My 6 y/o son plays soccer. He did not play the first two Saturday games. First game was cancelled due to rain and the second he had the flu. This is my son’s 3rd season playing soccer and he loves it.
We made it to this last Saturday game. At this age practice is 45 min before the game on Saturday so not during the week. This Saturday was the first we’ve interacted with the Coach.
I’m not sure if it’s just me but the coach acted like he was coaching high school kids not 5-6 year olds. Tell me is I’m overreacting…
First, the coach has a 5 y/o son on the team who very obviously does NOT like soccer. He doesn’t participate so when he is on the field he just stands there hanging his head low. Not kidding and it is so sad! The Dad/Coach on several occasions was very harshly telling him to do this or that but the son looked like he just wanted to cry. At one point the son said “Daddy” and the Dad/Coach said “Just get away from me! I don’t want anything to do with you!” Gosh my heart broke at that one. Then he got kind of mad at one of the other boys for not getting the ball away from the opposing team. At one point my Son did not hear the coach telling him to get on the left and the Coach got all mad.
At this point I commented to the Mom next to me that Coach seemed really irritated and if he was like this the first game. She said yes that he gets mad because his son will NOT play but that he shouldn’t try to force a 5 y/o to play a sport they don’t like. She said she noticed it during practices before the game. Then I said that he was being kind of harsh with all the boys and she said she hadn’t noticed because she was talking to the other Mom, but asked what happened.
She was one of 5 moms chatting up a storm the whole game and not watching. I’m not bashing anyone, but just pointing out that of course they didn’t notice. Anyway after the game, which we won by the way, the Coach left fuming mad with his son trailing far behind.
So any of you want to give me another perspective on this? Is this the norm with soccer coaches?? husband is not happy about it either. I’m wondering if we were just spoiled with my Son’s first 2 coaches in that they were super great with the kids and made the sport more fun, then competitive.
Thanks everyone! My husband and I decided that we would wait and see how he acts at this Saturday’s game. If his actions are the same, we are going to call the league. Since it was our first game and the other Moms didn't notice how he acted last week, we decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Although I still feel that the way he spoke to his son was really mean and next time I'm going to speak up and make light of the situation. Even though I don’t coach I am definitely in there helping out and cheering the kids on. During half time I practiced with the boys and made it fun. In fact his son even wanted to practice with me! Peace!
I find this inappropriate for a coach who works with children, especially a 5 year old. At that age it should be about learning and loving the game, feeling confident and comfortable with skill and ability, and having a good time through a movement-based activity.
Definitely NOT the norm for children's coaches. This is very sad and I would suggest saying something to the league coordinator if it continues. These kids are YOUNG and should be playing for enjoyment and exercise, not to win the World Cup!
He sounds like a psycho to me....
I think the coach sounds like a tool! If I were you, I (and hubby) would be VERY observant at the next practice/game...and then speak up if he continues to be so harsh!
~Nothing will ruin a kids' love of sports quicker than an irate coach!
My middle daughter played fast pitch softball for years...and her first coach was a TERROR...would you believe he had his 8 year old daughter pitching, after she was hit HARD in the nose by a pitched ball...with a kleenex rolled up and stuck up her nose to catch the blood...so that the other girl on the team who also pitched didn't take her place?? He was really awful...but he always managed to have a winning team and I am ashamed to say that we stuck with him for several years. I think, if you asked my daughter that she would have much rather been on a losing team that was coached by a kind, fun coach....it is important for them to learn the proper skills but especially at 5 years old, you need to balance that with fun and sportmanship.
I would se if a couple of the other Dads would be willing to be assistant coaches...and if that fails, I would go to the head of the soccer league and address my concerns.
Good luck...and I hope that the coaches wife is able to step in and stop him from ruining sports for his son.
Nope -he has no business speaking to his son or any other child on the team in that manner. Even in high school there's tough and firm vs. petty and mean. I have no issues with coaches being coaches, but saying something so ugly to his own son on the field was completely uncalled for. It sounds like he needs to learn to control his temper and probably like he shouldn't be coaching small children at anything. Keep watching -if he says anything ugly and non-constructive to your son, I would have a strong word with him after the game and remind him that they're 5.
As a coach this breaks my heart. I coach an Under 6 soccer team so this is very near and dear to me. While being a coach is by far MUCH HARDER than anyone can think it is by no means a reason to yell at the the kids.
During our basketball season a few months ( I coached my daughter then too). And just putting this out there as I know some moms on here will not like what I'm about to write. She wanted to play basketball and wanted me to coach. My daughter proceeded to throw tantrum after tantrum during practice because she didn't like what I told her to do. (same as I told the rest of the team)...I at one point had to stop practice, walk her to the hallway outside of the gym and pretty much give her an ear full. It's hard to coach your own child they cannot decipher between parent vs coach.
With that said, I don't believe this guy (at least from the facts you've given) has this problem. My point really here is that no a coach at this age should not be yelling at the kids, talking down to them. This does not instill the knowledge or love for sports. I aslo don't like the "good try" mentality either. I have six kids on my team...have the ones who are there because mom and dad have said give it a try (they are your ones that don't do much, stay away from the ball), I have the ones who are go getters and want to play and have fun...
In our league we have to be certified to be a coach, we went to a clinic which gave us ideas on how to coach the kids at specific ages. Maybe you just have to say something, or wait it out and request next season to not have this same coach.
Hope I gave a different outlook. It's hard to coach but like I tell my kids "What's the one thing we want to do in this game/practice today?"...and they will say "HAVE FUN".
No, not normal, but you get what you get if your son's team didn't stay together from last year. I would make sure next season you put that you don't want him as coach on the sign up form.
As for practicing on the day of the game, that is not normal either. Kids get tired and that's too much for one day. They should have 30 minute practices twice a week. That way if the kids can't make one of them they can make it to the other.
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No that's BS, he is being mean relative to ANY age group you don't talk like that to people. I'd video tape it and show someone who can kick him off the team as a coach. I feel so bad for his little boy... does his mom go to the games? If she doesnt, maybe she doesn't know her son is being treated like this... I would wonder about his home life if he acts like this, but it also makes me think of that movie kicking & screaming (with Will ferrel and his dad compete as coaches).
Do you have a digital camera that records? or does a mom bring a camcorder to the game? I plan on buying one for my daughter's future activities and such so there's prbly someone there that is like that unless they are all chatty mommas that you were mentioning.
I have not experience at all with soccer coaches, however, I've played and my kids have played a myriad of sports. No, you have not spoiled your son, he has been bless with great coaches in the past. Is there anyway you can switch teams, or find another team with a great coach. I would pull my son from the team if there was a coach like that. I would tell the coach that too. Your son is only 6, he should be loving the game and having fun learning it. I do think the coach is being to hard and my heart goes out for his son.
You are a great mother!
Just another perspective on this and not defending anyone, but their is another side. We coached my daughters 2nd year when she was 5 and I will never ever coach again. First off she loved soccer, but refused to play while we were coaches. Second we had 2 boys on our team who did not want to be there and it was so hard to have the other kids want to play and teach them while the other 3 (the boys and my daughter) wanted to do everything but soccer. We were so frustrated and I am sure it came off as something else, but we just did not know what else to do. I tried asking for help from parents and coaches, but no one was really able to help. We learned our lesson and gave up coaching.
Um well I would not want to be his son.
The poor boy.
no it is NOT the norm.
Yah I would say he is mean.
And it is NOT appropriate.
Not all kids HAVE TO play soccer.
I would wonder, what the boy's own interests are and his own talents?
But well, we can't tell the Coach what to do.
His wife should.
And the Coach is really going to affect the other kids....
maybe the other parents can speak up.
But that is a fine line.... because, you all are not his son's parent.
But your kids play on his team. He is their Coach too.
If it makes the other kids uncomfortable or intimidated, then perhaps you would have reason to tell the Coach?
Or, you just switch to another Soccer team with a better Coach.
Just because a person has the title of "Coach"... it does NOT make them, Coach material, nor good with kids.
I guess it depends on what is your definition of winning.
Is it beating the other team.
Is it having a well adjusted, happy family.
The coach is ignoring the emotional cost of trying to have his son excel at soccer. My heart is breaking too. So what if you suck at every sport, but are happy every day and love to be with your family. Sounds like winning to me.
Most coaches I've seen at this stage are absolutely wonderful! and know how to deal with little ones. so sad for this child and his whole team
This coach is not someone I'd want to expose my 6yo to. I feel so sad for children who must endure parents like this – my mom used a great deal of anger, shaming, and emotional manipulation raising me and my sisters, and it sure can hurt. If your son is doing okay an still loves playing, then you might just suck it up and use the coach's harsh methods as teachable moments to talk over. That can have real value, giving your son a useful perspective and some detachment in case he's ever the target for someone like that.
But at some point your son may come under too much personal attack and start feeling some real stress. I don't think that's appropriate for a younger child. If so, give him the option of dropping out. And tell the coach why, preferably in writing, with a copy sent to his supervisor.
