Mother-in-Law Trying to Get My Baby to Call Her Mom!!!

I had almost the same problem with my ex-husbands mother! It was awful...She would take my daughter and treat her as though she were hers and not mine. I finally had to come out and tell her that the baby was mine and she was not her mother! It did cause some tention but at the time we were living with his family, so I couldn't get away from her. I became the bad guy in that situation because she was trying to make up for a child that she had lost and everyone thought that I was being to hard on her. The point was that this baby was mine and not hers and it took me standing up to her, to get her to realize that I wasn't going to let that happen.

My advice...you need to tell her that she is the grandmother not the mother. It may make things hard and she may not talk to you for a while but if she really wants to be a part of the babys life she will get over it.

I am going through the same situation but with my FIL! He wants to be called Papa. I originally wanted to confront him and say that it wasn't appropriate, however, my husband who simply suggested that I just say 'grandpa' instead whenever he's around so that he'll get the point. So, now I just tell my 10 m/o son 'Where's Grandpa' or 'Go to Grandpa'.. I hope this helps!

I know what you are going through! I have had problems with my in-laws too. Some parents have a hard time letting go of their "babies" and/or seeing their "babies having babies". Especially since you and your husband have gone from dating to a family in such a short period of time, leaving his mother feeling left out. Looking ahead I think I might be just as bad when my kids start dating or getting married. My husband and I moved fast too and we try to look at it from their point of view too. If it gives you comfort, I will say that it will get better over time. Especially as they see what a great mother you are and how happy you make their son. I also suggest that you get your husband to address any issues you two have with his mother in the future, especially her wanting to be called mom by your daughter. As your husband, he needs to stand up for how you feel in a respectful way and try to work out compromises for the benefit of your child. If you bring the issues up, it will just sound like you are attacking his mom. Get your husband to suggest options by asking her, "Do you want (baby) to call you Maw-Maw, Nana, or Granny?" for example.

If through all the patience and attempts to compromise, nothing works, remember your new family of three is most important and no one should be miserable. We had to distance ourselves from my in-laws for a couple of months, and get a breather. Then once they realized we were in it for the long haul and if they wanted to be a part of our kid's life, they had to accept us as a family, they opened up. Good luck! Hope patience and prayer can get you through!

I feel for you. It surprises me that my MIL doesn't do this. She does, however, do a variation of this. She is trying to get my daughter's first word to be "MeeMaw". Every time we go over there she keeps getting in my daughters face and saying "MeeMaw..MeeMaw..." I swear if that's her first words I am going to freak out. Thankfully, we don't go over there very often and it's highly unlikely that she will succeed at her attempts to get my daughter to say that. Btw, my MIL showed up in a white dress to my wedding, too, even after asking me what color she should wear and I told her anything but white. Irritating isn't it? My solution is that every time she says "MeeMaw", I say "Mommy" even louder. Maybe you can drown her out by saying "nooo....grandma" and point to your MIL. Just a thought.

Sounds like this is common! I never would have imagined; however, my MIL did the same thing. Bless her heart, I love her but I don't think she realized how much it hurt me for her to say that she was "momma". I was insistent on saying nana because she had mentioned to me in the past that she didn't want to be grandma. When she would say momma I would say go to nana or nannan. Now my son is almost two and only calls her by nannan. My husband also made the comment one afternoon when we were visiting her that she was grandma not mom - so she had to have a grandma name =-)

I THINK I'D MOVE AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS LADY AS POSSIBLE.AND IF THAT IS TOTALLY NOT AN OPTION THEN I'D KINDLY TELL HER THAT SHE IS THE GRANDAMOMMA AND IF THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTS THE BABY TO CALL HER THAT WOULD BE FINE BUT THAT YOU ARE THE MOMMA.THAT YOUR HUSBAND CAME FROM HER AND HE CAN CALL HER MOMA ALL DAY LONG AND BUT YOUR BABY IS GONNA CALL YOU MOMA!!AND TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS B-E F-I-R-M!!!GOOD LUCK!!!AND KEEP IN MIND, YOU MARRIED YOUR HUSBAND NOT HIS FAMILY, YOU TOOK HIM TO LOVE AND CHERISH NOT THEM!!! IT TOOK ME 8 YEARS TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT BUT ONCE I DID IT MADE MY LIFE ALOT EASIER!!T.

Most of the previus answers you have got, gave good advice. You do need to talk to her about picking another name. If she agrees then great, if not, pick one for her. Then you need to take time with your child and help her associate the new name with your MIL. I made a small picture book for each of my children when they were young. I put pictures of each individual member of our family in it and would look at it with them saying each person's name as we went along. This should help your child start seeing her as the name you decide and not as mommy. Make sure you include pictures of you and your husband in the book. Hope it helps.

She has no right to do that to your child. Grandma or an appropriate word for grandma, but not mom, that is your title and yours only. She needs to be told to knock it off, that you and your husband are the parents and that you do not want her to call anyone other than you mom, and work out another name that grandma can be called if she doesn't like just grandma. But she is overstepping grounds that she should not be on in the first place. There is nothing in this world that should give her the right to do what she is doing. She sounds like she is very controlling. Have you sat down with your husband and talked to him, because it might be good for the two of you to confront her together as a united front and explain to her what he place is in the family when it comes to your child. If she doesn't respond well or refuses to abide by your requests then either pull visitation or make it only supervised so that you can monitor what is said and what is done. It isn't fair, but you have to think about your child and what is best for her and your family. I wish you the best.

Sit down with your mother-in-law and explain to her that it's not okay with you. Find some alternative names (like nana). If she doesn't want to listen to you, get your husband to talk to her about it. Just make sure she understands how seriuos you are about it, and nip it in the bud before your daughter is old enough to understand what's going on.

Hi M.,

My sister went throught he same thing. Her mother-in-law thought she was too young to be called anything that sounded like Granny, so they finally settled on Mommy and Mom-Mom. It can't be too uncommon because I see "Mom-Mom" greeting cards in the "grandmother" section at the stores. Ypu might sit down and make a list of all the potential "Grandmother names" and tell her that since your child already has a Momma, you'd like to help her pick a name that will be fun adn easy for the child to learn. Some to consider might be Oma (pronounced like Oh-Ma), Mamaw (like Mam maw), Mom-mom, Nana (like Nan-ah), Mimi (like Me-me), I'm sure there are many others....

I didn't have that problem with my mother-in-law. She insisted on being called the same name as my mother -- also very confusing for the kids at first. My kids added my M-I-L's last name to what they call my mother. Good luck!!

My MIL was extremely over bearing when my husband and I first got married. If I kids she would have done the same thing. I had to nip it in the bud and let her know that she couldn't run all over me. There are was to do it and still be respectful. She's your husbands Mom so you're pretty much stuck with her. She sounds like she could be a great Grandma, like she loves your daughter. Sit down and tell her that you'd rather your daughter call her something else. Put you foot down so she understands where your coming from, but keep it peaceful. If it goes well you could feel a lot different about her. I was so much happier after I stopped hating my MIL.

I could not imagine how frustrated this may be! I love my mother in law dearly, but that is would be a definite no-no! Maybe you and your husband need to sit her down and have a heart to heart. If she doesn't understand or care how much this is upsetting you then I would stay away from her until she did! That is not acceptable, children have enough to deal with without grandma's and/or whoever trying to screw things up. Sounds to me like she is jealous of you and your husband getting married so abruptly. Good luck!

That must be frustrating. I think that you have to stand up to her now and tell her that you do not like the idea of your daughter calling her Momma. I think it is out of line for her to request that your daughter call her that without asking how you feel about it. If you think that she will take it the wrong way if you say something or do not want to hurt her feelings then you can always talk to your husband about it and have him talk to her. He will probably know best how to put it so it won't offend her. But if you let it go then she may start doing other things that overstep her boundaries.

I would just tell her that since she is not that baby's mother you do not want your daughter calling her momma. Say that you think she may get confused. Tell her that she is welcome to choose what name your daughter calls her other than Momma. And like mentioned your daughter will come up with her own name for her in time. My dad said he only wanted to be called Grandpa and then my sons started calling him "Pappy" he loves it now :D

Good luck with her.

Personally... if it were me... I would tell confront her about it and just tell her that you really don't feel comfortable with your daughter calling her Momma... and if she continues to do it then... when she does it I would just look at your daughter and say She means Me Me, Grandma, Maw Maw or whatever it is you want your daughter to call her.

I also agree with Caro B. I did the same thing with my mil. Whenever she would start calling herself momma I would just say " maw maw is calling you" or "Go see what maw maw wants" and she eventually quit. She wasn't happy about it, but I made sure it stuck. Plus maw maw is close enough that she can pretend, but the kids know its not the same.

I agree with caro B response, Maybe and this is just a maybe, your MIL is not doing it to show she dislikes you,or maybe she is who will ever know, but if your dealing with a woman who will show up to your wedding in white, that tells you right there that she is already unreasonable, talking to her will probably only spark her flame,instead whenever she's around and addressing the baby to call her mom, I would let her, when she's not around I would show the baby pic of grandma and address her as such, children are smarter than we think the baby knows your mom, you say to the baby go to grandma or give this to grandma they know my children have never called my mom, mom because whenever she was around i would always till this day call her grandma,call her grandma see how she likes it.

One of my very best friends called her grandmother "mom" and her mother by her first name. I think it is terribly disrespectful of your mother in law to be doing that. My mother also felt she was too young to be a granny but she understood that she had done her time as a mom. LOL Luckily, my niece came up with Mema and it stuck. Even I call her Mema now. There are so many wonderful names that children can come up with to call their grandmothers. Nanny, mawmaw, or even if your angel comes up with the standard Grandma, it will still be just as special as anything else. How does your hubby feel about all this?

Hi M.
You need to tell your mother-in-law in a kind way that you are your baby's momma, not her. If she throws a temper tantrum just let it go but be firm because you are your child's mother not her. If she doesn't like to be called grandma have her come up with another name, something other than momma. My mother came up with the name Gia. Don't let this go on. It will only make you more upset. Put your foot down!! Good LUCK!!!!

Eventually your daughter will most likely come up with her own name for her grandmother, so I wouldn't even waste time trying to convince her that you'll call her a certain thing. When talking to your daughter, you call your mother in law whatever YOU want to call her, and your daughter will call her that or something else she finds more fitting. I think even your mother in law will feel so special that she has her very own name that she'll love it.
My grandmother is called "Grapes" by my son and neice and nephews, because my neice couldn't say great grandmama and somehow came up with Grapes. It's probably not something she would've picked, but that being the nickname her oldest great grandchild came up with, it was much too special to argue with.
My mother-in-law is called Honey by her oldest granddaughter, and that's now what everyone calls her. Some people aren't ready to be a grandmother, but calling themselves by a different name doesn't change the fact that they are grandparents.
You decide what you will call her, and what you will introduce her to your daughter as, and it doesn't matter what your mother-in-law says. She's your daughter, you are mom, that is that!

Hi M.!

I would just tell her that she is not the "momma" and not to tell your child that! That would really piss me off! YOU are the mom and have every right to tell her how you feel. Let her make up some name for herself if she doesnt want to be called Grandma. My parents are Papa (though I know some people dont like that for Grandpas, we do, to us fathers are "Dad" or "Daddy") and my mom is Grandma.

Good luck!

Bless your heart... I feel your frustration. That sounds like something my mother-in-law would do. My first question is, do you live with her? If not, what does your husband have to say about it?? If he dismisses your concerns then I would go directly to her. If you do not live with her then you can very simply mention to her that when you all are at home you call her ______. If she states it is not acceptable then ask her what she would like to be called. If she says "Momma" then simply explain to her that you think that is too confusing and you would prefer she pick another name. If she tries to stand her ground then just tell her that you are not comfortable with that and you will be calling her _______. I know this is frustrating for you, just keep faith in the fact that your little one will call her whatever she thinks fits, we can only encourage ideas. Good luck to you and just remember you married your husband, not his family.

Have you talked to your husband about this? When I have any issues with my mother-in-law I go to my husband first and try to calmly tell him how I'm feeling and he talks to his mom. Now, he doesn't say anything like "C. said..." or anything like that. Now, I've never had her ask one of my boys to call her mom...but I know there are times when I've felt like that was the next thing she was going to do. But maybe you could just get him to say something like, "Mom, I'm glad you want to be a part of our daughter's life but don't you think it would be better if she called you Nana (or whatever you all feel will work)?"
I hope it works out for you...Momma is such a special name and for your daughter that is YOU!! My husband and I were also already pregnant when we got married (we were only 19) so I understand some things that come up with the mother-in-law when you're a young mom. There have been times we've had to stand our ground and remind them of who the parents were.

I can't believe she has the nerve. I mean who in thier right mind would do that?! I even had a hard time having my kids call my mother in law mawmaw. It sounds like momma but it's a little different. (That's what his whole family has always called the grandma) I would defiently let her know where her place is before things get outta hand. She needs to know you're the mom and you and your husband make all the decisions when it comes to your child.I've had to tell my mother in law a few times and I never felt guilty for it. Let me tell ya, I have friends that have gone through the same thing as you. It started off with the thier child calling the grandma momma and they never did anything about it. The kids are 4 and 6 and they still call her momma. That is just ridiculous to me!and the grandma is like in charge of everything. My friend is 27 years old and still has to answer to her mother in law if she's going anywhere with the kids, who's at thier house, Everything! It's crazy! Put your foot down now or she'll think she can get away with much more. Good luck, God knows how mother in laws can be!

Hi M.!

This is such unacceptable behaivor. There is a lot of good advice on here. And Mama is a special name, just for you and no one else. I would talk to her. Let her no that. If that doesn't work, have your husband say something. If that doesn't work, show your husband all the 22 responses on the computer. Ask him which course of action he'd like to take, because action should be taken!!! LOL

In all seriousness, keep correcting her, teach your baby the right thing to say to GRANDMA. And if it causes a heated conversation between you two, I would ask her where she was during all the tough times...the doctors appointments...the birth...the pregnancy! And now you want to be called "mama?" As my grandmother would say...sounds like she has a case of "MEitous." Showing up to your wedding in white dress. Oh, brother!

Honey, most all of us have crazy mother in laws. It comes with being married. I married at your age and my in-laws completely changed. They liked me better when I was the girlfriend and sat quietly in the corner. LOL Good luck. And welcome to our "crazy mother in law club!!!" LOL

Take care,
Lee

I know that you posted this a while ago, but I just couldn't help myself, I just needed to give my input. My MIL drives me crazy. I wanted to have a wedding, but it was impossible with his mother questioning my every decision and trying to plan my wedding. So we just ended up going to the justice of the peace. Even then she was unhappy, because we didn't get married at the time of day that she wanted us to, and was also upset at the choice of restaurant we went to afterward. she gets very upset when she doesn't get her way, even on my freakin wedding day. She always talked about how badly she wanted me to get pregnant so that she can have a grandchild and when I did get pregnant she was even meaner to me. She didn't care about me when I was pregnant and even told me that she didn't care if I got into a car accident. Its nice to see that I'm not the only one with MIL issues. My husband is also scared of his mother. I however would definitely put my foot down is she wanted your baby to call her mom. I wouldn't even call her mom. I get upset when I hear about crazy MIL. I don't even want mine to babysit my almost 4 month old son. Sorry for the long post, I just really don't like overbearing MIL, especially when the husbands are too scared to do anything about it.