My daughter just got her driver's license last night. I honestly don't think she is ready to take the car out alone yet. She has driven many hours with both her dad & I and has taken driver's ed at school and passed the test the first time out, but even recently, she has done things (while driving with us n the car) that we feel were poor decisions or somewhat dangerous, ie. pulling out in front of a car that was still pretty far back but coming at 65 mph so he was forced to break because she didn't get up to speed quickly enough.
I guess I feel she is "over-confident" and "under-cautious" for a new driver :) For some reason, I didn't feel this way AS MUCH with my son, who is now 19. I was very nervous, but we let him drive our car almost immediately. Of course, he had several tickets and an accident within the first year of driving, so maybe that's why I'm more hesitant with my daughter :)
She will be driving my car for a while because she is working to earn the money to buy her own...we told her we would match what she saved up and she has opted to wait 9-12 months and get a nicer car. My son had the same arrangement and they both pay for all of their own insurance (or my daughter will when the time comes).
So, when your daughter or son got their license, did you immediately allow them to take the car out alone or did you ease into it? I know we have to let her spread her wings & drive alone eventually, but right now it kind of feels like putting on a blindfold and walking across a 6 lane highway and hoping you won't get hit :-P
My kids arent any where near old enough to drive but I can offer up what my parents did when I learned to drive.They did allow me in the car alone after about 6 weeks of having my license. I wasnt allowed on the interstate. I was only allowed on roads that had speed limits of 45mph or less. I was able to really learn how to drive but wasnt out being a speed racer either.
I believe teaching my now 16 yr old to drive and going through that process was the hardest thing I have done to date as a parent.
We spent money on extra driving lessons from the driving instructor she loved at her driving school. Basically.... she passed all the testing with flying colors and we decided if the officials and teachers who know more aobut this than we do say she is ready, maybe we just weren't ready to let go.
She does have her own car, she got mine (CLK 350 Mercedes) which is one of the safest cars on the road and one reason we purchased it in 2007 because we knew it would be hers at 16. It is in pristine condition, no dings, super clean (I am picky) and less than 30,000 miles. She LOVES her car and she takes car of it very well. We take care of insurance and gas. She actually leaves for school about 15 minutes earlier than necessary to get the good, safe parking spot. Her school is open and they can leave for lunch and she is one of the few that will not move her car and drive to lunch. I asked why? She said "Because even though we have 50 minutes and places are closeby, there is not enough time with kids everywhere and speeding back to class" The police are everywhere too... they make some bucks on the kids here.
She has competitve cheer training with her squad that just started. They have a 40 minute drive from the high school (11-12 graders) on 2 Dallas tollways to practice and the practice lets out around rush hour which puts her on some of the most dangerous roads with high traffic in the Dallas area.
She is very good to text me when she is about to leave and she will text me when she gets to her destination because of course, I worry! There is ABSOLUTELY NO PHONE OR TEXTING when she is driving. It is also a state law here that just went into effect for kids under 18.
Right after she got her license, she drove to school but her high school (9-10 graders) was only 5 minutes away vs the Sr high that is 20-30.
I've learned that she is a very cautious and defensive driver except for 1 speed trap she got in and we had to deal with a ticket, court and dismissal so no insurance was affected. In TX, if you get a ticket under 17, you can take defensive driving like everyone else to get it dismissed BUT.... you are required by law to show up in court with one of your parents to discuss the matter with the judge. That was an eye opening moment for her.
Yes, we do take care of insurance and gas. She is an owner of our company and she is on the payroll for the work she does in learning basic business practices as well as maintaining honor status with her AP classes and staying busy with cheer. She also babysits.
It is SO hard to let go but we know we have to do it. I trust that I have taught her well and just pray that she will be safe. It does get easier.
My son is a few years away from driving yet.
When I was learning to drive, my Mom would let me drive for stretches during long family trips.
We were driving to Florida and in a stretch between cities (far from them) we'd stop at a rest stop and I'd drive for several hours till I stopped at a rest stop to switch back before coming to a city or other congested area.
I didn't want to drive.
My Mom had to make me.
She's send me to the store on weekends to get a few things - run errands.
I'd ease your daughter into it.
Practice practice practice is what will build her knowledge and confidence.
It's also important to practice for weather conditions.
First time it snowed my Mom took me to an empty parking lot so I could do some donuts and get a feel for what slip/sliding would feel like.
NOPE! Sure as heck did NOT!!
The first evening my daughter got her license, she thought she was going to drive up the freeway to her friend's house at 9:30 at night. Not a freakin' chance. Thus began the first of many months of battling.
Have fun!!!
But yes, it's a gradual process. :)
If you don't feel she is ready, and from what you describe, SHE IS NOT READY. It takes a lot more practice. Take her on some "test" drives that offer more challenges.
I drive 3000 miles a month in metro area and I see so many teen drivers who "don't get it". Of course adults too. They don't know how to merge, like slowing down and stopping at the end of the "on" ramp with a "merge lane" into 65 mile per hour traffic, not using turn signals, changing lanes without looking, crossing three or four lanes, causing people to slam on brakes. Craziness, road rage. Making left turns out of right lane, running stop lights all the time. Motorcycles going between cars on the white line in traffic, doing wheelies in four lane traffic at 70 miles per hour, people passing on right shoulder, people playing cat and mouse in traffic. Driving with no lights on after dark, or in rain and fog. State law in MO and KS for lights to be on if wipers need to be on. I have seen teens texting and smoking cigarette at same time driving in traffic, have seen texting with both hands on the phone and not on steering wheel.
I just read that Kansas City has had 56 fatal accidents so far this year and majority were teens and no seat belts, many thrown out of car and ran over, would have otherwise survived the accident. Some were going the wrong way on the interstate. SPEED and alcohol are huge factors. One teen driver was in residential neighborhood in 25 mph zone and she ran over and killed a lady working in her yard.
Inexperienced teens do not have maturity to "think" these things can happen to them and they don't make good decisions and learn to anticipate. They need to check mirrors to see where others are...
Keep her under supervision until she meets your criteria. Insurance will be outrageous if she gets tickets or in an accident.
Recently, I drove to St. Louis and back to KC, with a lady who says, she never looks in her rear view mirror, UGGGHH. She was amazed how much I looked in mirrors to watch what was beside and behind me.
I have been hit from behind with a terrible whiplash, long term injuries, and I was at a stop light with my foot on brake and the guy behind had at least a block distance to see me and the light, he just didn't put on the brakes.
There are dangerous people out there all the time, drugged up or on alcohol. You never know who that person is.......often UNINSURED.
Good luck! You are very wise to be cautious about your daughter!
I would put some limits on her driving until you are more confident. My parents did not take me to test for my license until several months after I turned 16. I was not confident enough.
With my SS and SD I was WAY ready for them to drive alone. They both were quite good drivers and the last several weeks before they turned 16 where I had to "warm the passenger seat" while they drove tried my patience.
Each kid is different and as parents we need to make the decisions we feel are best for them. The only way to get better at driving is practice, practice, practice.
I let all three of my children drive right after getting their licenses. They had their permits for almost a year and we let them drive everywhere they went with us. It was not error free (by any means) but I don't know that waiting longer helps much. We constantly talked about safety, drinking and driving, other drivers, etc. (we still do and they are adults). Luckily they all made it through without any injuries to themselves, maybe a few to our cars (lol). Do you have laws in your state limiting the number of passengers, etc? For sure now you have to stress the cell phone/texting safety. Good Luck, I know it's really scary.
Oh, I'm so there...with you. My daughter got her license in August. My husband spent about a year teaching her (with online lessons too).
Right after, his brother, who is a mechanic, told us about this really nice car for only $3000, that had been abandoned at his shop. We were able to get a clear title, thanks to the shop's help/foresight & just bought new tires.
My husband made the decision that she should go ahead and drive. We had let her drive on a weekend trip on the highway, so I was able to see for myself that she "seemed ready."
I have a facebook friend who prays for my daughter & I pray for her 16-year-old who just started driving by herself as well.
That's our story....it's getting better for me.... :)
My mother and his parents let us drive right away alone.
Our daughter still did not want to drive alone.. She was just really worried about hurting someone.
So we continued to have her drive us every time we were going somewhere.
I agree with Twin Mama, we asked our daughter not to drive on the highways. Not to have more than 1 other person in the car. for a while.. She was totally fine with that.
After a few weeks, she seemed more confident. We were impressed this last year when she agreed to be the driver for her College's Van so she could drive a GROUP to Harvard!!!! She took the safety course that is required. We made her send pictures, because it was so out of left field for her.
This summer she drove with a friend to the coast and did great..
You are the best judge. Always follow your mommy heart and brain.. that way, no regrets.
My oldest daughter is now 41 & my oldest granboy who lives with us is now in driver's ed with a permit so I think I can give you MY personal feelings on this one.
I am ALWAYS happy when the kidz get their license! Those little trips to the store & the post office, to take siblings to practice, etc. not only get YOU out of going all of the time, it gives them something to feel they are contributing as well as a 'new found freedom' as a driver.
I NEVER would allow my kidz on a freeway or interstate without me for about a year, just little jaunts around town, that way they are closer to home & the local cops (even in bigger towns believe it or not) see the kid driving your car and it gives them something to notice. I think we as a nation tend to be more hesitant/protective about daughters rather than sons it's an age old thing that will take milleniums to change if ever.
I must add my 2cents that, IF your son is still living @ home & has all of these tickets & an accident he should NOT be driving whether it is his vehicle or yours, your insurance must be INSANE! If he has moved out on his own I would simply be in constant worry about him as I am sure you must be.
Best to you & your decision!
I did not let me daughter take her test to get her license until I felt she was ready. Even so, the rules were they she could drive in town but could not do any highway driving. I was nervous and so was she, but she did fine.
I wasn't nearly as nervous with my son either, but probably should've been!
My parents let me take the car immediately. Bad move. The only accident of my entire life happened 3 days after I got my license.
If you mommy instincts and your driver's experience are telling you she's not quite ready, there's probably something to that. Have her practice more, with you and your hubby or her older brother, but NO other kids in the car. I don't know what laws are in TN, but in some states they have caught on that kids in the car with a newly licensed driver is very risky.
My 17 year old just got her license about 2 weeks ago (3rd time taking the test). She is a bit of a scardy cat, and not overconfident, but more lacking confidence and also lacking the focus sometimes that I would like to see (she is generally like that in life!)
She wanted to drive to school one day, which is about 15 miles away, and on 2 highways, in morning rush hour traffic (alot of semi tricky lane crossing even I dislike doing when I have had to go there at way less heavy traffic times, etc). She normally rides in a teen carpool, but there was maybe to be an issue that day. In the ned there wasn't and it was fine and no driving needed.
But we have been letting her do short trips to the local grocery store to get milk and Subway to grab dinner, etc. They are 6 mile round trips, with parking lots. Today she is going to pick up a friend and hit the same grocery store (no school here...). These are the trips we had planned to start her off. We are not ready for the school commute and do not feel she is ready either (even if she thinks she is). We are doing the insurance companies "Steer CLear program as well, and have all agreed, at LEAST until she completes the 20 required logged trips (5 can be alone??) for this insurance discount, we will stick to these local, shorter trips..and will keep extending them as we can come up with ideas for alone ones.
It IS our car and we are paying the insurance..so really, we get to make the rules. But this is whats best for our family.
