Losing a Pet. - Green Cove Springs,FL

4 years old is rough when it comes to explaining death. Ask her pediatrician what she suggests before you open up a can of worms that may be too difficult for baby to understand. Good Luck.

I would not wait till after. Would you want to wake up one day and your best friend died with out you having the chance to say good-bye? She needs to know what is happening as it is happening. The dog is going to be in pain, tired, and not her normal self much of the time, she'll need to know why. I know it is hard to understand illness and death at that age, but you can put it in simple terms. When Sesame Street tackled this issue with Mr. Hooper, it was one of the most beloved spots on the show, kids understand in their own way.

You also need to stress that just because someone is sick does not mean they'll die, or she might become very fearful of every sniffle.

Hi J.. I am so sorry about your doggy.

I guess I would just discuss the facts with her. Tell her what the doc said. It's ok to choke on it. It's ok to cry. It's ok to fall to pieces because eventually you will pull it together and you'll have just modeled the proper way to grieve.

I wish I had a magic pill for you both to take.

Thinking about you.

:(

Death is a part of life. It's a sad part that we have to talk to our kids about candidly.

Don't use euphemisms. Children don't understand "going to heaven" or "going to a better place." They'll wonder why their pet can't come back. Heaven is a tough concept for a four year old. Saying that a pet/someone is going to heaven is like saying they're going to Hawaii. They're going to eventually want to know when their friend will come home like everyone does after a vacation.

Talk honestly but gently about death. Tell her that the doggy is very sick and will die. All living things die eventually. Most die of old age, some die because they are sick, and very few die because of accidents. Your doggy is sick and your four year old deserves the chance to spend lots of time with her until she has to say goodbye.

Guide her to a healthy response to death by MODELING it for her. Show her how to say goodbye in a healthy way. Let her cry, and don't hide your tears...but be sure to vocalize your feelings to help her to cope with her own. Ex. "Mommy is crying because she'll miss Doggy so much. " Or "I'm sad because I won't get to take Doggy to the park anymore. What did you like to do with Doggy? Oh, yes...I will miss that too."

Lots of hugs and empathy are going to be required in this time, momma...but this is the stuff that teaches your little one to deal with bigger, scarier situation in the future in a healthy way. Just consider how what you teach her now will help her later in the inevitable loss of a human being in her life.

I'm so sorry to hear of the impending loss of your dog.

♥
C. Lee

I am so very sorry!
Our pets are our family members!

I think I would tell her ahead of time.
I hated disappearing pets. My parents did that & it was always so traumatic.

If you tell her, she can spend time w/her beloved pet. She will get a chance to say goodbye. It's more cathartic that way than the disappearing pet that you feel was ripped away from you.

That is tough. My adult children were a mess as we're me and my husband when my beautiful Springer Spanield died of cancer. I still cry. Try to explain to her in simple terms what is happening, but only when it looks like the end is near. I am so sorry. Your daughter can do a memorial,page for her dear friend. Go to pet loss.com. Her tribute will be ther forever. Hugs.

What Christy Lee said.

J. I'm so sorry you all are going through this . . . I don't have any words of wisdom but I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. I don't think there is any easy way to handle it with your daughter but I know you'll do the best you can.

:(

I think I would tell her ahead of time, perhaps when you see that your dog's time is getting close. This way, yes, she'll be sad, but it won't be a sudden surprise. I've had that happen to me before, and getting to say goodbye is very important.

My heart goes out to you. We are in a similar situation with our cat and our five year old son has been told that Gus won't be with us much longer. Kiddo has been very loving to Kitty and has talked about how we will "have a place for his collar, where I can put pictures of him". We've also taken some pictures of Gus and Kiddo together, so that when that very sad time comes (hell, it breaks my heart right now - sorry I'm a mess about this, but made some hard choices today regarding kitty), we will have those to remember our sweet buddy by.

If it falls into your belief system, here are two good books:

Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant and "Lifetimes" by Brian Mellodie.

Sending you hugs and strength.
H.

J., I am going through the same thing with our beloved Golden Retriever who was diagnosed with cancer two months ago. The vet had only given him a couple of weeks to live. There was no treatment (chemo or surgery) that we could do because it is everywhere and has spread to his lungs).

We have been truly blessed with each day we have been given with him, though it looks like his time will be up fairly soon. :(

To answer your question, (I received a lot of advice from the wonderful response of people on MamaPedia) I decided to tell our three year old about our dog's condition, without too much detail. I told him that Riley is very sick, and won't be able to get better, and that he will pass away and go to heaven.

I bought a few books from Amazon.com, "Jasper's Day"-a story about a boy and his dog that has cancer, and "Dog Heaven", that have been helpful, but I really don't think he understands completely. Everyone I talk to say that kids really bounce back, and that getting another dog (though not too quickly) really helps. I would definitely tell her beforehand, instead of after. Not being able to say goodbye, (in my opinion and in my son's case) would be even more difficult.

Has your vet offered any herbal medications to give your dog? My vet did, and we have been giving them to him since his diagnosis in mid Sept., though I'll never know if they have helped him, he has lived MUCH longer than anyone (even the oncology specialists we have taken him to) has expected, so I believe they are helping him. The company that distributes the herbals is located in Reddick, FL, it's called Jing Tang Herbals. Talk to your vet and see if they have had any experiences with that company. It's worth a try.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I know how heart wrenching it is.

-Big hugs your way.