Mom Overwhelmed

Flylady works best for me when I just use the sneak peek for the week and forget all the other emails.

Well I think every mom can sympathize with getting overwhelmed with housework. I think one of the keys is to include your kids. Even if they are only 3 or 4. My 4 year old has a chore chart of her own that I hang on her wall and she has to do something on her chore chart before she can watch a t.v. show. The things I put on her chore chart are: get dressed, make her bed (it doesn't have to be perfect, they are just proud they can do it), pick clothes up off her floor and put into the hamper,put silverware away (it's easy for them to pull over a chair and separate the forks, spoons etc. For each day of the week and each chore she has a box where she gets to put the sticker on or put a check with a pen when she is finished. Of course I have to encourage her and help her get started with each chore, but it really lightens up the load. I found this website, that you can print off your own chore charts for each room if that will help.

http://www.tipztime.com/chorecharts/freechorecharts.html

Another thing that helps me is to break it up with the kids, say o.k. we are going to do two or three things on the check list for the living room. Have your kids help as much as possible, then after it's done, sit down and play with your kids for half an hour. Play a game, or play with play dough, read a book. Then when that fun half hour is over do some more things on your checklist. Doing alternating half hours like this really helped my kids to feel that they aren't being ignored and they are more willing to let me clean. Hope this helps.

I assume one or more of your kids naps still. This is a GREAT time to do things. However you can get them occupied in a room with something and do a few things. Not certain why your husband isn't helping since he is at home?????? Before kids and when I workd 50 hours a week, on Saturdays I divided up the chores and my then husband and I did it together. It shouldn't be all on you no matter who is working!

I am at home with two, plus watch other kids a few during the day and after school.
I have a big item thing to do every day during the week, then the basic maintenance daily. I never clean on weekends and it takes me one hour each day. It won't take you three if you space it out. If you do a little each day you won't have to really work hard. Not to mention that the house will never be perfect with kids. Once you come to terms with just keeping the messes picked up, the overall rooms like kitchens and bathrooms clean and sanitary it is gravy after that! :)

Mondays I change everyone's sheets, throw a load of laundry in first thing. Do the breakfast dishes, take the trash out and go about my day. Around noon I finish the laundry, clean up the dishes from lunch, fold and put away the clothes, vacuum.

Tuesdays I do the downstairs bath. I spray scrubbing bubbles in the shower and toilet, let it sit for a few minutes, wipe, scrub everything down well, wipe down the mirrors and quickly wipe the floors up with clorox wipes. Take rugs outside to shake out and so on.
That takes me literally 15 minutes to clean the bathroom.

Wednesdays I dust down stairs, vacuum the stairs, clean up dog poop in the back yard

Thursdays I clean the upstairs bath and vacuum upstairs. Dust upstairs. Trash has to go to the curb.

Fridays I have little to do. I throw laundry in every morning, do a load of dishes every night in the dishwasher so in the morning I can put them away and they are dry. (I don't use the heating on the dishwasher so they air dry).

Your two older children are old enough to help pick up own toys before bed and after they are done playing. That is something you should give to them. Not your job to pick up after them. My kids have a 5 toy out rule at a time and they know if they want more toys out they need to put up what they have out first. It took a while but it is a habit now believe it or not. They just instinctly do it. They think it is funny counting their stuff too.

At 4 1/2 your child is old enough to help fold and put clothes away.
Since your husband is around, he can totally help even have him keep the kids out of your hair!!!
Get a swiffer for your floors, they are wonderful!!!!

Seriously, you shouldn't have to spend more then an hour a day on the major stuff, I vacuum daily, do the kitchen a few times a day, take trash out daily and that is it. I have my weekends free other then the basics. Once you just do what works for you and figure out what things you want to do on what days it will be a breeze!

Essentially, you just need to find places to put in the work your housekeeper did, right? Do you really have to do it all at once, or can you divide it into several smaller jobs to do over the course of a week?
I love flylady.net!! I was also overwhelmed by the emails - even just deleting - but I loved her 15 minutes at a time; it doesn't have to be perfect & dividing work into smaller blessings, so I adapted it to fit my needs: I get on flylady.net each Mon morning & find the "sneak peek" - then right down the daily missions. I also split up the Home Blessing Hour into 1 job each week. I also build a spreadsheet of each blessing (days across the top, blessing down the left side) that I print ea. week to keep track of where I am. (I'm easily side-tracked) The parts that help me the most: daily swish & swipe in the bathroom, and sweep & swiffer in the kit/dr after supper ea. night. Then the rest becomes pick-up. The House Fairy helped my kids do "their part" (see housefairy.org for the concept - don't have to subscribe). Even my 10 yr. old loves to have the house fairy come visit! :)
Hope this helps - Good luck tweaking your system into 1 that's your own!

I agree with Patti. I checked out sink reflections from the library and I found it much simpler than trying to keep up with all the emails and the website. It was really helpful to me. As a mom of 4 little boys (3,2,1,and 2 months)I know how tough it can be, but this book was a good help. Even though I don't follow the system every day, there were some good tips that I do use a lot. Good Luck!

I don't have any calendars for you, but I can tell you what I do. I also have three kids (10, 9, 2). It doesn't take us very long to clean our house.

Every morning my oldest two and I clean the house. I usually stand in the kitchen (since that is where most of our junk ends up) and clean and I call the girls "my runners". I give them stuff that is out of place and they run and put it away and come back for more. We unload the dishwasher and reload, if necessary. I also wipe down the counters with cleaner. This usually takes us 15 minutes or so. So by the time I have to take them to school the house is picked up. My two year old is starting to pick up on this too.

After I take the two older kids to school I come home and pick one room to clean. Usually this is the room that seems to be the dirtiest that day. I can sweep and mop or vacuum or dust. Some days I don't do anything and other days I seem to have more time and I can do two rooms.

I also tried flylady and I didn't like all of the emails either. That has worked for us.

I can't stand to always have toys all over the floor or dishes pile up in the sink. I watch a 19 month old during the day so he and my two year old are learning about picking up after themselves. Don't get me wrong, they sure can make a mess! His mom laughs at me because she notices that he is picking up my habits. I am sure she will thank me for it in the long run.

Good luck to you and I know that eventually you will find your groove!

You could try the daily digest, as they all come together and you can scan down the list at one time, or the book and set up your own calender with zones as the other mom said.

A little bit at a time and knowing that it does not have to be perfect or completely as you would like will help you start.

S. Broadbent
Mother to Kai(18 months)
www.HomeWithKai.com

I know the FlyLady website can be overwhelming, but her book, 'Sink Reflections' can be very helpful. She has one section in particular that comes to mind for your situation, about cleaning in 'zones' that could be really helpful. It helps keep some of the deeper cleaning under control without needing to have huge chunks of time available. Good luck!

I had a friend that her and her husband made a pact that they would have a "pizza night" one night of the week and get the kids happy with DVD's or something (you guys might each have to keep a little one with you...) but they would turn on music, have pizza sitting out in the kitchen and go to work. He would take the kids rooms, she would do master bedroom, and they would each scour a bathroom. Then they would tackle the next level of the house. However, I think the deep cleaning does not always get done that way but that at least helps you so that the house is clean and then the next day you can do the fridge or floors then you wont be overwelmed. I think if you have a plan it could work. They were a lot a like so I know it worked. My husband and I try to do that too, only without the pizza party. I have to pull some teeth and hear some complaints but we can tackle the house in a couple of hours if I can get him to help me. since your hubby is not working, he really should be helping out with the slack. hang in there! I am in the same boat as you but with a teenage son, a three year old, and a husband who is captain clutter!

I got a little burned out by Flylady, but I borrowed a lot from her and made a new system: On Mondays, I pick up the whole house, it takes about an hour to put everything away from the weekend. Then I choose one room a day and spend 15-30 minutes in the morning really cleaning it. I've made little post-its with the rotation and I move them from week to week in my engagement cal. We have a tiny house, so my zones are: Living/Dining room, Kitchen, Bathroom, Bedrooms. Then on the weekends, I just do a 15-minute pick up through the house. The biggest thing for my from Flylady is to go by the timer. When it goes off, I move on to something else. Otherwise, I could clean ALL THE TIME and that's no fun for anyone! If, on Monday, one of my zones is a particular disaster, I can opt to start there and get it over with. My kids (7 and 3) are helpful with the 15-minute pick up as long as I keep it to 15 minutes. For the deeper cleaning, I'm just happy if I can get a room done before they undo it!
Good luck!

My husband lost his job nearly 2 months ago...I feel your pain! I think it's harder to work around him. Plus, now he's superconcious of the mess I can't seem to maintain, which makes it worse for me.

About FlyLady, she has changed her email system, and now there is one/day. I skim it, then refer to my Control Journal. It's not complete, I'm a continual work in progress, but I like the concept of having an outline of what to do and when to do it.

Feel free to IM me if you'd like to talk.

I, too, preferred the book "Sink Reflections" to the FlyLady Web site. But I also use the calendar from www.motivatedmoms.com and have found that very useful. I do not do everything listed--it's quite a bit--but it helps keep me on track. It also helps anyone else whoc an read understand what else needs to be done so they can help out without being nagged.
I am consistently surprised how helpful children can be if they are instructed. My kids really, really like to scrub out the tubs, shower and even toilet (that one needs supervision still). I let them hang out in old underwear and they climb into the tub and sing and scrub while I clean the sink and mirror. They also wipe doorknobs, put away laundry, help me sort toys into different bins, and sweep crumbs with a dustpan. Have you read "The Parenting Breakthrough"? It's a fun motivating book about teaching even very young children to do work.
Sorry about your housekeeper. I know how helpful a little help is--hang in there!

While my hubby was deployed last, I was working outside the home & the kids & I were gone about 50 hours/week. I would get up a little earlier & clean a room at a time. Feels like you're never done cleaning, but I found that was the only way to get it all done so I wasn't spending my weekends off cleaning house. Teach your older two to pick up their toys-that's a huge help right there. They can help pick up the house by picking up after themselves-clothes in a kid-sized hamper (we've started using the smaller bedroom-sized trash cans w/handles & my kids bring their own laundry downstairs now), shoes in their room.
As for the bathrooms, floors & fridge-it's okay to let the kids watch TV for a bit while you vacuum. Turn on Blues Clues or the Disney Channel, make sure they're safe & secure & go vacuum (sweep/mop, whatever floors you have). When you finish a room, go check on them. Bathrooms-make it their "chore" to help occupy baby brother-put them all in his crib (if he's in one already) w/a bunch of toys & let them play. And the fridge... you don't need to clean the fridge twice a month! Wipe spills w/a wipe or damp dishrag (I've got a spray bottle w/very diluted dish soap in it that I use for my counters & small spills), sort leftovers the night before trash day, after the kids go to bed & that's good enough. If you need to CLEAN it, pick a night to put the kids to bed a bit earlier (the older ones anyway) & do it then.

I recently came up with a schedule for my kids and for me so that I didn't fall behind on things and then have to spend all day getting it done. I basically have one job a day that I do. Monday - laundry; Tues - wash bedding/dust; Wed - vacuum; Thurs - bathrooms; Fri - sweep/mop. If I don't get to it that day, I either move it to the next day or wait until the following week (if it can wait). The other stuff (cleaning out the fridge, scrubbing baseboards/walls, washing windows, etc.) just waits until I can get to it or until I am in the mood to do it. I figure the 5 things I do throughout the week keeps my home a pretty clean environment. I try to do the job either when my girls are doing their jobs or while the kids are napping. I printed up a schedule for my girls and I to follow. If you'd like a copy, let me know and I can send it to you. I have ours posted to the fridge. My email is ____@____.com - flylady made me crazy too... I didn't need the reminders... why complicate something that can really be so simple. Good luck to you! Sorry to hear your husband lost his job. That would be a hard situation to deal with.

flylady is always my recommendation - but you don't really need to see all the emails. Mostly its just adapting the system to what is doable for you. the 15 minute time limit helps. use the timer as she recommends. especially if you are like me and get sidetracked. I have a feeling though you don't have the clutter problem as much as not being used to having someone around while you are cleaning - maybe your husband can take the kids for 3 hours to do some playing in the park. it will get him out of the house and give him so fresh air and you some concentration time.

As for deep cleaning - if you can't have the 3 hours altogether - pick a room for each day of the week - and deep clean it for one hour - but remember to stay in that room. And be aware if you are sinking into a depression because your husband is unemployed. I was unemployed for a long time and even though I now have a job - i think i am still depressed and i am having a hard time motivating myself to care - so try not to get to that point and keep your husband getting to that point. Good luck and I wish you well and I hope that you will get your housecleaner back. I wish I could afford one myself. It helps so you can concentrate on more important things. Take care and god bless (and by the way - don't ever let anyone shame you that you can afford a housekeeper - i think its wonderful).

The quickest thing for me is to get a big bin and put everything in it in a room. I can sort through it later, but the trick is to get everything off your floors and surfaces so you can quickly clean them without having to stop and pick up knick knacks. If you have a lot of decor it may slow you down. The good news here is that the more you do it, the faster you will get. Another good thing I do, since I don't have a dishwasher is to try to wash the dishes at once and if I don't I let them soak in cold water before I try scrubbing them. I keep a jar on the back of the sink for utensils and keep it full of water, but I change it by dumping it upside down (holding the utensils in) that way they don't get lost in the sink and they are easier to wash.
I also have a deep freezer and I try to cook extra and freeze it to have on hand later. One lady said to put the baggies inside containers so they freeze into a square, then you can take them out later to reuse the containers.
I also have my kids do everything they can. My 4 year old can put shirts on hangers, fold pants and dish rags, put a bag in the garbage can and put some things away. My 2 year old can put toys in a bin and bring me dishes. If you have a TV, you will feel pretty industrious if you do something during every commercial break.
As far as deep cleaning, just do a little here and there. You may not get the whole fridge in an afternoon, so just pick a shelf every day. Pick a corner or a room and make it perfect and easy to organize, then move on to the next. I found it is easy to keep my kids' clothes in one bin so I don't have to sort them into drawers.
Right now I am going to go clear off the ledge between my kitchen and living room - the toilet paper isn't that fancy, lol.

I've got two small children, as well, so I understand how overwhelming life can feel; especially when you realize you haven't dusted in months -- yes, I said MONTHS. Which brings me to my point. You are first a wife and a mother and while I realize you've grown accustomed to having an ultra-clean and organized home, be careful not to drive yourself crazy trying to maintain that level of "clean" in your current circumstances. Laundry may pile up, dishes may collect in the sink, the floors may go unvacuumed, toilets may go unscrubbed, but just let it go. Agree with your husband which things are essential to each of you and share the responsibility to get those things done. Non-essentials should take a back seat in deference to your sanity. Now, I don't mean that you let non-essentials go and then worry every day about how those things aren't done. Give yourself permission not to care about having a perfectly clean house -- use that energy to enjoy your children and your husband. Good luck!

I know you said flylady was overwhelming with the emails but I do like how she says just to work on something 15 minutes at a time. I think the other thing that might help is to take each task that the housekeeper used to do and put them each on different days of your calendar. If you just put Monday clean out fridge or put it on whatever day is right before your garbage pick up. Then put bathrooms on another day. If you have more than one just put one a day.

Hopefully breaking it up will help. But I think as homemakers and mothers we all have problems keeping up with everything. Good Luck finding what works for you.

Accept that not every room of the house will not all be clean at the same time. I "zone clean" doing the bedrooms/hall one day, bathrooms the next, etc. Multi tasking works well too--I often clean the kids bathroom while I'm watching them in the bath--just use method or other natural cleaners. My 4 year old loves to vacuum and use the microfiber mop as well--make it a game.

I love the Fly lady but hated all the emails too. Get the book Sink Reflections and follow it and then I simply printed off the zones and made my own 3 ring binder and then quit the email list. I put up a Chore Chart for my girls in a plastic sleeve so they can mark off with a erasable marker what they have done and know what to do. We set up daily items and weekly items and bi-weekly. Then at night we do a ten second tidy and play some fun music and tidy up a room at a time especially bedrooms. It does go a little longer than 10 seconds obviously but by the time the song is done we are done. The ten second tidy came from Molly and the Big Comfy Couch. She would do a 10 second tidy at the end of the show every time and my daughter loved that.
Hope this helps.