Hallo Ladies-
So me and my mil have never really liked eachother. Of course we are always nice to our faces but we both know how we feel about eachother. She is the kind of woman that NEEDS to be the center of attention (and i am not saying this because im not her #1fan, but really) if all the attention is not focused on her she gets pissed off. My baby girl is almost 8 months and in the beginning she was ok, but now she is getting on my last nerve. She totally ignores her and gets jealous over my baby!!! OMG I tell you it is sick! It is her only grandbaby and when we go over to their house she does not pay any attention to her and gets mad at my hubby becuase he is not focused on her only!!!
What am I suppose to say to her?? She is so mean it is making me hate her and not want to see her, my gosh I just can't even imagine what kind of a person you must be to act this way with a beautiful precious baby.
she sounds like a whack job. My MIL doesn't care if attention is on her, but it has to be on her daughter. It gets so annoying sometimes. After long years of self dicipline I've learned to ignore it. Key word there is "long years" of teaching myself this because it would drive me crazy. And trust me, my SIL LOVES the attention too. Hang in there. It's her loss when it comes to the grandkids.
If you mil doesn't physically hurt the child, let it go. I have 8 sil and when they have a new baby, they felt hurt that I with three toddlers didn't want to hold their baby. (I found this out later). I was busy and wasn't focused on their "love of their life". If she demands a lot of attention, realize that and have a great time with your daughter. You can't control others. You may be assuming she is mad at you or your hubby when she may be thinking you are a First time Mom that wants everyone to focus on you. My mil had 8 children so when I had baby #10, while it was huge for me it was "nice" for her. Maybe you could focus on Grandma when you're together and then she'll give your daughter more attention.
I too have MIL issues with the way she behaves toward my children (age 7 and 4). She is much more grandma like with my SIL's children (ages 1 and 3). We have decided (my spouse and I) that she is missing out on the chance to enjoy these two wonderful girls and it is her loss. I told my husband that if he wants his children to have a relationship with his mother then it is his job (not mine) to promote that. He doesn't do it very often but he makes occassional efforts to visit her with just the kids. She and my FIL are divorced and she lives about 40 minutes away. I am sure the family notices my lack of presence at family events but I don't worry about it. I have asked my husband to share with his mom how we feel about the inequity of how she behaves with our children but he won't. It is very hard watch her behavior with your precious little baby but remember it is her loss. I hope this helps.
Wow...Thats a hard one. First of all i would have your hubby talk to his dad about her behavior, and then talk to his mother!!! Sounds like she needs some counseling on her jelously...Also for having the need to be no.# 1 all the time. This is a real serious problem for all of you's. Good Luck!!....and the counseling issue I would PUSH!!!! It's not a shame to get a little help from someone that can see both sides . cindy
In my opinion, you just be nice/polite when you have to see her (major holidays, etc.) but you are under no obligation to see her every sunday or anything. If your husband wants to see her, he can go by himself or bring the baby. Actually, maybe if he just takes her to dinner once a month (just them) then she will get what she needs and be nicer to you when she sees all of you.
My MIL has to be the center of attention also. She isn't quite as bad as yours but I try to like her but she isn't my favorite person and she has made her youngest daughter into an ungrateful person who uses people and she continues to bail her out of trouble financially. Anyway I am not sure what you can really do about it. It is really hard to change someone. You might have to ignore it. My MIL actually likes me but, she is all right to me and my husband isn't that close with her either. I just try to make the best of it, it really is all you can do.
Hello A., You cannot change your MIL, you can only change how you respond to her. Let your hubby go visit without you or your daughter. That will end the problem. If you do want to go visit, then it is up to your husband to stand up to his mother to protect his wife and child. If he won't do it then just stay away. Good luck.
A.,
I hear you. My mother-in-law is not quite that bad, but close. My children are her only grandchildren. Do you think she could call on their birthdays and wish them a happy birthday? Nope. She didn't even remember my son's birthday. Hello it is called a calendar, right? The birthday cards she gets for them are not for grandson/granddaughter. Guess she would have to spend another buck or two.
So, here is my suggestion. Your life is you, your husband and your daughter. The woman obviously has a very big problem and she is the adult. She has to deal with it. Now I am sure it is not hard for you not to be around her, but does your husband see how she acts? If he does, then maybe you two can agree to not see her, don't call and when she asks what the problem is tell her. I understand it is easier said than done, but deep down I believe she wants someone to stand up to her. She will probably respect you for it. It is not easy. No one likes confrontation but it will only get worse.
I wish you courage and the best of luck.
M.
I had a great deal of trouble with my mil. When i was pregnant with my first, she told me not to ever ask her to babysit. Then she would make snide comments when no one else was around. If she did anything for us then we owed her. She also did this with other sil. Finally her boys (our husbands) sat down with her and their dad and laid down the law. They told her to either be nice or they would not see us any more. They told her that their wives come first and that they will not stand for them to be treated that way!! It was a little wierd at first but now our relationship is much better. If your hubby will do that it would probably help.
L.
Talk to hubby about it; it's his mom.
Otherwise, what have you got to lose if you don't like each other? Just lay down the law as you see it. If she asks you over ask her if she wants to actually have a pleasant visit or that you and hubby pay attention only to her. "Should we bring the baby too?" Or, go over, listen intently to her go on about herself, and then get up and leave the minute it's over.
Or you could try "Well we could fit you in an hour on Tuesday, but no more than that because of the baby". Or just don't go over. Why waste your time with someone who clearly doesn't like you and vice versa, stressing you out, making a bad atmosphere.
Could it be she doesn't know how to bridge the gap with you even if she'd like to? Is she maybe afraid of being alone?
Has anyone pointed out the fault to her? I'm not sure there is an easy way to do that either. I wouldn't find it unusual if she didn't devote ALL her attention to the baby, because although it is a good thing to devote some attention to the baby, there are other things going on as well. Maybe try, in the course of conversation, to talk about things she has going on, you have going on, and what the baby is doing (even if it's just growing). If you are trying to keep an equal focus between her life and your families life she won't feel so put out. It's just a thought. I know that I had problems with my mil, but never surrounding this issue (I just stole her baby boy) and we are closer now.
I'm sorry to hear your mother-in-law doesn't appreciate such a wonderful gift..as a grandmother to a beautiful 2-1/2 little girl myself I know what she is missing out on....If she can't appreciate her I'm affraid I just wouldn't subject her to such childish behavior from an adult!!
My daughter always says "After the baby comes it isn't about you anymore , it's all about the baby !!!"
Good Luck
