S.T.
Wow - you have had a lot happen to you physically in the last few years. But in that you are a testament to God's goodness in that you are still here and your children still ahve their mother, your hsuband still has his wife and you have them. No, no-one will understand what you're going through. My husabnd was in a horrible auto accident and eventually had spinal surgery and I can't feel his pain or discomfort. But I knew he was in pain, I saw the winces on his face.
I hoep you are seeing a good doctor and have consdiered anti-depressents. There are many different kinds so if one doesn't work try another. Do research on different kind of therapies that could work - consider acupuncture (my husband said the results were wondeful), chiropractic, etc. Many chiropractors don't "crack" your back any more - they use other modalities such as heat, electic stimulation, etc.
Another thing to consdier is that God uses your pain and depression in ways that you can't possible imagine to encourage others. Did you know that Dvid, a man after God's own heart, was said to have suffered with depression? That's a reason why the Psalms can be of such comfort - they remind us that God is there with us in the high waters & dark moments. It's also said that Paul (who wrote 2/3 of the New Testament) also dealt with depression and we know that he had some kind of physical ailment since he asked God three times to remove this "thorn" and God didn't.
When I was in the middle of a very dark time in our family's life (my mom was terminally ill, my FIL had just died, my husband was dealining with spinal injury, my daughter tried to take her life) it seemed that God was silent - I prayed, I was on my knees in the middle of the night, I was trying to figure out what I could do and I heard nothing back. But I had to decide if I was going to trust God, who was able to do more that I could ever ask or imagine, or if I wasn't going to trust Him. So one night on the floor of my daughter's bedroom I just decided that He was faithful, and I let it go.
These trials in life bring us to our knees and make us lean on him. They make us realize that we can't do this life alone - or can't do it *well* by ourselves. It also creates in us a resilience and a testimony of God's goodness to others. There will be a day when my experiences and my willingness to trust God will help someone else in a similar situation.
My friend asked our pastor why God allows us to go through tough times. He explained that through the trials we become a lens through which God's grace and goodness shine into dark places that would not be reached by others. God has a plan for yoru life that includes these tough experiences. They will make you into the person you'll be next year, 5 years from now, etc. And you will be able to make an impact in the life of someone else who you'd never be able to reach otherwise.
Read these passages they hold great promises - claim them today to God Isaiah 41:10, Isa 40:28-31, Psalm 73:26, Ps 18:2, Ps3:3-6, Ps 61:3-4 and Ephesians 3:16-20 there are so many more but these should help. Meditate on God's word and your mind will be washed. Don't forget to pray for God's blessings for yourself. We moms are so busy asking for things for others that we forget to ask God to bless us.
