I don't know her motivation... maybe she is just trying to give you both a "night off" as a friendly gesture.

In my opinion, yes it is too soon. My daughter was over 9 months old before she ever had an overnight... her first one was actually "half" a night and so we were there in the morning (we went out before her bedtime and she didn't see us till she woke up the next day) Before that we had several fun "date nights", but we always were out no more than 3 hours. We had our first "date night" when she was 3 or 4 months old I think... and my MIL came over and watched her at our house...

Of course it all depends on the caregiver, your situation, and your child's readiness. No two week old is really ready to be separated from mom that early on.

Just say "thanks for the offer:", but you are just not ready to leave the baby yet. Tell her it isn't "her" - it is just that you are still bonding and establishing your routine right now and you don't want to disrupt anything.

If she pushes it, just say "no" not right now, maybe in a few months...

Good Luck!
-M.

I still haven't let my 2 and 3 year old spend the night anywhere!

My daughter is almost 3, and she has never spent the night at anyone's house. I can't imagine the thought for at least a few more years. It is absolute craziness to think a 2 week old would spend the night away from his mother. Unless you had to go into the hospital, I can't imagine letting him out of your sight for a whole night. Your MIL sounds wacky. So sorry you have to deal with this woman.

I won't even let my 10 month old sleep anywhere without me! lol. ESPECIALLY if you happen to be breastfeeding. (I'm not sure if you are or not...) Your baby needs grandma at this stage. If your MIL wants to see him overnigth so bad, maybe she could come spend the night at your place.

What is the point? I mean really, what is the point, the baby won't remember their fun sleepover, your baby needs MOM. If it is an emergency and you are sick or something then yes, but just for the sake of a sleepover then tell her no.

T.,

Your MIL Is crazy~ 2 weeks old??? That is the time when baby is bonding with mommy. If she won't speak to you because of this, you don't need her in your life----2 weeks is WAY to young to sleep over with MIL and away from mom. Your baby would have separation anxiety issues for LIFE if you did this. Don't do it.Your baby needs you and you only at this time. Stay strong and don't give in to her. She is inconsiderate, rude and completely unrealistic to expect you to let your newborn stay with her for overnight and let alone 2 weeks!!! Best wishes
Molly

Two weeks old is way too young. That is crazy to think she would even ask that. I think the first time my daughter stayed overnight with my in laws she was well over a year old. Tell grandma no and stick to it.

We did, but my son was bottle fed and I had some complications after my c-section. Honestly, I trusted my MIL because in all truthfulness, babies are not that difficult. Other than feeding them and changing a diaper, the real work is in willing to get up with them in the middle of the night. Other than that, they just eat, poop, sleep. If you don't trust your MIL though, it isn't a good idea to send him.

P.S. Don't wait until your son is too old (2 plus) to send him the first time. Your MIL raised your husband, and he turned out okay. Unless there is a real reason behind it (she is an alcoholic, etc.) it will only allow the two of them to bond and be closer!

Humm, similar to Meaghan I had complications after my birth and had to be hospitalized when my daughter was just 10 days old. My husband and I actually thought we'd just go to the ER to see what was going on so we left our 4 year old son and our 10 day old daughter at my in laws and they all did just fine!

I figure my mother in law had 4 kids in 5 years, she knew how to handle it. She thanked me years later for loving her and trusting her enough to do it.

Absolutely not. Even she wouldn't have done that and if you asked your ped, I am sure he/she would agree. MIL can come visit. Or if she lives a distant away, when the baby is older, your family can visit her for a few days.

my kid is 4 and has never slept over. I would not have been able to handle it at 2 weeks!

"My MIL is giving the threat that she will not speak to me or see my son unless I let him stay the night."

My response:
"Okay - bye bye! Your loss lady"

What a jerk! Good for you for not letting her push you around!

ETA: If he hasn't done so all ready, your hsuband really needs to push back on this lady! It took my husband YEARS to stand up to his Mom AT ALL and she just got meaner and meaner and meaner. This kind of person doesn't get NICER when you go along. And she needs to know her SON has had enough!

Mine still thinks we had a competition where either she or I would win CONTROL over her son. She thinks I "won." I think she's crazy - though she definitley "lost" - but because she made it this way. I have never controlled my husband - not for a day, an hour, a minute! If she had half an ounce of sanity left, she might have realized that trying to control her son, his wife, and our kids wasn't exactly the BEST way to bond with ANY of us....

Definitely too young. I think you MIL might even be crazy just for suggesting this! she should know better. Why don't you ask her to come over and stay the night.

Your husband needs to man up and lay down the law re boundaries and his mother. It's not your job. The baby is too young, and she can go pound sand. We live too far away for this to be an issue, but even if we were close geographically, I'd want my kid to be at least 2-3 years old before sleeping over (maybe younger if bottle fed).

Tell her he can sleep over as long as you are sleeping over as well. If that doesn't fly with her than she doesn't really want to spend time with him that bad. At two weeks, my children wouldn't stay anywhere but with me regardless as to whether or not they were formula or breast fed. The first 3 months out of the womb is considered the 4th trimester and is a special bonding period for mom, baby, and daddy!

Thats crazy talk. My DD is 15 months and I still cant handle that. Heck Im such a control freak that I am still home EVERY night to put her to bed myself. I have yet to let anyone other than my husband put her to bed without me. I have allowed someone else to do it while I am here but for some reason I have yet to find the strength to let someone take on the roll of doing it all while I am away and this is even at my own home where she is 100% familiar and comfortable

Maybe you'll get super lucky and she'll actually follow through on her threat to not speak to you or see your son. Although, chances are, she's just bluffing and you'll have to continue to deal with her for years to come...But at least, you'll have won THIS battle. Good for you for standing your ground!

I agree that this is too young. You have to feel comfortable about it. My daughter stayed with my Mom for two nights when she was about a month old. However, I trust my mother completely.

I have always been a firm believer of follow your first mind. and your mind and gut has spoken. I would never let anyone keep my two week old unless it was an EXTREME emergency! And i mean extreme. it sounds as though she does have some control issues and she is either going to have to hold that grudge or get over it because she would not be having my two week old over night. The only way my son stayed over night was at my mothers and if I had to work overtime(I worked afternoons and midnights for overtime). but I didn't start that until he was about 6-7 months. by then I knew my son was comfortable with my mom. Just because someone is family meansdoes not mean your child or you will be comfortable with them. good luck!

Well your mother in law is probably just excited with becoming a grandmother and possibly wants to help out and give you a break.

Tell her you will DEFINTELY take her up on her amazing offer when your baby is at least 8 mo. old.
You are still becoming adjusted to being a mom and all that comes with being a mom. With my oldest child he was about 18 mo. the first time my parents watched him. My middle child was about the same age. My youngest was 6 mo. old the first time.
Remember to tell her how much your appericate your offer. For the time being she could babysit so you could have some time to yourself..even if that is just taking a nap.

Tell her, two can play that game and ask her how she would feel if you said if she keeps it up you will keep her from seeing your son. Geez, hopefully she grows out of this stage before your son hits it at oh say...THREE.

You've already listed your "so what happened", but I had to say I completely AGREE with your decision. She's being a bit childish and unfortunately she will end up being the one to "pay" for her decision. Hopefully she'll come around, but I'd hold your ground. No way would I let my two week old sleepover...he/she needs mommy right now!

Threatening to not speak to you or your son of you don't let him spend the night is insane. It sounds like she has some deep-seated emotional issues. You're right to put your foot down.

I didnt even read the other answers..just going to respond....

NO!!!!!! You should have time for you and your BRAND NEW baby to bond. She needs to get over it. My daughter was babysat @ two months old for M. and hubby to have a night out. 3 hours max,and mom in law and baby stayed @ our home. I would'nt want my child to stay with someone so threantening.....geez!!! She has already raised her son...she needs to let you raise yours!!

Congrats,Hun!!!

She is very controlling. My son (2.5) slept over 1 time when he was a month but that was only because i was a walking zombie and couldnt take it anymore. My daughter (8 months) has yet to sleep over. I am very protective! Good luck with whatever happens when you stand your ground.

Why in the world would someone want to get up all night long if they don't have to? Your MIL sounds crazy! My mom will not keep any of her grandkids until they sleep all night and I would never put that on my mom or my MIL. I am glad to hear you are standing your ground, your baby needs you and you are still bonding together. Enjoy him my baby is going to be one on tuesday and he is my last unless God decides to give me more wich I hope not..lol anyway just enjoy this precious time . I am feeling really sentimental right now and I should stop rambling!

Whatever you decide. My daughter is 16 months and has not spent the night out anywhere. It's your choice. However, if she's already creating problems because she can't have control, then I don't see things changing and once you start a pattern with her she's going to want more and have more expectations. She's the grandmother, but you're THE MOTHER. Don't feel guilty. I raised a similar question and a majority of the people gave positive constructive feedback. 2 weeks is tooooooooo young. Again, you are the mother and don't feel guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody is going to have a different take. Some people will feel she's grandma and will do anything to please the husband's side of the family. Good luck!

Do you breastfeed? If so, there's another reason not to other than the age. Yes, I agree 2 weeks is way too young though, even if he is bottle fed. She is just getting used to the world, give him several months at least before you throw him a curve ball like an overnight stay somewhere else.

Yes, I agree your son is too young to stay the night at anyone's home without you (regardless of who it is or if they were around her several hours every day since birth). My daughter is 4 and I still don't allow her to sleepover anywhere...I have parents who have not been together since before I was born and an aunt and uncle who raised me, together with my inlaws that is like four sets of grandparents so if I allowed one I would have to let the others or be guilt tripped and I am not all the comfortable with the thought for any of them. Not that I don't trust them to watch her but not for overnight visits.

wow...you have a lot of responses...I'm sure mine if going to be repetitve...but...

My son is 19 months and hasn't slept over at anyone's house without me. I have no intention of doing so any time soon. A 2 week old baby NEEDS his mother, not his grandmother. Yes it takes a village to raise a child, but for now he's an infant, and just needs is MAMA. Be diplomatic about it, and make sure it's your husband standing up to HIS mother, not you. This will only continue to put a strain on your relationship with her, and lets face it...MIL's are hard enough as it is.

It would worry me that she is DEMANDING this time alone with him in the fashion that she is. If she's worried about bonding with him (as my MIL was) help her find ways to bond with him that don't include overnight visits.

Well I of course agree with everyone else on the sleepover at 2 weeks issue, but I wanted to say you don't need to wait for a year either, as your doctor suggested! You should go by when you're comfortable of course, but in my opinion when they are over 6 months, sleeping through the night and easy to care for, an overnight once in a while is okay! You might need a break and I think between 6-12 months is pretty good! Congrats on the baby and I hope your MIL snaps out of it!

No way!!! I would never let that happen. The baby is way to young like you said, and she has only seen little love twice. Why does she want the baby overnight?? Come on lady get some common sense and see that, that is an unreasonable request from a new mother. I wouldnt even let her babysit, if she is going to act like that. If she is willing to pull the "I wont ever speak to you or see you again" card, then fine, dont. That is her being controlling and not wanting to see the baby anyways, she just wants to see how far she can push you to get her way. I wouldnt call her, or talk to her either. Some may argue that you shouldnt be playing her game, but in my opinion, she isnt doing this because she wants to connect with the baby or anything like that, she just wants her way. Forget it. Angers me just reading it haha. I hate when MIL tell you what you should be doing or what they want when it comes to the child. Im sorry, my kid my rules. If you dont like it then fine. Good for you for standing your ground, and keep with it! What does your hubby say about all this, and his crazy mother??

Yep. That would be a HARD NO for me! If she wants to threaten to halt her relationship with you because of this matter then you should let her. Sometimes Jim Fay's Love and Logic applies to all ages if the behavior is childish. Let her stay away for awhile and just see who misses who. That may sound harsh, but you are the parent. Stick to your guns, mama.
A.

I would have laughed in her face. Seriously, a two week old having sleep-overs? That's insane!!!!! So glad you aren't doing it! I totally agree with your doctor, not till almost a year at least.... but even then if it wasn't a person my baby was very bonded with, it wouldn't happen.

If she's already trying to be so manipulative when your son is only two weeks old, I cringe thinking what she's going to be like over the next eighteen years. Stand your ground, and MAKE your husband back you up NOW or it's only going to get worse.

Good luck

I think it depends on the age of the MIL-Is she 50 or 75?

No way!

I was breastfeeding so mil or my own Mom wouldn't have even asked but seriously - a 2 week old? If I didn't have my newborn baby with me - I would be up ALL night!

My kids were 5 and 7 when they slept at Grandma's.

my son spent the night at his grandparent's for the first time when he was 2.5 months old, and it was torture for me. We had a wedding to go to 3 hours away and my hubby was in the wedding party--we couldn't miss it. My poor baby boy cried most of the 24 hours that I was gone (he was breastfed also) and went 10 hours without eating because he was refusing a bottle. He's 2.5 now and spends the night over there all the time--he has his own bed and dresser stocked full of clothes there. My daughter is 6 months and she's never spent the night away yet--and probably won't until she is weaned. 2 weeks is waaaaayyy too young but she's probably not trying to be selfish, but is offering to give you a break. It's a nice gesture on her part, but just tell her "maybe when he's a little older. Give me a few months to deal with MY separation anxiety issues haha"

why would you air your dirty laundry on line for the world to see. Be a woman and stand up for what you beleive. Dont stand behind your husband if you have somethng to say say it to her face. Shes a big girl she can take it as im sure you can if you can give it.you can take it. If you think the baby is to young you should be the one to tell her not your husband. He was fine with it.

Oh heck no! The correct answer is when YOU are comfortable with your child staying over. For me it was at about 20 months. I was more worried about messing with her schedule than with anything else. But at 2 weeks you haven't even settled in. Do it when you are ready and no sooner.

I don't even think the emphasis should be on your baby being "too young." YES 2 weeks is WAAAAY too young in my opinion. But I think you should focus more on setting clear boundaries with this woman. This is YOUR baby- she had her turn to raise her own children and now it's your turn. That means YOU get to call the shots and when YOU are comfortable letting your son have a "sleepover" with his grandma, YOU will let her know. Be strong!!!

My children are almost 1 and almost 3 and haven't had a sleepover with either of their grandmas yet- I will be the first to admit that I am overprotective, but I'm just not ready yet.

I should probably also mention that you should also count on your husband to be the one who stands up for your family, as this is HIS mother... Good luck to you!!

No. 2 weeks old! you're still bonding with your baby. She's crazy (like mine is) she had her children, if she didn't get it right the first time that's her problem. Do not let her take over your role as mother. No sleep overs until the baby can talk!

I usually defend MIL because it seems the son's Mom is always in the doghouse. However, on this one she is so out of line. Tell her there is
plenty of time for baby to sleep at her house. Stand your ground. If she
does not talk to you, her loss.

You should also enlist your DH in this--it's his mother and he should be helping (or doing it all), in terms of setting boundaries.

There is no way I'd let her watch my baby. Not at 2 weeks, and probably not at 6 months. If she has hissy fits over this now, at 2 weeks old and not actually holding or caring for the baby under your eyes, I'd be scared what she'd do when left alone with the baby and no one to jump up and "rescue her" when the baby started fussing.

Why are you even worried about it? It is an idle threat. Any theat from anyone over my child would either be considerd disrespect or it would put me in a protective mode. In either case the MIL is in the wrong and should respect you and you babies privacy. the threat is absurd!