Mediation to Revise Custody and Child Support

Hi J., my husband and I both have ex's and have been thru this, too many times really. I'll just give some basic info that we have learned and hope it helps you. Custody, parenting time and child support are 3 different things. The less time he has with the kids, the more child support he pays. When you go in for mediation, you need to have a game plan in place. You need to know WHAT exactly you want. If you want sole custody, how much time you want him to have, and how much child support you want. There is a calculation page online on your county's website that you can use ahead of time to figure it out. Also, your kids are old enough to fly on their own so you need to say who is going to pay for travel for them. That can also be factored into the child support payments. You really can decide on anything before you go and then its up for "discussion". Thats the point in meeting, to figure out and agree on what you are going to do. I'm sure the kids want to see their dad, don't they? Maybe they can fly up for a weekend once every 2 months and then maybe go to his house for a few weeks or a month in the summer? You need to have some "reasonable" offers and if he doesn't want any of them, you need to be flexible. Even if he never sees them again, that's his choice, but YOU need to look like you are *trying*. Mediation and hearings are tricky, you never really know what will happen. But make sure you have a plan when you go in, good luck!!!

Not sure if it varies county to county, but one of my employees has only 42% physical custody of his son so he had to pay child support (if he had 45% or greater physical custody he would not have to pay. Since your ex has nearly 0% physical custody (even though he has a right to more, I do not think you should have too much difficulty getting child support in place. Especially if you have proof that you are paying all the bills without him having split anything with you. I would go for joint legal custody, sole physical custody with visitation rights, and child support. The children should not have to suffer financially because he decided to move away and not hold up his end of the agreement.

For children of school age, joint physical custody is hard on them and difficult to work...it can, but it is hard. There is such a thing as joint custody but with one parent having placement (which it seems like you have even though he 's supposed to be getting them more). Support is ordered based on what custody/visitation is ordered (regardless of what they actually act on). I do know of a lady that has joint custody of her son but she moved out of state (barely over the state line) and she was required to maintain a residence in DE for her time w/ her son...I think that is an exception though because in today's economy, families can barely afford one home let alone two.

If I were you, I would push for either full custody w/ him having visitation or joint custody w/ you have placement and him having visitation. Either way, have the added wording of "any other time that are mutually agreeable". The only different between the two is whether or not you are to consult him for education, health, etc decisions...both have them living w/ you and visiting him.

The one mistakes many families make is "well it's not my weekend" so they think they can't go to that baseball game or open house. You always should allow each other to feel welcome at these things even if it isn't their time w/ the children. They are always the parent, the only difference is who has to get them there, keep track of them, and get them home.

You can have joint legal custody but sole physical custody and document visitation from now until they are 18. Child support has nothing to do with the custody agreement but rathe the amount of time the parents spend with the children. Yours are old enough that they will also have a say in what goes on-good luck

I would say that an absent father would be granted liberal visitation.

He could get all Spring Break, at least 1 month in Summer, still paying the child support even though he has them, their money should pay part of their housing, utilities, all kinds of stuff, that does not change just because they go visit him.

He could get all Christmas Break, with some written rules about splitting it with you having them one full week and him having them at least one full week.

I think it should be specific though. From this day to this day, from this time of day to this time of day. That way if he is running late he is held accountable. There are just too many times when someone will just not make the effort and not even try to follow the orders.

Like keeping the kids extra days because they couldn't get loaded on time, they should have left one day early and planned on staying in a hotel in your town the day they came home so they could be on time and they could wind down their visit.

Even if you know or thing you know he isn't going to be there to pick up the kids act as if he is and have them ready, I actually always make them leave everything at home. He provided all the clothes and stuff at his house. They could take a favorite thing or two.

Then if he doesn't show up they were ready, they can honestly say if called in to court to request less scheduled visitation, that they were ready each and every time and he didn't show up or call to say he wasn't coming.

Since he moved out of state I would think that everything would legally need to be renegotiated. Enforcement of the original agreement may be entirely different in another state. Obviously he can't have them 2 weekends every month when he's in another state. Since they are both still in school you/he can't be sending them off to see Dad frequently, either. I believe that many people in this situation allow the kids to spend a few weeks in the summer with Dad. This is a problem if Dad works and can't supervise during the day. Since Dad is the one who moved away from them, I certainly wouldn't go out of your way to make this work out. If Dad pays child support responsibly AND pays all transportation and misc. expenses to have them come visit him, then you can be more cooperative if you feel Dad is going to be a good influence on them. If not, just sit tight and let Dad do all of the work of keeping contact with the kids.