Letting Daughter Go to Prom

I guess I'm not understanding because I don't see why she wouldn't be allowed to go. She is 16, you don't know the guy, so drive her there and pick her up from there. No big deal. Right?

I don't understand why they can't go to their proms or proms they are invited to if they'd like. Many kids are invited to multiple proms. As long as you know her date and are comfortable with him.....let her go.

I don't understand why you don't allow them to go to the proms. Many girls get invited to Proms at other schools because a boyfriend or girlfriend goes to another school. It's the school Prom, fun, enjoyable.

Do you not want her to go because you just don't want to drive her? Arrange alternate transportation.

Yes paperwork has to be done. Around here you buy your tickets and that includes paperwork which lets the administration know WHO is coming, from what school and grade level they are coming, etc.

Most of the schools (parents) have an after Prom activity which also includes paperwork.

Invite the boy over and get to know him.

It sounds to me like you are looking for excuses for to tell her no. Prom is a very exciting part of the high school experience and I just don't understand why you would keep that from your girls. The rules are too rigid. Every excuse you came up with can be dealt with easily.

It sounds like you have too many arbitrary rules. Most social kids go to all the school dances every year in high school. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, but after that I went to all the proms and most the other special dances the school put on (even though I never had a boyfriend in high school I had guy friends who would take me to as their date), and even before that I would go with a bunch of girlfriends to the dances. Prom and Homecoming and dances like that turned into an all-day event that was spent together having fun, and innocent fun is a good thing, especially for youth. We would do some fun creative group date during the day, go out to eat at night, then go dance our hearts out (I did go to another school's prom once with a friend's brother and no one was really dancing there, which I thought was weird). Some kids get into trouble ("off as quick as a prom dress" didn't become a one-liner for nothing), but being controlling is going to the have the opposite effect and cause resentment. I had an uncle who would refuse to let his kids do things for no apparent reason, and it seemed that he felt like it was his job to stand in the way of them having fun, just for the sheer pleasure of it. It was almost punitive.

Drive her to prom if it makes you feel more comfortable (but when I was a teen, the boy picked me up and it would have been weird if my parents drove me), and maybe suggest that they go on a date before prom, so he can come over and meet you when he picks her up for the date.

its up to you, i would let her, due to i was always homeshooled, and never got to go. I went to homecomings and stuff like that with friends, but never got to go to prom,

Why not let her go? Your rule seems kind of arbitrary. I went to my first prom as a sophomore with my boyfriend who was a senior (different school - I went to an all-girl school). I declined an invite freshman year from a boy I worked with because I didn't really like him but my parents would have let me go. I also went to my own junior and senior proms. I think as long as you meet the boy's parents, establish clear rules about whether or not she can go out afterward, and where, and with whom, and when to be home, who is going to drive, etc. and you can afford the dress, then why not go?

as long as your daughter is responsible, let her go. my daughter is 16 and has been to two homecomings but not prom yet b/c she isn't a junior. but I would let her go if she had been invited. prom is a wonderful part of high school, even if it isn't your own school!!

I also think it is unfair.

Why only let them go as seniors?

I am not sure why you won't let her go. if you don't know the guy then tell her that you need to meet him and talk to him. is it the price of the dress? i went to my junior and senior prom my BF junior and senior prom, and a friends prom at another school. It was a fun time to dance and be with your friends while all dressed up- not something you usually get to do. I have great memories of all the proms i went to. I think you need to get some more info from your daughter and if you trust her and she's responsible then let her go.

If your oldest is ok with her sis going, then I think you should lighten up on your rules! & if this guy has contacted your daughter again, then he truly must want her to go!

My best friend's daughter entered H.S. with the announcement that she planned on attending Prom....all 4 years. My BF just kinda laughed.....but.... it did happen! Her daughter was invited all 4 years....& had an absolute BLAST! Crazy, crazy, crazy!

I would let her go. If it is a money issue, let her chip in for the dress, etc.
I would just set up rules around what she's allowed to do, when she's expected home, etc.

Often prom-goers are older and even legal adults, and parents are pretty lax about time home, etc. If she was with someone you knew and trusted, OK, but since you don't know the guy, let her know up front what you expect.

But otherwise, why not?

I dont understand why only letting them go as seniors? prom's and other dances/socials are seriously some of my BEST highschool memories. meet the guy, take some time to know him before hand, possibly drive them there if thats an option. Does she have a cell phone? You could ask her to check in from the ladies room a time or two during the night to re assure you things are ok. At 16 I was going to dances and school functions and turned out just fine :)

let go a little and enjoy seeing your little girl excited and beautiful!

I don't know why you don't want your kids to go to proms, so it is hard to respond. It's not clear you have really stuck to your own rules over time anyway. It seems silly to limit prom attendence. It makes more sense to go on a case by case basis. Who is the girl going with? Is the boy trustworthy? Where is it? When will she be home? Is she trustworthy? How much will it cost and can you/she afford it? I wouldnt' worry so myuch about fair and focus on the circumstances of the event.

Why do you not allow them to go to Proms? Why do they have to wait, what if they are never asked except when they are younger?
What are the reasons for these rules? Be sure if there is any family discussions you arewilling to be honest about your change of heart. It is good for parents to have these types of talks with their teens.

I personally would invite the boy over for dinner (cookout with burgers) , get to know him. Play a board game..

If he seems responsible, find out the plans, talk about your expectations.. It can almost be jokey, so you do not freak them out.

Who will be Driving, Times of pick up and return home. Cell phone contacts, location of event. Could they add time when he picks her up so you all can get some pictures,

Are they going alone or with a group? Are they going out to dinner first?

Then you need to think about are you willing for her to also attend breakfast after the prom?

Here in Austin, Many Families hosts late night breakfast right after prom so the kids can eat, before going back home. Usually the parents gather and cook and serve it all up.
Go with your mom brain and heart. No regrets.

Why not let her go if she's invited. Wht if she doesn't get asked when she's a senior or doesn't want to ask someone then? If she's responsible, then let her go. I went all 4 years. My senior year I went with a guy I didn't know well either. But, I knew he was respectful and responsible and we went with a group of friends that didn't drink, do drugs or anything like that.

Completely agree with S.M. and 2B's mama...could not have said it better.

I would call the school and ask what paperwork they need for her to go to their prom. I've never heard of any paper work being needed. He buys two tickets and that is it (at least where I'm from).

If you have to take and pick her up, all the better! You know she got there safe and sound.

As far as not knowing this guy, who not invite him over for dinner and get to know him better?

Let her go. She's only young once. Drive her if you must.

So WHAT if it's not fair. My kids have known since they were infants that life's not fair. It's the thing I told them most, right behind "I love you," and "wash your hands."

I still tell them life's not fair. And because they know that, I am allowed to do things differently for each child, as each situation arises.

Also, because they know that, they are really easygoing, adaptable people.

Let her go, and tell the others that life's not fair, and what is right for one child/person isn't necessarily right for another.

I say let her go :) I went to prom all 4 years of high school, and also went to a different schools prom as a sophmore. A lot of my friends were older so I was invited and I remember feeling special being invited to prom as a freshman.

I don't understand all your restrictions regarding prom. It is a special event for children that only happens in their high school years and if they are fortunate enough to be invited, or want to go on their own, in my opinion, they should be allowed. I think you should talk to her about things she may experience (i.e. peer pressure to drink), set a curfew you are comfortable with, and then let her go enjoy herself!