My DD is a little over 2. She has had a "bunny" that she nursed and slept with since she was an infant. In general she was pretty good about letting me restrict her access to it at certain times (ie when daycare kids were here -I"m a family provider or in stores). I let her use it more frequently when I had a new infant and toddler in care to ease her transition on having less of my attention especially when feeding the baby.
My problem is now she throws fits everytime I remind her of her bunny routines ( not at the table, in the store) and sits there a screams for bunny. I compromise and let her hold it in stores and put it within sight during meals but it feels like this stuffed thing is holding us all hostage! She has never been allowed to take it outside in the backyard and now she has tantrums over taking it with us. I could deal with it getting dirty (my husband is another story in terms of this) but when I allow her to hold it during daycare hours she sucks her fingers and just disengages mostly from the other kids. Should I be worried about this? She becomes very testy if the other children try to approach her as she lays there sucking her fingers saying she is tired ( often after she just had sleep...) When I hold to the rules and keep her distracted her behavior is so much better and she is much more engaged. Any advice? We instituted the bunny for sleep only rule today and she mentioned it alot but no major tantrums. She had a huge meltdown about bunny this morning that left us both in tears. Whenever we transition to something like meals or outdoor time she yells for bunny and states she is tired and doesn't want to do XYor Z. I should mention she is very verbal for her age (talks in full paragraphs) and is very spirited. Thanks again!
First , thanks for responses from both sides. The rules regarding bunny are simple--bunny is not going to withstand the test of time real well if I have to wash it more often than I do now. So that is why outdoors is off limits. My husband has a real phobia of germs and dislikes bunny in stores but we allowed it to soothe her. Table --same thing-messy food = washing bunny= huge meltdown.
I don't think I made it clear enough that despite these things we appreciate bunny's presence in her life--it helped to soothe her during her jealous phase over the new children and she adores it and talks to it and has a little voice for it. My main issue is that she very much zones out and does not play or interact well with others when she has him. I took the time to observe her behavior with lots of bunny access and if it truly helped her "transition" to have him there all the time and not just during the times she most needs it then I would deal with washing bunny all the time. When there are rules about bunny and she is on her own she plays more and interacts. I don't mind zoning out time once and awhile --everyone needs that. I'm not embarrassed of her bunny or I would have put my foot down alot earlier. Many of you mentioned that your child had unrestricted access to their loveys--just curious--did your child completely zone out, lay on the floor, suck their fingers and refuse to interact or do anything (like eat, go outside, etc.)for long periods of time when they had their loveys in hand? She does not act this way just after getting bunny back either. If she brings him downstairs with her, she acts this way a good deal of the time and withdraws into "bunny zone" instead of transitioning to something new. Would you have allowed your child to hold up the entire family routine so she could "lovey out" and basically have an excuse to tantrum if her ritual was interrupted. I wanted to make this clear because many of you thought I was taking bunny away because I feared it was a sign of immaturity or that I want to have a power struggle with her. I think we are going to try the more consistent rules going and she how her behavior is. Lol--i think the theme was consistency in all the responses though--all lovey whenever you want it or stick to the lovey rules like a T:)
It's a stage. Keep to the rules and it will pass quickly. My daughter did the same thing. I started allowing her to take her friends in the car with us, but they had to stay in the car. I explained that since they are her special friends, we have to keep them clean, or they will have to go to the wash and she wouldn't have them for nap time. Worked like a charm.
Stick to it! She will eventually learn that screaming and throwing tantrums will NOT get her what she wants. My little brother has his "scooby sheet" that he takes EVERYWHERE with him. Whenever I watch him he only gets it if he is sitting on the couch, or sleeping. He knows that I will not bend on this, so he has stopped throwing tantrums over it. My dad, however, will start out saying no, but eventually give in. So he gets tantrums. The biggest thing that calms my brother down when we are going to leave it behind to go somewhere is the "goodbye" routine. We put his scooby sheet in a special place (at my house it's a basket under the end table). We tell the scooby sheet "we will see you later, I have to go _____, but I will be back so don't worry. Be good!" Then when we get back, he runs to check on it. If my brother was good and behaved wherever we went, he could sit on the couch with his sheet and have a treat. :) At home, he eventually gets bored of sitting on the couch and will stash it in the basket, and play with his toys instead. Good luck!
I never restricted my son's access to his lovey, and in fact I probably love it as much as he does. He didn't take it to school with him, preferring his lovey to be kept safe at home, but aside from that he's always been around. And has survived being bathed up to a couple times a week for over 8 years now. Much like the velveteen rabbit... his lovey has become "real" to US at least.
I guess I just don't understand why one would restrict access to love and comfort.
I don't understand why it is important that she does not have bunny at the store or outside or anywhere. It seems like security to her. As you stated, you would use it to soothe her when she had less of your attention. Maybe she feels the need to self soothe at these other times. Does she tantrum about anything else? I am all for rules, but I just don't see how this rule makes her a better person.
C.
Okay - after reading your update. Yes, my son would ignore other children in favor of his stuffed puppy. I would simply tell him that these children were here to be with him and they really wanted his company. If he protested, I would tell him that the other children wil be gone later and he would only have puppy, so he should enjoy them now. I also asked him how he would feel if mommy only talked to her special animal and ignored him. Anyway, he would usualy give in and have agreat time with the kids. Sometimes we even positioned puppy so she could watch. I hope that helps.
C.
She's 2! Let her have the bunny. My 9 year old has one of those blankets that has a dog head on it. She's had him since she was a baby and his name is "Woofie". As first Woofie went everywhere with us but then we ended up having to make her leave him in the car when we ran errands (she left it in a store one too many time - you can imagine the tragedy). But she could have it in the house whenever she wanted. I didn't want it on my table either, so when we ate I would often see Woofie on the floor beside her chair. She's 9 now, so she has definitely outgrown it for the most part. Woofie rarely comes in the car with us anymore, but she still sleeps with him every night. She's in 4th grade, so he doesn't go to school with her, but she leaves him on a chair by the back door for when she gets home. Tonight my daughter is going to a sleepover, and I can guarantee Woofie will be with her. Turns out that several of her friends have little animals they bring to these sleepovers. She's a well-adjusted, "normal" kid with lots of friends. Like your daughter, she was also very verbal at a young age. It took her awhile to figure out that she was lying around holding Woofie then she'd be missing out on whatever fun thing we were doing - but she did figure it out!
I have to admit, Woofie is sort of part of the family, and I will be sad when he is gone for good :)
My 18 month old has a lovie blanky that I'm pretty sure he would like to be an actual extension of his body. He has had it since birth and he is just absolutely obsessed. For awhile I was letting him have it whenever he wanted (along with his paci), then I gradually restricted it just to sleep and the car. Finally, I've had to just totally restrict both of those items to the crib. He would do the same - he loves to stick the darn corner of this soft blanky in his ear and just lay on the floor and totally zone out in apparent ectasy. It is strange :)
So anyway, one week ago I implemented the crib only rule, and each time he wakes up we say bye-bye to the paci and blanky, and I fold it and put it in the back of the crib, and we go on our way. He often asks for it (and by asking I mean SCREAMS and cries) in the car, since taking it away is so new, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one. I don't want him to have a literal security blanket that keeps him from engaging in his world.
I think it also makes bed-time and nap-time smoother when he actually has a major comfort item that he can look forward to having.
My little guy is a major tantrum thrower and just difficult on a lot of levels, which makes sticking to the new rules difficult, but I'm determined to see it through. I think if you want to make a change in your daughter's behavior and encourage all of her positive traits to come through, then you need to restrict her access to this bunny as well. I bet after a few weeks of tantrums and confusion, she'll forget she ever was able to carry bunny around, and will think of her only as a special crib toy.
Good luck!
K
I think the first post was mostly right, you will have to ride out some tantrums and stick to your rules. My 4 year old son has a blanket and a bunny he is very attached to. He has it in the house when he wants it (but not in the bathroom or kitchen) and can have it in the car for longer car trips (not just around town, not out of the car--like your not in stores rule). If he is tired or stressed he sometimes will complain. But I am with you that these comfort items do not need to be dragged everywhere (or possibly lost). My daughter is 22 months. She doesn't have an item she is attached to yet though she loves to play with all stuffed animals. But I have noticed the beginning of the 2 year old temperment emerging in the last few weeks. She is protesting harder and more often when she is not allowed to do what she wants to do. I suspect your daughter is in the same stage. It's enough to drive a parent crazy sometimes, I know.
The only other thing I can think of with this is get her a substitute stuffed toy she can drag around and play with and not have as many restrictions. My kids love beanie babies which are inexpensive, cuddly and easy to replace. I got a bunch on ebay pretty cheap thanks to the fad a few years back. I got doubles of the same animals to cut down fights (names on tags).
shes trying to test your rules and see how far she can push them. i take a parenting class and we just did a session over this exact behavior. you must lay down the rules. she can not bend the rules for any reason. rules are permanent and are in place for a reason. explain to her what the rules are, how you expect her to act and what the consequences will be if she disobeys. You are the parent, you make the rules. i know its hard, especially with a toddler(my boy is almost three). but you cant expect her to act the way you want with bunny when you havent made the rules clear for her. make them and stick to it, consistancy will help.
My son was very attached to a stuffed dog. He still treasures it and sleeps with it. Honestly, I was terrified that it would get lost if it left the house, so we had a rule that it didn't leave the house. We explained it to him at about your daughter's age -- if this toy leaves the house and we forget it somewhere, then it's gone forever and we won't be able to do much about it -- so because you love it so much, it should stay here in your bed. She's old enough to understand that and it won't traumatize her because it's no manipulation -- it is the truth -- plus, she'll know where her bunny is no matter where she is -- that's a bit of security. Plus, I would say no toys period at the table. I used to tell my son to go put his dog to bed -- that his dog needed a rest and leave him there for awhile and then let him have it if he was taking a break, watching TV, having some quiet time, as well as when he slept. Good luck!
...She is ONLY 2 yeas old... a young child.
My son is currently 4 years old... he has had since he was 6 months old... his beloved stuffed cow lovey.
He LOVES his cow... he calls it "my best friend..." and takes it anywhere and to bed.
We let him.
We don't have 'rules' on where he can have it.
It is his Lovey.
I REALLY do not understand... why your daughter cannot have her lovey??????????????????? And that there has to be rules on its use.
Are you maybe embarrassed about it and that your daughter has one? I see LOTS of kids, out with their lovey. Its no big deal... its cute!
Once, I was in a store with my son... and lo and behold, there was another little boy there and a little girl... and they all looked at each other because they were all holding their loveys! It was so cute! And me and the other parents, just smiled because we all 'understood' what a lovey is to a child.... and it is a childhood memory... that a child will remember forever and look back on their childhood, with fondness.
Myself... I had a lovey as a child.
My parents never restricted me from it.
I grew out of it.
I STILL have it though... as a memento of my childhood. AND I will give it to my Daughter or son, later, when they grow up.
My son's cow lovey...is really a part of the family! And we all love it too.
all the best,
Susan
I think this is a 2 yo thing. She is testing the boundaries. You let her have it in the stores sometimes if she has a big enough tantrum, etc. I would stick to the rules. We allow my son's blanket on the table during meals, but out of reach, and out of the way of messes. Never outside, not to daycare. My husband has let it in the car to daycare, but I try to keep it inside, unless we are really screwing with my son's schedule and he is in the care when he would normally be napping with it.
It sounds like she does well with the boundaries when you say that her behavior was better. I think she is just trying to see how far she can push you.
Just over 2 is the age when my normally compliant little ones realized they wanted things to go their way. Simple advice: pick your battles. If this is one that is important to you, then stick with your rules and do NOT change them. If the rule is always the same, she'll get used to it.
my daughter tries to sneak her blankey out of her room and to daycare but she knows it's for bedtime only. Sometimes she throws a fit, but we stay firm.
She also has a stuffed animal that she is allowed to take to daycare, the store, but not outside and not to the table or a restaurant.
Hi F.,
Whatever rules you come up with, stick with them! Consistency is key!! Once you slide a little bit on one rule, she knows you MAY slide on others, so you cannot back down. It is very difficult, but you have to let her play out her tantrum and do not give in. When she is screaming/yelling/throwing herself onto the floor (my daughter does this too), ignore her. Or at least make her believe you are ignoring her and that her behavior is not a big deal and she will NOT get what she wants.
At this point, it seems like a control thing- she wants to see what she can get from throwing a tantrum. If it is bringing you to tears as well, she currently has the control and you need to turn the tables. When she learns that you are not giving in, then it will be time to work on eliminating the tantrums and teaching that it is not acceptable behavior.
One thing I would not worry about is her taking a step back with needing her bunny more. At her age, she is going through a time of imagination growth, and nightmares, and fears, and the bunny helps her feel secure. Plus, at this age, she is learning that she has her own will, and may tend to say/do the opposite of your request just because she is learning about herself.
Hang it there! I also just read about 'loveys' and it is really no big deal to have one. It is just something that should not be taken to school when the time comes... Many adults I know still have some form of a lovey...lol
(I need to follow my own advice - my daughter still fusses for her bottle at bedtime...lol)
Good luck,
L.
i'm with riley, i never had rules about woobies, and my boys outgrew them just fine. well, actually, as adults they still both HAVE their woobies. but they didn't take them to school with 'em, ya know?
as long as you're providing plenty of love and security, why have a lot of parameters over where a little (and 2 is so very young) begins creating her own sense of it all?
okay, after reading the update clarification i will add that my kids weren't this extreme with their woobies. if they were zoning out and ignoring friends to hang with their lovies, i may have had to put a foot down (gently) too.
khairete
S.
