Looking for Imput on Husbands Job at a Gentlemans Club

If you trust him then why not. I mean I am a pretty open minded person as far as a lot of that kind of stuff goes. To each their own really, but I can see where he might not want other people to judge you both on account of the setting. People and gossip are kinda cruddy but it happens. If you are both ok with it then I say by all means make some money :-D

I don't think I would be comfortable with that. Men are men and being around sexy women dancing around naked all day is not a good idea.... I'm not saying that he would do something, but what if one of the girls likes him and makes a move....are you positive that he wouldn't do anything?
I trust my husband also, but I wouldn't want him working with a bunch of sexy naked girls, why take a chance?

That's awesome you are ok with that. I would be to. If he is going to make good money and provide for his family I see nothing wrong with it.

It's inappropriate for a married man, in my estimation, to work at a place like that, good income or not. I'm sure he can find other places to DJ.

I think you should be VERY worried about him working in that sort of enviroment. It really goes way beyond the trust factor. The truth of the matter is that men and women are created differently and men are the visual ones. Sexual temptation (visual stimulation) is a greater concern for men than for women. Read the book "Every Man's Battle" by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It will scare the wits out of you, and I guarantee, not only will you be freaked to let him work in a place like that, you'll make him turn his eyes away and fast forward through "those scenes" in movies!!! If you are striving for sexual purity in your marriage, it's important to remember that it involves what you look at as well as what you do. Oh, and those girls are there not because they choose to be...it's because they feel they have no other choice.

My hubby and I are pretty open-minded, so if all things being equal you have no problem trusting him, I'd say go ahead...

BUT he doesn't want some folks to know about it. you need to ask him why. If there are things you do that you are ashamed of, or just don't want the flack or judgement of, then I think you have no buisiness doing them as a job/career.

If you cannot hold your head high about what you do, then do something else...

I would not be ok with that.

Though I am sure there are "good" clubs and "Bad Clubs" -- but what I will say is that a former employee of one of "those places" worked for a friend of mine and we heard all about (and more than we wanted to) about what goes on there.

Based on what she said, if you want your husband to be in a place of business where there's lots of drug use behind the scenes, not to mention a bunch of naked women on a nightly basis - then I'd say go for it.

You have to do what's right for your family. You can't worry about what others may think--though if he DOES take the job, you don't have to broadcast it to family and friends...the only way they'd find out is if they went there themselves...and then, what could they say?

But, the question still remains--is your husband REALLY going to go to a place like that and NOT be affected by what he sees night after night? Remember, no matter how faithful your husband is, men ARE PROGRAMMED to respond to visual stimulation. Do you think that he won't be thinking of some of these women when he makes love to you? And, what message is it sending to your two boys? Does it tell them that it's ok to look at women this way? What do you teach them about pornography? About women? About strippers, lap dances, even prostitution?

Yes, it's important to pay your bills...and friends and family are not a reason to do or not do something, but your children are. Would YOU work in one of those places to pay the bills? How different is it?

I can't answer your question for you, but I hope these questions help you make your decision.

I hope I don't offend you but I think the fact that courious about what others think says that you're not comfortable. I am sure you trust him but it's the other people that you cannot trust. That type of business draws all types of people. If he needs to make some additional money, have him call toll free 866-673-8937. They can help.

~M.

OK, so I'm going against the grain here. I think it is fine to not tell people where he works. Just tell them he DJ's a couple of nights a week. But, I have some experience with this kind of thing, I used to work in an "adult" shop when I was in college, and didn't really tell anyonw where I worked. If you trust him, which it sounds like you do, see if he can take the job on a temporary basis, to see if it is an environment that he can work in. It might not be.

I agree with the others - it's just not an appropriate environment for your husband...no matter how good of a guy he is, he will be around illegal activity...if he can't tell the family about it, does he really want to do it? I was actually in one of those clubs when I was on a sales trip with a bunch of "men" - my curiosity couldn't take it. It was a "tasteful" club but there were things going regardless - it is what it is...good luck!

I have to agree with ND. Not sure how old your boys are, but there's a reason that your hubby doesn't want certain people to know.

T.

I don't see a problem with it...if it makes him happy then whats the harm? I think sometimes you have to throw your inhibitions out and let it be. HOWEVER, you have to be very secure in your relationship to do something like this...I don't think gentlemens clubs enable people to "cheat" any more than any other work environment. I work in a traditional corporate environment - no ones wearing skimpy clothing, but somehow cheating still occurrs. I think its exciting - the only thing that he'll need to think about is when someone in your family (or friend) decides to patron this club...they'll run into each other and then what?

I am going to be the only one to say this, but here goes....
I worked at a tasteful club through college. I worked there with other students and we were there for the money. There were many rules and no hanky panky stupidity. The D.J. was a great guy and he was just another big brother. I loved my experience at the club and I never smoked anything or did any drugs. I do not even drink! The girls there were all students at U of I, ISU and Bradley U. I cannot speak for all the girls or guys, but it was not the seedy place one would associate with a club of this type. Depending on the club, I would let your hubby do this and I would not lie to your peers. No need to tell the kids, after all, they are kids. You know your hubby best. Email me the name of the club and I will know if you want your husband there or not.
Good Luck!

Boys will be boys attitude is just another way of saying they aren't somehow responsible for their actions. Which to me is unacceptable any day of the week.

I trust my husband with my life and my son's life. I am honestly not concerned about my husband cheating on me ever. Other than my husband's unrealized unfulfillable desire to do porno (yuck!) I couldn't careless where my husband desires to work. If he wanted to take off his clothes for people or spin vinyl while others take off their clothes, whatever. It pays the bills.

My husband knows that he comes home to me and our family. And I'm sure your husband knows it to be the same with you.

I understand that some of those places have drugs or other things going on but frankly I know of other well thought of jobs where the same has happened. If you and your husband are fine with this decision it doesn't need to be anyone else's business.

I don't worry about my son respecting women even if I chose to be a pole dancer or frequented those joints. Respecting women doesn't require an amount of clothing.

L.-

I have been in a couple of clubs before and in my experience, the DJ seems to be pretty removed from the activity of the night scene. If I were you, I would e-mail the girl that offered to tell you her opinion on the particular club that he is looking to DJ for and then, I would take the advice of another poster and try it out on a temporary basis.

Your husband sounds like a great guy with a passion for music and being a DJ. Since it's hard to find what you like to do and to be able to do it AND bring home money, I say try to make it work but with the understanding that NO amount of money is worth breaking up your family for.

Good luck!

It really sounds like a personal decision. It sounds like your family could really use the money so perhaps you decide to make it a short-term gig and both of you continue to look for a new job for your husband. Have you tried about advertising for weddings/occasions? I trust my husband 110% but am not sure if I could take him working at an establishment of this nature. You might think you are okay with it but once he starts it might just drive you batty. As for not telling people, you could probably get away with it but you might not so just be able to deal with it if/when the time comes. Good luck!

If you're completely comfortable with it, then I don't see a problem with your husband DJ'ing there for the extra money. I also think that if your husband was truly comfortable working there, he wouldn't care what friends and family thought because he knows why he's doing it--to support his family. Besides, how many of them can find out on their own anyway if/when they visit the place themselves? If nothing else, has he DJ'd at other clubs, such as Hooligan's or Cavanaugh's? If he's worried about the perception of those around him, maybe he can try DJ'ing at places that are more reputable than a gentleman's club? I wish I could feel like you. If my husband or boyfriend (I don't have either at this time, and I don't have the time for either) wanted to work at one, I would say absolutely not. It's a deal-breaker for me to have my man even around strippers (bachelor parties, strip clubs, etc). So I wish I could just be as relaxed as you seem about it. Sure would take a whole lot of stress out of my life when I have a boyfriend!

Just a thought: Would your husband be OK with you working at a gentleman's club? Even if it's for the bartending and you're not undressing.

Well, there is a saying. If you do not feel comfortable about telling your grandmother what you have said or done, then you probably should not be doing it in the first place. As mentioned below, there are numerous ways to work as a DJ.

I say No Way. THe most faithful man in the world would eventually burst after being there so long I think. He will look and he will enjoy it no matter what he tells you or anyone else. If he can't tell others about it than he shouldn't be doing it. THere are HUNDREDS of clubs and bars and restaurants that need djs. Those ones should remain open for the single guys....my brother is a dj too, but he cannot rely on this for steady income, and neither should your hub unless he is well known and can sell out venues or close to it. I don't think it would be worth the money. Deliver pizza. good luck!!

If you trust him and he wants to do it, I dont see the harm. Personally I dont think that I would like it and I trust my husband 100%.
good luck

if you are comfortable with him being there than there is no problem. i can see how he wouldn't want certain people knowing see as some people are just not open minded. one of my husbands client of his business is a gentlemans club and he takes other client there too. and ihave chosen not to tell certain people. i just think that it is ultimately up to the two of you. if it is paying the bills and there is no trust issues that why not go for? good luck

maybe try going with him one night when he is not working just to see the place. i did it and i felt better. and there are no trust issues but just the thought.haha

I know I am conservative but I agree with many of the responses that it isn't ok. Men are men and tempation is everywhere. I trust my husband to but that doesn't mean I want him exposed to that sort of thing. Money or no money...DJ's are always in demand and I have doubt that your husband can get the business. Advertise for weddings, if he likes to DJ and he is good at it he should have no problem.
Bottom line though...it is a free country and you have the choice regardless of what anyone else has to say.

if you are ok, its nobody elses business. it seems that every one thinks that a man has no control over his own actions, but i promise, he does. who's to say the temptation is any different from when there are other good looking female coworkers. it is a place to work, not who you are.

L.,

I think it's great that you suport your husband, and can see both points of views from the various responses on here. I have been invited by my male friends to go to these types of clubs with them and have even gotten dances from them. In my experience, the DJ sits in his own little booth playing music to the routine for these ladies' dances. Should you tell your family about it? That depends on your family and how close and open you are. In my situation, the less they know the better. Afterall they won't tell you everything. I am sure they have secrets of their own as well. I also think that it is a bit ridiculous to think that he is going to cheat just because he works at such an establishment. If a person is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. I worked at a corporate enviroment where it went on between co-workers all the time. Good luck! Hope everything works out.