M. Advise!

I went through this with my M. before, and it seems selfish. But, I had to not call her for a period of time. They seem to miss hearing from you and then they call you, because they miss you. It is hard to do, especially if you talk to her daily. But, maybe you talk to her too much and could save up what you have to talk to her about to once a week or something. Worth a try.

my M. and I are very close and talk each day, but I was always the one calling. She did not want to bother me or be in the way. I told her over and over it didn't matter and I got tired of bothering her (ha ha), so we finally set up a "call time" which is when she is driving home from work and the kids are napping. She knows I am not as busy and I know she is available so whomever gets to it first will place the call. Maybe try something like that? Maybe it is also just a habit with her that you are the one who calls??

I always let my daughters call me because I know they are much busier than I am. They call me on their way to pick up kids, to the store, etc. If I call, invaribly they are in the middle of something and have to call me back anyway! Just a thought.

She is who she is! My dad was the same way. I eventually realized it was his issue. So when I wanted to talk to him I called him. It didn't mean he didn't love me. It's just the way he was. Don't waste precious time trying to figure it out. She still loves you!

Hi Haley,

my M. is the same way. It's ok. some moms are just that way. i think it may have to do with not wanting to seem like they dont have a life or something(pride). dont recipricate those prideful notions. i think it also has to do with feeling needed and not wanting to be the one who is (needy). either accept it or swallow your pride and simply tell her that this makes you feel insecure about how she feels about you. be truthful not accusatory. remember, it isnt about fairness, its about feeling loved that concerns you. if she laughs it off and says your being silly, then she obviously has a very hard time accepting this issue. dont let that affect you. i myself will be a very involved parent when my daughter moves out. i will call her probably everyday(ha ha). every mother/daughter relationship will be different. your M. has her way about her and be glad that she is close to you and that she is well. trust me, if you knew everything i had gone through with my M., you would see that this "aint nothin but a thang"

My M. is like that too, but I think it is because she doesn't want to be a bother and doesn't want to interrupt if we're busy, wake a sleeping child, etc. I have just accepted that she isn't going to change at this point...

communication is the best thing a person can do in personal, work, or any kind of relationship, and I suggest you tell your M. you love her, and love talking to her, but wish sometimes she would call you, as you feel the only time you get to talk to her is when you call her. She may not even realize it. My daughter calls me a lot on her way home from work, so therefore I've just talked to her, and don't call her near as often as she calls me, as I've just talked to her, so naturally don't pick up the phone and call back. But we do just call eachother whenever. .

Tell your M., without whining and without anger. Tell her you love talking to her. Tell her you notice she never is the one doing the calling and you hope it isn't because she thinks she will catch you a too busy of a time. Tell her you love her and would love to hear from her anytime...........if that is truly how you feel.

You know, I have the same issue with my parents. I always have to call them! My M. says that she feels like she's bothering me if she does, which of course she isn't. My M. said her mother was the same way, if she wanted ot talk, my M. would have to call her. I know it's weird and we don't understand it, but that's the way they are.

There could or maybe several reasons why your mother does not call. It could be a women's lib thing from the late 60s early 70s. It could be the way that she was raised about using the phone. It could be the mother/daughter relationship that you have had as you being a young lady. It could be that she is unaware of how this affects you.

My daughter and I call each other everyday some days and sometimes it is about every three days. I call or she calls and it could be any time of the day depending on the time that she works (some times she works the night shift and will call just before I go to bed and sometimes I call her at work or just after she gets off of work in the morning on her way home). My son calls about once a week sometimes he will call more or sometiems he calls less. I call him once a week or sometimes it is two weeks that go by but not more than that. Husband will send him an "ugly face" on the phone and he calls his dad and asks what's up. It is just something that happens with communication in families. The other S.

My Mother and I call each other back and forth. If I haven't spoken to her at least once a week I think there is something wrong
Now my DAD is another story. I am typically the one that calls him. If he calls ME then I wonder what is wrong.

D.
SAHM M. of three: 19,18,and 5.
Home Baker,Crafter, and Candy Maker. Married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 years.

my mother lives five minutes away maybe eight minutes tops away from me. she hardly ever calls or visits. i have two kids and she never comes to see them unless something happens to her at work or she needs a favor or she is bored. my sister who lives thirty minutes is always getting calls from her! she always makes it a point to check on her. i just let it ride. i talk to my M. about it but she just says that she will improve and never really does.

My M. is good but my mil will not call at all. She tells me she is afraid to interrupt me b/c she knows how busy i am. She always feels like she is putting me out... That i have to stop my busy life just to talk to her. I have told her over and over, if you need me call anytime or call me later and we'll talk, but no. She is old and stuck in her ways. I do not take it personal. Your M. may feel the same way, that she is disrupting you. Just continue to let her know that you love it when she calls and thank her. Who knows, maybe she'll learn a new trick.

I would tell her how you feel...

Good luck
A. J

My mother lives over 3,000 miles away and I am the one to usually call her unless it's my birthday or she needs something. I try to keep in contact with her so she knows what is going on in my children's lives. Yes, it is frustrating having to be the one and we have had arguments about it. Our solution lately has been the computer. We will instant message each other a lot more than call. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and see if there is a reason she does not call. My mother's excuse was the cost of phone calls. LOL on the other side tho my MIL does not call all that much either and when she does she calls her sons cell phone, which he does not answer.

I am always the one to call my M.. As a matter of fact, I am always the one to call everybody in my family! It sucks, doesn't it?!

My M. never calls me either. It hurt my feelings sometimes when I went off to college. Other girls were annoyed that their mother's were calling all the time, but my M. never called. They got an 800 number when I went to college so I could call them, and I did...probably a couple times a week. She calls my brother at college now, and I asked her recently why she calls him, but she never called me. She said, "A., you called twice a week. I wouldn't even know if Jordan was alive if I didn't call him." It wasn't personal. If she hadn't heard from me, she would have called I guess. Even still, she doesn't call, but I call her. It's just the way it is. She has 7 kids, so I guess it's probably a relief to her to know that I will call and she doesn't have to worry about it. So, the conclusion is, my M. doesn't call me because I'm the best one! Ha!

A.
www.greenbabydiaperservice.com

I always am the one to call my M.. She states that she doesn't want to intrude in my life and doesn't know when a good time would be to call. I go to school full time and have two teenagers at home and two children grown and out of the house. I am a very busy M., wife and college student. I do believe she doesn't want to intrude and is trying to be thoughtful. I can relate to the feeling of wishing your M. would call sometime. I mentioned that to my M. but she is adamant that she doesn't want to intrude on what may be happening in my life in that moment. Hopefully this helps.
C.

My situation is similar to Jessica's. I'm usually the one to call because my M. knows that if I call, I can talk. If she calls me she knows she runs the risk of a poor conversation (kids being loud, we're trying to get the door, etc). My M. is also scared that she would call at the very moment I get some free time or be napping and she'd disturb me. LOL

Just tell your M. how you feel, that you'd love for her to call you. She may just be worried that she'd catch you at a bad time.

Are you harder to reach than she? My M. and I talk everyday, but I almost always call her because her schedule never changes, so she is easier to reach than I am. My M. is the one who calls her mother (my grandma) for the same reason. I think you could easily tell her you'd love for her to call you sometime. She'll understand. Just tell her what you've told us! Good luck!

My mother never calls me. Never has. We're not close.

Hi Heather, you are not alone. My mother NEVER calls me unless she needs something. She lives an hour away and also never comes to see me or my kids, I'm lucky to get her here for a holiday once a year.

I decided long ago that there is nothing I can do to change things. I love her and I know she loves me, as for the phone conversation or any visits I have to be the one to make them happen. Sad but true...

I am going through the same thing lately and it is really aggrevating. I have even left her messages and she has not returned my call. I know she is busy, I am busy too. But she should still make time to call back even occationally. I am not calling her until she calls me.

Your other advice is correct. She will miss talking to you and call you. It's just kind of hard not to feel a little slighted.

Do you think she would call if you went a week or so without calling? Maybe she doesnt call because she expects you to? Or maybe she is worried and thinks that you are busier than her and you will call when you arent busy.

My M. and I make even calls back and forth I guess but my grandma sounds like your M.. My grandma never calls but loves to hear from me. I think she thinks she is a burden or I might be busy. Maybe your M. is feeling the same way.

Hi Heather!

I agree with Janet in that the best and most loving thing you can do is communicate with your M. about this. Ask her why she rarely (or never if it truly is, but don't use that word if it's not) initiates calling you. You can gain some insight into your M. and have a better understanding of her. You can also share with her that you would like her to call sometimes and share with her why that is important to you. Most people will respond when we share with them something they can do that would make us feel loved.

Many women (myself included) have a couple of terrible communication habits that we need to work on breaking. The first is that we try to read people and draw conclusions about their motives without communicating directly with them and getting the answers from them. This sets us up for wrong interpretations, wrong responses to wrong interpretations and then hurt feelings and a strained relationship. Gentle, yet straightforward, communication would clear up alot of that.

We also can expect people to know what we want/need without telling them. To us it seems "obvious," but in many cases it is not. We can respond with grace and love by not expecting someone to read our mind and communicate with them directly about what we need.

I do not want to sound harsh and hope that I didn't because I struggle with doing the same things in my communication and have to battle it constantly. I encourage you to not ask other women if their moms call or not and why that might be, and to talk to your M. directly and get the answer from her. I hope this helps a strained area of relationship with your M.!

Love in Christ,

Lisa :)