"Mommy, Do You Believe in God?"

Might be time to get off the fence, Rach, and decide what you DO believe, then guide them thusly either way.

:)

Here is my thing with god, god is the higher power. Look at all the different religions, they all have a high power, some call him god, some other names that mean god. When I say I believe in god I am not thinking he is any different than what you see as a higher power, ya know? He is no different than anyone else's religion's higher power.

Just save yourself a mess of grief and call your higher power god. Then everyone is on the same page. :)

I personally do not believe in God. I am not religious or spiritual in any way. I recognize that religion/spirituality/the idea of God brings many people comfort; however it is not that way for me. Here is what I say to my kids:

"No, I do not believe in God. But everyone in the world has different beliefs. We all have different ideas about how the world was created and what happens when we die. You may believe whatever you would like to".

When my kids ask why we do not go to church, I have told them that I have thought it about it for a long time, but church is not for me. They are welcome to attend any church they choose when they are a bit older and I will support their decision.

So far, this has worked for me. They are aware of how I feel. My oldest is 8 and very much enjoys reading his bible stories. He seems the most inclined toward religion at this point. It will be interesting to see what the future holds and what my children decide. All my life I have absolutely hated how much pressure I had to conform to and accept my parents religion, and it brought me a lot of unhappiness. It is very important to me that my kids feel like they can decide for themselves with no pressure from me.

No. It's doesn't really make sense. If you believe in a higher power, then that "higher power" IS your God.

I never understand why people say they are "spiritual" but not religious. It's most likely because you think by not following the "laws" of the Catholic church, in which you were raised, you are not 'religious' but that is a common mistake. Many religions do not have that laundry list of laws that must be adhered to. They're more about grace. You'd probably like a non-denominational church a lot.

I'd bet by putting off this answer for "four straight days" of "drilling," they already think they know what you think! LOL

ETA: R....I'm not judging you...you yourself said there is a higher power. Just make sure your rejection of "religion" isn't based on the fact that maybe your life & beliefs and actions in life haven't necessarily equaled "Catholicism" -- the religion in which you were raised. Rejection of O. set of laws/beliefs doesn't necessarily cancel out all other spiritual beliefs, right?

R.,

Wow...sounds like my house! I am agnostic, my hubs is a non practicing Buddist and my kids attend Pentacostal church every Wednesday evening.

I don't want to lie to them either but I also want them very much to come to their terms/beliefs on religion. I just usually avoid, avoid, avoid as well.

My daughter said once (it was a huge thunderstorm)
"mom is that God bowling again?"
me "that is what many people think, yes mam"
Her "well do you think if I asked him to keep it down, if he would?"
Me "sure doesn't hurt to ask"
Her "mom you don't believe in God do you?"
me "uhhhh, well sis, it's not that I just don't know if he really exists"
Her "well he loves you anyway!"

I would just tell them you believe in something of a greater power and you aren't sure what that greater power is named.

Not much help I know but I do understand what you are feeling.

No reason to go into all the shades of grey that we insightful spiritualists qualify things with. You can guide them in deep spirtual matters as they mature enough to handle it. I promise you have given this way more thought than they have.
Yes, sweetheart. I believe in God. I thank him every day that he sent you to me.

I don't think it takes religion to believe in God. I don't go to church every Sunday and I truly believe in God - I see His work EVERY DAY in so many ways....

Tell Elly and Maddy - that I believe in a Higher Being - not "just" God. God has angels that help Him. You don't feel comfortable "labeling" this Higher Being as God - call it Karma....does that work? :)

While you believe in a Higher Being - pray on it! :) You might just get your answer that way!!!

My mother openly expresses to me that she doesnt believe in God. That has no effect on my relationship with God. You can be honest with them.

But I want you to know I pray for my parents often. :) And I dont judge them, just love them.

How about, "Yes, I do, but not the God that's in the bible. I have my own ideas because I've thought a lot about it. People believe different things and that's okay too."

Well, it's all about what someone *believes*, isn't it? I mean what you believe doesn't have to be what they believe or what Mary or Pete believe... From Mom "who is spiritual but not religious" to Mom, I feel like it's important to teach kids about all kinds of different religions and beliefs so that they have the information to make their own decisions about what they believe.

I think it's ok to tell them that you don't believe in God, and also let them know that different people believe in different things and it's all ok.

Check out the book... Parenting Beyond Belief...On Raising Ethical Caring Kids Without Religion

My husband and I battle this all of the time.

The best advice I can give you is to be honest. Tell them about everything you know, and admit what you don't know, and encourage them to explore all "options". Keep all lines of communication open and let them decide for themselves.

i really dont know how to answer your question because I do believe in God. we are "religious"...we have our faith, go to church when we can, are teaching our kids our faith etc. so it is really hard for me to see where you are coming from. I dont want to bash or anything so i'm a little hesitant to really give advice. but I did just want to say that I am glad you are allowing your kids to go to church and encouraging them to learn. have you maybe talked to your parents or in-laws, or husband about how to answer? maybe you can ask what they think and get them involved in a discussion and see where you can go from there. Kudo's to you for not wanting to lie to them!!!!!

One thing I've learned with my own son, is that it's okay to say "I don't know."

There's the 'I don't know, let's look it up', there's the 'i don't know, what do YOU think', 'I don't know, I'm still learning.', 'I don't know but I DO know _____.", and the plain old "I don't know."

The things I don't know have turned out to be far more interesting that the ones I do. In part, because they've helped to teach my son that
- No one knows everything
- To think for himself
- Ways to research and consider
- That mommy is being boring right now, so since she doesn't know I'm going to go do this interesting thing over here ;)

Mostly, though, MY "I don't knows" turn into hours, weeks, months, and years long conversations. Which are pretty durn cool

If you believe in a higher power thats all you need to day. Say you believe in a higher power guiding people and helping them out, and honestly you are not sure what it is, it may be a god it may be something else. just be honest. kids understand more then you think

I told my daughter that I believe that we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves, and that some people choose to call that something God. It doesn't really matter what you call it - God, the Universe, or Leslie. The important thing is that you try to live your life as a decent person.

R.,
Honestly, I read all the responses and didn't get that anyone was judging you. Either I am missing something or you are being defensive. I think they were all trying to answer the question you asked.
I don't see anything wrong with telling them you are still trying to decide what you believe. And you will get back to them when you know!

Sounds to me like you do believe in "God" aka your 'being higher than yourself.' You simply don't subscribe to the doctrine set forth by the Catholic (and possibly other) churches.

You are making an effort to have your kids know about "God" so that also says to me that you do believe, at least to the extent that you don't want that to be a foreign concept to your kids.

I'd have to agree with Jo. Simplify this - for yourself, and your kids. It's ok to say that you believe in "God" even if you don't adhere to any particular religion's doctrines. That way, they can take the same comfort in believing in a 'higher power' just like you do. As they grow, they'll be more cognitively capable of evaluating their relationship with their higher power, just like you did. But for now, no reason to make this more complicated than need be.

If you were atheist, then I wouldn't be suggesting this. But since you do believe in "some" higher power, I think I'd be ok with naming that higher power 'God' for now...

Get clear on what you believe then you shouldn't have a problem sharing your belief system with your children.

Why don't you believe in GOD but do believe in an unknown being highter than yourself?

What do you believe and how can you share that belief with your children?

If you belive in a higher power, tell them that. Many people believe in a higher power, some say that it is God, others say spirits, guides, mother nature, Karma, Buddha, etc

. A higher power can be anything you wish to believe in. A power greater then yourself. Keep it simple.

Why not just tell them what you tell us --- "Well honey. I believe that there is something greater than just us. I believe that ........ But what matters isn't what I choose to believe. What matters is what YOU believe. Do you belive that in this story about Noah, that God really spoke to him? Well if you believe that, then great. If you don't then that's great too. That's what's wonderful about being humans and being American -- we can believe what we want. What do you believe, honey?" and let her speak. I would take note that just b/c you believe you can fly, does not mean that you can fly. But believing IN something is just fine. You could go into the Easter Bunny or what-not if you wanted.

But it sounds like you want to open them up to all opportunities, to choose what they think sounds best for them and what they believe. I say tell them that -- "I got you these bible stories b/c it's what some people believe really happened. You go to VBS at Grandma's church b/c I want you to see what other people believe so that you can make your own choices about it. I believe that when someone dies, _____. People at your grandma's church belive that when someone dies, _______. So there are lots of different belifs out there. I want you to pick what you believe in. It doesn't matter if your brother or sister believes the same thing. It doesn't matter if me or Dad or Rob believe something else. What matters is what you believe."

Good luck. Keep us updated. I am curious if they go "Oh" and drop it or what they tell you they believe in.

"Mommy, do you believe in God?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because Johnny says people who don't believe in God are all going to hell when they die."
"Johnny can certainly believe that if he wants to, but no one really knows for sure and there are many people who don't believe in hell at all. A lot of people want to know what you believe not because they are really interested but because they want to know how different you are from them so they can decide what level of persecution is acceptable. It's best not to discuss religion (or politics) with strangers or outside of family. Just answer their questions with more questions and then change the subject.".

I don't understand why you cannot be honest to them. Do you really think that will crush them, you don't speak spanish as you just wrote, does that crush them? They are asking you what do "you" believe, doesn't mean they have to believe it, and I would stress that to them. Let them know, you were catholic as a child but as you grew, so did your views.

I'm a Christian and have been most of my life. My husband is spiritual too, doesn't go for religion, which I'm on the same page with him on that. Over the years he has brought up questions on why I believe what I believe, also sort of challenged me in my beliefs. He asked me why my beliefs were better than someone else's which for a long time I thought only Christians were right. I now believe we are each entitled to our own, and I feel I will answer to God one day. If I find out there isn't a God, well, I don't think I'll be disappointment.

Stay honest with them, even on the tough questions, they will admire you always.

Hi Rach,
I read only a handful of your responses. I didn't see any that sounded like they were bashing you, but I assume based on your SWH that they're there.

You know my kids are a little bit older & we've discussed God & all that whole scenario implies. Like you, I believe in a higher being of some sort (though for me it's not at all conected to the paranormal), though I still haven't figured out exactly what that sort is. I've explained to my kids that I understand the bible & all of the stories in it. I've told them that the important thing is that we know how to live as good people, treating each other & ourselves well. We know right from wrong and we follow those rules because it is the right thing to do, not because we fear punishment either now or later in some sort of afterlife. They have not asked me about my beliefs in Heaven or Hell, and if they did I would have to honestly tell them that I don't know.

I have also explained to my kids that anyone can read a passage in the bible & twist it into what they want to hear, but that doesn't make it correct OR the right thing to do. I've explained to them that many, many people use certain verses in the bible for evil instead of good, to hurt people intentionally. We don't live like that. We believe ALL people are equal & we treat them as such. We do not live a life of bigotry, racism or hatred of anyone.

If your kids are old enough to be asking the questions, they're old enough to hear the answers. You are giving them the opportunity to make up their own minds, that you will not judge them if they choose a different path than you have & you expect the same in return. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

I haven't read your other posts, b/c I really want to give you my honest opinion- I have to say(-although I absolutely believe in God, I trust in him, am led by him, and try to live every day to his glory-) even though you do not know what you believe I give you credit for exposing your children to the choice of christ- It really breaks my heart when new little lives never get a chance at knowing what christ is all about. The cycle continues- their parents didn't believe, then why would they? Then why would their kids? and on and on. . . I can go on for hours on how great God is, and how great learning about christ is- it becomes your foundation, your purpose and living a life filled with Christ is undescribable. . . I guess the best analogy I can come up with, is that for christians it's like this---- when you buy something that you just absolutley LOVE, it is the best things you have ever had and you wonder why you've never had it before- you tell everyone you know how much you love it!- well that's like salvation to a christian. . . it's the most amazing life changing experience and you will forever be changed- you want to tell everyone!! Best part is that it is free- you do not have to work for God's Grace, all your past sins will be forgiven and you will be "washed clean" in the eyes of God-
On the other hand I read the first part of your "so what happened" - "whoa judgements" and it makes me think you are so right, it does make me a little confused when I see so many christians judge each other- why?? I think. . . why?? Does judging another person give glory to God . . . However I do know all people christian/catholic/jewish ect. . ect. . are all just human- we all make mistakes and I, particularly spend a good bit of time repenting from my day of imperfect! I hope people don't think I judge them, b/c I certainly do not try to- please take my feedback as just that- not a judgement of you :)
Why do you think your kids are asking you this? Do you think they have been taught about salvation? Do you think they want you to love God b/c they do? I don't know how old your kids are, so can't tell the depth of the question for them- ex a 3 yr old isn't heart broken that mommy isn't saved, but a 13 yr old probably would be-
If you do buy your kids information about christ and do expose them to church, then I'm assuming you do believe the info they are getting is correct- ex, if you've never lied to them, you wouldn't let someone else- So in my opinion you must believe on some level - God prepares the hearts, but sometimes the hearts need the opportunity- is this yours? If you were a friend of mine I would encourage you to be open to the word and open to learn about the same things you are allowing for your kids- The best place to start is a place you can get the right information about it and that is a church- a public gathering of like minded people- Although I do agree that some people think you don't have to be an avid church go-er to be a christian, your relationship with christ is a heart issue, and you don't need a building for that- however I love, and I mean LOVE being around like minded people,where you can talk about God's awsomeness to everyone, I love that the encouragment/advice you get is the right kind, and I love that I learn something new about christ everytime I'm there- that is why I am an avid church go-er! But- you don't have to be there everytime the doors are open to have a great relationship with your savior- I will pray for you on this, I really hope this is the door God has opened for you- If it is, you will never be the same! (in an awesome way) Best of luck and God Bless~

Yikes!!!! Why are they being sent to bible school if you struggle with God vs higher power? Get your thoughts in order before you explain that one. What is your rationale for letting the kids go? I think it's great that they do but once you've got your thoughts in order honesty is the best policy. If you don't know then say I really don't know...I am thinking about there being a God but kiddos I struggle with it because of "abc"..Keep it brief and in terms they understand...etc...Make sure you give your kids freedom to ask these questions...

Be honest with them, you just explained it to us, tell them the same.

"No, I don't believe in GOD per say, but I believe in a being higher than myself..."

They are asking what YOU believe not what everyone else believes.

I give you so much credit for exposing them to so many things and giving them the opportunity to think for themselves! Sorry I can't help with much of an answer (I believe in God) but you know your kids better than anyone and I think your honesty with them will help them trust you more and allow them to feel free enough to agree or disagree with you as they get older. Tell them what you told us.

I was asked this question by the 6 year old I nannied for - I was 18 (yikes!). My answer was kind of dodgy. I said that some people believe in God the way the bible says, some people believe in multiple gods, others believe in nature spirits, and some people don't believe in anything if they can't prove it with science. I was relieved when that satisfied her until her mom got home (who was impressed and appreciative of my answer).

My own 5 year old has been recently asking about death and what happens after we die. So I gave her the watered-down version of what *I* believe: that when we die our bodies get burried, but our spirits, the parts that make us who we are, go to heaven. This was followed by some questions about can she phone me in heaven and is there a road to heaven (I said no, there's no road....but some people think there's a stairway ;) that got me a blank look! LOL)

I think you should be honest with them. Tell them what you believe. But stress to them that no one really KNOWS what is true - that's what it means to believe. I think you can truthfully answer their questions without crushing their beliefs.

And BTW, kudos to you for allowing your children to have their own beliefs.

I would say to be honest. Tell them that personally, you don't know. Tell them what you grew up learning, but as an adult that you're not sure if the God in the Bible is quite what you believe in and you're still trying to figure things out. If you think that your beliefs line up with Agnosticism, perhaps you can tell them that you believe a variation of that.

I think it might be beneficial for them to see that you're still on your spiritual journey and still trying to decide for yourself. It might help them appreciate that you're giving them a good education in Christian religions but you're still giving them space and respecting them to make their own choices when they're older.

Are you sure you don't believe in God? Unless you're also buying them Torahs and sending them to Buddhist camp, it kind of sounds to me like you subconsciously DO believe there's a God. Just saying.... :)

If I felt like you...I would probably share what you shared here. That you believe in some higher being than yourself. Explain what it is you actually believe.

It also sounds like you very muchly want them to have THEIR beliefs, so I'd share that too. I'd tell them that there are a lot of different beliefs out there and share some of those beliefs with the kids. Tell them that it's up to them to decide what they believe or not believe.

I don't know...I can see how that would be tough to figure out the balance of sharing your beliefs while encouraging them to explore and come up with their own.

I'm not sure that's the right advice since I do have different beliefs and haven't been in your shoes, but it seems like a good idea on how to approach it! :-)

I have similar belief as you. I believe in a higher being and consider myself spiritual and not religious, so I understand where you're coming from.

What I would say would depend on the age? If your children are around 4 and 6 then I would say I believe in a God. You don't have to go into an explanation unless they ask for more and I would just say something like I believe there's a higher power which you can call God. If they're closer to 13 then I would go into your belief system explaining that you want them to be raised in certain church but when they're an adult they can decide if that's what they believe.

Say what you believe in and be done with it because you are responsible for your own salvation.

R., Anything "higher power" can be considered a "god" so you can say , "yes" without it being a lie i think. I was raised catholic also.....Why not "speak" to the higher power and ask ...."if you are God...would you reveal yourself to me so I can see". If there is a God and He is supposed to be personal and knows everything about every detail of our lives (as Bible says) and wants to communicate to us personally then SURELY he would gladly and readily respond. Of course you would have to be serious though i think and really wanting to know the truth. Be CERTAIN of what you believe. I dont believe it would be HARD to understand ...possibly a bit scary? (in a good way) If my mom didnt know what she believed as a child then I probably wouldnt know either. I dont know.? Hoping the best for you :) You sound amazingly sensitive to your children and caring by the way! Like and awesomely good mom! Perhaps you could even tell them you are thinking about it until you feel you have the right words? :) Kathy

BE honest with your children you dont have to be brutal to be honest just tell them like you told us you believe in a higher power. God is a higher power and creater in their mindset and even though you dont put a label on it yes you believe there is a higher power and creater. SIMPLY PUT

I should take time to read all your answers... I get this question all the time... I'm pretty much atheist and my husband is pretty much agnostic, and his whole family is every week (or even daily) church going Catholic. So far I still can mostly get away with "well - Gran Ann believes..." but my 6 year old is starting to ask "but what do YOU believe Mom". I mostly avoid the question because my kids see my in-laws so often, I don't want to have to deal with the repercussions of my MIL actually knowing that I am a "non-beliver". I know she pretty much knows this already (we married out of the church, haven't had the kids baptised, etc.) but I also know she already "prays for my immortal soul".

I was hoping to make it until the kids were 8 or 10 to really explain my beliefs and why to them. IMO they are currently just too young to get it.

I'll be checking this post for help in my own situation, I just wanted you to know you are not the only one dealing with this situation.

J.

I say you tell them what you believe. And maybe just be clear that these are YOUR beliefs. Ask them what they believe about the subject. If you stand by your beliefs, there is no reason at all to lie to your children. They may eventually feel a similar way. Or they may run off to Tibet. Kids are going to value your values, even if they differ from the ones they eventually adopt, if you are honest about how you feel and why.

I might suggest that you're not fully sure of yourself just by needing to ask this question. Do you, in your heart of hearts, believe what you say you believe? Also, we talked about this in our Circles group at UU (you might like a UU, actually...)..."god" has a very broad definition. Look it up. The dictionary definition might make this question easier to answer.

To be honest, not wanting to deal with this question is why I DID NOT allow my kids to start attending my in-laws church. I felt like my children's spiritual education needed to be pretty completely in our hands. My husband and I eventually found a religious home (the aforementioned UU) that fits really well with what we believe, and more importantly, provides an environment for our children to determine what they believe.

This seems like a hard question to answer, but you might be surprised how easy it is once you give yourself permission to trust your own values. My family accepted my religious decisions with hardly a grumble because they could see that I was sincere. (It didn't hurt that they tend to think my husband and I are pretty decent people...)

Good luck!

I told my son, no I do not believe in god but many people do. When he is old enough to make a decision I am sure he will.

Tell them the truth! My husband and I were raised in the Unitarian religion, but neither of us follows any standard belief system. We tell our son, when he asks, that Daddy is an Atheist, Mommy is Agnostic and Kiddo can be whatever he wants to be! Bonus: he can even define what different religions mean and he's explained his own current belief system to us.... We let him go to church with friends (when he wants to) and expose him to ALL different religious ceremonies as needed.

You got it right when you said "No one is Wrong when it comes to their own personal religious beliefs". Believe in your own good judgement!

Look up information from Focus on the Family (www.focusonthefamily.com) and they may have some responses for you. I myself am a firm believer in God and I am impressed that you are not trying to squash your children's thirst for knowledge or break their beliefs and spirit with your answer. My dad is similar to you in the respect that he believes in a being higher than himself, but doesn't want to conseed that that being is God. It is his right, as your right and choice to have that belief. Another website you could check out is Family Life Today. If you go to www.familylifetoday.com they may have a way for you to answer that question without breaking their thirst for knowledge or their spirit. Good luck and may you find what you need.

Just be honest with them. My kids know that I don't beleive in the bible's version of god, and they know why. You don't have to tell them what to believe, just answer their questions with honesty, the truth is always the best answer.

I may be a little late in addressing this question, but it seems that you ought to tell them the truth. Why lie?

It seems to me that if you believe there is no God and you have good reason to believe this, then you ought to teach your children the same thing. The existance of God is not a personal preference, but a matter a fact. Either he exists or not. Teach them the truth. When they are old enough, they can research and explore to decide whether they come to the same conclusion.