Making Deals with Your Teens - Trading Work for Things That Cost $

what an awesome son! Let him try to achieve his goals...& find a way to renegotiate the terms if he's unable to do it.

I am a complete stranger AND I AM SOOOO PROUD OF HIS TAKE-CHARGE ATTITUDE!! Great job, Mom!

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for what its worth, Suze Ormon, the money guru, recommends having a list of chores which are expected and must be done gratis (for instance make your bed, take out the trash, put your toys/ books away) Then there is another list of chores which can be done to earn pocket money. that list would have a sliding scale. i.e. there could be 5 jobs in the $3 category (do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom), $5 jobs in the $5 category, and 5 jobs in the $8 category (rake and bag leaves). Whatever your budget allows and seems reasonable to you. Your child isn't eligible to tackle any money earning chores unless they've already done their list of expected duties. Also, they can't jump pay grades, they've got to do all the tasks in the lowest pay grade before they can qualify for higher earnings.

She suggests that this two tier system of exoected and payable duties has double benefits. First, it does away with a sense of entitlement that a lot of kids have from an allowance. Second, it gives kids a taste of how the working world works.

I don't know if this strategy would work for you, just thought to add it to the conversation.

Meanwhile congrats to you and to your honor roll kid. Seems clever.

I think I would let him try it out. He came to you with a deal and is willing to work on it. I think an allowance is a good idea at this age anyways for the kids to learn to budget their money it teaches them ethics, savings and hard work.

Let him try! I would have some form of calendar that you keep track of his chores and be realistic. 100% is probably not realistic... I would talk with him about a % of days per month that he does the chores without reminders.

As for the Honor Roll... he's doing it this semester, so there's no reason for him not to do so in the future! Having said that, I would avoid a "double contingency" and pick one or the other- not both.

As adults, we compromise and negotiate every day. He has already learned that he needs to take ownership of things he wants/needs while being responsible. I would absolutely agree to this and give him the chance to prove he can do it.

Sounds like a good plan to me :) My two teenagers bargain with me all of the time. They come up with the craziest plans. I love it!

My girls are going on a camping trip with school. The trip is costing $100--plus whatever we have to get for them to take with them. I told them I would pay $30 and they had to find a way to earn money to get the rest. One of my girls got a job walking a dog so she has been earning her share ($70) on her own. She has also decided she wants to earn enough money to buy a video system. The other is earning extra money by doing extra things around the house like washing the blankets from their room, extra sweeping, washing the cabinets without being asked. She even sometimes washes her own clothes, though does not do a full load so a lot of water for a little clothes. Honestly, she is not near her needed amount yet. All 3 of my kids get great grades and they know that they must do their best and I will not pay them for the grades but they may get rewarded for consistency.
That said, my nephew is ADHD on meds though reducing them now. He is a good student but of course there can be issues. I would say give it a shot and see how it goes. It sounds like you want to anyway. Maybe make a chart he can use or let him make one himself so he knows where things stand. Decide how many slipups he will be allowed but make it per week and then total because he won't be able to use all at once.

He really wants this grooveshark after he got a cell phone (luxury item) you promised. What else will he be willing to use his "ADHD honor roll" little head to negotiate (meaning he is smart already). In any negotiation, both of you have to come out on the deal. If he already does the other chores - mow the yard and empty the dog poop (which he probably doesn't mind doing anyway), then I would say add something else to that negotiation that would make it a real "compromization" for your benefit- after all you are the one paying the monthly subscription.

I don't see anything wrong in rewarding him for effort but I would be sure you're getting something out of this deal. Seem like the only person winning in this one is your son. So in other words if your son hates doing dishes and that's what YOU really want him to do, then that would be what I use as the rule of negotiation.

Well, he wants it, has come up with a solution to 'pay' for it, basically working for it and being more responsible.
He has to do that anyway. Sure.
But well, he is trying to be more mature about it.
Let him try.
And see if he is genuine in it.

Then, when or if he goofs off and does not uphold his end of the bargain, he looses his app.

Just make sure you know how to cancel it.

For us, I don't 'pay' my kids for chores. Because they should do it anyway and it is just being a part of the 'family.' The bigger picture.
BUT... your son is attempting.... to be more mature about his wants... and doing things to 'earn' it. Coming up with ideas on his own.
So this is another layer of cognizance on his part.
He is reaching a learning process about it...
Let him learn it.
And earn it.
Or, tack on a chore, that you don't mind 'paying' him for it.

He said: he will do ALL of these compromizations, without being reminded or asked.
So, after how many 'reminders'... will you/Daddy then cancel his subscription????
You have to delineate that, too.

I say good for him and yes you should go for it!
My husband also has ADHD and you know it does not go away with age, it actually gets worse as he gets older..

Remember, most people with ADHD, really have no internal clock and have no sense of time.. Dates are beyond them.. So in reality this is a great way for him to figure it out. I do not even care about paying him for chores or grades..

If he can really figure out a way to remember all of this on his own.. That will be priceless! Worth way more than $10. per month.

Yes, he has a responsability to the family and shouldn't have to be paid to do those things. I agree paying kids to do what they should is distasteful, however, he's not doing them now! So if that system isn't working, time to try something new. He came to you with a business proposal. Good for him! And good for you! You've taught him that in life, if you want something, you go to work for it.

In general, I would be the first to say that paying children for grades and normal chores isn't a good idea. However, the way you describe your son, his pesonality and learning disability, etc., I think this may be a very good idea and would consider it. This would be a great learning experience for him.

I would also consider, what happens if he doesn't live up to his end of the bargin. Are you locked into a contract? Another thought. - is there a way that you could see if he can do this for a month before you sign up for the Grooveshark?

My son has had an on-line game membership for the past 5 years. It costs about $6 a month and is auto drafted from my bank account each month. When he first wanted it he offered up a similar deal - chores done without reminding, etc. I figured for $6 a month, why not?

I think these type of deals are good for our kids. It teaches them responsibility and negotiating skills. It is also good for us to use as a future consequence for egregious behavior.

If you are worried about your son's ability to maintain Honor Roll then you may need to make a deal with yourself that if he maintains a "B" average (or whatever) you will maintain the membership - you don't need to tell him right now - it is great that he has set the Honor Roll goal for himself. When my son offered up his deal I threw in an extra chore or two to sweeten the pot - so that may be an option for you also.

Tangible results for responsible actions - it is a good thing.

Good Luck and God Bless

I see what you mean, but I think if you tweak your line of thinking just a little bit it might help you like the idea a lot better. I don't think I 'make deals' with my kids, but I do have them 'earn' things they want that are above &/or beyond what I am normally happy to do. Here's what I mean by this: I buy all of their clothes, food, give them lunch money, pay for their instruments, sports, dance classes, etc. BUT if they want toys outside of Christmas or their birthdays, they're on their own, last year my then 9-year-old daughter was desperate for a $20 pair of sweatpants with her school logo on them. Now, we're on a very tight budget so $20 for 1 article of clothing for a kid who has never worn sweatpants in her life was a lot I thought. I told her if she wanted to work for them I would get them for her & she was happy to pull weeds in all of the flower beds out front for 2 weeks so that I would them for her. Now she knows every time she puts those sweats on, she's earned them, she worked for them by doing dirty, buggy, sweaty work for 2 weeks. I think it's a great lesson for your kids to understand valuing their things because they weren't just handed to them!

This is him trying to approach you as a more mature person... great idea. BUT I agree with a few of the moms that "honor roll" can be arbitrary. Discuss realistic goals and expectations (is he on an IEP?... same type of thing) but be prepared for the fall out when you actually do take the service away if he does not perform... part of treating him like an adult is to follow through with the consequences. I think this a potentially awesome thing. Be sure you have an agreed upon measure of compliance. How will both parties prove that the terms of the contract have or have not been met. Just like an IEP.. observable and measurable.. grades are easy.. dog poop...yikes.

Best of luck, N.

Sounds like a win win to me. What happens, though, if you notice that he hasn't done the negotiated chores? Will you end up reminding him, because he already is required to do them, or will it be okay for him to forget to do them and then you turn off his music app? Or will you turn off his app just for him having to be reminded?

I think it is a great idea (particularly the motivation to perform at school... so often they don't actually connect doing well at school with any immediate tangible reward for them -- grades are so abstract at this age still)... but for it to work, you'll have to lay out in BLACK AND WHITE what the consequences are for failure to perform, and what performing means... (i.e., not needing a reminder to mow and poop scoop).

I think he has a good proposal to start with. You might want to have an extra small chore that he will have to do in addition if he doesn't hold up his end of the deal. If you are still having to remind him about chores of his grades drop add the extra chore or he could lose the service for a month. Then write up the whole thing and all sign it. Put in as much detail as you need, describe each chore with specifics--teenagers can be very literal. Put it on the fridge or someplace you can find it if needed. You are teaching him a good lesson on being responsible and keeping his word in an agreement.

"... The honor roll was a surprise because this is the first semester ever that he'll make it on and while I'll be shocked if he can maintain these grades (he has AD/HD and learning disabilities) and I don't know if that's realistic, I love to see that he thinks it is and has another reason to work towards this goal..."
DO THIS!!!
I am telling you my sister's older son, 12, has Adhd (so does my 4yr old) and he wanted a 55gal tank for xmas, he had a list of guidlines to follow 90% were his regular expectations (but do it automatically) and 10% new things including honor roll grades and guess what! A HOLY TERROR of a tween boy became an angel who had a GOAL to work for who is now A/B Honor Roll even after he already earned his tank. To futher the growth process he realized after he helped his friend clean his tank that it was too much for him to handle on his own and asked if it could be the family tank in the family room and he would be the main caretaker but he knew that he needed more help than he thought. Originally the deal was if it was in his room it is all his to take care of. Things like this with Adhd kids can really be a good booster giving them a specific goal can help focus their needs.

I think you should applaud your son for being very responsible and "grown-up" in his proposal. I would agree to his terms and write up the contract. In the "real" world we trade our time/talent for money/things, I see no reason why you couldn't start training your son now.

I say go for it. I remember growing up working for my allowance. My parents had a chart in the kitchen pantry that had a large list of chores. Each chore had a price attached to it. (Ex. Mow the lawn 50 cents, unload dishwasher 10 cents. Mind you, these prices were during the 1970's) My brother and I were able to choose how much or how little we earned each month. If we did nothing, we got nothing. Before my parents knew it, my brother and I were fighting over who got to mow the lawn or trim the bushes. LOL!!! It taught us the value of the dollar and the pride of working toward a goal.

Make a written contract with your son. Write down all the conditions of both parties. Include a statement that he MUST complete ALL the chores to get the reward. (No "I did half so what about half the reward" trick. His proposal is for him to do ALL the chores, stick to that.) Then you both sign it. If at the end of the month he has not done his part don't nag. If he breaks the contract he doesn't get the prize. Period.

It's great that he's making such an adult proposal. He's smart. :)

I don't have a teenager, but I do have a 5-year-old who must do a mutually-agreed-upon list of jobs to earn her $5/week allowance. (There are certainly other "chores" she must do simply as a member of the family that she's not paid for.) She divides up her allowance into three jars: 10% to charity, 30% to long-term savings, 30% to mid-term savings, and 30% to quick cash. I fully expect to continue this system as long as she's a minor, and I imagine that I will expect her to pay for things like what your son is asking for when she becomes a teenager. (Her responsibilities and weekly allowance will increase each year.)

If this system appeals to you, I got it from a book called "Money Doesn't Grow on Trees" by Neale S. Godfrey. It just made sense to me. Financial literacy and money management skills are sadly lacking in many kids, but it's never too late to start. It sounds like your son is game. Good luck!