More Wedding Advice

Coming from a step-mom, each need to be recognized....
This is my suggestion.

One walk half way down, then the other....who each you feel RAISED you needs the last one....My stepdaughter, asked me to walk down before her Mother, so her Mom would be right before the rest of the wedding party...we sat side by side....I was honored....
The fact is you have two dads and they both need to be recognized in some fashion....this way, you can have a phot with each of them, what a wonderful way to honor both.

Just my 2 cents...

If you are close to your mom why not have her give you away or have both your son and new step daughter do it. Alternatively you might ask your two dads what they want. I also think it would be bold and make a statement if you walk down the isle. It says you are confident of your choice.

the proper etiquette for a second time bride is to walk herself down the aisle. your "dads" have already given you away once. the "rules" for a second wedding are a little different. although i just told my husband about your little dilema and he's says it's your wedding and if you want to walk down the aisle with a chicken you should.....he's crazy. good luck!

Hi S., Unless I'm missing something in your question. Why is it you cant have both your fathers walk you down this time as well? I just got married myself in Aug 07 for the second time! My father walked me down, but I almost had my son who is 11 walk me, but I think it is appropriate if the father or Fathers to walk their daughter down to the man that will be your hubby!!!
Second time around is AMAZING :) Good Luck!!!
J.
Sugar Sweet Diva Candles
http://www.mygccandle.com/jenniferb

You already been give away by your family the first time.
I would walk by myself this time.
Good luck and best wishes this time!

My dad gave me away the first time so when I remarried my future husband walked me down the aisle. When the minister asked the question my dad stood and said her family gives her to this man. I liked us walking each other down the aisle. We could hold on to each other for support and make eye contact with people on both sides of the church.

I feel you!
I am getting married in August and My whole life has been "choosing" between my two Dads. They are both great and , honestly , the pressure comes more from their wives than from them.
I decided not to walk down with either one of them.
instead my husband is going to join me in a teepee and we are going to walk back down the aisle together. ( iwill be in the teepee before the ceremony starts)
Good Luck.

Why not do the same again?? I had my dad walk down the aisle with me and my son and my husband exited with me- the pics are very cute!

When I got Married My five year old daughter walked with me down the aisle. She didn't give me away but instead we included her as part of the ceremony. Instead of two people coming together as a married couple we were three people coming together as a family. We gave her a bracelet after my husband and I exchanged rings and we vowed to love and support each other. It was beautiful. Our minister handled it all beautifully. Good luck!

Hi S.

I too got re-married when my now 20 year old was 4. My son dressed up in a tuxedo walked his mommy down the isle. He was so proud and it made him so much a part of everything. He still remembers it and we to this day are very close. My dad was at my wedding and totally agreed that my son should do it as it was his place as the man of the house. So maybe you should rethink how great it will be for your son to be part of the wedding in a really big way. I'm glad I did it.

Good Luck
L.

As a former wedding consultant, I can offer this advice to S.. For a second wedding, you do not have to have anyone "give" you away. If you would like, you may walk in unescorted and have the officiate eliminate the wording "who gives this bride?". This is perfectly proper and eliminates the problem even if you choose to have an escort. The escort would simply walk you down the aisle, shake the groom's hand, and then give your hand to the groom. Then the escort takes a couple of steps back and goes to his seat. I hope this helped.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

My father had passed away when I got married. I am really close to my uncle and stepdad and couldn't make a choice, so I decided to have my mom walk me down and give me away. It worked out great and nobody's feelings were hurt.

S.,I am 70 years old and as a 16 year old bride all things went wrong.I had 5 children and was married to this man for 14 years. after divorcing him I met someone else that was 11 years older than myself with two grown boys,We considered my children were his and his were mine,even though my children were the ages of 2,4,7,10,12, and his was 17 & 19 we all lived together and had a very happy marriage.We have been married for 40 years now and our love is stronger now than it was in the beginning.If what you have is true love Go for it. Be happy.J. R.

Have you thought about asking your step daughter to give you to her father? It is a great ay to include her and give her another special moment!

Give yourself away. If you want the question asked about who gives the bride, then simply say,"I give myself to my husband and best friend forever".

I completely agree with Jessica- she said exactly what I was going to say... on a second marriage, you are your own independent woman now. I think you should symbolize that in walking by yourself.

As far as the other question, my boss just joined himself & his little girl with his wife & her sons. They had a really neat idea in that all members were included in the vows that they wrote together as a group, but their kids are all pre-teens and teens, so older than yours'.

I would say since it is your second wedding, walk alone. You are your own women know and this can show that you are independant and a woman know instead of "daddy's little girl" (which they already know you always will be!).

This is your second time around. You honored your fathers the first time. Do it alone this time. The "giving away" signifies the father "giving his maiden daughter away". You are no longer a maiden daughter.

Since this is your second marriage and you are not now 'under the umbrella' of your parent's home, I suggest that you walk down the isle with your son - not so he can 'give you away', but so he can be part of the blending of your family with your husband-to-be and his daughter. Step families aren't just two people getting married, it is a part of two former families joining together to make a new family.
Hope that helps.

I saw this once and it was beautiful! As you walk through the door, pause and allow your soon to be husband walk down, take your hand and walk down the aisle together. You can eliminate the "who gives this bride" all together.

K.

I think Haveing both of them walk you down the aisle again would be just fine. If you are not wanting both of them to do this, and if you are also close to your dad, i would ask him to do it. i have helped friends with alot of weddingds, so if you have anymore questions or some advice or input i would be glad to help!

My father was deceased when I married so I walked my self down the aisle, although my older brother offered. I think a girl these days can do it herself!

As I saw in another response, traditions are often out the door these days. There were lots of issues with my family when I married my hubby, too, but I ended up going the "traditional" route. Perhaps instead of worrying over the question of "who gives this bride" you can ask your pastor to skip the question this time. Besides, that question leaves your son out, and he (and your fiance's daughter) are a big part of your new family.

Hi S.,
I got married for the second time in September 2007 on a Paddlewheeler! My 23 year old son gave me away. It was so beautiful and everyone loved it! I think, no matter how old your son is, he should be the one walking down the isle with you. It is so sentimental and you will never forget it. After the preacher asked "who gives this woman to this man", my son said "I do" and kissed me before he took his seat. Everyone "aw'd". I'll never forget it. Both of my daughters were bridesmaids and my now step-son was the best man. We wouldn't have had it any other way. Hope this helps! Congrats!

As a woman out on your own, you no longer require anyone to "give you away". Ask whomever you please to walk with you-maybe your mom-and ask to have the part about "who gives this woman" to be ommitted from the service. Also consider walking by yourself. It is a beautiful way to come to your groom.

With my second wedding I had my best friend (guy) give me away but I love the ideas of the children's involvement. The only problem with that is yours is 4 years old and gosh only knows what could happen. They act up and you have to correct them etc. You will have enough to do. I think the best idea was the one where you enter and walk part way in and your husband to be walks up and takes your hand and the both of you walk together to be married. So beautiful and loving. At the end when they pronounce you husband and wife and you turn to walk away, at that time you could gather up the children and walk out together as a family.
Good Luck to you and best wishes.

We were married in a gazebo at the church we attended. It wasn't the first marriage for either of us, so I walked down a path to the steps of the gazebo where my groom waited for me and we walked together up to the pastor.

An idea to include your children in the ceremony is a family unity candle. Your son may be too young to hold a candle by himself, but maybe big sis could help him.

Best wishes to all of you...

The first time one marries she may be "given away". Once married and divorced, and marrying again, you're pretty much giving yourself away. No need to bother anyone to walk down the aisle with you as you were "given away" the first time and I'm sure your Dad/Stepdad didn't take you back in to be "given away" again. Sounds old school, I know, but it's time that we adult women behave as such.

S.:

Just have both of them walk you down the isle one on each side. This may be untraditional but you will save the feelings of both and you will not regret having asked both of them to do it.

i've only been married once, so i'm no expert in this area...but please don't take any offense to this...but most likely noone is going to remember...so do whatever makes you happy! are you afraid that you're going to hurt someone's feelings or are you trying to do what the rule book says? do what your heart tells you to do and you'll never be wrong:)

S. - I remarried 2 years ago for the second time (after being single for approx. 17 years). Both of my daughters were grown (yours are still small), but my position on the issue was I'm a grown woman with grown children, so no one is really giving me away! I walked by myself. If you think about it, the "giving away" is when a young girl, still living with her parents, is literally given away to her husband. That didn't fit with me and really doesn't fit with you either. I'd walk alone and leave out the "who gives this woman. . ." from the ceremony.
Good luck!

Why don't you ask your Mom?

i would say walk down the aisle by yourself, since you're not going from your parent's house to your husband's house -- you are probably living on your own. or, you may want to walk down hand in hand with your son, and have the question be something like, "Who wants to join the [smith] family? (or whatever your fiance's surname is), and then your son and you can say, "We do!"

Since you are already incorporating the kids as ring bear and flower girl, I suggest either having them both walk you down again. They are both giving you away just as they both played a big role in your life thus far. If I had not married my son's father I planned to have my son and my dad give me away but I don't have a step-parent to involve. The suggestion of having both sets of parents walk in front of you is a cute idea too, they could walk in front and each step to one side while you walk to the center and all of them give you away.

I think you have a lot of great suggestions here. Best wishes!

I think it makes sense for you to walk alone this time - showing your independence, your personal strength and choice in this husband. It might bring you better luck! Worked for me - 27 years into my second marriage! Afterall, we belong to ourselves, especially if we have already been married - we don't need anyone else to get us to the altar. Best Wishes and Good Luck!

Okay so here is our story... My husband and I had both been married previously. So we were looking at the whole wedding in a different light, it was truely about love. I still had the beautiful dress and the flowers and the candle lit open room at Chapel Dulcinea! It was free as well.. Mike was already there mingling with all the guests, I arrived joined him at his side and we greeted our guests together and then proceeded to the vows. It was so much more intimate as everyone was envolved as it didn't feel like I was walked through out friends and family. We just all talked and then got down to business and then headed off to dinner at Treehouse grill. It was AWESOME! I feel that the second time around you are smarter and it really is about the commitment you are making to one another and not so much about the formalities. Hope that helps

Whynot have both fathers walk you down the aisle
it is event that you love both and are close to both.

mamasourse friend

My advice.....skip that part of the vow. I did and it did not seem to matter......walk by yourself or with your son. That is what I did...no need for someone or anyone to give you away! You sound like a keeper!

I got married in July 2007... I had the same issue.. but my son was 8 yrs old... What I did was have my biological dad walk me part of the way, then my step dad walked me another part of the way, and then he handed me over to my son who handed me over to my husband.. When the question came up who gives this woman... my dads said we do and then my son said THEY do point to the dads... It was too cute, it was brought laughter to the room. Hope this helps.

Usally the Father who raised you should walf you down. I am not sure how long or what part of your life your step father came into your life. But who was there through ages 1-17? Sometimes brides have there brother take the place. Or even just to go solo. Be safe and no feelings hurt is by yourself. But it is your wedding and traditons are out the door now days. It is all about what you want.

Please don't have any one give you away. You are a grown woman, already married once before, with children. The idea of having someone give you away just doesn't seem to go with the idea of a grown woman, who knows what she wants and is making her own decision and choice. Stop looking at it from the viewpoint of tradition and look at whether it really makes any sense.

I am a wedding coordinator and mom. When there have been 2 good options for the "give away" guy we have had one dad start with the bride down the aisle from the back of the church and then hand her off to the "other dad" halfway down the aisle. This is an easy way to honor and acknowledge both and extend your walk down the aisle. Best of luck!

Who do you want to walk you down the aisle? It is really up to you to decide this one. You must make your wedding the event that you persponally want, not try to please anyone else. It sounds as if you liked having both Dads walk you down the aisle the first time. Could you have this happen again? Is there a problem with this? Remember, this is your wedding. J. K.

At my wedding I actually had quite a fisasco with the walking down thing but I had people that I wanted to do it and it was my wedding!;) My birth father was only in my life til I was about 3 and then very scarce after that. My uncle who I am really close to, kinda hepled my mom out while she was single and he didn't have any daughters, and my step dad who raised me from 6 on til now. So what I did was this, It was a longgggg aisle and it had a bend in it. so my birth father and uncle walked me down together one on each side. At the bend they handed me off to my step father. To me it symbolized all the men that were there for me and kinda in the order. But because my step dad was who had the most part in raising me and paying for everything I had, including my wedding, he gave me away.

Wow! I really liked the way you did it the first time! Both Dads feel special that way. Could your son be the ring bearer and his daughter be a jr bridesmaid or flower girl? That way the whole family is involved?

Hi S. - I was in the same situation, however, without a step dad. I felt like my dad had "given me away" so I had him lead the wedding procession with a cross. I walked down the aisle by myself. That way he was in the wedding without be being given away. Perhaps, there are two opportunities for your Dad's to be in the wedding party without either giving you away.

Good luck!

I married 2 years ago. My situation was a bit different as my sons are currently 25, 24 and 20. I had each son starting with the youngest walk me 1/3 of the way down the aisle. As each son "passed me off" to the next brother, he/they would step in behind me and walk the rest of the way. I didn't see it as them giving me away but rather being a part of joining the family. My step-children were the acolytes. Each set of children stood by their respective parents until we had the "inclusion" part of the ceremony.My husband and I gave medallions / charms to the other's child; the charms had three intertwined circles to signify two families coming together to make a 3rd. The pastor talked specifically to the children and said that we parents recognized each child came from one of us and another parent and that our marriage didn't take away that fact and in fact we didn't want to nullify the child's relationship with either biological parent. Our new marriage was just the blending of three families and that in time, with love, awareness and support, we all would consider this new family a blessing. (Don't remember the exact words.) Everyone who attended our wedding, including the pastor, loved how we incorporated children, etc. into the works.
D.

I married my husband who had a 4 year old daughter at the time. It was also my second marriage. After having a very large formal wedding the first time, we chose for me to walk myself down the isle and only the 3 of us stood before the minister. We included his daughter in the service and told her our "family" was getting married.

When I married the second time I had a four-year daughter. No one "gave me away" because at that time I belonged to no one, I was my own woman. My daughter was a flower girl.

Cathy

If this is a smaller event you may want to just walk yourself. I like Margaret's idea about walking your son to meet your fiance almost to sybolize the joining of 2 families.

It's really up to you, it's your day so do what you are most comfortable with!

I walked myself down the aisle for my second wedding. It was a great decision for me. My son was 4 at the time too. I have been married for 20 years now with 2 more boys. Good luck.

You could have your pastor totally skip the question and walk the isle by yourself. He could even skip the question and you could have both your dad & stepdad walk you down the isle.

I liked what both Jenny R. and Amy J. wrote.
My personal experince was that it was my first time and my husband's second, but because he had his first marriage annulled as well as obtaining the divorce, he was able to marry in the church again (We are Catholic).

Both his children were in our wedding. We wanted to include them and they wanted to participate. They brought the communion to the altar during mass.

My suggestion is to have your son and soon to be step-daughter escort you, or to have you walk with your son and have your step-daughter standing with her Dad. Your son isn't giving you away...he's joining you in becoming part of a family. For you this should be easy to understand...because I had no children when I got married, having two new stepkids was an awakening, despite the fact that I had been with their dad seven years before we got married! We never lived together, so I got used to just the occasional weekend thing...marriage is a whole new deal!

Because of the fact that you are close to your step-dad is a compliment on your mom...she set the example of how a family should be...I think you would honor her by returning the favor to your new step-daughter...how special she would feel to walk with you or stand with her Daddy.

Best of luck to all four of you!
Sincerely,
J. R.

I am getting married for the second time as well and we are having a destination wedding. My two dads are unable to attend. My five year old son is going to "give me away", he didnt like the idea at first, stating that he didnt want to give me away, but we assured him that my fiance will give me back! LOL. I think it is a special way to include my little man in the ceremony!

why not both dads walk you down the aisle. or better yet have both parents walk together in front of you and you walk my yourself after them. i think mom and dads both should give away their children after all we gave birth.

Sometimes in this situation I have seen one of the Fathers stand half way down the aisle, you begin the ceremony with one of them walking you down the aisle and half way that Father stops and stands off to the side while the other Father continues. Once you are up to the front of the Church with your Husband to be, the first Father quietly seats himself. Only the Father that walked you up to your Fianc'ee responds to the question, "Who gives this Woman to this Man". Another alternative is the question is not asked. It doesn't have to be. Your Father gives you a kiss, places your Fiance's hand and yours together, you both walk forward to the Minister and your Father seats himself. I hope this helps.

Hi, S.
How exciting - another wedding! I like what you did the first time, having both "dads" give you away. Or, walking down the aisle by yourself, signifying that you are giving yourself in marriage is also a good choice. I would say just go with your instincts.

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My second weddind I walked alone, sure of self and my decision, I was giving myself tomy husband!

Hi S.!
Congratulations! How exciting!
I think they should both walk you down the aisle! The way you described them giving you away, before is just perfect! You are very Blessed to have two Dads!! :o)

This part is my "edited" response after reading some of the other readers' advice.
S., yes, you are an "independent woman" but that does not mean that you are no longer a "Daddy's Girl", anymore. I don't care how old we get or how independent we are, being a Daddy's girl never diminishes. It's ok to be both and why not? These two Wonderful men were and are a very important part of who you are! Celebrate that and them by including them in your wedding because it is and they are part of your life. And no, people will not forget! I have been married for 11 years and I had the two most important people in my life walk me down the aisle; my Father AND my Mother and to this day, people still tell me how they remember me having both of my parents walk me down! They thought and still think that was one of the most sweetest gestures. It was a no brainer for me, though. So, I say, include them both!

Take Care!

D.

S., you said you had both do it the first time well how did that work out, if you love both of them and get a long with both of them then do it again, they are both a part of your life, and have been there for your right, then let them both be there for you on your big day.

T.

S.,

Since you don't won't your fathers or your son to walk w/ you. You should just walk alone, it would be just as beautiful.

How about you Mom gets something to do besides be the last to sit down!!

Why not do the same thing you did at your first wedding unless you think that might jinx your second marriage!!

as i walked down the aisle, different people gave me a rose and by the time i got to the front, i had a bouquet. then i handed it off during the ceremony to have someone tie it together and they gave it back at the end...looked cool and saved on flowers :)

blessings,
M.

S. I think if you have a long aisle to walk, down let your stepfather walk you to the center and give you to your father and let your father walk you the rest of the way and then give you away.Therefore both will be included in the ceremony.B. F.

I have read both of your posts. Why dont you and your son walk down the aisle to your fiance and his daughter? As if to say that you and your son are becoming one with him and his daughter? This way it kills two birds with one stone, so to speak. It suggests the joining of two families while at the same time including both children. They then become part of the ceremony. You could also include the candle lighting with all four of you.
Just a thought:)
Margaret