Looking for a Job - Watertown,MA

You need a real job. not one you can do WHILE you take care of your kids. Yes, you will have to put your kids in daycare or pay for sitters. You are going to need a job where you get benefits - even if their dad is supposed to cover them - don't count on it. The only job you can really do and maintain the "stay at home" status is to watch other kids. That isn't going to earn you enough money to run your own household.

You might think about going back to school while you are still married and have a 2nd income that supports your family. That will make it easier for you to get yourself in a financial position to support yourself and your kids when you decide to end your marriage. There are some certificate programs in healthcare that only take a year.

You need to set up a budget and then figure out how much money you will need to be self-sufficient. Then figure out how to get that kind of job.

I can tell you this.... I earn a *decent* living (not rich, but not making minimum wage) and I have a Master's degree and 1 kid. When I got a divorce I was FLAT BROKE for about 5 years while I dug myself out of legal fees, setting up a residence, extra-curricular fees for her to participate in after school activities while I was working etc. It's expensive. You're tired. Getting a divorce will not solve your problems. It will give you new ones. That's not to say that divorce is not sometimes the only solution, it's just really really difficult.

One additional note: You say "....have to leave my kids alone with their father." You understand that if you leave him when he gets the kids for his parenting time they will be alone not only with him but whoever he brings around? If you look back on previous questions you will see a TON of "when it's my kids' dad's time he leaves them with him mom, girlfriend, aunt....." whoever. You will have NO SAY over that. Just something to think about.

You are not going to get an income from staying home with your children. Employers figure out who's trying to game them fast.

People who work from home have earned that perk by demonstrating their motivation, productiveness and self discipline. I work from home running our company and no way could do it properly with children underfoot.

Those who work from home are required to have child care in place.

You say you're in fitness, why not work at a fitness facility or Y so your children can meet you after school? Be an assistant physical Ed coach at school and work danebhourscas yiur children?

Think outside the box and figure out what it is you want to do with your career. Once you divorce, you need to providers stable secure home for your children.

Also, these children are not 100% yours... When you're divorced, you can't dictate what your ex will do with his time for the children.

Good luck

There are lots of employers that pay a bit above minimum and allow you to restrict your hours. Beggars can't be choosers, ya know? Grocery stores, some restaurants like Panera. They want stable adults so they are willing to work around your schedule.

You will not find anything you can live off of without skills so try somewhere where you can move up while you are still married.

Does your fitness training experience qualify you to work as a personal trainer at a gym? At my gym, the trainers work all kinds of hours, including mornings. There is also babysitting available for members, so I wonder if you got some morning hours and put your 4 year old in the babysitting while you work, you could probably add in more clients. You could try a place that has a lot of women clients (especially during those morning preschool hours) - regular gyms, women's gyms, YMCAs and so on. If the gym doesn't have a lot of babysitters, maybe you could trade some hours of sitting with another trainer in the same boat. I am also in a regular class from 12-1 that is almost entirely women - many are on their lunch hour, some are retired, others are self-employed. It's a stretch & strength class with weights (various types - hand, barbells, medicine balls), resistance bands, and more. It's non-competitive and perfect for women who don't want any part of the intense body builder crowd - if there are gyms that don't offer this in your area, maybe you can suggest it. I think there's a big demand for weight work for women trying to ward off osteoporosis and other problems, and who want something in addition to the cardio they get on the treadmill and elliptical.

Do your kids have transportation to/from school? If there is bus service, you might be able to use a high school student who can be at your house when the kids get dropped off. They are too young to be driving your kids but some of them are responsible enough to manage 2 kids for a few hours, manage snack and a little homework help, etc. And you don't have to pay them as much (call the guidance office for recommendations).

I agree with you that it's very hard to find a family-friendly job - we pay child care workers so little, but it's still just above what we pay women in the workforce. A disgraceful national situation.

But good for you to keep looking!!

I would shoot for looking for a regular, full time 9-5 job and look closer at child care options. Our school district and park district have before and after school child care where the child just stays at the school for the bridging time between after school and pick up. It is an cost effective solution, as the kids are supervised, but it is not terribly structured, so there isn't a lot of resources going into providing activities for the kids, reducing your cost.

Here's a different take on your two recent posts:

What do you really want out of life? Do you want to be married and at home? Do you want a career? Do you want to live on your own as a divorcee? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? How will you get there (the 5 years)? Basically you need a plan and a way to work it.

Seek counseling for you while you are still married so that you don't repeat this again.

Marriage is work 24/7, 365 (366) and it is not 50/50. It is a partnership and each person has to want to work at it to make it work no matter what. Look a the vows you said to each other (for better for worse, sickness and in health, for richer for poorer) and really read them. I say this as I could have walked away from a long term marriage now feeling validated for all the work I did. Hubby was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I could have walked away like many would have and done my own thing but it is really bad to do something like that - Karma has a way of getting you back. To make a long story short it was hell with all the health issues and a loss of an income but we did make it. He also realizes what a jerk he was and that he got a chance to make amends for all of the bad he did to the whole family.

If you need to go back to school and get a certificate that will pay you more than the minimum and then a degree over time to make it better for you.

The only person who can make you happy is you. Good luck to you.

the other S.

PS If you are in physical fitness can you build a program that would make you money to support yourself and your children in a comfortable manner? Seek out others that are in this profession for advice and mentors. You are going to be working for a good 3-5 years just to make a name in anything you do so you will be selling, selling what you can do for others and making a living.

You may want to consider daring to do something different. How bold are you? Do you have skills, talents or abilities that other people will pay you for? If you are good with children can you offer to be a solution to other moms with your current problem for an affordable fee? How much money do you need to comfortable live?

If you want to get into the physical fitness game you will definitley need those certifications. You have been given excellent advice so far. You need to make some decisions. I advise all with children to have your village in place. Your village are the people who take care of your kid to help make your life easier. People to watch them when they are sick. People who pick them up when you are in a bind. People who clean up your house. People who wash your clothes or even cook some meals and so much more. You need your village. I have had the pleasure of having family, friends and valuable institutions all serve as my village. I couldn't have done it without them.

Do your research and go for it. Save as much money as you can. Instead of thinking about what you don't have, try thinking about how you can solve these obstacles. Don't quit and don't give up but remember to have fun, laugh much, and relax. Life is short they don't stay little for long. Write down what you want. It helps to be able to see it in writing and refer back to what you wrote so you can confirm these things are coming together or need to be modified.

Have you tried talking to your husband about a trial separation? Maybe he's just as unhappy as you are and would welcome it.

As far as the job, I think you'll need a 9-5 full time job with discounted childcare (like the YMCA) unless your husband makes enough to pay quite a bit in child support.

What about a pace like the Y where they have childcare?

sometimes it's better to stay married, is that an option?

otherwise what kind of fitness training do you have? like a personal trainer? can you talk to some nutritionist and see if they can give their clients fliers for you? I've seen Chiropractor offices have personal trainers fliers. Can you be a P.E. coach for kids at a private school where they don't need a college degree. How about a nursing home, I've seen personal trainers work there.

can you stay in the marriage long enough to get your youngest in school full time, will that be next fall or the following fall?

Honestly, you are all over the place right now. You have to get ahold of your emotions and think this thru better. There are so many posts about a magical job that would let us be stay at home moms and pay well, but there isn't. I say slow down, think this thru, talk it out w family or friends, go to someone you trust that makes good choices and get some sound advice.

Best wishes

Go enroll in some college classes. Getting an education is the only way to get a job that pays enough to support your own family. With an education you'll be able to apply and get higher paying jobs with enough income to afford insurance and pay housing and the cost of having children in the home.