More Mothers Day Misery...

Oh, was yesterday Mother's Day? I would never have guessed. It was a regular ordinary Sunday in my house...

this is not a mother's day issue. this is a completely unappreciated and taken for granted every day issue. so why are you permitting this? you can expect decades more of this treatment if you don't put a stop to it right now. today. this minute.
khairete
S.

You are definately not alone here. Mother's day was like any other day for me. I cleaned the house, took out the dogs...everything that I normally do. I did not get a phone call or text from anyone saying happy mother's day. No gifts...nothing. It was a big kick in the pants to me.

I've read, and responded to some of your posts, over the past couple months and I have to ask........Who can you change? Yourself or your boyfriend? He has to be open and willing to "better" himself. I'm not saying he's a bad person or that one way is "the only way", but he doesn't seem to be "the best" he can be in terms of being caring, interested and a truly involved partner. Is that how you would treat someone? If not, then why allow yourself to be treated that way? Do you see yourself and your children being treated that way for 1 more year, 5 more years, 1 more day?

Updated

I submitted a response this morning and then read through the other responses after "submitting". I have thought alot about the other responses and feel like I need to voice an additional thought.........I heard repeatedly that "That's just what men are like" or "Get used to it" or "Take care of yourself because he's not going to....." Believe me, I also heard the "Kick him to the curb" ones but the thing that I'm troubled with is the notion that we have to accept unacceptable behavior because "that's just the way it is with men". I don't believe it has to be that way. Granted, the generational thing of the man brings home the bacon and comes home and kicks his feet up is still alive and well out there......but it doesn't have to be that way and honestly isn't in alot of cases. Father's are becoming more "engaged" in their children's and their family's lives. Personally I think the step that has to be taken is one from "selfishness" to "selflessness". For the most part Mom's have this down pat.....It's the Dad's/father's that have a more difficult time with it. I think once they can become a true "partner" to their wife, they see the benefits in their children, their family and their relationship with their wife.....Good luck! It really is a bumpy road in getting a previously "me, me, me" man into a "what can I do to help" man. I'm still traveling that road but my gosh the benefits are so amazing :-)

Ok and you're not married to this guys and you're STILL putting up with this? You need to stop being so passive. Let your demands be made known and stick to them. You've allowed him to think you're a doormat and that's why the behavior continues the way it does. I have been married 26 years and would never tolerate that. Nor would I encourage any woman to put up with that. He knows you'll let it go so he continues in his bad spoiled child behavior. Next time, if you have to, trade off with another mom and take time for YOU. Once he sees you're serious about having some YOU time, he might start to wake up - or even better, leave him with the kids and tell him to put his big boy panties on and deal with it.

Hey there, yep you are not alone. Last year's mother's day was horrible. I hated it and was very unhappy. I think my hubby read my blog and figured out how unhappy I was. Of course I had given a blow by blow description of what I hated...that said, most men, (for the yellers, I did say most and not all), most men don't get hints, nudges, or webpages left up on the computer of exactly what we want. Most men have to have someone say, "I want to sleep in on Mother's Day so will you please get up with the children?" and "Mother's Day means no laudry, cooking, or anything else. Mother's Day means I do not cook, I do not do laundry, and I do not do dishes." Those are my bigee's. Please feel free to replace with your important items. Just like any other time of year, if you are feeling neglected, you need to let him know and unfortunately, you must be as non-confrontational as possible so that you asking for help does not escalate into a fight. Good news, I woke up late yesterday morning, the kitchen was immaculate, I did not have to cool, do dishes, or laundry! There is hope.

Good Luck! I have my fingers crossed for you!

I had a great Mother's Day, because I planned it! I told my husband exactly what I wanted - a pedicure on Saturday (and here's the number to the spa, honey, to make the appointment), time to myself (I'm a SAHM of a 4 and 2 year old) and sleeping in on Sunday. I went out with a fellow mom on Saturday night to get a glass of wine and the two of us also went for a little pastry and coffee on Sunday for lunch.
After 15 years of marriage (4+ with kids of the human variety), I know that my husband loves me and wants me to have a great day, but has absolutely NO IDEA how to accomplish that. He's actually kind of relieved that he doesn't have to figure it out.
So next Mother's Day, take your fate in your own hands and have the day you want! Hand the kids and hubby a schedule of the weekend and what they are expected to do while you are eating bon bons and getting a massage! You deserve a great weekend!

I have only one question..."You are with this person because....????"

I'll tell you what my husband would say, "If I acted like that, you'd leave me and never look back." And I say, "Exactly." We all have different kinds of arrangements with our sig. others. I say, who cares about Mother's day (I don't). I expect consideration and support every day of the year. I know other women who are happy to take on most of the work of the house and children as long as they get a few special days every year when they are really pampered and appreciated. If he's usually a nice and supportive guy, I'd cut him some (no, a lot of) slack, but if this is business as usual, you have a right to be angry. Maybe when you talk to him about it (just a tip) say, "I was disappointed yesterday because I was hoping for bagels in the morning and a break from the kids in the afternoon (or whatever)..." Men are usually more receptive when you don't accuse them and when you tell them exactly what you want (as I'm sure you know. ;-) Good luck.

Sometimes men are so clueless. They need a road map. Next year, my dear, be proactive. Hire a babysitter, and TELL HIM he is taking you out for your special day. Tell him he is going to spoil you, because you need it and that is what Mother's Day is for. Ya know what, don'y wait until next year. Tell him he blew it, and how hurt you are, but he can make it up to you next weekend! And be blunt and tell him how. If he is still clueless, hit him where it hurts and cut him off for a while. Tell him you are "not in the mood" because you feel over worked, under-appreciated, and unimportant. I bet this will encourage him to GET IT!

i hear ya sister! i am one of those previous posts...wow we sure set ourselves up for disappointment don't we! hang in there girl. you're not alone, and no, it's not right. we're not asking too much and we're not crazy. just remember, father's day is right around the corner! lol. ((hugs))

I'm sorry your mother's day stunk. Your boyfriend is a selfish jerk. He sounds like a child. Why put up with this BS? How about you dump him and find yourself a real man who will love and appreciate you?

Good luck.

Honey, you're not being over sensitive. This is the guy you've picked, and this is going to be mothers' day for you as long as you're with him. He clearly doesn't care enough to pamper you on mothers' day, much less marry you. If you lower your expectations enough, then it won't sting as bad next year.

Is your BF the father of your children? If no, then you have no commitment to such an unappreciative man....lose him. I'm sad for you. A $2.50 card would have made you feel good, instead, you were given an ordinary day. You're not worthless. You sound like a great attentive mother, and you don't need an unsupportive man distracting you and leaving you stressed. Tell him how you feel! If he brushes it off as nothing, lose him. And if he is the father to your children, when Fathers Day comes in June, please act like you don't know what day it is, because that's what it sounds like he did to you....

Everybody has the right idea when they say Why would you put up with this?! If my husband was being an insensitive jerk, I would call him on it! Just tell him, "No honey, you cook lunch, it's mother's day and I'm going out to do ____. No honey, I won't do your laundry today, I am not your mother. Oh and by the way, since it is mother's day, I get first shower". Don't make him responsible for your perfect day. Some men can do that, some can't. Men just don't really get hints, even the ones that are more like requests. You almost have to get their attention, have them look in your eyes, and repeat the request back afterwards like we do with our toddlers.

No, you don't want to solicit gifts and it sure would be nice to get a surprise gift for a change that isn't planned by yourself, but I gave up years ago on my husband being a good gift-giver or surprise planner. I refuse to let that be the yardstick I measure my marriage by. When my hubby does come up with something, it is so much more meaningful. We aren't really big on celebrating days like Mothers Day or Valentines Day in a big way. So what we do on the actual day doesn't really count. But I never feel underappreciated or worthless, you should not let him make you feel that way!

My husband wasn't even home yesterday. I got a text message in the morning. I am fine with that. He shows me he appreciates me when he comes home in between working out of state for weeks at a time. I told him a couple years ago not to bother with flowers. It bugs me to pay more for florists to deliver flowers to me on holidays, when I would rather spend that money on clothes or something else I need. What I did yesterday was deal with the usual 2 yr old meltdowns and messes and then go out to dinner with my parents. My dad wanted to take us out to a nice restaurant. My 2 yr old didn't really cooperate. I spent the whole dinner trying to keep him under control. I bribed with ice cream. Not really an enjoyable dinner, but I didn't let it get to me. It was a nice thought and not a disaster. I finished the day with a quick phone call to hubby and another meltdown over bedtime.

It doesn't have to be about what you did or got, or how perfect your day is. My special days usually don't sound much different than yours, but the difference is how it makes me feel. Don't let him make you feel that way, remind him about the days he should celebrate, plan them for him, or if that doesn't happen, just leave him with the kids and do what you want. And NOT grocery shopping. When fathers day rolls around, do something for him like you want done for you, and then mention that THIS is your idea of celebrating a person you love. You can even make a joke and say, "I'm gonna show you how its done! Take notes for next year!" Here's hoping next year is better :)

Here's my idea of Mothers Day, leave the house & everyone in it & have my day to myself. I will not disappoint myself, my expectations would be very low & I am not needy. Plan your day yourself in the future. Three years of being pissed is not worth it, so just like any other day, take control of the situation. I had my husband take our 3 kids (6, 4, 3) to a baseball game so I can have the house to myself! If he didn't take the kids out I would have just said I will see you guys later & had a relaxing day no matter what. Next year you need to pick up your mom & you & her just go out to a nice lunch/dinner in peace, i guarantee you will have a wonderful time......in fact ask for a do over & go this coming weekend

Some men are just clueless.
Most men do not get hints. You have to out and out say. "Hey Mothers day is coming up, so you guys (meaning boyfriend, husband, kids) need to start planning for my day." "Here is the date, and here is what I want." Give them a list of options.. "I want 3 of the things off of this list to happen and want you all to smile about it too", hee, heee..

I know it does not sound like it is from the heart, but since you are the mom and probably plan everything else in their lives, they are not used to thinking and doing for themselves, much less anyone else..

Please stop doing so much for them and instead start giving them responsibilities. They may not meet your standards, but at least they will begining to take ownership of some of the basic family life.

Happy Belated Mothers Day!

Sorry to hear how bad your day went. :( If it's any consolation, your not alone, mine was equally miserable. I don't think your over reacting at all, it is ONE day a year & you would think your significant other would ackowledge you as a great mother & appreciate all that you do. My hubby didn't do a thing either. Money wise, he could afford to get a card to give from our 2.5 year old daughter, or just watch her a few hours so I could do something for myself. SOMETHING! But as you, not a thing. So... I mentioned it, that I thought it was horrible that he didn't acknowledge this day & he apologized and blamed it on our moving this weekend. He's done nothing for Mom's day in the 5 years I've known him. So... we argued for about 2 hrs. over this & got no where. :( I don't have any advice, just letting you know, your not alone in this. I personally will be borrowing his credit card today so he can buy me a nice gift! ;) Hang in there, sometimes guys just don't have a clue!

Why are you with him? I don't expect much from my husband (and the father of our children) since, no I am not his mother. But he does do some very nice things for me that day. Even though I don't get diamonds or breakfast in bed, he is thoughtful and caring and I did get a card, and he did cook me food and take care of the kids all day so I wouldn't have to bother. I am not saying this to brag. I am only stating that this behavior, or more, should be what you get. You are not. You make it sound very clearly that this is the type of behavior your boyfriend has all the time.
1- have you actually talked to him. Not just suggested or dropped hints. Have you come out and said I want you to do ......? Have you ever told him to do his own laundry? or make his own lunch?
2- You are choosing to live like this. If you are unhappy, make a change. First and foremost, talk to him. If necessary, go to counseling to give both of you a change to talk about your relationship open and honestly.
3- If he won't go, you should go by yourself. You know what you want, but are willing to live with so much less.....why?
This sounds like it's not new behavior from either of you (sorry to make such a quick judgement, but I'm going from what you laid out). Use this - not anger, just realization - as a starting point to figure out what you really demand out of life and from anyone in your life. Stand up for yourself.
I do wish you luck
J.

Is he the children's father? If not, then it wasn't really his responsibility (although he could have been thoughtful enough to do it anyway!!). I say dump him if you can. Honestly. He wouldn't get you bagels after you asked for them? No way.

That being said, I am of the theory that we treat others the way we want to be treated. Sooooo.....IF you want to stay with him, then you shouldn't get revenge on Father's Day. That is what children do (and we are supposed to teach them not to!). You should treat him nicely and with respect for the job he does as a father and the way he takes care of his family (assuming he does some things right).

If you want to stay with him, sit him down when you are calm and have an adult conversation about why this hurt your feelings and try to work it out. Let him know reasonably the way you expect to be treated and that you would like an apology and some respect. If that doesn't work, you being petty and spiteful will just set a poor example for your children.

Sorry you had such a bad day. Good luck.

Whooooaaaa--sorry your MD did not really work out. This guy (excuse me if this seems harsh) seems like a real self-centered jerk! Did he see/call his own mother? I'm guessing he treats her like dirt too b/c men who treat their ladies like this usually don't treat their moms very well either. Sorry you had such a cruddy MD. Next year, plan something for YOURSELF and him watching the kids can be YOUR PRESENT!

I feel for you. When I was pregnant with my first child I truly thought my husband would find some way to make Mother's Day special for me. My son was due in 4 weeks and since I had been taking care of myself, and therefore my baby, for the previous 8 months I thought I deserved to be honored. Let me tell you how quickly I learned to put away any romanticized notions of how Mother's Day would be for me. Not much has changed over these last 6 years. I get a card from the kids and small presents from the kids - usually flowers and candy. Nothing specifically from my husband as he has informed me that I am not his mother. I am pleased though that my kids are at an age where they like holidays and surprises and making crafts (they will soon be 5 and 6). So as we are preparing cards and gifts for the grandmas, they form ideas of what they would like to do for me. So yesterday I was showered with hugs and kisses and homemade items stuffed in envelopes. That was magical for me. Even if my husband doesn't get it, my kids seem to. Hopefully, they won't lose that as they grow older. I've also found that if I do some planning I can have more or less the kind of day I want. Maybe that means making a meal ahead or planning a potluck picnic with the extended family or simply informing my husband what my plans are for that day (gardening, going to a park, just relaxing). If I leave it up to my husband to make the day special, I'm in for a disapointment. If I plan ahead, even though I am doing the work, it is enjoyable for me. Don't know if that helps you, but that is my compromise.

Although your boyfriend should be honoring his mother, if the kids are his (and that is not clear from your post), then he should be helping them learn how to show appreciation for you. Also, what did you do to show your children how to honor you on Mother's Day by example? What did you do for your mother? If you gave her a gift or took her out to dinner, or just baked her a special cake, you gave a great gift to your kids, namely teaching them how to show appreciation to someone special. Maybe no one ever showed him how to treat his mother on Mother's Day, so he does not know deep down inside how to reach out to others.

I love the idea of telling your boyfriend next Mother's Day that you are going out, and he will have to look after the kids. But why wait a whole year? Oh, and when Father's Day comes around, don't get him anything. The only other thing I can suggest is talking to him. And getting all your feelings out. If once that's done he still doesn't get it, kick his sorry a** out!

If it's any comfort (I know it won't be much), there are lots of us out here who hate Mother's Day. My hubby always made a big deal about his mom, but since I'm not his mom, he didn't feel like he needed to do anything for me. Of course, I picked out and bought his mom's cards and gifts.
Now his mom is gone, and it's still about the same. My kids wish me Happy Mother's Day, and I get cards and sometimes gifts. This year my oldest and youngest are mad at each other, so they both stayed away to keep from seeing each other.
I am thinking of telling them next year that the mention Mother's Day to me is going to get their mouths washed out with soap.

Honey, I feel your pain. I had a Mother's Moment, not a Mother's Day. That "moment" consisted of a store-bought card with one sentence written on it. No small momento, no handmade novelty to cherish, no brunch, no activities, no nothing. It was a regular ole day at our house, except with me moping and weepy and my husband getting pissed off that I was upset. I gave hints the entire week before, to no avail. I'm still depressed today.

Keep this in mind on father's day, his birthday, or other special occasions. I'd also think seriously about why you're with someone that treats you like this. Tell him how you feel,and that if he wants to be part of your family he needs to act accordingly.

Your bf sounds clueless in more areas than one. He provides what - income? Is there anything else in this relationship or are you just his cook, launderer, house keeper, bed warmer, door mat and, oh yeah, mother to his kids? Geez, I know janitorial staff who have better compensation packages. Next year, don't expect anyone to do anything for you. Just take the kids to IHOP for breakfast so you don't have to cook it and clean up after it. Treat yourself. Let bf find his own meals for the day.

my dear child.. did you leave your spine at wal mart or something ?
stop waiting around for this guy to notice how much you do for him, because quite frankly he sounds like he has the emotional depth of a teaspoon just how old is this guy..ten ??
and you had kids with him ??
for the record, i got a video card, a beautiful healthy child, a few stretch marks and a very fuzzy guy who truly appreciates me.
as long as you tolerate the behavior, the longer he will do it.
you would be amazed at how quickly a guy will grow up, when you wont stand around waiting him to screw up
K. h.

Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my ex-husband. I am sure that there is a reason that you and your guy are still together but if that reason is "for the kids" then you need to seriously think about that. It is not healthy at all for kids to grow up thinking that they are the only reason their parents are together. I know its scary to be single but believe me, talking from experience, it is sooooo much better than being in an unhealthy relationship. My kids and I are MUCH better off with me being single. I also felt very unappreciated and unloved......now though, I am so much less stresssed, feel more loved and way more appreciated, even though we are way tighter on money. If you love your guy and want to stay with him b/c you truly are in love with him and can't imagine your life without him then sit him down and talk to him seriously about it. Maybe he just needs you to be completely blunt with him. I have a father and two brothers who have said many times over.....I wish women would just say what they want point blank so that I don't have to guess. If you need to talk feel free to email me at ____@____.com. I will be praying for you and your family!

Friend I think you need someone that appreciates you!. It seems to me this person needs a wake up call. Love yourself frist if you want other to do that for you. Value yourself, everybody deserve some attention on mother days or, any special occassion who doesnt like that. Moreover, your children will do what they see at home.

hi i did not red the response you got but in response of your request i thionk having a great mothers day consist in be with your family and have a great time.

i was working in the morning in mothers day and i came home about 11 am and dress the kids to go to the park all afternoon and have great time.i went my kids and husband fishing because is what they prepare for me that day and i don't like go fishing but i love being with them :):)

Sounds like you have way bigger problems with this guy than mothers day. Is this how he treats you every other day? Is there anything exactly that he does that is warm, caring affectionate to you or the kids? If not, then you need to take your foot and put it in his behind and shove him out the door! Seriously, you don't say whether you are a SAHM mom, working parent, etc., but no one should be treated like a doormat. He needs to shape up or ship out, and yes, he should honor you because you are the mother of the children in your home, whether they are his children or not.

I didn't have a chance to read through all of the responses, but my two cents worth is that you are not his mother, so he has no obligation to do anything special for you on Mother's Day. The special treatment or card or gift should come from your children, not from him (although it would be nice for him to make an effort, as well). Ordinarily kids make a mother's day project or card in school or preschool. I got plants and cards from both of my kids that they made in preschool. But I didn't get or expect anything special from my husband. He was busy honoring his own mother.

But that said, it sounds like this is an issue of division of duties and basic decency that goes way beyond Mother's Day. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about expectations, who does what, what you want and need in the relationship, etc. Or else seek a marriage counselor who can help you work through this. Otherwise, you are going to remain miserable in this relationship and he is going to remain oblivious.

I have had some pretty awful mothers days. And this may not be what you want to hear but if you wanted to have bagels for mothers day breakfast and you knew he had ignored it for the past two years you should have gotten them yourself. and if you wanted a hot shower you should have taken it while he was doing the lawn. laundry can be thrown into a hamper. Now having said that let me also say that some men don't know that they need to "do" something for the mom on mothers day. hinting that you would like bagels to a man is like saying i might like it to rain. not really going to happen. you need to get him in front of you and say Go get bagels and bring me a mothers day card. does he skip his mom for mothers day? you need to make mothers day happy for yourself if you boyfriend doesn't do it for you if for no other reason than you want to make sure your kids do it for their spouse later on.

It is definitely hard. After reading some of your posts in the past, he doesn't seem like the guy who is very romantic or is the "kind of man we dream of". Doesn't mean he is an awful guy, just not what you had dreamed for yourself. It's okay for me to say that because I'm in the same kind of shoes. My husband is an amazing, loving, caring guy - but not the 100% family man that I have for a father and not what I would have picked had I made different choices. I love him and wouldn't change it, but it is what it is. I took the kids to churhc (he goes to a different one), lunch with my parents, and then home and we rested...we all went to dinner (my whole family - parents, sister, brother, niece, etc....) and had a great time. My husband does his best I think, but no, I don't get the spa packages that some people get and I don't hate him for it...it's who he is. My kids make it special for me and after all, isn't that the reason we get toe celebrate Mother's Day?? I hope it gets better for you :).

Updated

It is definitely hard. After reading some of your posts in the past, he doesn't seem like the guy who is very romantic or is the "kind of man we dream of". Doesn't mean he is an awful guy, just not what you had dreamed for yourself. It's okay for me to say that because I'm in the same kind of shoes. My husband is an amazing, loving, caring guy - but not the 100% family man that I have for a father and not what I would have picked had I made different choices. I love him and wouldn't change it, but it is what it is. I took the kids to churhc (he goes to a different one), lunch with my parents, and then home and we rested...we all went to dinner (my whole family - parents, sister, brother, niece, etc....) and had a great time. My husband does his best I think, but no, I don't get the spa packages that some people get and I don't hate him for it...it's who he is. My kids make it special for me and after all, isn't that the reason we get toe celebrate Mother's Day?? I hope it gets better for you :).

Apparently you do! As long as you accept that kind of behavior, thats what you are going to get. Is it ok? No!!!! Not only are you accepting this treatment, you are teaching your children, that it's ok. Do you deserve to be treated with some decency and respect ? Only you can answer that.
Let me just take a wild guess, you pamper him on Fathers Day! Stop the insanity! First and foremost, have some respect for yourself. You are worth it !!!!!!!!

Who does this? An extremely immature man who still wants to be a boy! Although even boys get their moms cards sometimes!

Sorry your day kinda sucked! I didn't get a card either....my husband is not a card getter, nor does he think of things on his own. I ordered my own mother's day gift this year and then sent him the link to pay for it.

I ended up doing the vacuuming, cooking, etc all day yesterday while he worked around the house. I did get a 10 minute bath in while he held the baby and kept coming in to see how long I would be. Grrr.

I don't know...on some level, I try to remind myself that he's a great husband and father, but there is a part of me that would like all of my hard work recognized and one day off from all of my mommy duties.

There would have been a huge fight in my household though if there had been sunbathing and ATV crashing.

I am going to guess from his maturity level that your boyfriend won't agree to couples counseling. Sounds like you could both benefit from it.

That's our next step...I think lots of couple can benefit from it, even if you have no plans to separate. Good relationships take hard work and I think most men could benefit from some tips on communicating.

Good luck! Sorry I wasn't much help, guess I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and yes, I think you deserve a bit more! :)

let him spend the day with him shelf on fathers day as he is not your father either it works two ways go to your fathers and have the best time oh yea leave his children with him no matter how old they are a lesson soon he won`t forget and will learn to be thankful for for you always

Honey, my husband of 25 years (in a couple weeks) told me years ago that I'm not HIS mother. He made it clear he had no intentions of doing anything about it. And yet every year I tried to do something for him on Fathers day and that's just 2 weeks after his birthday so I'm always scraping for money or ideas to do anything. I at the very least will cook some of his favorites.

My kids did absolutely nothing for years. Only one of them is a mom now, but they started getting it in their 20's. At least they call and or one of them sends flowers from California. My daughter that is a new mother bought us all Chinese dinner last night.

What I am saying to you is that you are expecting more then you will likely get until way in the future when your kids grow up.

My grandson is only 9 months old and my 2nd daughter didn't think to include her sisters name on the flowers that she sent with my name and my mothers name on them. But I did get her a card, (from her son you know), and give her some chocolate. She is a server at Chilis and someone even had the nerve to stiff her yesterday and she didn't get much in the way of tips for the whole day. That's sad. It's usually a good day. I ended up the day feeling like I should have done more for her.

I'm sure God is smiling at you. For you are a hard-working dedicated mother. It sounds like your boyfriend is a bit immature and selfish. You can't change him . Stay sweet. Keep reminding him of your wants and needs. Pray for him that God will show him where he is lacking. You are a precious gift to him and he dosen't realize this yet. God answers prayer. AF

ohhh... i like the "do these rules apply for father's" thing!!! yes yes they apply TO HIM! I hate to telly ou to be spiteful but give him what he's giving you and when he gets to popping off at the mouth aboiut it tell him, "dO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU"!!and explain to him how he does you on mother's day and that you don't like it and you fell unappreciated. and he takes heed great. But if he does and you continiue to allow it well... Good luck! and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

there are a lot of good points here, but #1 if he is not the father of your children, its not really his responsibility. He clearly thinks of you as his girlfriend and not the mother of his children, so its probably not something he thinks about. Im not saying he doesnt sound like a complete Jerk, you should have a serious talk with him about respecting you and your feelings. But #2, you said you are the one taking care of your mother on Mothers Day. Where is your dad in this situation? She probably spent years without a special Mothers Day either, until you were old enough to care..just like your kids will in a few years. Then they can take care of you on Mothers Day!

I totally agree with CHeryl O. Sounds like the hardest part will be enforcing everything. THere are a couple different directions you can go with this. You can be spiteful and it might backfire or you can start treating yourself and others how you want to be treated while setting limits at the same time. Check out Flylady.net and also read The proper care and feeding of husbands by Laura schlessinger.

You need to stop trying to be a martyr and expecting thanks in return for something that no one has any idea you are doing. As women, many of us fall into this trap and we need to stop. The book will open your eyes as to how to work your man. Than probably sounds wrong but in all actuality, most things have to be "his" idea. Flylady will help because she shows you how you are bieng a martyr and helps you stop by teaching you to love yourself.

As for kids, if you read 1,2,3 magic by Thomas Phelan, that might help. I do not know if you are having any behavior issues but remember to outlast your children and they will see that you are serious. And if they go hungry once or twice, it won't hurt them.

Good luck

Wow, sometimes men can be...well...men! My parents give me a Mother's Day gift, and we all go out to eat or have a cookout on that day with my brother. They even take my boys shopping to get me a gift, so I do get some appreciation and goodies as well. As for my husband, he has never done or said much. He has not given me a card or gift. I have even asked him point blank if he thinks I am a bad mom since he never acknowledges the day. He has said in the past things about me not being his mom as well, and has not really had an answer as to why. He is not the father to my boys, but I am a stepmom to his kids, who we see every other weekend. The thing that bothered me the most is that he would say things he wanted for Father's Day, after not acknowledging my day! Ugh! I do give him a break though, because he lost his mom many years ago, so the holiday probably hurts him quite a bit. This year he did wish me a happy Mother's Day, and did tell me he wanted to get me something but had no clue what to get. He has been laid off since before Christmas, so I really did not want anything bought. It was enough that he did acknowledge me, did want to get me something, did remember the day, and even offered to fold laundry later on so I could watch tv. Anyway, you did not overreact, and I do know how you feel and hope your boyfriend grows up and sees how he needs to show you some appreciation.

I was disappointed yesterday as well. I have 4 children and two are grown and out of the house. They both called in the morning and that was nice. My youngest son (17) verbally wished me a Happy Mother's day as did his little sister (4).

My Mother came out last Friday to spend the weekend. It was okay, but I had planned to take her to the movie playing at the Presbyterian church down the street Saturday night. She did not want to go since she is Methodist. (~rolling eyes). My son made plans so he was not available to watch his sister for me and her to go anyway, so I was just going to take her with us. Well...my Mother was adamant that she not attend a church of a different faith. My daughter fell asleep around 5:30pm and the movie started at 7pm. Instead of offering to watch her, my mother complained about not feeling good and fell asleep on the couch. So I ended up staying home and getting on the computer since I could not clean the living room with her sleeping.

Sunday My Mom attended my church (Church of God) instead of going to the Methodist church. While we were there, a very bad child decided hitting my daughter in the face with the door and scratching her face was okay to do. I lost it. The Sunday School teachers said it was an accident and made excuses for this child whom was spitting in his father's face prior to going downstairs...unpunished. I received no apology from the parents of this child and was told I was overreacting.

Needless to say, we were not asked out to lunch with the members of the church after this and I did not want to take her out to lunch somewhere else with scratches all over her face. My mom ended up ordering food from a local restaurant for take-out. So that was at least a blessing not to have to cook one meal for the last three days.

I thought Mother's Day was supposed to involve being pampered, presents, breakfast in bed, homemade coupons for the family members to have to do stuff you don't want to, and a hot uninterrupted bubble bath.

I guess I was wrong.

First of all, be grateful that you have children and love and adore them with all your heart. Invite them to be with you when you honor your mother and grandmother if you still have one. They will learn from you. Plan something fun with your kids that you all enjoy - and the answer to your question... who does this??? A mother.

Wow, I have SO many different thoughts on this. First of all, your boyfriend is suffering from a serious case of the wants...the I "wants" it all! He wants to have a wife - a serious relationship with someone who cares for him and is always there. He wants to have beautiful children - who he can play with and love. He wants a home and a dog and a boat and, in general, a great life. BUT he wants to be a teenager - who can play with his friends and spend the day sunbathing and doing whatever else he feels like doing!!! Well, you can't have both. In life you must choose to mature and become an adult or suffer from arrested development. He is not choosing and is making you miserable in the process. While I firmly believe you can not make anyone do anything they don't want to do, you are going to have to push him to make a choice or lose you! I think the suggestion for counseling - individual and couples - is a good one. He needs to hear you and understand how you feel. A calm therapeutic environment will help avoid fights when you voice your opinions and feelings. Also, did you say point blank to him that you wanted something for Mother's Day? As women, we think hints work and we are socialized not to ask for help, gifts, etc. We are told not to be pushy! Well men don't get hints and don't understand (or even remember) holidays, birthdays, etc. They just aren't oriented that way. My husband (who is generally amazing) disappointed me last year so much so that I was in tears (secretly) over it. My bday is a week-ish before Mother's Day and he did nothing for that (his friend took us out to eat). Then for Mother's Day (MY FIRST MOTHERS DAY) he put the baby in the car and drove around so I could sleep a whole 1/2 hour late then brought me a cold biscuit from a gas station. That was breakfast and that was the end of Mother's Day. I ended up cleaning the house and caring for the kids the rest of the day. So this year one of my friend's told him he had better not mess up again like last year. Do you know he came to me and asked what she was talking about?!?! So I told him that it was disappointing and that I always did way more for him and expected a little more effort. This year I was sent to the spa for a massage, slept until I felt like getting up, was cooked breakfast and the kids were watched for most of the day. So the point is - TELL HIM. Tell him you are tired of being treated like the hired help on Mother's Day and every other day too!!!!