Moms of Twins?? What Is the Secret?

One thing that has helped me deal with my twins (now 5) is to have very specific rules and consequences for not following them. Everyone knows that if you fight over something, it goes in time out and nobody gets to play with it. If you can't get along, you must play in separate rooms. We have very clear privileges that are earned with good behavior (watching TV, video games, dessert) and those special things are the first things yanked when you have a consequence. I also really try to only give ONE warning, and be very clear about it so they know they will lose their ALL their privileges if they do not comply. It doesn't take many times of losing the things they love to know Mom means business! One other thing that really helps me is to keep my emotions out of it. It is so easy to get pulled into somebody elses bad mood and often I feel like throwing a tantrum of my own when everyone else is screaming and driving me nuts. The kids understand Mommy needs time outs too sometimes, and after everyone calms down, much better decisions can be made about the situation. I'm sure you already do many of these things, being an experienced Mom, but my best advice is to just hang in there and know they will not be 3 forever! It just gets better and better with kids, and the more work you put in helping them become good people, the more you will get out of it as they grow older.

I also have twin boys. They are 4 1/2 right now. I raised my step son since he was 4, now 20, and he was super easy compared to these little guys. My boys are totally different. One is much harder to deal with. If things are lined up exactly how he likes it, then watch out. The other is more easy going. I kid around saying one is more like his dad and the other one is like me and unfortunately I am not the easy going one. lol. They do feed off of each other to some degree. If one boy is being naughty and getting punished or threatened that something will be taken away then the other one pipes up and says "I'm not being naughty". It is very hard to discipline two at the same time and we too are struggling. If our boys have been good we let them play a video game at night, if they are naughty then we take it away. They have come to the realization that one can play while the other watches. Sometimes it works!! And its hard when you are wanting to do something as a family, however we experienced this with just one. If you "ground" a child from doing something then you as a parent are stuck at home as well. We struggled with that with our first son. I guess I am not really giving any advice here. Sorry :) Here is one idea that I have implemented for my boys. They go to daycare 2 times a week. They have been going for over 2yrs now. My not so easy going boy almost cries every time I take him. He is fine 1 mintue after I leave, so I know I am being played. So finally about 2 months ago I started doing a "No Crying at School Chart". They each have chart of their own. The chart consisted of 10 boxes. If the boys do well and don't cry and drop off, then they receive a sticker to put in a box. When all boxes are filled, then they get to pick out a small toy/game/puzzle. The easy going boy got his chart filled and got a toy first. They other boy was struggling a bit, but once he saw what his brother got, he got more on board with what was happening. Finally the second boy got his chart filled and was asking for a lady bug pillow pet. They have both filled up their charts once so far and they are working on their second one. The down fall is that when one boy get a new toy then the other gets to play with it so essentially I think they both feel that they got something. But it seems to be working so I am going to continue this until it doesn't. And by the way, I was able to sneak 12 boxes on the next chart and not 10 like the first. Now your little guys may be a bit young for this, but it may be worth a try. You can implement your own choice of reward, but for right now this is working for us. Good luck mom!!!!

I don't have twins but if you go to a site called the skinny scoop they have a section specified for mom's with twins and multiples - you could find it on the left side of this page:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/allquestions?utm_campaign=t...

I missed the boat, there's a secret to this? LOL. I have five boys, the last two came as a set.

Since the twins came along, I have been quite good with consistency. Set the rules and follow. I know it seems like they will never get it, but one day when you least expect it, they will surprise you.

Just a warning, as they get older they get more clever. My boys are 9 now, when they were 5 we were out running errands and they wouldn't behave for anything. I told them when we got home they were getting a time out. As I'm driving home they are whispering in the back seat. One pipes up: "Mama, we take timeout together?" I told them no, I didn't want them having fun. More whisperings: "Guy, let's have fun in time out, k?" "K, guy."

And they did. While one was upstairs in time out, the other was down stairs and every once in a while he'd yell up "Guy, you having fun?" "Yeah, guy." Switch time out positions, repeat scenario.

For future reference when yours get older and start fighting with each other over piddly things I have a good "punishment". When my boys have off days and bicker endlessly, I tell them they can't talk to each other. Since they can't work out the issue to either's liking, no talking. They hate it. Within 20 minutes tops, they are begging me to let them talk to each other. Yes, I mess with my kids psychologically. I'm setting aside for therapy bills later, LOL.

Hang in there and stay cosistent.

I have twins now 9 and an older one and I would say...from what you're saying it kind of sounds like there more just being 3 than this coming from being twins. Yes, they probably do feed off one another, but hate to be the bearer of bad news, but whoever said it's the "terrible two's" was crazy, it should be lableled "terrible three's". They are pushing the limits more, they are figuring out they have a "voice" and they're going to use it, and etc., etc. Unfortunately you have 2 to deal with this time and it only magnifies everything.

Yes, being consistent is hard in general, let alone when you have 2 at the same age you feel like it's never ending. You feel like you never get away from the behaviors of this age or whatever age they are at. All I can say is stick with it, being a disciplinarian is much harder than just giving in to their demands and behavior and that doesn't do a bit of good for the child or you in the long run. Also remember, "pick your battles", if it's not really that big of a deal than don't battle it. If it's something like them throwing food on the floor, sitting at the table, throwing tantrums to get what they want, do pick those battles. If it's something they're fighting over, use a little distraction and then quietly put away whatever it is they're fighting about and bring it out later without their knowledge and they probably won't even notice.

Hopefully this helps...Goodluck

I know exactly what you mean but I had 3 at the same level. The doctor and nurses always told me that they were acting just as their age but all were doing the same thing so it seemed worse. It was very hard to give punishment to one with the others there as well. They have always shared a room so sending to the bedroom was never really much of an option. But looking back now, they were sooooo much easier. I have a 2 1/2 yr old and she is just totally out there. She is very independant and wants her own thing. With the others, I was able to get something done because they kept each other busy. People would tell me :I don;t know how you do it, I can't handle one". Now I know what they mean. You do what needs to be done and forget about the rest. If you can, get the older kids to help out by splitting up the twins. They won't be able to feed off each other for a while.
BTW, I always figured it was terrible toddlers, not 2s or 3s. It seems to get better around 4 1/2 when they really start showing their own personality separate from the twin.