Livid on People Bringing Sick Kids Over

Honey, I don't think you're in the wrong AT ALL about not wanting people to visit when they're sick, or when you're sick. NOBODY wants to willingly expose themselves to sickness, and nobody wants to deal with sick children. Plus I think it's rude to visit/be around other people when you're sick. Why subject them to that?

If people can't understand that, that's their problem. It's not like you're being mean or petty; you're being considerate of them and their health. They'll get over it. And if they don't, so what? It is what it is. ;-)

I hate to break this to you, but you're in for a rude awakening when you oldest starts any sort of schooling. Colds are a part of life, and they actually will strenthen your children's immune systems. Avoiding them is nearly impossible seeing as they are spread the week before symptoms start showing.

As to your in-laws, yes, I think it was rude of them to disrespect your wishes. Personally, we stay away from family members with babies when we are sick, but not everyone is so considerate. However, I think you are over reacting a little bit in the heat of the moment.

Wow, how awful that they are so inconsiderate of a 2 month old baby's health! Thats awful! Tell them straight out that you DO NOT want them over if they know that they are sick because the 2 month old's immune system is still very immature and can not fight off colds (especially the flu) like older kids and adults!
However, getting sick is a part of life and unfortunately we can't shield them from everything. When they get sick it builds their immune system. So, just don't try to be too clean - the baby does need regular daily germs. However, not to the extent of having sick kids around! Thats crazy.. But, remember that a person is most contagious before and right when the symptoms start. Thats the scarry part! Then when your oldest starts school, ugh, look out! lol, it sucks. I have a 5 1/2 yr old (in kindergarten) and a 11 month old

Well, your SIL and BIL should respect your wishes, no matter what they are. Personally though I think you're overreacting a little. Your kids will continually get sick over the years and actually need to in order to build up their immune system. My pedi told me that kids need to get sick around 6 times a year. And you said they knew you and your husband had been sick the last three weeks, I would think then that since you two are exposing your kids to germs then whats a few more??

I will stress though that they should respect your wishes if that's how you want to be. Just call them and restress it.

It's only bothering you. Your kids are going to get sick over and over again. If they don't get sick now, they will get stick constantly when they get to school. Your BIL and SIL understand that kids just get sick. It's a fact of life. Your life will be a lot less miserable if you accept it.

My kids where sick for the first 2 years of their lives. I swear I thought I was NOT going to live through it. I thought, "What have I done to deserve this?" Now, they are 4 and 6. They get sick once per winter season and we're fine.

I totally agree with you and understand how you feel. I have a 3.5 month old at home and my husbands family thinks its ok that my baby is exposed to their children's colds. Well, my baby at 2 months old happen to get an ear infection and cold b/c of their kids.I don't agree nor would i do that to anyone else's kids. I am completely irritated by the lack of respect and consideration that they show me and my daughter. I am in the same siutation as you and do not know how to make it any clearer to them. They already think i am crazy and rude but they are the ones that are completely rude.

Hi N.---It is your right, and responsibility to make those decisions for your family, AND others should respect that. Unfortunately, many people don't think that it's a big deal to haul their kids around when they are sick and potentially expose others to those germs.

But, you can also look at it this way. You really don't want to keep them in a bubble so that they don't build any immunities as they are growing. Having said that, of course, you don't want a 2.5 month old baby unecessarily being exposed and getting sick, but research shows that it's better for a youngster to actually get the chicken pox, for example, rather than the vaccine. The reason for that is that it's less harmful for a child to get chicken pox AND the body develps a stronger immunity to the virus as well. Many kids who get the baccine get c.p. anyway and they now recommend a booster shot later in life.

I guess what I suggest is to do your best, stand firm in your convictions, and then don't sweat it if your kids are exposed once in awhile.

BTW. I am hosting a Wellness Workshop soon and I will be discussing ways to strengthen our immune systems naturally with food and lifestyle habits. That way we might not get sick nearly as much, and if we would, symptoms and duration of the cold or flu would be much less severe. IF you are interested, please answer back and I will get you the details. Good luck and Be Well. D. ###-###-####

I am the queen B* when it comes to people being sick around my kids. Now here's the kicker, my kids are alittle older now, so I'm not so strict about it. Until my kids were 1 years old, I didn't really take them out in public during the winter months, and all my mom friends with kids, knew how strict I was; they made fun of me, but my kids are the only ones out of 6 couples that didn't end up in the hospital at a young age. My kids are 2 and 3.5 now and the only time I ask they aren't around other sick kids is when the child has an extremely high fever, or actual vomit. Other than that, I say go play. I would just bend a little on your rules. I think your 2 year old can play with sick kids; however your baby, I think you should stay away from them. Just make sure she is in a different room, or they don't touch or breath on her. Just clean things when the family leaves. You could also stress that the baby doesn't have much of an immune system and that's why you are being so careful. I completely understand why you are frustrated; I have been through this, especially since one of my babies was born in January!! Everyone wanted to come see her, and I had to tell them no; that was really hard! Good luck with it, and stick to your guns with your baby!

I totally agree with you and do not blame you one bit!!!! A friend came to my house nearly a month ago and she was sick. My whole entire household has been sick since with the same nasty cold with me getting hit the hardest with it. In the meantime, hubby's daughter delivers her first baby and we can not even go see him while we have this sickness since of course we have more common sense than my friend did and do not want to get the little guy sick. Stick to your guns, they are your children.

M. in Camden, MI

Hi N.,
I can so relate to your situation. It seems that some people don't think twice about bringing sickness into someone else's home. I think you have every right to express how you feel when someone is wanting to come to your house This is especially true when you have a young baby. It is more difficult if it is a gathering at someone else's house. (We dealt with this last year when Grandma didn't bother to tell us she had bronchitis and we spend Christmas day at her house worrying that our kids would get sick.) My oldest daughter and I have asthma and simple colds can be a big deal for us. I can't tell you how many times someone has said to us that their child has "just a little cold." My daughter is in preschool now and I know I can't control what she is exposed to there, but I am going to control what is allowed into our house. Just today I had a talk with my MIL who now seems to understand where we are coming from. She has a horrible cough and wanted to take our daughter out, but she realized she should wait until she is better. I see it as my job to protect my family from sickness as much as possible, even if it makes me the "bad guy" to some others. It's difficult if others don't respect what you ask, but I think you were right to ask sick family members to leave. Blessings with this in the future!
Rachael

Natlie, you are completely justified having a 2month old in your house. We all know that our kids will get sick and they need to build up immunities. BUt you have a 2 month old and even though the baby has your immunities for a while that doesnt mean he wont get sick. And 2 months is too young to get sick especially in the winter. Stick to your guns! Once your baby is older then you can relax a little because all kids get sick. One thing I do want to say is that if your family has been sick for a while, you ,your husband and son, then OF COURSE you dont want everyone to get sick again so soon. It is difficult enough with three kids much less when you are sick and one of them are sick! So dont feel bad about your feelings. You know your family and if everyone has just been sick then they should understand you need time to get better and get back to normal schedules etc. People can be very inconsiderate with sick kids! I understand needing to get out but to me the first couple days of any illness a child should stay home, rest, drink liquids and not spread it all over! There are enough germs and illnesses with out everyone letting their sick kids just go everywhere and make things worse. Good luck, hopefully your husband will back you up with his family:)

Goodness, I would be mad too! you have very small children and it is just common courtesy to keep your germs to yourself. I think your BIL and SIL just wanted to get out of the house and hoped their little one wasn't contagious - I don't think they meant to be malicious. I would call my SIL and say `I don't mean to be crazy, and I love to see you guys, but it's so awful when my kids get sick that I would really appreciate you being healthy when you visit.' you could also say you're terrified of the flu which could be dangerous to such a young baby. Good luck - Alison

Hi N.-

I wouldn't worry too much about mild colds with your 2 year old, but I think you are absolutely justified in your concern for your baby. This is the beginning of RSV season, which may manifest itself as a mild cold in an older child or adult, but can put a baby in the hospital. Definitely something you don't want to mess around with! Of course, if it is something your 2 year old gets, it will be floating around your home and place your infant at risk. So, I think if you kindly express this concern to your BIL and SIL, emphasizing your greatest concern is for the BABY, any reasonable person would respect your feelings. Good luck with this, I know it is an awkward and frustrating situation!

Hello N., I understand how you feel. All 3 of my kids have asthma, my son, the youngest, was severe. Having said that, it is unhealthy to set up such fears of sickness with your children. Exposing them to viruses actually makes them healthier later in life. The immune system builds up and protects them from strains that are slightly the same. If your children are not exposed now, they will be when they are in school, and it will be much worst then. This is God's way of making us healthy, by allowing our bodies to defend against germs. Hope this allows you to see the flip side of your fears. I went through the same feelings, but with the help of my son's doctor, I learned to see it differently, and now have very healthy adult kids. Good luck.

I understand your concern over your children's health. I put my son into daycare at 13 weeks.....I came back that first day to find him lying on the floor with all the toddlers (even the ones with green nasal discharge) all standing over him - getting acquainted. He got his first cold within three days.
That first year it seemed he was getting the sniffles every three weeks or so....never slowed him down or caused a blip in his development. Together with his scheduled vaccinations, he has never had more than a mild cold or the occasional vomiting since the first year (and NO ear infections whatsoever!), into the second grade.
It really does help kids to be exposed to those germs early on so they can build up immunities (I'm not saying in the first couple weeks, but after a few months).
It sounds like your IL's child was feeling good enough for some interaction - children are much more resilient in getting over colds than adults. Also, how often do you see them when you're all healthy? Is it that they simply wanted to see you because it's been awhile and they enjoy your comapny? I don't think your BIL was was purposely trying to expose your child - he doesn't understand your concerns (you don't mention how many kids he has, but it does sound like he's much more lax than you about germs). You have a difference in child rearing - neither of you are right or wrong - just different.

I totally agree with you. People are very inconsiderate, just because a cold isn't a big deal to them, they think it isn't a big deal to anyone else. I feel that they are naive, as they have probably never lived or taken cared of anyone who is immunocompromised and everyone has to watch out for their health, where a cold can lead to a pneumonia. And yes, when they start school germs spread, but so many people bring their sick kids to school. I'm not sure which side is the in-law, but whoevers it is, they need to tell them that 1) do not come over or have plans with us if you are sick and 2) we do not want to watch your kids when we are sick. Do not soften it up, be very direct so it cannot be misinterpreted. And then both of you enforce it.

you are completely in the right, not wanting you family to be infected by others and their careless spreading of illness. I have the same issue, and I ask the mom straight up when making plans for play dates (for instance) if their child is sick. I don't take my toddler around others if she's sick, and I want the same respect. I have found though that some people either just don't get it, or don't care if their children infect others, because I've been to children's birthday parties where there's an obviously sick child (coughing like he has croup!) and the parent doesn't even care to wipe his nose... this time of year you can't be too careful, especially with an infant. just ask when making plans and explain your concern. perhaps that parent will think differently in the future. it's not unreasonable to want to be well! good luck!

Germs are EVERYWHERE. You expose your baby to more germs by using a cell phone and holding him or picking up a pair of shoes and then touching the baby or (ick-ick-ick) letting him chew on the TV remote (literally millions of bacteria). There are almost 850x more germs and viruses squirming around on your kitchen scrubby or in your washing machine than on that crumpled tissue that cousin Suzie left on the coffee table.
We are all exposed to hundreds of thousands of strains of nastiness everyday - the grocery store, the gas station, a restaurant, work, school. The possibilities are endless. If you are brestfeeding, your little one has many natural immunities that you are sharing with him. Also, as so many others have mentioned, we are all better off (especially at a young age) being exposed to some average, run-of-the-mill bugs and allowing our bodies to do their jobs and develop natural immunities.
Clearly there are limits and severe illness should be avoided whenever possible, but I guarantee that trying to live "in a bubble" will do much more harm than good and in many more ways than strained relationships and stress over germ counting.
Practice and teach really good, really frequent handwashing and use hand sanitizer when out and about. Eat a healthful diet, drink lots of fluids and get plenty of rest. Think of all the extra time you'll have to enjoy your kids, friends and family (drippy noses and all).