Low Self esteem..in My son..help!

Good for you for picking up on it so early. Stay with it. Get a kid friendly counselor and find the root. As you depression is an awful battle for all involved. My father in law has deep depression and it went untreated for so many years. There is also a great book called bringing up boys and one on birth order but i can't remember the name that really really hits home. Good for you mom!

Like Gloria, my daughter put her son in Karate. It has done wonders for his self-image and self-confidence!

Please consider that his learning difficulties are affecting his understanding in all areas of his life.

www.parentswithpurpose.com

Hi V.,

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. The following info might be the answers of your prayers for your son:

I recommend an incredible book, titled Adaptogens: Herbs for Strength, Stamina, and Stress Relief by Winston and Maimes. It is fascinating. From the book "There is a category of herbs called adaptogens that help the human body adapt to stress, support normal metabolic processes, and restore balance. They increase the body's resistance to physical, biological, emotional, and environmental stressors and promote normal physiologic function".

"If we can improve our mental condition, we can improve our overall health. This is supported by recent studies that indicate that mental stress triggers changes in the immune system. People suffering from depression also have a higher risk of having heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and hormonal disorders".

"Adaptogens have a direct effect on nervous system health. They enhance mood and relieve stress. Many adaptogens have anxiolytic, antidepressant, and nervine effects".

The 10 most potent adaptogens on the earth, with the highest therapeutic properties available, are now delievered in a fast acting oral spray, called Tunguska Mist. Go to www.VitalHealth.TunguskaMist.com to learn more.

Tunguska Mist Relieve will help reduce the negative effects of stress on your son's body (weakened immune system, decreased energy, mood swings, short temper, anxiety, depression, and fatigue), and help restore balance, or homeostasis. Holy Basil Extract is one of the key ingredients in Relieve (an 11th adaptogen) that acts as an antidepressant. The adaptogens in Tunguska Mist also help to regulate the use of cortisol, allowing the body to maintain a healthy stress response.

Tunguska Mist tastes great and with the intra-oral spray you get over 90% of the nutrients absorbed immediately, which go to work within seconds.

Please let me know if you have any questions. My husband and I have been using adaptogens for a long time. We are passionate about helping people reduce the damaging effects of stress on the body and restoring balance naturally, without medications. Good luck and God Bless:)

Best regards,
N.

As loving as you are at home, things at school can cause him to lose his self esteem. I would suggest you have have the school test him for the learning problems.
One of my granddaughters was having some of the same problems, sometimes it's just the middle child syndrome, then add learning problems, it can overwhelm them.
When she was in the 2nd grade, her younger sister could out read her [she was in the 1st grade] The school tested her and she is dyslexic. She goes a couple times a week for 1 on 1 with the therapist and the difference is amazing. She has also made the local swim team. Her self esteem has soared. By catching her learning problem early, they perdict that she will only have to have help thru elementary school.
I hope some of this helps
J.

Hi, I lost my Dad to Suicide so I really understand. I have 3 boys as well and that scares me as well.

I would seek a child therapist or phsyciatrist he may have an imbalance.

It may also be just the 7 year old sort of TWEEN stage but with a family history of depression and suicide I ewould FOR SURE keep on top of it. Maybe also plan some mommy son days have each son tell you details or write them of an afternoon or evening that they would like to spen with just you then once a week or 2 have a "date" with each of them seperately where its there time.

Put little notes in his lunch or make his favorite "treat" for lunch or snack... If he is not involved in a sport (an you said he was small) you might want to get him involved in Martial arts or Karate. he might be getting picked on at school and you are not aware of it. Karate builds self esteem. if there is something he is good at or likes get him more involved in that and really support it!

I hope that helps. good luck!
A. J :o)

i'm not sure if he's already involved in activities or not.... I would make the time/make room in the family budget to nurture a special activity for him (something his other brothers don't do). He needs to feel special -- that only he is good at this one thing.

Martial arts is great at building up confidence and self esteem in children!
I would suggest if you go with sports -- choose an individualized sport -- tennis, golf, martial arts, swimming.
team sports can get too competitive and can build up only the superstars of the team... while others are benched.

it doesn't have to be sports. Does he have an interest in music? guitar/drum lessons?
Art classes?

Hi V.:

I almost started crying when I read your message.

I, too, lost my brother (my one and only sibling) to suicide. My life is forever altered. I've never met anyone else who has gone through what I have. If you ever want to talk...

About your son; have you considered therapy? I sent my now 9 year old to therapy for a few months because he was having horrible death nightmares. It really, really helped him. The doc got to the root of his issues and he hasn't had the same nightmares since (it's been about 3 or 4 years). I so hate to see a child with low self-esteem. I had it as a kid and it took me a long, long time to get beyond it. Sometimes kids will talk to a stranger who only wants to hear what he has to say, in a one on one setting. I think it makes the child feel very special.

Good luck to you and your son.

V.,

It sounds like you have your hands full. I am no authority to give advice, I can only tell you that I have 3 daughters ages 3, 12 and 13 and an 11 yr old step son. I have also "googled" on the internet about self esteem issues and I have found unfortunately it is typically the male role model that plays a more intergral part of this development. I am remarried and my daughters have a very shaky relationship with their step dad and their real dad is non-existant and lives in another country.

Since I know the male role model here is the more likely going to affect their self esteem no matter what I do, and I cannot depend on my husband to give a darn about self esteem (he believes is discipline and control) so I work to direct my children towards God. If you are a Christ follower, look for help in your local church. Kids now a days are faced with so many issues we can't even imagine. I hope and pray if my girls know that law of the land is the bible and they base the decisions they make throughout their life on that then hopefully they will not wonder too far for too long. God will always love them.

I am making this too long and you may not be a Christ follower. Try also to find a good male role model that your son can spend some quality time with. An uncle, grandparent, older cousin, etc. since your husband is out of town so often. Someone other than you or your husband needs to tell this boy just how great he is.

If you are in the DFW area, I am partial to my church, Fellowship Church in Grapevine. They have an awesome children's ministry and children's programs and they CAN help you.

Take Care
T.

You mention that your son is a "slow learner." My son has learning differences and by 1st grade his self-esteem had plummeted. He isn't "slow" but he cannot always conceptualize things with the limited teaching methods used in public school. The school had instituted moronic things like the mad math minute to see how many math problems each child could complete in one minute. My son knew he couldn't compete here and so he just didn't even try... By the way my son is a top math student now and is taking calculus as a senior in high school. He just couldn't learn the way the school was teaching. I moved him to a small private school that specializes in children with learning differences or ADD and he began to soar. By second grade he referred to the public school as "when I was stupid." My son is a good student. Your son may benefit from a situation that makes him feel empowered. If you can afford it there are many private schools in Dallas that teach to the child's individuality. If not, I'd do research on how you can help him at home by learning methods that will help him. Best of Luck!

Try investing some alone time with him. Tell him in a friendly way that you had some struggles when you were a kid.
Most of all if you are very concerned tell your doctor and keep telling it till something is done. It is like having a physical condition just that it may be something that he needs help getting through to a better state of wellness. It is ok, he is not broken, just needs a check by a professional.
B.

Also, on a whole different level, you mentioned he's smaller and a slower learner- just an idea, but I had a friend who's son was like that. He was having difficulties, was sick a lot, smaller than he should have been for his age and depressed (he was also 7). They had him tested and found out he had sleep apnea. Once they discovered and treated it, he seemed like a completely different child. Not all behaviors are a result of upbringing or environment, it could be physiological. I would definately get him some professional help, psychological as well, to help determine the problem.

Give him a job. Give all of your boys jobs. It's hard to have good self esteem when you don't see your value in the family - but when mom has you pick up the towels at night, or set the table for breakfast in the morning - or pull the dandelions out of the yard - and then you thank him... brag on how nice the house, table, yard looks where he can hear it - and tell someone in his hearing how much of a help he is to you.

Then he feels like he's worth something.

S.

Good morning V.,
May I ask do you and your son have God in your life and know him? If not that wold make a big difference .I know for my self I was at a older age before I let the Lord in my life made such a big difference. Good luck hope this has been a help.God Bless
J. G

Have him tested. The results will identify what the real issue is for his learning process. Once they have diagnosed him, then you might want to look into a small private school setting like Great Lakes Academy in Plano. They specialize in teaching students with various learning differences, while teaching social skills and raising self-esteem in their students. Kids are cruel and if he is being made fun of because he reads slower than the other kids in his class, who could blame him for feeling bad.

Just an observation: When listing "A little about me" you wrote " I'm a mother of three wonderful boys. 11,6 and soon be 8". It is interesting that you listed your middle son last. Most people list them in birth order. Just a thought to think about. Blessings

I live in Highland Park and the community just experienced the suicide of a 16 yr. old boy, a sophomore in high school. It has been very tramatic for all. Yesterday, a speaker from UT Southwestern/Childrens Medical spoke to us at the middle school and shared some very valuable information on what to look for and do regarding depression and suicide in tweens/teens. You can contanct Krystle Joyner at ###-###-#### regarding this potentially serious situation. Trust your instincts - overreacting in this situation will only help.
Good Luck!!!

My son has been doing Martial Arts since he was 4 and it is a great activity for building self esteem. I have seen so many boys come to the school with self esteem issues and really develop there. We go to USA Martial Arts in Frisco, but most programs for kids work on life skills. Best thing to do is talk to the head instructor at the school about your sons self esteem and find an instructor that clicks with him. Good Luck.

Find a good play therapist and see if they can get to the reason of his low self esteem. A.

In one sense, that can be a very typical middle child problem. I'm the middle of 7 - two older brothers and an older sister and two younger brothers and a younger sister. No matter what you might do, he is not the oldest, so isn't likely to be the first to accomplish certain things (particularly given his learning difficulty) and he's not the youngest, so he's no longer your baby. I would recommend you get him involved in cub scouts and later boy scouts. There, he'll be able to accomplish things at his own pace and these will all be his personal accomplishments. Over time, he will develop self esteem, since you are doing everything right at home in terms of doing the best you can as a single mom with a husband in the military. My dad was also in the military and gone for long amounts of time, so even though my parents remained married, I rarely got one on one time with him and he was gone for a year when I was your sons age. Thereafter, he was gone 3 months, home 3 months. That's why I think scouts is a really good idea as when he's in boy scouts (5th grade) all the leaders will be men.

Also (and typical for my responses to any situation just about), you might consider whether he has food allergies/intolerances. Celiac disease (gluten intolerance) does impact the brain and depression is not at all uncommon - it's also genetic. So, it's possible your brother was undiagnosed. Also, it can contribute to learning disorders (ADD, dyslexia, etc.). My oldest was very, very slow in doing his work in school before he was diagnosed - now, he just zips through his homework - huge difference just from changing his diet.

I think the best thing is positive feedback. Make a special time just for you and him on a regular basis. Also ANYTIME you can say something positive do it. Like what a great suggestion or _______ you have some of the best suggestions for dinner, how about you give me an idea for tonight. etc. Great job with your homework. What helped me the best with my oldest child who worries all the time he's not good enough. I'll catch him unaware and just whisper "I love you." and wink. It makes him feel special.

Good luck! I will put you and your sons in my prayers.

If he's in school, talk to the school counselor. The school counselors have doen wonders for my 2 older children. Also, many schools have a mentor program (kinda big brothers deal) - check on that.

I sent my son to karate lessons, maybe some one some where is teasing him, this does give him reasurrance and cofidence and of course the knowledge to defend himself the rest of his life.

Have you thought about seeking some professional help?
It seems that you have alot going on in your lives right now and someone to talk to would not be a bad thing.
They have a play therapy , I have heard great things about it. And an activity sounds great too.
Keep your chin up. And remember you to have to see the cup as half full instead of half empty.