Midlife Crisis?? LOL

S., I don't have any suggestions or answers but, if it helps, you are not alone. I feel this way sometimes. I started going to night school and it has really helped me feel like I am doing something for me, something I really like doing. You will find it!

S.,
I know what you mean except I have spent a lot of time with this. I got married at 19, had a child in 6months, and had three total within 4 years. There was no "me".
I have recently come to realize that I was not emotionally connected with my self, and could not feel whole unless I was. My dad abandonded me when I was 9 or so, and I have spent time trying to have someone else fill his shoes, despite the fact that I had a great step dad. SO, I have been seeing someone who can help you heal emotionally, and on other levels as well. We have had two sessions so far, and I feel and see major iprovements so far. I have three more sessions to go. If you would like her name and number,
please contact me.
W.

More agreement here! I am 42 with a 6 and 8 year old, married 19 years to a WONDERFUL man. I was feeling the exact same thing. That's when I rediscovered an old passion, I always loved horseback riding as a kid. I have found a place to ride, with some women my own age (new friends). Plus the exercise is great! If you are uncomfortable finding women to start a group with, go back and think about what you loved as a child....art, sports, animals, any hobby. Try it again. Not only will you feel more fulfilled but you may meet some new people along the way. Good luck and know that you are NOT alone.

I think that what you are experiencing is very normal. This is why some women have more kids. They feel the need to be needed by little ones is stronger that the need to be independant. But......you will be needed! Your kids are entering the need phase more than you know. You can find a womans group, book club, gathering of like minded women, and get away from the family once in a while. Allow yourself to be selfish. I did that and it helped a lot! I went to a women's group and felt free for the first time because I allowed myself to talk about me stuff instead of the kids or the husband or the home.
Try it. Get two or three women together and go to a fun place together, we chose Mendocino, it was amazing. I came home refreshed and feeling better about my position in life.
Hope this helps a bit.
I am a 44 year old mother of two. 19 and 20. I am still needed by my kids, but am a better person since I have given myself time for myself. My kids even think so.
E.

Your husband is right. You no longer seem to be fulfilled by the things you used to do or you no longer need to spend so much time. Go back to school, fulfill that dream. I started back to school when I was 30. For me midlife came early. I went back to school and now have a doctorate degree. My life is full though my children are now adults. May some plans for yourself. You may want to work full time instead of part-time. You may want to start/restart a hobby. The point is to fill the time with things you love to do and ease into the empty nest when it arrives.
Good luck.

S.,
Been There!!
Simply stated..You have unfinished business.
Even though it was years back, you made a "To-Do" list and it has not been completed..As mothers, especially, we are creatures of order and finality..
I hope you do finish your schooling, you will feel complete, and you will have "YOU" back!!
You aren't crazy!

I'm 42, I didn't get married young (30), no kids until last year when my husband and I adopted a little boy, and I've been describing the way I've been feeling as a mid-life crisis. I've had several careers. I spent 6 years in college as an adult to become a teacher which I'm doing now. I spend time with my friends, but I also feel as if something is missing from my life. I wonder if this is all there will be to my life. I wonder why I have so much, but am still wanting. I've been really emotional, so I was thinking maybe hormonal (starting menopause). As you can see, I don't have any advice either. However, I feel your pain. I'm glad you said something, because I'm hoping someone will have some advice for us.

I am 36 with four kids...I was feeling like this also. My husband as well. We have been doing more things together like we play sudoku on weekend mornings, we go biking in the mornings together. This has helped me. I am starting to feel like I have an identity other then a mother and a wife. P.

Hi S.,
I really like your question, I think we've all felt this way at some point. I want to recommend a book to you. It was Oprah's book club book recently and really popular. "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. The premise is to focus on being "present" and "conscious" in each moment, recognizing our egos which are the source of the suffering you are feeling. This book really opened my eyes to the voice in my head telling me that I wasn't good enough...and also recognizing myself as the source of all that I need. The book is amazing, spiritual yes, but not religious. I think it could really help you have peace in your heart :)

Hi S.,
I am sorry to hear you're going through a challenging time. I would not call it a mid-life crisis. I think it is a normal and natural thing to go through, especially if you marry and have children fairly young, which it sounds like you have done. I think that our society teaches us to identify ourself with our roles--and ultimately, our roles do not define the essence of who we are. We are taught to define ourselves by things that are outside of us (even if they are as wonderful as children, a loving husband, a successful marriage or career), or by what we have (which is definitely not healthy.) I believe we can only look inward to know who we really are, and you are going through a natural, healthy cycle which has brought you to a point that is saying, "okay, now it's time to learn to know yourself, and be okay with the essence of who you are." Please try to see this as an opportunity that is calling you to spend some time to learn to know who you are. A few books I recommend are Anthony Robbins' "Awaken the Giant Within," and Eckhardt Tolle's "A New Earth." I wish you all the best with your journey of self-discovery--it is challenging, but very exciting, and so worth it!

Hi S.,
I hope by all the responses so far that you realize you are not alone! We woman are so conditioned (and to some extent genetically programmed) to care for our children that we often neglect ourselves in the process. As our children get older we realize we have become very disconnected from ourselves (and often from our husbands too). This is so common that I have almost built my whole therapy practice around helping moms stay connected to themselves during motherhood. I sometimes do classes and groups around this issue - but I think you live too far away to attend (I'm in Benicia).
Just know that your feelings are natural. There are many things you can try - many people have given good suggestions already. I would suggest that you do not try to "fight" your feeling. Use it as a guide. It will diminish over time.

Try: going back to school or just taking an interesting class, join a book club or other social group, volunteering or some "act of service", journal about your experiences now and when your children were younger, keep a gratitude journal so you stay in a positive mindset, make a conscious effort to re-connect to your husband, explore any old hobbies and interests that used to give you joy - find out if you still like them or if your interests have changed, find ways to connect to the "deeper" or "spriritual" part of you (this could mean involvement in a church or temple or it could mean taking long walks in nature. Whatever helps you feel connected to the bigger picture.

Even though it is an uncomfortable feeling, I believe this can be a very powerful time for women.

Best of luck - and continue to reach out!
-C. Todd

Hi S.,

I think you and the other women are too young to be having a mid-life crisis. You said that you feel blessed, so if that means God is a part of your life, you are truly blessed. I suffered loneliness and depression for many years, and did some pretty foolish things in the name of loneliness. At 7 and 9, your children are going to need you for a long time and your husband will need you longer.

I have found doing one thing (large or small), each day for someone outside my circle (i.e. family, friends, co-workers), can make a difference in the way I'm feeling about life.

When I say one thing, it can be as little as smiling at someone who looks down. I did this one-day a long time ago in a Safeway store (it was during the time I was feeling very depressed). There was a woman who looked just about as down as I felt. It was almost an experiment; I just took a deep breath and gave her a friendly smile as I passed through the isle. When I was checking out, she came up to me and said; “You will never know how much I needed a smile today.” I’m not big on hugging strangers, but I did that day.

Since then I rarely feel down or insignificant, but when I do, I pray a little harder more and look for someone to help. You have already helped a couple of people today, just by talking about your feelings.

Hi S.,

You are not alone! As much as I love my job as a mom, sometimes I feel like I'd like to be contributing to something bigger than the household, and with a little larger circle of friends and peers. I can only tell you what has been a great help for me... I've gotten involved with charities and non-profit groups that mean a lot to me. I'm currently training to run in a marathon to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. No, I'm not telling you that you have to run a marathon, LOL... but I unfortunately lost my dad to leukemia last year, and it has been a blessing to work with this organization. I've made some great friends, and feel like I'm doing something "bigger" than myself which has really helped fill a void. So anyway, if there is anything you are passionate about, plan a little fundraiser for it or join in on some work already being done in that area. The time commitment can be as big or as small as you want, but it's a great way to meet new people with similar interests, do something completely different than being "just a mommy", and really feel like you're making a difference. Feel free to contact me if you want to know more about some things I've become involved in (besides running a marathon, which has been a lot of work but surprisingly fun). Sometimes it takes a while to discover what it is out there that is our hidden passion... but we are lucky enough to have so much available to us. Sometimes giving time and energy to something outside of ourself, is the best way to fill a void inside ourself. Good luck!!

The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage
The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband
Both By Dr. Laura.
Please do not judge this book by its title - these are so incredibly important and I recommend them to everyone.

I have learned some things after reading both of those - the feminist movement has trained women to not be happy - even though we do feel "blessed" - You have the ultimate job!!!!!!!!!! A wife to your wonderful husband and a mother to your children. Start looking at all the little joys that make you happy. I love it when my husband does little things for me that show me how much he loves me (example - unload the dishwasher for me before I get home from work, fill up the drink fridge with diet 7up for me so I have cold ones for lunch, give my daughter a bath on Fridays so the weekends are one day less of baths for me - this list could go on and on and on). I am 36 almost 37 with 2 kids - and yes sometimes I feel like life is static - but I know that by looking around at all of the great things my family is giving me - I become happy and satisfied all over again!!

I know some women have gotten into a home based business to have a life of their own. You make your own schedule so it will flex with your family's, you get to get out of the house and be your own person, meet new people and make new friends. There are quite a few different companies out there. My recommendation is to find one that truely excites you whether it be the product they sell or the way the company does business.

Hi, S.;
I know how you feel, and I decided for myself to begin practicing again at the artwork I had not worked on for years when my kids got older. I see it this way: everyone is good at something, meant to do a certain thing...and in order to encourage our kids to find their own gifts, I practiced mine. My son didn't even know I could paint, and my daughter admired the fact that I was doing it. Even my husband was impressed, and glad that I was doing artwork again. Now I am showing them all that when one uses one's gifts, one becomes happier. So begin doing what you love, what you are good at. You even become a more interesting person to your family, and yourself! J.

Hi Sarah, Its not to late to finish school and then you could start your career.This is quite common and you could go in the evening and leave the kids with dad. They are going to keep getting older and more independant so do something that you will enjoy.

Hi S.

I am not sure what it is called...I thought it was just me!!! I am also 37. I have 4 boys and 2 adopted girls, I have been married 18 years this year and I have everything it seems I could want but I feel your pain! I keep thinking I need to socialize more with other women, like, more "girl-time" but maybe it is just our age? I have felt for a while now that I am "missing" something in life and like its passing me by in some way.
So, I know this was not helpful in the way of advice, but...well there ya have it! Your in good company girl!!!

:o)
C.

S.,
I think all of us Mommies feel this way after a while. We feel we have nothing to identify us. I believe it's because you feel you gave up on your education. I did the same thing. I gave up everything when I got married, and became a mother. It's not that you don't love your husband or children. It's just that is not all you are,and you know it. I just found a hobby, and joined a mom's group for the time being. But when you get the chance finish your education, I know when I get the chance I am going to. Good luck and bless you.

hi mom... i am a 37 year old mom to two grown step boys and two teens. I know what your going thru. I felt the same way. Don't feel guilty about it. Pick up something.
Go back to school, start a business, volunteer... you'll find your nitch. Yes everyone will look at you like your crazy when you jump around but who cares. I started to hook up with other moms online groups, started my own business and I crochet, and I try to help other moms that have gone thru I had gone thru in the past.
Good luck....

S.,

I am the same age, with children of the same age - yikes - I may be next! I think that what keeps me going is my part time job. I work with a small book publisher, Barefoot Books, and am so excited to see the changes in this company and my active role in creating change in our community. I also have won a trip to France each year for the last 3 years so this helps! My identity with Barefoot Books has nothing to do with my husband's growing stature in our community - he was on the Planning Commission for 11 years and you can't imagine how many people said to me,"I saw your husband on TV last night - he's pretty smart." Did you think I would marry a dummy? Sorry digression.

The travel may be the ticket for me. In addition to the France trip with work - by the way I'm a big fish in what is still a very small pond- I take off with 3 friends from college each year for a 4 day girls get away. It is really a time where we make sure we are "gounded". We stay in a lovely hotel which must have a nice sitting area. We immediately go to a liquor store after landing or driving into town (never go too far) and fill our bar. Some ladies shop, primp, go for walks in the morning but inevitably we all end up sitting around drinking wine into the evening. We touch base on children, school, parents, marriages - it is totally refreshing to hear that I'm not alone and to gather my long time friend's opinion on something that I need a new prespective on.

Well, since we are basically in the same shoes, I thought I'd check in here! GOOD LUCK! You are doing a wonderful thing being there for your children and I really feel that we must tow the line of being at home until they are 18 because I know what trouble I got into at a teenager and my mom had no idea or chose to look the other way. I'm not going for that - toddlers and teenagers do have a lot in common - testing the freedoms and needing guidance so they do not get hurt.

K. von Raesfeld, Petaluma, CA

Hi S.. Perhaps trying to do some things just for yourself would make you feel better. Do you have any hobbies? Any courses you've always wanted to take? A desire to go back and get a degree in something you always wanted to do? I feel like that is what is missing for me right now. I am a first time mommy to a beautiful 18 month old, but I am really looking forward to going back to school once he is in school. You need time for yourself, whether it be to read the books you love, get involved doing volunteer work, going to nightschool, whatever. Best of luck to you.

Hi S.-
I just turned 35 and was having a mini-mid life crisis too. That is what I called whatever it was:-) I was having. I married my highschool sweatheart very young and while we waited a long time to have our child instead of your situation right away.... I really related to how you described how you were/are feeling. I also feel very lucky to have my wonderful husband and daughter...they are the loves of my life. Everything is wonderful in that area of my life too. Soooo... what I started doing was taking more time for me to explore again what makes me happy for me...just for me.... totally not related to my family.( & maybe in your case family & work.) Something just for plain old pleasure! I love to dance, I love nature and camping etc...so I started planning girls night out once a month for dancing with my girlfriends etc..I checked out the local Rei and signed up for an outdoor photography class they offer and got some hiking books to start planning just friend hikes but also family hikes too etc.. My husband has been very supportive of these things because he knew how I was feeling & how important it was and also because he enjoys the daddy daughter time he gets out the deal too when I do go and do my own things:-) Which is very important too cause he does not get that much alone time with her like I do. They both look forward to it now! I signed up for a meditation class too... something completely different that I have never done before and realized I love it! It felt really good to do something so different and new just for me. I think if you take some time for yourself and explore your interests/self and also toss in some new things to keep you as your own person learning and growing you will slowly come out of it...which is what I have been doing and it seems to be working so far. Everyone is benefiting from me doing these things because when I am happier and feel more interesting etc....everyone around me can feel the difference. My husband works and has us but he also has outside interests and things he does for just for himself too. He has all along. I think somewhere along the way with the busy days of being a wife and mother I forgot about that or put myself off to the the side a little too long and that is why I think I was feeling the way I was. Your/my feelings are good cause they are telling us something isn't right or is out of balance and needs to be adjusted:-)So anyway.....I hope this is helpful to you & good luck!
C.

Look for a Chapter of the Blue Thong Society in your area. I was feeling this way and then began reconnecteing with other women and that has made a big difference even though it is only once a month with some email correspondence in between.

If this is not for you then just start calling/emailing old friends go to a movie or lunch or something.

If you feel you want to finish your degree, look into doing that and go for it! Or look at your local community college for some fun classes to take painting, beading or pottery. Something fun that you can look forward to every week!

Hi, S.. I remember feeling that way when I was the stay at home mom for our baby who is now 9 years old. My partner now works from home and is the stay at home, but she also does dog training and her work keeps her creative. It sounds like you need more than just a part time job that you like...perhaps heading up a volunteer project locally or being involved more with community stuff if you can't work fully time at a vocation not just a job. Your kids are important, I'm sure, as is your husband, but they'll be happier when you're feeling more fulfilled. An outlet for your creative juices or a place for you to be with your peers...something ? Just a thought.

K.

Hi S.,

What you're feeling is totally normal! Yes, family can be very fulfilling, but your higher self is letting you know there's more for you. It's time to start exploring what might be calling you; you already know what it is somewhere inside of you. And no, it definitely doesn't have to be about leaving behind your family, it's just about expanding who you are to reach your fullest expression of Self.

If you have the resources, talking with a life coach or therapist could be very helpful. If not, talking with a close personal friend or family member, one who's living their own life fully and who can "hear" you would be very helpful. There are also lots of books out there. And if you have a spiritual practice, pray about it and ask for guidance.

BTW, I have been there. It has taken me several years (even as a therapist/life coach), but I feel like I'm well on my way to creating the life I always wanted. You can totally get there.

Good luck!

L.

If you don't have to work I would think about going back to school to finish that degree. I am not talking about taking a full load just maybe 2 classes to start out with while the kids are in school or if you do need the money start taking just one classat night that you would enjoy. It would not only get you out of the house but also give you a chance to make friends that don't refere to you as someones mom or wife and just call you by your "NAME".

Just at thought.
K.

Sounds like you've put everyone before yourself for so long that you forgot to take care of you.
You need to do things that make you feel passion. What do you enjoy doing? Start with what you enjoyed before you had kids, maybe even before you got married. Carve out some time to re experience those things and see where it takes you.
You may also want to see a therapist for a little bit.
I started seeing a therapist for pretty much the same reason, except I'm only 28. Like you I'm still sort of trying to figure out what to do with myself. I got engaged 2 days after I graduated college, got married, and now have a wonderful 7 month old daughter. I've also been working as a nanny/surrogate mother for a family for 9 years now and am looking to move on (I didn't go to film school to be a nanny... but now its been 3 years since I graduated.) Actually, I've been looking to move on since right after I started working for them, but seem to be stuck.
The therapy has really helped. I am happy to say I will be retiring as a nanny in November. Sometimes you need someone that is looking from the outside to help you put the pieces together. Friends sometimes can help, but so far, no one has given me the same helpful point of view that my therapist has. I kept talking about quitting, but never really took any steps until my therapist suggested coming up with a plan.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I hope somehow this story helps. If you need a referral, let me know.

You might make an appointment with your ob/gyn and have your hormones checked. Maybe, you are starting to go though menopause.

I was 40 yrs old when I went though it. They say it takes about 10 years. I think I did it in one month.

But, I just know you get all these weird feelings because your body isn't making all the hormones it used to make. I had to be put on hormones and anti-deppesants (can't spell and it's to late to look for the dictionary).

Good luck, and don't give up.

God Bless too! B.

Hi, S..

Maybe you have gotten so wrapped up with everyone else that you need to take time for yourself and do it often, like a couple times a month or so. Maybe go to a movie or a spa or shopping by yourself or with a girlfriend.

One thing you said was your children are needing you less and less... don't believe this. They may be gaining independence, but they need you there and it's not less and less... you will see as they get older.

S. - I really connected to what you wrote. I have a 7 and 9 year old as well and love my family but lately I am feeling lost and without purpose. I'm an architect and have pretty good balance between work and home. Like you, I am not looking for someone else or want to run away. It's not that at all. I just feel like I lost my passion for living. I clean my house, volunteer at school and in the community, do something extra with my kids (like a family outing to a baseball game) thinking I will feel more complete and although I feel good that lost feeling is still there. And I feel guilty that I feel this way because I should be happy because I have a good life. I wish I could tell you what this is or how to deal with it but I don't know myself. I think it does have to do with spending the last 10 or so years taking care of everyone else's needs and not tending to my own. Right now, I am taking small steps to tend to my own needs but I have to say this is really hard.... I feel guilty, I don't necessarily know what those needs are, it's a change for my family, and the list goes on. I know these are not answers for you but know there are other moms feeling the same!

Sarah,
I was feeling the same way until I started doing something for myself and my future. For me it was building a business with Arbonne International (www.formyfamily.myarbonne.com)which gives me so much personal growth and the support of tons of women who feel the same way I do. Take a look at my website and see for yourself. I began because I was taking care of everyone elses needs and didn't have anything that was my own - or that I was proud of (besides my great kids). Hope you find your niche. D.

Hi S.,

First of all, bless you for being honest about your feelings. Second, you are not alone! There are so many of us out there who have gone through or are going through this. My situation is a little different from yours but basically the loss of identity is universal. I did go to college and have several degrees and worked at my career until I got pregnant with my first and only child (long story but not by choice). I had my son at 40 and was so ready to be a stay at home mom. I loved every moment of it and didn't even mind the nightime feedings or any of the challenges. What I did struggle with in the beginning was the loss of identity from the change in my life...who was I and would it be enough for me? It was for the most part although I did miss the high intensity of the work days but not to the extent that I had any regrets about staying home. Now that my son is 5 and in kindergarten, he is at that point where he is starting to need me a little less as time goes by and I'm starting to feel again, what you are going through. A lot of it might be triggered by a workshop that I had attended a few weeks ago where one of the speakers was very adamant about how stay at home moms pay a big price for giving up their jobs and that we shouldn't...let me tell you, most of the audience was shocked by what I think was a biased opinion of a woman who chose to work and not stay at home. I respect everyone's decision to do what is best for them and will not judge or try to convince someone that they made or are making a mistake. But still...it had me worried that the grim picture she painted was what might be waiting for me when I do go back to work. The second thing that had me wondering was an episode of Oprah...where our First Lady of CA, Maria Shriver shared her feelings of identity loss when she was forced to give up her career to be first lady and how it was a great challenge for her and that she felt loss. She wrote a book that I'm going to try to pick up soon; it's called "Just Who Will You Be?: Big Question. Little Book. Answer Within" because it talks about how throughout our lives, we go through these changes and should be able to re-evaluate who we are and what we want to do. You are not going through anything that is not normal and your husband, as mine does as well, needs to understand that it is not a midlife-crisis but rather an acknowledgement that it's time to start learning about what we want to do as one stage of our life is progressing into the next. It has nothing to do with feeling guilty or unfulfilled or restless and wanting to go out and do something self-destructive, but more to do with finding new things or even old things to help us grow into this next stage. You might want to consider going back to school which is something I am looking forward to doing in September....taking it slow with just one class a semester...or maybe a new hobby or re-visit an old one like me finally finishing up his Baby Book and moving on to his Preschool years! :) I want to take a swimming class and finally lose the baby weight, maybe finally get a makeover so that I can get rid of that "90s" look :) LOL but my point is, there are a million things for us to do to feel the little gaps that are starting to become available in our days and even our lives. Your husband can't be your identity just as my son can't be mine but we can re-establish and update our identities based on who WE are and not outside of ourselves. I hope I am making sense because for me, it is in the state of progress and I take it all just one day at a time but it's all exciting! Let me know how you are doing!

(Sorry if my other post got sent - it was incomplete...)
Anyway, if you're feeling antsy, it's good to acknowledge it and act on it. I agree with most of the other moms - do something for yourself - pursue your college degree, join a hobby group, go out with friends once a month for a "girls only night" - any or all of these things will make you a happier person and a better mom. Also, I'm reading a great book called "The 10 Year Nap" - it's a humorous novel about 4 women who were all professionals who decided to quit their careers to raise their kids. It's a fun read. It just came out in stores. Go get it and enjoy!

Hello,
I am also a 37 year old with children.I have felt the same things you are feeling. When you feel like you have everything you wanted, and still don't feel happy or fulfilled in life, I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis. I would say that you are searching for you "inner" purpose. Your "outer" purpose as a wife and mother has been fulfilled, and you find yourself still searching for something. I would highly recommend A NEW EARTH by Eckhart Tolle. I'm sure you have heard about it or seen it on Oprah. This book, along with watching the class broadcasts that go with each chapter, have completely transformed my life. I would not go around recommending this book to everyone, as some are not ready for its concepts. Just by realizing that there is something missing, you are already on the right path.

Dear S.!
First of all I want to say that I can relate to what you are saying - just to let you know that you are not alone. I am 36 and my kids are 6 and 3 and I am already noticing what you are describing as far as my role changing when they need me less.
I don't know what your belief system is but I am convinced that there is a place in your heart that only God can fill. He made you that way and I am 100% sure that if you seek God you will be fulfilled and get your questions anwered and find your purpose. He will meet you and honor your search for meaning.
I found everything I could have ever wanted and much more when I let God in to my life and started going to church. I belong to the Vineyard church and it is a wonderful blessing.
I hope and pray that you find what you are looking for. I have met countless people who said they searched for a long time in many places, religions, from people etc, but when they found Jesus they knew the search was over and they had found what they had been looking for. I know He is what you need. Try Him - you'll like Him. He LOVES you. He's knocking on the door of your heart. You might be a christian already or have bad experiences of church or christians - I don't know where you're at but either way God is bringing you to a new level of life. He is trustworthy.
Blessings to you. / C.

S.,

I had a similar experience with getting pregnant a month after my wedding, even though they thought we would not be able to. I also was unable to return to school. I had graduated with an AA but due to health issues was unable to continue a career in my choosen field.

I have always said I would go back and finish my BA degree and at 38 I went back to college. Due to continuing health issues I was not able to graduate, but during my year back at school, I was able to find a new direction for my life.

I am now studying to take the EA board exam and have finally found my passion in life. My new career allows me the time I want to be a mother and still time for a rewarding career. It is the best of both worlds and I feel so much more fulfilled.

I know that many feel that motherhood alone is fulfilling enough, but that was not the case for me. My education was a dream I had from my earliest memories and without completed it I felt incomplete. Now I am completing it one class at a time.
Good luck, V.

S., today I watched one of Oprah's shows that I record. it is the "I hate my job intervention" I thought it was good because on the interviews most of the ladies sounded like you, unsatisfied with their life yet knew they had so many blessing. They did not want to run away either. As Moms we give so much and forget to give to ourselves. That's when we start feeling the disatisfied feeling. Oprah has the workshop on her website and it's FREE for all of us to benefit from it. you can actually watch the show from her website and then do the workshop too. I'm going to give the workshop a shot to see if I'm where I'm suppose to be in my life too. I hope this helps.

You need to do something for yourself. It does not make you a bad Mom or a bad wife and you love your family any less. If it means making your part-time job a full-time job even with the kids still in school or taking some classes in your chosen field and working on a degree, you should do it for YOU so you can feel more fulfilled in your life.

You should never solely rely on anyone and lose your identity to another person. What would happen (God forbid)if they were no longer there? I believe in keeping some kind of independence of some sort. Keeps you from being taken advantage of or taken for granted.

Anyhow, just some ideas. Me I am in my early 50's and still play in a classic rock band and love every minute of it. Just played Konocti this weekend. :)

R.

Dear S.,
Just because you added to your "skill set" by getting married and having kids, it doesn't eliminate any of the other wonderful things you brought to the table before these glorious events. Try to go back and recollect the interests that were beginning to form in you or were already in full swing. Ex.:you may like to finish school. With the computer nowadays, there is no reason you can't complete your education via the internet or going to a local school. There is a whole world at your fingertimps with the internet. Surf until you find a wave to catch! The learning experience should never end. There are also a million charitable causes that could use someone with the organizational powers and compassion of a good mother. The world is dying without our husbandry, but its not too late to make a difference. These are both wonderful examples for your kids to see in their mother. It makes you a better mom if you have interests outside your kids, and its better for them. Best wishes, Ev

I am a little late on the letters, but I have been loving kids through birth, adoption, foster care,day care, and substitute teaching for 27 years. I am now 53, and my youngest in 10, and I am a new grandmother too. Through the years my roles have changed, but the love for those God has given me in my life does not. Sometimes I am totally involved, and sometimes I am far away( I hav a child overseas now) and connected through prayer. People say I am doing all the jobs at the same time. Each role I have is awesome, but they are not me. I am a child of a loving God Who knows my heart and what each day brings. What I bring to each day is important, but even more important is hearing what God's heart tells me about the day.That relationship is the center of all the other relationships.I became a Christian as a teenager, and His love and guidance has walked me through many amazing changes. His love is what makes all the other interests, friendships, trials, uncertainties, and joys all stay in balance. He loves you, S., and wants to share each day with you, as life continues on A.

Hey S.,
I'm 35 with two kids also. I've felt that mysterious yearning or calling, or whatever it is, before as well.

Pay attention to any clues you may be getting from your intuition. I'm sure sure you're getting them but ignoring them is all too easy with schedules and homework and meals to prepare, etc,..to keep up with.

Try getting up a little earlier in the morning so you can get in touch with yourself without a flurry of family activity, and figure out what the answers are to your dilemma. Leave the kids with hubby and take at least a two-hour walk when you get that feeling and really listen to what your consciousness is telling you. Preferably somewhere in a natural, "safe" setting. A park or a creek, up in the foothills, wherever as long as it sits well with you.

It's also way too easy to label something incorrectly when we're not sure, or are unfamiliar with what our challenges may be. I don't see a crisis, but I do see you as a human being with perceptions.

All the Best,
M.

S.- Maybe its spring fever, lol --It's a lull in the action- make a list of projects around the house- check 1 or 2 off each day. Before you know it, you'll be involved in kids sports where you'll meet new people and then comes middle school. High school after that. Take a class, or teach one. Breathe deep and take that walk. HAVE SOME FUN!

Hi S.!
I'll make this quick, since you have a ton of great responses already! My advice: Write, keep a journal, maybe start to write an auto-biography!! How fun does that sound? Exercise regularly, stretch your body and cherish it, go back to school, get yourself some kind of career that you can dive into and be proud of and my biggest advice: Pray and know everything is possible and endurable with the Lord on your side!! God Bless--E.

It seems you've gotten a lot of other advise about this, but what you're describing sounds normal.... and I'm only 30! haha If you have concerns about depression, talk to your doctor. However, it sounds as if you need something for yourself! Find a women's group or SOMEthing - even if it's only once a week, go back to school and finish what you started, or start a new business (like Mary Kay)!! I've got some GREAT girlfriends in Mary Kay who are supportive in everything that goes on in my life, not just my business.

And don't worry about feeling selfish!!! YOU DESERVE TO THINK OF YOU FOR A CHANGE! You've spent the last 9 years doing things for your husband and kids, and you owe it to yourself. I also encourage to really talk to your husband about how you're feeling. Hopefully he'll realize this isn't necessarily a midlife crisis that will pass and be supportive of you in whatever you choose for yourself :) Good luck, and have fun!

Hi S.,
I think this is really common for women and some men too! It sounds like you just need to get back to your passion in life. We all have things that we abandon because we get busy being a wife or Mom or working to pay the bills... you have a wonderful opportunity to get back what makes you feel fulfilled. If you're having trouble identifying what this is for you, maybe you could consider a retreat to help.

It might also help to get involved with a cause you enjoy that includes helping others or the environment. What resonates with you?

I'm curious when you say that you find yourself looking to your husband for identity... what does that mean?

When you feel complete as a person it's amazing how much more confident and independent you feel and what a great example for your children who we encourage to find their own bliss in life!

Good luck!!

Rearrange your schedule so you have time for you. Meeting with other adults is a good way to get back into life flow and to network with others. City council meetings, PtA meetings, an adult class at a college all these things get you back into the adult world. Volunteer at the Police Dept., or Senior citizen center. Good Luck this is a very normal phase to go through.
C.

Hi Sarah,

Man is made up of three parts,
1. Spirit
2. Soul
3. Body.

Our bodily needs are filled by recieving basic human comfort (food,clothing,sleep, etc)

Our soul needs are psychological,emotional, and volitional and are met by the people, places, and things in the world.

Our spiritual needs can only be filled by Christ. Those needs are uncondidtional love, unconditional acceptance, and meaning and purpose to our lives. We can get worldly love from other people but is is not the same as the absoulte "unconditional" love and acceptance of Christ. No one or nothing can fill that spot that God set inside us for us to worship Him. No matter how awesome the rest of our lives are, there will always be a sense of void, a sense of wanting more, or that sense of not being fulfilled by all the wonderful things we have.

This does not mean you have to go to church, or work in a shelter or become a missionary. You simply accept Jesus on faith and pray:inviting Jesus to come live in your heart.Then open the Bible and read, and ask God to open your eyes and heart to his word. Allow your mind to be renewed by the filling of the holy spirit and watch the joy and peace come forth. Trust me, it is a treasure worth seeking. The Bible says "Taste and see that the Lord is good". I pray that you will.

Hi S.~

Do you attend a church? Where is your spiritual life? Do you have any girlfriends to spend time with? The one thing that makes me fulfilled is my relationship with Jesus Christ! Not my kids, marriage or husband. These will soon pass away and the only eternal thing to me is Christ. I would most definatly look to the Bible for your answers, it has all the answers you will ever need.

I'm 39 with a 15 month old son and I've been experiencing the same feelings. Fortunately I have a psychiatrist I can talk to about it. She says it's quite common and is similar to what a man goes through with mid-life crisis. It's a combination of hormones and the emotional changes in you that happen after becoming a mother. While it is common, it does not mean that you should just continue to live with these feelings. I suggest you see a therapist. That person will help you to sort out and understand what's going on and help you to get on track with feeling better. Just talking about it and then having someone there to encourage you to take action in finding yourself again will work wonders. It's a dizzying path to sort out on your own. Sometimes just a couple months of therapy are enough to find your own groove again. Good luck.

I know it helps me to have activities that are seperate from my family. I am involved in the women's group at my church, which is awesome because not only do I get some great girlfriends, we also discuss things that are on our hearts and explore our philisophical world views. I also enjoy my neighborhood Bunco group (more playful and silly). Some of my friends are really into fitness, but that's not for me. Best wishes!

Dear S.:

Although my situation is substantially different than yours, I found that I had lost my identity when I left my job and moved my family 200 miles to take care of my parents. Being out of work for the first time in more than 30-years, I found that I had so long identified myself by what I did and who I worked for that I didn't know who I was without that. Here's what helped me:

1. Depraloft and Gaba: natural antidepressant and Vitamin B stress reducer. I took them when I needed them (the Gaba kicked in after about 15-minutes for me, the Depraloft took a few days to alleviate my stress level) and was able to stop after 6-8 weeks. It was enough to help me get my feet back on the ground and talk things out with my loved ones.

2. Talk things out with loved ones: It was scary to share (sometimes at the top of my lungs) just how freaked out I was by the situation I was in. (Too much buffeted by the whims of others, no time for myself and confusion about where I was going.) But by speaking honestly and persistently I was able to get others to understand just how much I needed their support and understanding while I worked through this personal crisis.

3. What do you love to do? Is there a craft you enjoy? Is there something you want to learn to do? Do you feel like you have you let yourself go or could use some socialization on your own? Find a hobby, take classes at your local community college or recreation center, join a health club or start a cottage business. Although I did eventually find a full-time position, I also started a cottage business which is growing into what will hopefully soon be my primary source of income. I so love what I do! (You can see my work at www.mccluckfarms.com)

4. Remember that this, too shall pass!

I hope this helps and wish you well.

In spirit,

V. T

S.,

I would strongly recommend going to your local community college, doing some career testing, and getting back to school when you have pinpointed a direction that feels right. You WILL get back to your own identity! I don't think it's wrong to want more than to be someone's wife and mother- neither is it wrong to only want to be those things- that's the beauty of being a woman in this era, we finally have the freedom to choose for ourselves (unless of course we live on an FLDS compound in the middle of the desert, then, not so much freedom of choice.) Good luck! (I think you'll have a great time figuring it all out!)

Dearest S.,

Your note really touched me, because I know exactly how you feel! I am also 37, and I also have two children (although they are a much younger 4 months and 4 years). I too have many blessings, but I too have struggled - often very hard - with my own feelings of disatifaction.

What I want to tell you is that there is nothing wrong with you! You just have space and time now that your kids are older to invest your energies in new ways. There is nothing wrong with you for wanting even more goodness in your life and for wanting an identity beyond wife/mother. What I can also tell you is that your husband (no matter how wonderful he is) may not fully understand your needs at this moment.

Here are some suggestions:
1) Find a woman you admire in your community and talk to her about what she does. Perhaps especially someone who is a little older than you, maybe someone who developed a career after her kids grew up.

2) Pursue something that interests you, even if you've never tried it before. Take a painting class. Take a course at a community college. Volunteer somewhere. Do something new, just to see how it feels. Even if it doesn't fill the void you are experiencing, it might give you some ideas about what would.

3) Share your feelings with other women - friends, family. You'll probably be surprised about how many people you know share them. We are women living in a half-changed world. On the one hand we have greater freedoms and opportunities than our mothers/grandmothers did. But on the other hand, we expect more from our lives.

4) Know that any efforts you make to enhance your life will also enhance your family's life, because they will get a happier and more fulfilled wife and mom.

Good luck.

Your sister in wanting more!

C.
____@____.com

Oh S., bless your heart. I'm 35yrs, almost 36, single mom of two crazy but wonderful children. This is normal what you're feeling. I don't know if you believe in God, but if you do, you need to seek him for guidance. You also need to have some "me time". I know, because I need to do it myself, so I'm talking to myself when I say this. You also need to go out with your friends sometimes, not to the club, just for coffee, dinner, to the mall, anything that gets you out and doing something other than being a mommy and wife. We as women get so caught up in serving others, because it's our nature, that we loose ourselves. I totally understand how you feel! Take a day, and pamper yourself. My sister who is married, gets one day a week to herself where she gets to do anything, and her husband picks the kids up from school, and she's free for the rest of the day. If days during the week don't work for you, then maybe every other weekend, and/or once a month you do something for you. You seem like a wonderful mother, wife, and person, so treat yourself, you deserve! Heck, we all deserve it! Good luck and I hope you find out new things about yourself!

HI S.,

What do you do for S. right now? Are you able to treat yourself to your own free time with something that you could call your own. Maybe going to the gym on a regular basis, signing up for a class...just one though so you don't get bogged down, maybe ceramics, pilates, yoga...something to give you your own identity. Do you have friends that you could get together with for brunch. In other words think about what you'd really like to throw yourself into and do it for you. Best of luck to you, but you are too young for a ML crisis, but no one is too young to lose their identity, you just need it back.
R.

I think you are perfectly normal and that all of us moms could relate at least at some level. The lack of satisfaction isn't fulfilled with working a job or being a mom full-time. I've tried both and know others with much more experience than me who would agree. You can only be fulfilled when you decide that you are content with where God has put you. You need to recognize the value in what you do everyday. Your kids will really need you until they move out, even if they don't think so. Being a mom is the best, most important, and hardest job on earth. If you're not content in one place, trying something new isn't going to make you content. It's your heart and attitude that determine how you interpret your life. Since it sounds like you have a great life in general, it may be that you need to seek God through daily reading the Bible. My day, no matter how much I get done, never feels full or important if I don't read my Bible. We all need spiritual food, even more than physical. The Bible is the best source of trustworthy guidance and fulfillment. It will help you realize the value in everyday life. Read to your kids and have family devotions and you'll get so much more out of it too. I hope this helps.

I think it is a great time to explore what you would like to do. Do you want to go back to school? You can get involved in lots of different activities. Can you join a book club, get involved with people from your high school, join a gym, take classes at the local community college. Find something that you have been interested in pursuing and make it happen.
When my daughter was old enough to take care of herself, I joined a gym and a book club. I, also, brushed up on my computer skills at the local community college. I decided to start my own business.
Find what fits for you.

C.

Hi,

I know the feeling, I have two boys 7 and 4 who are in school and preschool. I also felt the loss of identity, being a wife and a mom are just roles that we have, not who we truely are.

Although beeing mothers and wives is a very important job and in the big picture very fullfilling, it's hard sometimes to feel that through all the laundry, making lunches, seeing over homework and the general every day life of running a household.

I've started taking more time for myself, trying to re-discover who I truly am and what my interests are. I am letting the laundry and dishes go a little longer and trying not to feel guilty about just sitting reading. I'm taking some classes, taking time to meditate or just be still with myself. I'm rethinking a new career path as a part time massage therapist, but still just doing reseach about it.

Although I'm not quite there yet, I'm feeling better and better.

So my advice statr exploring what YOUR interests are and what you feel passion for and take time for that, othe things can wait, you wil be a better mother and wife if you truely feel happy and content with life. Good luck!

Hello, S..

Been there, done that. I too am 37 years old with two beautiful healthy children, ages 7-1/2 and 4. I went through what you are going through just a couple years ago - sooner than you, but my husband and I got married at 21.

I don't see anything wrong with feeling like something is missing. If I were any more blessed, people would accuse me of being greedy. BUT, that doesn't mean that I can't want to be more of a person, to be better, to have something that is not labeled by "wife" or "mommmy". It just sounds to me like you are looking for something to call your own, to find something interesting to do, to do something that makes you uniquely you and stimulates you in a different way than being a wife and mother does.

I started writing. I wrote a novel, I write poems, I write short stories. I may never do anything with them, but the fact that I DID them, made me feel like I accomplished something that was all due to my efforts and imagination.

I also joined a book club about a year and a half ago. I get out of the house once a month for a few hours and have a great time with other moms discussing not only the book we just read, but what is going on in our lives since the last time we met, encouraging each other, and laughing alot. (and eating good food and drinking good wine doesn't hurt either!)

Did you have any hobbies before you were married? What are you interested in? Have you thought about taking a class of some sort? An art class, photography, joining a book club, volunteering at your local library...........the possiblities are really endless, S.. Find something you are interested in and see what you can do with it. Wanting more from life, wanting to have an identity of your own is only going to add more dimension to you, and may even add more to your already blessed life with your husband and children. I know that has been the case with me and my family.

And running off with some hot pool boy and sowing some wild oats while pretending you are 20 again is rarely a good idea. It only sounds good in a book!

I do hope you can find something to spark an interest and fill that empty spot. If you'd like encouragement, ideas, support, whatever, you can contact me any time.

Good luck, and don't be discouraged!

J.

Hi S.,

I hope this email finds you well. First, GOOD FOR YOU!! It is not a mid life crisis it is natural for you to want your own identity seperate from responsibilities. Many times as women we assume roles and assume those roles as our identity. Why not go back to school? It is not like you cannot go when the kids are in school. It will take some responsibility shifting and possibly some tension in the home but your balance is important for your family.

4 kids, working mom, 12 year committed relationship. BA degree and will start a PhD ASAP.

S.,

If you can afford it, and can work it into your already demanding schedule, go back to school. No one I've ever met has regretted finishing their education. I got my degree later in life (finished at 30) than most, but it was so worth it. You may discover that you have a passion for an academic subject that you might not have found independently!

My mom got her BA, after having raised five children, at age 49. It really did wonders for her esteem and psyche. She really discovered her love of literature this way. And she was just more interesting to talk with.

It will help your self-esteem, you will have better conversations with your husband, and best of all, you will be the best role model for your kids. Wow, seeing my Mom work hard and succeed means that I can do it to! You guys can study together.

To simplify your life, if you really love your job, I would see if you can take a leave of absence while finishing school. If money is an issue, there are really good student loans out there that you can pay off at very low rates over a long time.

Go for it and good luck!

I don't know, S....I think your idea about running off, leaving everything behind, and having an affair sounds really tempting!!! (except for the part about the affair) LOL! You sound like such a vivacious person...full of life and joy, I just had to add that in! I guess that means I must be going through an advanced stage of the very same thing!

First of all, I tip my hat to you. You've made sacrifices and you're willing to take the bad with the good and travel the bumps in the road with the smooth passages. Sometimes we don't see how our new lives are really an extension of our old ones until we remind ourselves that we had once dreamed about being mothers as well. I know I did, and yet I still have those days when I don't know what happened to my "old" self.

I've been known to just sit momentarily and go through my own list of "I wonder what I'd be doing if..."s from time to time. It's not easy and I not only feel for you, I'm feeling right along WITH you. At 50, I can't believe the past 15 years just flew by. I often stop and wonder what I have to show for it all. Those years just slipped by.

Then my teenaged boys come bouncing in from school with smiles on their faces from ear to ear. They grab a bite to eat with one hand while wrapping their free arm around my shoulders mumbling, "I love you, Mom". There's no feeling like it! Nothing could ever replace it. I think to myself, "Now, what did I do to deserve that wonderful, spontaneous greeting?!" (There's nothing like pure love to just snap me out of my dreary state!) Then, as I snap back to reality in the present, I realize that these, my children, are the fruits of my labors. The time may have zoomed on by, but it was all worth it. Now, with some of my kids are nearly adults, I know I wouldn't want to trade those hugs for all the tea in China!

Yes, it's true...I had dreams of glorious things like being on stage more and getting my doctorate someday. I had even set goals as to when I'd accomplish all those dreams...but they don't matter much anymore. Now I get to watch what wonderful people my kids are becoming! As moms, we're just SOOO blessed!

Of course, I really haven't helped you out much with the feelings you're having. Your one line struck me to my core...that you "sort of lost yourself". I know this feeling all too well. Every now and again when I feel that way, I find myself drifting to far-off lands, hoping I'll have enough energy to do all the things I still want to do before I die. Then I look at the clock and know that it's nearly time my kids will start coming home from school again...just so I can find myself...and I look forward to all the hugs and love I can enjoy until the day comes for me to go off and dream again...for real.

Oh, dear S....time is like water. It just slips through our fingers...but each drop, each moment, is so precious. Keep your dreams alive, but love each and every moment you have with your beautiful children. Keep your humor, too! It's worth it's weight in gold!

Much love to you, S.! I'll be thinking about you...and Maui...and Bermuda...and Crete...and Tahiti (Maybe I should've named a few of my kids after those places so I could dream more often! LOL!)

HUGS TO YOU!
D.

I have a response but I don't want you to think that I'm trying to sway you to my beliefs...that's not my job. I just want to share my experience. I always felt that something was missing and I just had to find it, even as a teenager. I stopped believing in Christianity when I was 15 and searched every spiritual avenue I could find. I just knew the truth was out there somewhere. I was always afraid that life was going to fly by and I would suddenly be 80 years old and not have done anything significant. I discovered Islam when I was 25 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know all the stereotypes that are out there. Trust me, I researched everything thoroughly. I was against organized religion so I made sure that everything made sense first. It is so amazing to find that logic and spirituality can coexist. It has given me such a balance in my life. I think it is everyone's duty to search for truth and discover what it is we're supposed to be doing in this life. We try to fill that hole we feel with everything...marriage, children, music, art, careers, etc. While those things are wonderful blessings, they don't make us complete. They don't put us in total harmony with the universe. Like I said, I'm not trying to convert anyone...it's only my duty to encourage people to seek the truth. It says in the Koran that there is no compulsion in religion. I just want to suggest a book called Towards Understanding Islam by Abul A'la Mawdudi. It's great for everyone, not just Muslims. I think it's a good book to have in a well-rounded spiritual library. Even if someone isn't Muslim, the book will correct stereotypes and foster understanding and peace between cultures.

Sorry I'm going on for so long. I liked what one woman suggested about seeking to help others feel good...that is a major part of Islam. One of the best parts of human nature. If you feel down, find someone else who has it worse than you. Seek out people who need help...even, as someone else already said, if it is just a smile.

i know what u mean about the kids getting more independent and u wonder what am i going to do when they move out? take a class at ur local community college. i'm slowly working on my ba and its such a great way to feel a sense of self and to get some independence.

Wonderful work to everyone who has answered, and I agree! For me, I am still muddling my way through this, and some days are good and some are not so good. i have gotten involved with the kids' school, and my husband's business, plus being there for my husband and kids, family and friends. I would recommend a girls' weekend away if you can arrange it with a friend or two. I did that a few times, before I had number 3. Once I went by myself to my hometown, once on a trip to the ocean with one friend, and once to Vegas with a couple of friends (Vegas is not really my thing, but being with the others was a lot of fun). Think of something you would like to do, just for fun. you have put in a lot of up front time with your kids and like you said they don't need you constantly anymore (although they definitely need you in other ways). maybe during this time away, you can have the time to think about what your dream is and how you can acheive it. You are right that you won't run off and leave everything, but maybe for a day or two, it might help. It doesn't have to be elaborate.

I was feeling the same away about two years ago. There were a few moms at our elementary school that said good morning every day, but wanted to get to know eachother better. We started a moms group one night a month without our kids. We do so much for our family always taking care of our husband and children, but not ourselves. I didn't realize how important it was to have friends as an adult. We take turns planning on where to go to dinner and if we are going to see a movie or a play, paint pottery, etc... It gives us some adult time and something to look forward to. I don't think it is uncommon for you to feel that way as a mom. Hang in there.

hello!
i would recomend you to read " A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle and watch the online class on demand, it's free at Oprah's website.
You can watch the past classes whenever you want just go to www.oprah.com

there is a class tonight too @6pm pacific time

it will answer a lot of your questions and you could understand better what's going on.

I know this will help.
Take care!

Welcome to generation X/feminism adulthood. I hear ya!!!
This is totally understandable!! And it is not a midlife crisis. I am sure you got a lot of good advice, so I'll make it short.
Go ahead...get out there and do something you've always dreamed of. A fulfulled woman is a better mommy. You many have to try some different things, but you can find yourself through these different things. You are not alone, I have talked to many mom's who feel this way.
You could try something new or revisit something from your past...yoga? or school? Go back to school...what better way to teach your children the importance of college but to do it yourself! Go girl. You are worth it!!!!

Hi,

I don't think it is a crisis. However, I do think you need to maybe add something to your life that is just for you. Since you metioned school, maybe you caould go and enroll in a class or tow during a time when you have child care.

I know that having a long term goal in mind(carrer wise) is what has always helped me feel like I have a purpose and a direction. I have a MA degree and I am stil always feeling like I want to go back to school. I just love learning and I get a great deal of confidence and joy out of being a student.

My sister just recently joined a small swimming group for exercise and she says that it has made a tremendous difference in how she feels about everything. Even though it is only an hour and a half a week, it is really helping her.

It is hard to get started on something like this and it may seem like it is not enough to make that big difference that you need, but it is a step in the right direction, and it could even lead to a rewarding carreer!

Good luck!

Words of Inspiration.

Many Feel as you do from time to time, it is a natural occurance in everyones life.
It is important to control your self talk. Define your Dreams, set some goals and work toward them daily.

Building self esteem will enable you to live life to the fullest. Self esteem is your key to happiness and success.
Here is a list of inspiring words for you that will help you build your self esteem and help you feel better about yourself.

*Listen to your inner voice and follow it for it is wisdom and knows what is best for you.
*Talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
*Think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best-you deserve nothing less.
*Care about the happiness and success of others and offer them all the help and encouragement they need.
*Forget your past mistakes and focus on your successes encouraging yourself to greater achievements in the future.
*Always do your best so you can be proud that you gave it your best shot.
*When you help someone ask nothing in return, you will receive your reward ten times over.
*Don't be afraid to go out on a limb...that's where the fruit is.
*The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else. -- E. E. Cummings
*You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. -- Wayne Dyer

**Find a project that gives you personal satisfaction.
Read some good books.

*Love, Live and be Happy* It's a choice.

P. M

Looking for an incredible experience making a difference in the world and your life?
**Join us in Pleasanton CA in the evening of April 24th.
*Email me today for more information..

WOW ! Where do I begin..other than saying you are not alone !
(By the way- this is my first time even logging onto this site ,let alone responding,...but right when I read your request- I was shocked because its exactly what I am going through.....so I had to respond :) I hope this helps...........
I am 37 years old and have just recently reached out to some friends to ask the very same question, and to my surprise- they were all going through the very same thing ! Everything you are feeling is normal. I know that doesnt help much..but my advice to you is to keep talking about it and go get some books to read on mid life crisis, etc. I do believe that is what we are going through. I have been just as frustrated...I too am very blessed- have a wonderful husband of 14 years, and two great kids ages 11 & 12. I have everything I could ever want yet I feel so unfulfilled. My hopes are to reach out to other girlfriends and try to understand what Mid Life iss all about and how to get through it....I have no desire either to have an affair, etc...but I just want the old "ME" back..ya know ?! Hang in there- I'll say a prayer for you ! :)

Hi S.! I can totally relate, I'm 34 and I went through the same thing when my 2 boys started to become more independent. It's time for some you time!!! Slowly start integrating things that you love, that nurture you into your busy family schedule. Anything helps...walks with friends, a class, book club. For me, it's important to do things that give me energy in some way. I mom full time, volunteer at school, etc. but my dance classes and other "extra curricular" activities really feed my soul and keep me going! It's time to rediscover who you are and trust me, it will make you a better parent and partner! Take care!

It sounds like you need to find some hobbies or interests that you can call your own; something that you are doing just for you. Maybe it is taking up scrapbooking, joining a book club, taking classes at a rec. center, or even going back to school to finish your education. I am married, have a 4 year old daughter, work full-time, and am just about to graduate with a Master's degree. As hard as it has been to juggle being a wife and mother and a teacher, going back to school has been what has made me feel the most like my old self again because I have done this for me (though ultimately it benefits the family because I'll make a tiny bit more money).

Good luck,
C.

hi S.:

since your children are bigger now, i think you know that it would be a good time to go back to school and finish your education, because you did not fulfill that part of you that would be good to explore. remember that part of being a happy person is to fulfill all your dreams. children do what they see, not always what we tell them, so is our legacy to show them by example.
it also sounds to me like you do not have close friends of your own, that you can go out with, a group to raise funds for what ever cause, besides de pta or other children's activities, please take the time to listen to your self, and do not have any fears about your future... everything happens for a reason, you are so young, the most productive years for women are in our 40's.... so get out there and live the other part of your life that needs your attention now...YOU
remember that crisis only mean change, and you really are looking for change that you need to explore inside, maybe there are some art classes, music, ceramics, business, etc..... life is beautiful don't be afraid to live it....
warmly,
sandy

Yes!!! I can relate! I am a mom of 4...my boys are 9, 5, and almost 2...and my daughter is almost 3!!!

After my daughter was born, I felt like I was in a slump. A lot like you described. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my family with all of my heart...but things were off. I needed to feel whole and my identity was so wrapped in my family that I was kinda losing who I was by myself.

Anyway...do you know Jesus as your personal Savior??

Let me know!

N.

Hi S.,
I also was having a hard time transitioning to being a full-time on-call mommy to having a life. Before kids I worked full-time as a hairdresser. I was accustomed to receiving instant praise for a job well done. Once I was home full-time in a state far away from friends & family I devoted myself to my children. (twin girls) When they were 31/2 my Dr. told me I needed a vacation- without my family. So I flew to New Mexico and met my SIL and we had a vacation together! Since then I have taken a weed-end away every year. I also started a home bassed business when they were 5 and that has helped me have a life outside of my family.

So I am encouraging you to develop a new interest and do something just for yourself. It will help you rediscover who you are and add some spark back to your life. I also want to encourage you to brainstorm your talents. You are the CEO of your family, maybe the CFO, the chauffer, event coordinater, chef, administrative assistant, risk management, first aid... You get the picture. Without you your company (family) would go out of business! It's time to diversify!
Good luck & have fun, S.