Today I found out that there's a new drug developed that's having spectacular results in melanoma patients whose cancer has metastized (sp?) in the brain. It's fantastic, wonderful news.
But it's breaking my heart. My father died last year because of melanoma in his brain. He lasted 20 months after his diagnosis - the norm is about four months. He never gave up. The whole family set to task to find and get him onto drug trials - anything that may help. He was not accepted for any trials. He was a big, strong man who was still competing in surf competitions. He went too early.
I just don't know how to get past the fact that help was so close, yet he's dead and gone.
What would you do to find acceptance?
.
My sister died of a cancerous brain tumor, she was 18. This was 32 years ago.
I just saw on the news a few mos ago about a breakthrough for her type of tumor.
It's no ones fault, it's all about timing.
Suzie,
I am so sorry about your dad. It sounds like he was an awesome dad.
But I don't think the drug is that effective--at least not the one I read about a few weeks ago. It just prolonged life for a while.
I certainly understand your anger. I found out I had lung cancer about 15 months ago. I tried to get doctors to listen to me for 12 years that something was wrong. If they had listened, I would have been able to be assured that surgery would have cured it. Now I have to worry that it will come back.
Please find a good grief counselor. I hope you find peace.
Victoria
Suzie, I'm so sorry. My grandfather died of a blood clot the year before they learned how to dissolve them. He got the clot from saving another man's life - long story. My mom understood the irony of the timing of his death when she was older and someone told her about the medical advancement in regards to her dad. I think that her acceptance was easier because he had been gone a long time before she found that out.
One day there will hopefully be a vaccine against Alzheimers. So many of us have family members with the disease that we will most likely feel the same thing you are when this terrible disease is no longer a part of our lives. Yet those who are suffering the long, painful process won't benefit, and those who have died will have missed it entirely. I would venture to say that all of these brave folks, with cancer and Alzheimers, have taught the medical research community so much that when the time comes that a cure or vaccine is found, that we think in terms of THEM being the cause for the cure. Giving credit to those who have died or have the diseases helps us cope better, don't you think?
It sounds like your dad was a really amazing man. Hugs to you, and keep the faith that this wonderful drug will be a testament to his strength and perserverence.
Dawn
One thing you can do is take heart in the fact that he DID last so long.... maybe it was some combination of drugs they used that helped him, and with that success, even though he wasn't in any drug trials, will encourage others in the same situation.
My uncle died a couple of years ago due to a melanoma metastasizing to his brain.... I hadn't seen him for several years, though. I think in his case it was several years after the melanoma had been removed from his scalp.
Death of a family member is never easy to accept.
I am sorry to hear this. You are not alone. My MIL passed away a couple years ago due to complications from lung cancer (never smoked a day in her life) and I kid you not days after her passing I read about a new great drug that has had a lot of success with lung cancer. Maybe if she would have been able to try that she would not have had the surgery for the cancer that lead to the blood clot that ultimately killed her. I am sorry that I cannot offer you more, but know that you are not alone and I hope that eventually peace will come for you.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad.
But please know that while it may seem that these patients are having spectacular results from the new trial drug but it's not for sure.
There's not guarantee.
There's no fast tried & true for sure cure.
There isn't anything to say that this will actually help these people for sure.
Know that your dad walks with you and beside you every day.
He lives on in your memory.
In your traditions you carry on in his name.
He will be "with you" always throughout your life, raising kids etc.
Suzie,
I am so sorry about the death of your father. When I was 12 my teacher's son (same age) died of a type of leukemia that now is quite treatable. A friend of ours has a wife who is battling breast cancer, and I pray that she will hang on--not specifically that the cancer will go away--but in case there are any new treatments on the horizon. I know it is hard to accept. Maybe you can find some peace in knowing that someone, somewhere will have a great result with this drug and get to spend more time with his family...that someone will kick cancer's a*s, you know? That's something to be happy about...
No one could possibly blame you for feeling some level of anger at the situation. Anyone would in the same situation. I don't know how you ever really accept the early death of a family member...(My Mom died at 40 from leukemia 21 years ago and there are still things that trigger tears for me). I think that you have to console yourself that you did the best you could at the time with the resources that were available at that time.
