Letting Baby "Cry It Out" to Sleep at Night

Don't let her cry it out!!!! She is a good sleeper already by most standards and when she gets up she needs something. Keep everything as dark as possible, change her, feed her, cuddle her and love every minute of it! Then put her back down and you both may get more sleep. They are only babies for a short time!!! A.

Quack, quack, quack! Get rid of him. The baby just wants to be comforted. Sometimes you can just rub their back or sing to them a bit and they'll go right back to sleep. Some nights my baby sleeps right through the night and sometimes she wants a little comfort or her "binky" popped back into her mouth. And sometimes it's just that she needs a little bit more milk. The baby is too young to let cry for more than 5 mins. at a time.

Are you kidding me. My kids didn't sleep through the night until they were 7 or 8 mos. My son sleeps through the night great and he's almost 4. The average baby doesn't sleep through the night until 6 mos old. You don't have to let her CIO if you don't want to. But if you do want to try something this is what I just did with my 9 mo old and it worked. Every night she got 1 oz less in her bottle. So the first night 5 oz, 2nd night 4 oz and so on. Now all I have to do when she wakes is give her her binky and she goes right back. But she still wakes almost every night.

I would get a new doctor. If YOU have a problem with the way your baby sleeps I recommend reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Well, not to sound harsh here but... get a new pediatrician! 4 months is very young for a child to be expected to sleep through the night. Did you know that a child's internal clock doesn't establish itself until 40 weeks?

Now onto cry it out.

It IS as harsh as it sounds. Think of this from your baby's perspective. Your baby is not "learning" to soothe herself to sleep. She is simply giving up on you. They cry and cry and mommy never comes. It breaks the bonds you have as mother and child. The babies left alone to cry fall asleep in a state of torment and fear. From a scientific perspective, this is proven from the highly elevated cortisol levels in a crying baby which is a nasty stress hormone. Not to mention that the extreme stress at this age has been shown to interfere with brain synapses.

Cry it out is cruel and archaic. I'm simply shocked that pediatricians are still suggesting this.

I highly suggest a book by Elizabeth Pantley called the No Cry Sleep Solution. It goes into the facts about infant sleep patterns and offers realistic suggestions to get your baby to sleep without crying.

It also made one point that stuck with me: how do YOU feel about your child's sleep patterns? If you're OK with one or two wakings during the night then who cares if she sleeps 10 hours straight? There are no rules! We as parents get so brainwashed into thinking our children and lives must fit some mold that we actually convince ourselves we're doing somehting wrong when the reality is that we're just fine.

Hello - congrats on your daughter :) I have three -- girls are awesome! I know you've had a million other pieces of advice, but I just wanted to clarify what "cry-it-out" means to you/your doctor. The term probably came from the Feber book, How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem. The book is great (also controversial), and has worked for me. Cry-it-out is outlined and explained in the book, in a way so your baby still know you're there for her but is learning to sleep at the same time.

I also recommend the book Baby Wise. In that book you learn that the pattern of your baby's routine establish's their metoblism, so you know what they'll be hungry, etc. It's also controversial, but worked awesome for my three girls!

Enjoy - good luck!

Dear Amy,

Crying it out is cruel and inhumane. She is just a little baby. Have you ever seen a mommy cat or dog ignore their young? Its something that humans seem to think is ok but it is not. Do not listen to your doctor or husband. Get the Baby Book by Dr. Sears and you will soon learn that in most cultures Moms sleep with their babies and comfort them whenever needed. It is only in the Western culture that the Mom can give birth and then sleep seperate from the baby. My husband had actually insisted I sleep with my babies. Something I was unfamiliar with at the time. But I am glad I did it. His mother was sort of oppose to it and you know what he told his own mother? He asked her if she has ever seen an animal give birth and then go lay down ten feet from the baby? She never said another word. Also that pain in your breast that you get when your baby cries, is designed to keep mothers from ignoring their baby. It is something no man will ever know or feel. You are the Mom, take charge. Your baby needs you to. Good Luck.

Excuse me for saying so, but your pediatrician is crazy, and I'd look for a new one. Your baby is simply too young to cry it out.

Please don't do it...find another pediatrician and start fresh.

In my opinion, crying it out is WAY overrated...we did it with our daughter who is still, at 5, a terrible sleeper, it's just her, just who she is.

Love and snuggle that baby when she needs you to, they grow so fast, she'll be sleeping at a friends house before you know it!!

Best wishes to you,
J.

You absolutely do not have to do that! Your pediatrician is not living in your household. You, your husband and your baby ARE!
If your baby is 4 months and over 12-15 lbs, metabolically, she should be able to sleep through the night. Some babies take longer. My friends son wouldn't until almost 6 months. I am NOT a believer in "cry it out." That is to say, I a am also not a believer in pick him/her up at every whimper. I believe you have to first listen to the cry. She she crying out of habit? Meaning, is she feeding during the night at those times because she's used to it? Or, is she making her hunger cry? Did she wake up disoriented and scared? Is she wet, sick, cold, hot, etc.? With my daughter, I always responded to her. I believe it is important to make sure they know they are supported and worthy of the attention. However, some nights I would only go in long enough to reassure her, and then leave. It takes a baby your daughter's age 3 nights to change a habit. That is why your doctor says 3-4 nights. Our sleep training, for lack of a better way to put it, worked well for us. We put her down, and when she cried I listened for a minute or two to distinguish the cry and to see if she'd calm herself. If it got more distressed, or I could tell it was something in particular, I went in to her and comforted her. Then I left. If she started back up, I did the same thing, but waited a tad bit longer. Sort of a ferber thing. But, I always responded to her. What I didn't do was: turn on any lights, make eye contact, talk to her or pick her up very much. I touched her, "ssshed" her, tried to make her more comfortable. I ONLY fed her at that point if it was clear she was making her hungry cry. I don't know, Amy, you have to do what you think is right...but, I say no to cry it out in the traditional sense. I say: wait, listen, respond.

Hi! My feeling on this is that 6-7 hours for a 4 month old is good. I don't necessarily agree with your pediatrician being concerned about it. My opinion is that there are averages and that every child fits in the bell curve somewhere. I think doctors today act like if your child is not right in line with the center of the bell curve, then there is something wrong. But all babies are different and develop at different rates in different aspects of their development. I think his advice would be more appropriate for a 4 monthy old still waking up every 3-5 hours. HOWEVER on the other hand I am not against crying it out, I let my daughter cry it out when she was 6 or 7 months old. If she woke up and cried I would go in there right away and pick her up or sooth her back to sleep, but after a while even that wouldn't help. I would go in there and she would cry even more. This is when I realized that she was only waking up halfway and when I went in there it only woke her up more and she would get mad. I read about this in What to expect the First Year. Maybe at the 2:30-3 pm waking you could let her cry and see if she goes back to sleep by herself and I guarantee it will work after a few days. But doctors make you worry, you still have time. See how it goes for a couple months, if she does start waking more or seem more irritated when she does wake, dont be afrasid to let her cry it out. It is never as bad as you expect. The first night my baby cried for 20 minutes. The second night it was maybe 10, the third night, not even 5 minutes. Since then she sleeps 12 hours a night! I know it's heartbreaking to listen to them cry and not do anything, but it is teaching them to sooth themselves, very important. Don't wait too long though, by one year or more, they have the will power to cry forEVER! Good luck!

I do not mean to be rude-your doctor's suggestion is absurd My son (who is now 8) woke up at 3:00 AM and 6:00 to eat until he was 3 (what a nightmare). He began sleeping through the night at 4 and he sleeps like a rock. Torrential storms, burning house or nothing else can wake him once he goes to sleep at 8:30Pm or 9:00 PM. If you want to let the baby cry it out-then do that but don't do it because your friends, family or doctor thinks you should do it.

From your description, it seems to me you didn't have a problem with her sleep patterns and that the ped is the one that brought it up, am I correct? If that's so, then.. if it ain't broke don't fix it.

I personally do not believe in cry it out. It destroys a baby's trust in his parents. A little cry like a complaint that lasts 30 seconds is one thing, but to let a baby cry and cry for 10 - 15 minutes or longer is downright cruel. If you were crying for 10 minutes and your husband locked you in a room by yourself, wouldn't you think there was something wrong with that?

My two older children did not sleep thru the night until they passed their SECOND birthday. It is actually NORMAL because baby's sleep patterns are NOT THE SAME as adults. Any sane pediatrician would know that.

The baby I have now is 5 months old and his sleep patterns sound almost identical to what you described with your daughter, and I'm totally fine with him sleeping anywhere from 4 to 7 hour stretches (and consider myself lucky that I get to sleep that long!!).

You need to follow your heart in this and listen to your baby. Don't let a doctor tell you what to do, he is not the one that will live with that baby for years to come, and he is not the one that will live with the knowledge of going against his instinct for the rest of his life. If it goes against your instincts, then don't do it.

Blessings to you & yours,
M.

Hi Amy,

I definitely think you need to find a balance between your feeling on it and the docs/husbands. I would suggest you thicken her bottle at night, adding cereal and increasing the volume to what she can handle. That will help her body cope. She is a little young to be this worried about getting her to sleep through the night, but okay. She definitely isn't too young to start forming bad sleeping habits if she has any so with that I agree (such as only falling asleep in arms or on chest, etc).

As far as her ability to fall asleep on her own, I completely agree with that being important. So if she hasn't mastered that, I wouldn't couple it right away with making it this horrendous experience of her starving all night. She should grow in her security that she is able to self soothe, mommy is around is she really needs you, etc. before you start getting her to stretch that foundation. Does she take a pacifier? try and get her to do so if she doesn't. We pushed the issue a bit till our daughter took it b/c it helps her with her acidity, reduces likelihood of sids, etc. Furthermore, when she does wake up upset, at first you can put it in her mouth to help her calm down and eventually she will associate it with soothing so she'll grab it herself to calm herself down (use a pacifier clip). Also, I put two particular stuffed animals in her crib. Of course, at 4 months old she didn't really "get it." (she's now almost 8 months, and by the way, I'm 30 going on 31). But now, it helps her feel secure as I notice that she looks to notice them as I put her down. She'll grab hold of one sometimes to stuff it in her mouth (not hug, LOL) and when she wakes up, she's totally secure and calm and talks to herself and her animals until I come in. My daughter is a very happy, secure baby and I think it has a lot to do with prayer (I was just as scared, clueless and stressed as any new mom) and listening to my innervoice, tunining into my baby and couple-ing that with book knowledge and life experience (I'm also a therapist, FYI).

I don't know if any of this is helpful at all or enough, but I would certainly be willing to talk/e-mail through it some more with you if you'd like... just e-mail me any other particular questions/concerns.

Hi Amy. A four month old baby is a bit young to just leave crying it out. You feel like you somehow you are doing something wrong to her but you're not. Make sure there is nothing wrong with her, that she is dry and comfortable and brace yourself with a box of tissues. She will sleep through the night in about 4 to five nights. I did this with my son at the age of 5 and 1/2 months. So if you are not comfortable with her age now wait a month or two, then try it. Whenever you do it though be ready because it is hard. Rest assured though she is fine and it is harder on you and your husband than it is on her. She will never remember those moments thankfully. Take care and good luck.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART! I know that sounds corny, but I found it to be the best course of action. You know what will work for you guys and what won't. This is a topic I feel really strongly about because of the anguish I went thru just like you. When my daughter was 5 months old, my ped told us the same thing (she had a very similar sleep pattern as your daughter). She told me that I'd ruin her chance to ever be able to self-soothe and sleep well if I didn't start CIO immediately, blah blah blah...and I was torn apart! Do I "help" my baby self-soothe, or do I help her to feel trust and loved at this point in her little life? 5 months just seemed too early to let her "cry it out". I am not against CIO, but I am against it for MY daughter at this point in her life. I was so stressed out...so I asked my mom.
Here's what my mom (the wisest woman I've ever known), said, "A., you are blessed with a baby girl. She will only be a baby once. Cherish each moment and follow your heart. I rocked you when you were a baby and responded to your cries and that is what worked for us. If your gut tells you it's wrong, don't do it! If you feel it is right, then do it. Just remember, before long she won't cry for you, she won't want to be held or cuddled, she won't want you as a playmate... enjoy it while you can!" And so, now I follow my heart (And fib to my peds that I let her CIO! LOL) and guess what? It worked! A few months later she was sleeping thru the night on her own. And now, at 11 months, she sleeps from 8pm until 7am on her own, and wakes happy and ready to play and learn. On the rare occasion that she wakes at night (like last night), I still respond to her quickly if she's upset. The key for me is to know if she's "complaining", "fussing" or "crying" and that determines what I do from there now that she's older and can understand more. I never really minded getting up with her, but certainly do enjoy a full night's rest now! =0)
That all being said, I had friends who used CIO with great success, except that they had to "retrain" every time there was an interruption, like vacation or visitors, illness, etc.
Good luck and follow your heart and gut on this one and do what is right for your family. Remember, you CAN change your strategy as she gets older and NO, you won't "ruin her" for life either way!

I have a 2 and 1/2 year old daughter and a 3 month old son. For those of you who say that infants this young don't sleep through the night, well, it all depends on the baby. My 3 month old (who is breastfed) has been sleeping through the night from about 9:30pm to 7:30 am for a month now. I know I am lucky, but for those of you who say it is not possible, it is (for some babies).... (he did it on his own, I didn't let him cry it out). However, my daughter took a little longer to sleep this long. At around 6 mos. she got into a phase and started waking up between 4 and 5 am. So, for a couple of nights we let her cry, but would go into her room and comfort her by patting her back and whispering to her- then leave and come back as necessary. We DID NOT turn the lights on or pick her up, even if she cried for a while.... she needed to learn that it was time to sleep and learn to fall back to sleep on her own (we knew she wasn't sick or in discomfort). It only took a few nights. For those of you who say that it is cruel to let your child cry, it is not necessarily- sometimes they just need to cry. Babies cry for a lot of reasons... sometimes it is just to release energy. If you know your child is fed well during the day, healthy and not in pain, she may just be waking up out of habit. Letting her cry a little will not harm her. As well as being comforted and given proper care, children do need to learn to self soothe. I will let you know that letting my duaghter cry herself to sleep DID NOT harm her in any way. We have an incredibly loving relationship, and she is a smart, happy, healthy, well ajusted toddler, and she still sleeps well! Basically, every child is different, and YOU know by instinct what is right for you and your baby. That being said, it is OK for a baby to cry, and you are not a bad parent if you let your baby cry a little! That being said, I love our pediatrician, but there are still things that she says that I take as a piece of advice, and maybe apply part of it, or none of it. So, if that advice isn't right for you, just don't use it!

Good Luck

Dear Amy: I have 4 girls, 11,9,7, and 5 years old. They never sleep from 8:30 pm - 7:00 am, at 4 months of age! I got up every night and breastfed them often. Maybe after 8-9 months they slept from 10 or 11:00 pm till 6:00 am if I was lucky. But now they all go to bed and sleep all night long. I think 4 months is young to sleep all night long, especially your frist child. I remember getting up every 2 hours just to check on her. If i even hear a whimper at night I would jump up, I could not stand to hear her cry at night. You could try it and wear earplugs. Good Luck to you, M. T.

Hi Amy,

Congratulations on your daughter! I have to say that a 4 month old who sleeps a 6-7 hour stretch is doing great! You'll find many moms who are envious of that. That being said, she'll sleep longer and longer as she gets a little older. 4 months is really far too young to let her cry it out. She won't understand or learn that way. You are her whole world and the only way she has to tell you anything is to cry; it seems needlessly cruel to ignore her at this point (when she's older, yes, a modified cry it out program can work really well). What might be helpful is to let her cry for 5 minutes or so--to make sure she's up and serious about it--before going in. Then just accept that this is her pattern right now. She may need to eat; if she doesn't, trying sending Dad for a cuddle and that might alter her pattern. You can't hold her too much or respond to her too quickly at this age. I have 5 kids and there were times that I thought I would never sleep again, but they're all secure and well adjusted, and they all slept through the night when it was right for them (most of them before 8 or 9 months, but none of them at 4 months). You don't have to do anything you don't want to do; your pediatrician espouses one parenting philosophy, you can have another. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby. You're the expert in this case.

im so sorry you have such a misinformed doctor who know nothing about infant sleep patterns. by definition, babies sleep thru the night when they sleep 5 hours straight. your daughter sleeps for 6-7 hours at 4 months and goes back down after that, you are very lucky. your daughter wakes at 6:15, thats her time to get up. again, lucky as some wake at 5 for the day.
for your doctor to insist a baby sleep from 8:30 till 7 am matter what is absurd. i dont know any 4 months olds, and not even 8 months olds do that. my daughter is 4 months, sleeps at 7:30 till 8:30, wakes aroudn 3:30, then wakes around 6:30 for the day, or at 5:30 to eat, then back asleep for an hour or 2. my sisters 4 1/2 month old goes around 9:30 and gets up 5:30 to 6. all babies are different. does she eat at night, my daughter wakes 1-2 times to eat as does my sisters. am i supposed to leave my starving baby crying inthe night, and not feed her? are you supposed to leave your daughter in the crib for 45 mins screaming out of hunger and not feed her. whats the point of 7 am. why is he so insistant that you leave her there for that 45 mins? he honestly sounds like a crazy, power controlled person demanding that you and your baby follow his schedule.
if your baby wakes up happy, as it seems since she wants to play at 6:15, she is getting enough sleep. if you insist she cry, she will end up getting less sleep and be more exhausted which could end up her being crankier.
and just for the record, most chldren dont sleep thru the night religously. infants wakes, children wake, me and my husband wake during the night. the only reason your daughter wouldnt wake is because she was so exhausted from crying. i myself had some bad times where i was crying for awhile, then fell asleep. that is not a relaxing sleep at all, and i woke up exhausted.
since you didnt ask for help, rather he told you what he thought, and his thoughts are nothing more than his opinion, as if you went to any other doctor, they would say "oh thats great", he sounds completely pompous. as if his opinion is the bible. why did he feel the need to tell you that. if you do any research, you would see that your daughter is doing great, so why does he need to say something negative, when your daughter is doing so well already.
so he says a 4 month olds sleep patterns are a precurser to her future sleep, when at 4 yrs old, or 40 yrs old. better yet, when does that start to show a future problem, is it only at 4 months, maybe 3 months, or maybe the day she is born shows how her sleep will be as she gets older? i mean really.
here is something for you to read, remember the numbers are total sleep counting naps-

Your Baby and Sleep
How much sleep does your baby need? The amount of sleep a baby gets varies greatly with the individual. Age plays a factor; your baby will probably need two to three hours less sleep at the end of her first year than she did at the beginning. But your child's individual nature plays much more of a role in determining how much she will sleep. In looking at the table, keep in mind that the average takes account of individuals at both extremes. The range is so wide that your baby may sleep much more or much less than the average.

Age Average Range

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

0-1 months 16½ hours 10-22 hours
1-4 months 15½ hours 10-20 hours
5-8 months 14½ hours 9-20 hours
9-12 months 13½ hours 9-18 hours

Some blissful babies start out sleeping more than 20 hours a day and continue sleeping nearly that much throughout the first year. On the other hand, very active babies may, after their first few days, sleep less than 12 hours a day. Unfortunately for their exhausted parents, the sleep needs of these infants are not likely to increase as they grow older. Your baby will let you know through her sleeping patterns just how much sleep she needs. As long as she can function throughout much of the day without fatigue, general misery, and crankiness, she's getting enough sleep--no matter how little that is.

Because your baby probably sleeps somewhere around half the day, you may wonder why you feel so tired all the time. The reason is that babies don't get their sleep all at once, as most adults do. If your baby slept 13 hours in a row, you'd be the most rested new parent in the world. Unfortunately, they don't.

During the early months, your baby probably slept no more than two to four hours at a stretch. At three months, your baby was probably able to sleep six hours or more without waking. Even at six months, most infants only sleep six to eight hours at a stretch. But after half-waking at four or five A.M., your child can drift back to sleep fairly easily after some comforting or feeding.

as for crying it out, i dont believe in it and my 4 month old and 3 yr old are completely adjusted children who sleep great. crying it out raises unhealthy serotine levels in the brain. it also has been proven that children whose cries are answered actually cry less as they trust you will come to them, where letting them cry doesnt allow them to trust you.

i hope you take the time to research any decisions you make for your daughter. remember, a doctor is only a person and needs to be confident and seem like he knows the answers, but the answers he gives are often just his personal thoughts and not a medical issue. you would get completely different advice from another doctor. you dont listen to your doctor because he said so, you listen because you go and read up on what he says and find the majority agree with him, and you feel in your gut its right. in your case, neither exist. a friend listened to her doctor and how she had a hysterectomy and will never have children. a neighbor listed to their doctor and didnt get their son diagnosed for autism until a year after showing concern- and after switching doctors. another friends are feeding their baby rice cereal in a bottle at 2 months to make him sleep longer because their doctor said to. a friends doctor told her she needs to wean her 6 week old off the pacifier, even though the AAP recommends pacifier use till 1, dentists recommend it over thumbsucking to avoid longterm tooth problems, and the mother wanted to use it and didnt ask about it. DOCTORS ARE WRONG ALL THE TIME!!! its your job as the parent not to just believe them, but to research, get second opinions, and do what you really think is right.

READ THIS ESP DOWN LOW ON THE PAGE EXPLAINING BABIES CRIES-
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp

HERE ARE SEVERAL SITES FOR YOU TO READ, JUST COPY AND PASTE THE WEB ADDRESS-

Imagine you are this tiny person. You wake up in the middle of the night in a quite, dark room. You are scared and start to cry, but no one comes to comfort you. Finally you give up, not because you are now sleep trained, but because you figure no one cares enough to tend to your needs...

Babies under the age of 6 months CAN NOT manipulate, they cry for a reason. Part of our job as parents is to respond to them, building a lifetime of trust!

Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say By Alvin Powell http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...

Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies Dr Sears http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

EARLY BRAIN DEVELOPMENT What parents and caregivers need to know! by Phyllis Porter, M.A. http://www.educarer.com/brain.htm

Crying for comfort: distressed babies need to be held - Art of Mothering Mothering, Jan-Feb, 2004 by Aletha Solter http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/connec...

The Dangers of Leaving Your Baby to Cry By Margaret Chuong-Kim, M.A. http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

The Science of Attachment: The Biological Roots of Love by Lauren Lindsey Porter http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/lauren_lindsey_porter.html

The Emotional Infant Brain Part 1: The developing emotional subsystems of the brain process various information, including how to relate the state of the world with xpectations. http://www.fresnofamily.com/articles/aa040100a.htm

Stress in Infancy by Linda Folden Palmer, D.C. http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/linda_folden_palmer2.html

The Science of Attachment By Kelley Shirazi http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5-ap/312-responsive-pa...

Mistaken Approaches to Night Waking: Excerpt from Sweet Dreams: A pediatrician's secrets for your child's good night sleep, Lowell House, 22-28 By Paul M. Fleiss, M.D., M.P.H., F.A.A.P., 2000 http://www.nospank.net/fleiss2.htm

8 INFANT SLEEP FACTS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW Dr Sears http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

CONTROLLED CRYING: AAIMHI POSITION PAPER The Australian Association for Infant Mental Health: http://www.gymealily.org/resources_paperva7.htm

Loving Responces to a baby's cries Copyright (c) 2001 By Ingrid Bauer: http://www.natural-wisdom.com/lovingresponse.htm

Fatherhood Basic Instinc A dad can do so much more than defend the cave. New research shows that he too has the biological goods to nurture baby By John Hoffman http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeasparent/fatherhood/artic...

A MENTAL HEALTH EXPERT WARNS THAT POPULAR ADVICE TO IGNORE YOUR CHILD'S TEARS MAY CAUSE LIFE-LONG HARM Amelia Hill http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/content/excerpts/cioarti...

Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bedsharing and breast feeding James J. McKenna* and Thomas McDade http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles/McKenna_why%20ba...

CIO? No! The case for not using "cry-it-out" with your children By Gale E.Ward http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/attachmentparenting/cio.htm

The con of controlled crying By Pinky McKay http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

6-7 hours is sleeping through the night at that age. You have a wonderful sleeper - and a baby who is growing and needs her feeding. Every child is different - and needs a different amount of sleep and milk. Go with your gut.

Amy,

There are lots of theories, suggestions, and well-meaning attempts to "help" new moms. You can only do what you feel comfortable with. There is no gurantee it will get worse or better. There are tons of books out there to help you make informed choices or you can also just go with your gut insticts. Either way is FINE!! There is NO RIGHT OR WRONG way.

I have my third baby now (she is five months old) who sleeps beautifully through the night and she has never cried it out. My second child, I got up with one time every night until he was about 21 months old (when I stopped nursing him) and I didn't mind. My first born I tried all the "right" things (crying it out, ferberizing etc..) and she was an awful sleeper until she was about two-years-old. She doesn't think I was a bad mom b/c I did let her cry it out...nor did this miraculously "fix" her waking patterns.

All three are beautiful, smart, well-adjusted children.

Just relax, and do what you feel you are comfortable with. Feel free to e-mail me and I can share what has worked with my current baby if you need to. Bottom line, listen to your mamma instincts!

PS Pediatricians DO NOT have all of the answers. You may have to try to find one that has similar ideas as you. My sons pediatricain tried to convince me that I should not nurse him...and I should start feeding him at 3 months of age. I took both of her suggestions and just made my own choices.

We did the cry it out but not until our son was 15mths or so. I can't imagine doing that at only 4mths. That seems to soon for me. Our youngest is almost 7mths old and she is just now sleeping from 820-615. She use to go down at 820-830 and sleep until 230-3, then i would nurse her and she would go back to sleep until 630-7. I know all babies are different and you need to find what works for you. I just think 4mths is too early to try the cry it out. Good Luck!!!

She is waaaaaaaaaaaay too young for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a general rule, if a parenting technique seems wrong to you, it probably is! Go with your gut and follow your maternal instincts (your husband and your pediatrician do not have those).

Listen to your heart, not your doctor! It infuriates me to hear someone (with some authority) suggest such a thing. Your baby needs to know that you are there for her, particularly when she cries. Your instincts, not your doctor, know what's best for your child.

I think 4 months is too young to cry it out. Your babies sleep pattern is similar to what my daughter's was at that age. She is 2 1/2 now and sleeps great all night.
I am a fan of Dr. Sears and we also did co-sleeping. Needless to say, my Pediatricians strongly disapproved. Oh well, I have a really happy healthy child. What do they know.

Hi, I have 2 kids, a 3 yr old and a 10mth old. My 3 year old son we let cry it out at 7 months and it did work, but it was torture to me. My baby girl started sleeping through the night at nine months but I never let her cry, I babied her because I didn't get too much alone time with her and she eventually started sleeping on her own and is a great sleeper. It does work but I would be hesitant to do it at such a young age, I am sure your pediatrician knows what she/he is doing but I just feel they can't be spoiled at such a young age. If you really need the sleep you should let him cry but I would wait a couple of months... Just a mommy opinion though... It does work and it only takes about 3 nights of screaming.

Some kids just don't sleep well at first. My daughter went through cycles, they would sleep all night then for a few weeks or months they would wake up more often during the night. I would NEVER just let them cry ALL night. It doesn't sound as if your daughter is up all night long so I would continue doing what YOU feel is best. Most babies don't sleep all night through - 11 hours straight? RARELY.
Good Luck.

As a mom of 3, I had to do this with my third child. It was very difficult, however, the reward is great in the end. My son is an excellent sleeper now and will go down at 8pm and not wake up until 8am!

It is hard to hear your child cry. The important thing is to check on them every 5-10 minutes and sooth them and as long as you know they are safe, not hungry, and have a clean diaper then leave. Again...its emotionally and physically draining for a few days, however, in the end you'll be happy you did.

I wish you the best with all of this!

Amy, that is horrible advise. My son was waking up anywhere between 4-5am at that age after going to bed at 8. I knew it wasn't going to be forever. I would hold him & confort him & sometimes he would go back to sleep - sometimes he wouldn't. He now sleeps till 7-7:30am because (I believe) he knows I will be there. As they get older there sleep patterns change especially when they start crawling & walking. Remember, every baby is different & it would personally break my heart to have my son cry it out. Her sleeping will be better as she gets older on her own. Don't rush it with her.

My theory is that until the baby is 6 months they just need to feel loved. At around 6 months I would let them cry for 5 minutes and after 5 minutes go into reassure them. At 6 months you can reevaluate the sleeping situation based on how she's doing. That's my 2 cents that I did with both my kiddos.
The other things is to listen to your gut and remember ped. don't always know best. Every kiddo is different.

I have to tell you that a lot of the other moms disagree with you pediatrician, but I actually did the cry out method and it worked fine for me. It wasn't easy but it wasn't ridiculously hard either. My daughter too slept well like 6hrs/7hrs but at some point I did have to let her cry it out. I was difficult to listen to but she didn't cry for very long maybe 10mins at the most. It was only a few days maybe three and then she stopped. A few months later she started again because she would wake up after I put her down after her bottle. I had to do it again but it was easier this time. Now she is 13 months and I can put her in her bed awake and she just goes to sleep on her own. you have to decide what's best for you. If you'd rather wake up at three in the morning til she's 4 than listen to her cry (like one of the other moms mentioned) It's entirely your choice your child will be fine no matter how you do it. It's what you believe and if you want your life to be easier. Keep in mind if you plan on having more children it will be more difficult if you have to get up with more that one. Good luck to you.

Hi Amy
I can tell by your email, that "crying out" method would be very stressful for you.
There is a great book by Dr.Sears called Nightime Parenting.
It explains babies sleep cyles, and how the responsibility of the parenting at night is simply an extension of the day.
This style of parenting (attachment style) is not at all what your pediatrician recommends-he is referring to a detachment style of parenting that often very stressful for everyone!
You have to do what works for your family.
I chose to nurse my daughter on demand, co-slept (brought her in bed to nurse) and I feel like she is well adjusted b/c of it.
She is now 16 months old, and happily sleeping in her bed most nights. But, I still will bring her in bed with us if she wakes up crying (I feel she needs me). And that's not every night. They are only little for a very short time. My almost 5 year old wouldn't dream of getting into bed with Mommy and Daddy-so enjoy it! you will ultimately be happier, baby will be happier and everyone will get more sleep!

Hi Amy,

First of all, I think your doctor is nuts (please take no offense). All babies are different. If you are getting 6-7 hours at 4mos, consider that great! I would do what you are doing (I assume you are feeding her the first time she wakes up?) but then the next time she wakes up (4:30-5) would try letting her cry it out for a few days (ultimately getting her to fall back asleep until 6-6:30)but be ready with that bottle. My daughter (now 18 mos), didn't really sleep great (day or night) until @ 6 mos (after we took away the middle of the night feeding). Once she realized there was no food coming (only took 2-3 nights) she stopped waking up. She still doesn't sleep til 7am (never did)! Good luck! M.

I think your pediatrician is nuts. I've raised 4 healthy babies who all slept through the night within a reasonable amount of time. I'm not against letting them cry it out when they are 1 or 2, but 4 months is too young! It sounds to me like your baby is acting normally and her sleep patterns are typical for a 4 month old. I'd get a new pediatrician QUICKLY.

Hi Amy! Of course it's up to you, and your Husband, about how you raise your Daughter but my Daughter, now 7 months old, did the 8:30-2:30/3:30 sleeping for months but eventually grew out of it. She finally just slept through the night one night, 8:30-6:00am and has been doing it ever since for about a week now. I haven't done anything special aside from rocking her in our rocker while giving her the last bottle, and am not even sure that helps but it's a nice quiet moment between the baby and I. And I was never very comfortable with letting her cry it out, though my Husband was much like yours in the way that he says it's something we have to do. Maybe she is a little spoiled because of it, but she's as happy as can be and I know that this too will pass! :o) Don't know if this helped, but I hope it did. Enjoy your Little One!

It is soooooo hard listening to them cry. I have done this though. But I set a limit. At the beginning I let her cry for 10 or 15 minutes, then went in and rocked her a little, just to let her know that I was there. But didn't feed her, and just put her right back into the crib. Eventually that 10-15 minutes turned into 25-30 minutes. I would never let her cry for more than 30 minutes. But my daughter has been sleeping through the night since about 4 - 41/2 months. Good luck. It is at least worth a try.

Wow. I don't know how a 4 month old can go 11 hours without feeding. I tried to put my children to bed a little later to get further through the night, but they never went through the night while still nursing. I can appreciate efforts toward a full nights sleep for everyone, but I really disagree with rigid rules for babies. Some nights are different than others. I never let my babies cry it out for very long. How can they feel safe and cared for if they are allowed to cry for hours?
That doesn't work for me. You need to go with your gut and resist the temptation to do everything you are told. You really do know best if you have faith in your instincts. Good luck!

Yeah, I have a thought - let the pediatrician cry it out himself. I have two kids and they both have very similar patterns of sleep to your baby. ANd my older one, who is 3 now has been sleeping through the night since he was 12 - 13 months old. My younger son still wakes up (he is 10 months old) and I feed him and he goes back to sleep. ANd everybody is happy. So if it stresses you out or makes your baby histerical - don't do it. My older son used to cry for hours and make himself throw up he was so upset. He would eventually fall asleep but still sobbing and catching his breath. It just was not worth it for me. So with my second one I tried it and if he is tired enough he will fall asleep in a minute or two but if he cries and gets upset I let it be. THe bottom line for me is: If there is a way for me to fix it, why not. THere will be plenty of times in their lives when I won't be able to do anything for them and THEN they will have to self-sooth.
Good luck.
PS. You really don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with.

Hi Amy,

I completley understand, I have a 7 month old girl and when she was 4 months she would wake every few hours to have her paci put back in. Her nap habits too where really bad.

I stumbled across a sleep solution called 3 day sleep solution, sounds cheesy but let me tell you it works. It explains that when the baby is not crying because they are upset etc but that they are learning to put themselves to sleep, actually the cries sound different to normal cries. So I decided to give it a go the first night was hard but she only cried for 20 mins and she was asleep, then when she woke a few hours later she cried for 10 mins each time and went back to sleep, by the 3rd night she was sleeping from 7am until 6:30.

It is difficult and you need to have support with you, ie have your husband around, but it is worth it for you and your baby.

If I can be of anymore help drp me a message I will be glad to help.

Good luck

V.

I think it's all about your gut mother instinct. Personally, I feel that 4 months is a little too early to let them 'cry it out.' I did that when my baby was around 7/8 months b/c I knew she could sleep through and she needed to learn now to self - soothe. But at 4 months, I guess I felt that she still needed to know that I would get her. There probably isn't a right or wrong.

I did that my 3 children and it worked! I would only let them cry for up to 15 minutes and they all learned how to fall back asleep (self soothe) and they all slept on a schedule from 6:30pm till 6:30am. They all enjoyed their cribs and even "hung out" in their cribs as they awoke!! I would walk in to smiling faces!!

They are now 7,9 and 11 and still awesome sleepers!!

Good luck and I hope this was helpful!

I am a mother of four, and have used this method with all of my kids. However, I don't remember doing it at such an early age. I don't think I started this until my kids were 6-9 months. It does work though, and it really only takes three nights. My kids were cured after that, and they are still great sleepers. I suggest doing it when your comfortable though, because it is really hard listening to the crying. I'm not going to lie, you will get the urge to go rescue her, but don't. Your little girl is safe, well cared for, and a little crying is not going to hurt her. Just think of how nice it will be to eventually sleep through the night. You will both be better for it. Good luck!

That seems a little harsh at 4 months. Does she eat when she wakes up? I can't say too much because my almost 2 year old sleeps in our bed most nights. The older one at almost 6 stays in her bed. Good luck.

Amy,

I am shocked at the poster who let her child cry for 5 hours!! You know, my mom and grandma always said you have to watch for babies to get hernias!! Yikes!

You don't HAVE to do it just because your pediatrician says so. :| That is a great amount of time for her to sleep at her age!! My friends and I who each have 3 children laugh about how when it comes to the sleeping, we just tell the doctors, "Yep, they are putting themselves to sleep" even when they aren't. None of us would ever do the crying out method and all it teaches them is to give up because you aren't coming...not because they are just learning to self soothe. My youngest just turned 9 months old and he will roll over and go to sleep on his own fine and he didn't have anywhere near the schedule your baby does at her age. My two older boys sleep through the night in their own beds and we never let either of them CIO and we let both of them come in our beds when they wanted.

Just remember, there was a time when babies weren't supposed to sleep on their backs. Now they aren't supposed to sleep on their stomachs. When my oldest was a baby, they could eat solids at 4 months. Now they don't suggest it until after 6 months and that was just 7 years ago!

Your husband and you have to do what is right for you and your family. If you aren't comfortable letting her CIO, then there is a reason for that. I hope your husband doesn't believe that you have to trust and do everything doctors say. They are not always right. My middle son was being treated for pneumonia often for 2 years before my MIL freaked out and told me to demand we go to a specialist. We did and come to find out he had allergies!! 2 years of antibiotic of antibiotic as well as breathing treatments twice a day for 3 months at a time during both years. Also, when I was pregnant I was told I had pseudomonus. The treatment is very strong antibiotics that were not ok for pregnancy. I demanded a second opinion and more tests and come to find out, the lab had screwed up. I didn't have it but when I think about the treatment could have done to my son if I hadn't thought to trust my gut...I just don't want to think about it.

I'm sorry. I just have a real problem with the CIO method. Personally I think it's cruel and I could have 100 doctors tell me it's what I should do but I won't and my children are wonderful, adjusted children who have NO sleep issues.

Hugs,
L.

i went through a child changing her schedual on me. My grandmother, who was a very wise woman, and had raised 5 children, told me to not let her sleep during the day for a day or two. she would change her schedual herself to sleep at night. what we did was let her have 5 min cat naps, then wake her up. she got very cranky for me that day, and after that she slept all night long. I did not leave her crying for hours. I could not have done that either.

Hi. I have two boys, almost four and almost two. With my first one, i started the Ferber method (letting them cry it out) at six months. Four months seems a little young to me. I tried it with my second at 6 months also and we were still waiting for him to figure it out several weeks later! I guess every kid is different. Good luck.

My pediatrician recommended something similar - though he at least gave us some references to read to learn more. However, I decided that *I* have no problem with the mid-night feeding, so that's what I'm going to do. Waking up in the middle of the night is not a disease. When it becomes a problem for you, there are ample resources (provided in previous responses) you can look into to make the situation work for your family. Give your husband some of the books to read (Sears or Pantley are gentle alternatives) and talk wtih him - unfortunately it seems the husbands often side with the doc over the wife, so come into the conversation prepared. Good luck!

Hi Amy:

I totally disagree with your pediatrician. Judging from my own, and other moms' experience, most children don't start sleeping for longer periods of time until around 8 months, So,I actually think that your daughter's sleeping schedule is the norm. The "through the night sleep" takes place slowly, and as they start eating solids during the day. I would definitely not put my child through the "cry it out" at 4 months of age, I think its way to early for that. Overall, the sleeping schedule for most babies may be up and down during the first year.

However, at around 14 months my son started waking up every two hours, and my husband and I decided to do the
cry it out" method. It was painful to see him cry, but it worked for us. Like one of your respondents said, the important thing is to check in every 15 to reasure them, and make sure they are fine.

I hope you get your sleep back soon.

We tried the "Cry it out" method and hated it! I think you have to do what you feel comfortable. It sounds to me that your baby is sleeping just fine and as long as she takes naps during the day, you should be fine. I have 3 healthy children that we never used the cry it out method on after our first try and I don't regret it. Good Luck

That pediatrician does not live in your house, or know your child....go with your gut, not with textbook advice! I think a four month old that sleeps 6-7 hours is doing great. I hate the crying out thing...especially with a child so young. My daughter was a terrible sleeper as an infant but slowly came around in her own time to sleep through the night. If you can handle getting up with her then let it be and she will sleep through the night as she gets older! Sometimes it is hard not to listen to the pediatrician because you just don't know and think you have to believe what they say and this is not true. You are her mother, just do what feels right. Soon the sleepless nights will be a thing of the past.

Just beacuse they are doctors, doesn't mean they know best. Mine did the same, until about 5-6 months and then sleeps all night now, 8 months. Now she goes to bed about 8 and sleeps until 6-7. She doesn't need a bottle now. I did not do the cry it out method, a bit harsh as 4 month. Do what you think is right. We sometimes rock her and out her to bed and she sleeps. Other times we put her in and she sleeps. Sometimes she crys, but I can stand it more then 10-15 minutes. They will get the hang of it, a bit to little for that. Go with you gut, you know what's right. Take care.

Oh Amy I feel for ya! I had to do that with my daughter. When we moved her into her crib she hated it! Before that she was sleeping in a swing. There were nights she cried for an hour but I had to do it because I was going back to work and needed sleep!!! It was the hardest thing ever. There were times I burried my head under the pillow so I didnt hear her cry. I felt like I was being cruel but it did work!!!!!!! Are you breastfeeding? I feel breastfed babies don't sleep as good b/c breast milk digests fasters b/c it is mostly water!

So try it!!! Be strong!

I don't agree with your doctor. Doctors don't know everything! I have 4 kids and they are somewhat light sleeper, plus I was breastfeeding, they used to wake up a few times a night but it was all right. They all grew out of that and sleep through the night. (well, they are already teenagers) But I don't just listen to the doctors. They know about sickness and how to prescribe medicine but I think you have to watch out who to get advice from. The area you're talking about is more about raising up children and it's the area more about parenting issue. I want to know if this doctor has his/her experience as parents. I wouldn't bother. One time my doctor suggested to give my little baby a special formula which is like condensed milk. His idea is she is too small but you know what? She was absolutely normal! I'm small and my husband is small so what do you expect? Do you expect mouse to become big like elephant? I think you are not sure, you should find some parent's support group or something. After all, most important thing is how you feel about it as a mother.

It is certainly tough to hear your baby cry and not go in to take her out of the crib. But it is good for you and for them to allow them to be able to fall asleep on their own and to soothe themselves to sleep if they wake up. You can go in every 15-20 minutes just to rub her back letting her know you are there, but then you should leave. Don't do that all night, just a few times. They will get used to it and then they will be happier. And of course you will too. It comes a little easier with the second.

4 months is definitely too soon to do this! Many babies will naturally start to sleep longer hours and through the night without having to cry it out. Like someone else mentioned if you are breastfeeeding, it digests more quickly and your baby is more likely to need a feed in the night for some time to come. However, if you are bottlefeeding, you can try to increase the amount of his last feed enough to keep him satisfied a bit longer. I did do the crying method with my son at 7 months after he started to cry when i put him to bed (before then, he was fine and slept through the night). It was hard the first 2 nights, but by the third he was asleep in 5 minutes. You should know instinctively what is right and when, much moreso that any doctor in this matter. I suggest give him more time to see if any improvement is made on his own. After all, he is only 4 months old and still needs to learn that you are there when he needs you.

I have 6 children and have never let them cry it out. They all now sleep through the night. I think it is very mean to let them cry it out. Very young children have immature sleeping habits. The reason why you do not feel comfortable is because your instincts are telling you it is wrong. We have those instincts for a reason. This is not a "medical" issue and your pediatrician has no business telling you that you should let your child cry it out. I think it undermines the child's sense of security. Listen to your gut, just because he is a doctor does not make him an expert on every subject.

At four months old, 6 or 7 hours is good. I can't imagine letting my 3 month old sleep almost 12 hours without eating. I personally think the cry-it-out method would be cruel at this age, especially for such a long period of time. Are you breastfeeding? If so, then your baby definitely needs to eat more often as she will digest breast milk at a much faster rate than formula. Is she wanting to eat when she wakes up at 2:30? My 3 month old has a similar pattern. I actually put her to sleep a little later so that she's only waking up once in the "night". She wakes around 1am and then again around 5 or 5:30 and then she takes a snooze from 5:30 to 7:00. I hope this helps, but I wouldn't take your pediatricians advice on this one.

Hi Amy L,

I understand how you feel no mother wants to hear her child cry. But trust me "cry it out" works. My daughter who is now 12 months old had the same pattern as your child at 4 months. By 5 months old she decided to wake up every 2 hours sometimes every hour. It was horrible, so listen to your doctor and let her cry it out she will get over it. Seriously its tough but you will be so much happier when she sleeps 10 hours at night no break in her sleep :)

good luck
J. B

Amy-
You have to do what works for you and your baby. I have had 3 children and each is different. When I tried the cry it out thing with my son, he would cry ALL night and never fall asleep. My youngest daughter hardly cried at all and eventually has gotten used to just going into the crib and falling right to sleep. So if it doesn't work for you don't beat yourself up over it. And the pediatrician is not the one having to listen to a screaming baby at night unless you would like to get his home number and call him to let him listen the whole night!lol jk

Amy,
I have to completely disagree with your ped., no i am not a doctor of any sort but I do have 5 children of my own, my oldest will be 10 in july and my youngest turned 1 yesterday. I would recommend maybe letting her cry it out between the 4:30 and 6am time but not the othe 2 times. If you are bottle feeing her you may want to add a small amount of rice cereal in her bedtime bottle, this may help her sleep alittle longer, if you are breast feeding you can give her rice cereal mixed with water before you breat feed her before she goes down at 8:30am. I also dont agree that if you continue to allow this schedule that she is not going to become a full night sleeper. I was very lucky, most of my kids by 4 month were sleeping through the night with occasionally waking to eat, my 1 year old still wakes up duing the night sometimes for a bottle. There is nothing wrong with letting your little one cry duringthe night but there is a difference between crying because they want to attention and crying because they are hungry, it is actually healthy for them to cry and learn to soothe themselves back to sleep, you may also want to try music when she wakes up around 4:30 or 5.

Hope this helps and good luck.

That is bull#$#, for goodness sakes your infant, and don't forget she is an infant, is only 4 months old! and she is already sleeping sometimes 6-7 hours straight, that's great!
Eventually your infant will learn to sleep through, but these things take time and lots of patience and understanding, every child is a little different. Do some reading on your own, educate yourself a little (any by reading, I don't mean magazines, do some browsing in the book store, library, read a little about the sleeping needs/patterns of infants) and get some confidence in yourself and your infant, pediatricians don't have all the answers!
Best Wishes,
NB

First, do want YOU want, you are the mom. Second, get Farber's book (Solve you child's sleep problems) or get it from the library and actually read it. it is not as harsh as people believe. after you read it, then decide what to do. there are other methods out there (the baby wisperer etc.) My opinion is that your 4 month old is sleeping great! my kids did not sleep through the night until they were 12 months old. i made a lot of mistakes which i think your ped is trying to help you avoid. good luck.

Everything I have read and understood is that most babies don't settle into a "schedule" until at least 6 months. My daughter was up to nurse about 2x night until about 6 months, then up 1x night until 10 months. Then she just stopped - and has never had trouble sleeping throught the night. The only time we really needed to do the cry it out thing was when we needed her to stop sleeping just on my chest and to start sleeping in her crib - took about a week.

Different doctors have different philosophies about sleep, feeding etc. Sounds like he is one of those strict ones.

The big question is: how does the baby's schedule work for your family's life? Are you all getting enough rest, feeling comfortable and happy with how things are going?
If yes, I wouldn't worry about it for now.

First of all, there is NO Chance I would let my child "cry-it-out" especially under a year old. Hold that baby and comfort her, she will only be this small for a short time. Give her whatever she wants. I had a pediatrician that told me she didnt recommend "rocking a baby" to sleep....that is when I decided to filter what I was telling the doctor. What she didnt know wouldnt hurt me! She will eventually sleep through the night, dont let her cry.

I have let both my older boys cry themselves to sleep and it is HARD! But it is also completely worth it in the end. My oldest cried for about 5 hours the first night and an hour the second night, by the third night it was 15 minutes and he was asleep. My second cried for less time, about an hour and a half for three nights and went to sleep after 20 mins. on the 4th night. Now they go to sleep without a problem. For naps and at bedtime we just give them kisses and close the door and we don't hear a thing. Our youngest is only 3 1/2 weeks old, so we haven't let him cry yet, but it will be much easier the third time. If your husband is stronger and will be better able to listen to your daughter cry, then let him ddo it and leave the house. I know how hard it is the first night. Just check on her every so often, pat her back to let her know you're there, just don't pick her up!
Good Luck! It is a hard couple of nights, but it will make sleeping so much easier for you later!

Your 4 mo has perfectly normal sleep patterns for her age and feeding needs. I'm shocked and baffled that your ped suggested you let her CIO! As other moms mentioned, letting an infant CIO is archaic and cruel...this is not to say that you don't ever let your baby cry, but there is a HUGE difference.

I also have a 4 mo (my 3rd child), and I gotta tell you, you're pretty fortunate in the sleep area. :o) Don't let your ped (or your DH!) bully you into doing something you don't like or feel is inappropriate for you. Part of being a mommy is trusting your instincts! You're around your baby more than anyone else, so you understand her needs on an intuitive level. 11 hours is an awfully long time for a 4 mo. to go w/o eating, and I think that's why you're balking at your ped's suggestion...you KNOW your baby needs to eat, and you know that when she cries, it's for a reason, not just to torment you & get you out of bed.

I made my kids do it, but not as early as 4months, especially if they are breastfed. I think enforcing that more around 6-7 months is more reasonable...or maybe try to limit her to only having a feed 1-2 times overnight. I have a toddler who at 7months cried LONGER each night...one night we got to 2 1/2 hours. It is heartbreaking, but once you start be sure to finish. He eventually started going down at 7pm and slept until 5am. They are both very early risers and my toddler gave up napping before age 2, but it is a blessing to have a good overnight routine.

Hi Amy, Congrats on your baby girl. In general we like to listen to our doctors but has he/she ever been a mom??? Your baby is only 4 months old and may need those feedings during the night. Give her time and as she grows she will sleep longer. I have raised 5 and never let them cry it out. When mine were small they said, try some cereal in the bottle but now that is not always recommended. You could cause other problems with "crying it out" Your baby needs to know you are there when she calls. Call me old fashioned but they grow so fast. Cherish this time when she needs you. Let's see what the other moms write. Your life has changed, you are a mom now and your job is to love your baby. Sincerely,Grandma Mary

From your post it seems like you weren't the one who brought up the subject!

Do what you feel is right for you & your baby. I personally can't do it, and won't do it. I have a 22 mo old that still wakes at night. I go in and soothe him back to sleep. It works for me! I'm sure the day will come when he sleeps soundly all night long, and I'm looking forward to that :-)! Until then, I will continue to go get him & comfort him.

I have to tell you Amy, I am the person that agrees with the doctor. I didn't let me kids cry it out all night. I let them cry their age in minutes and if the cry is longer then I would go get them. It helps tremendously! You also know her cries I am sure so if it is a "pain" cry then obviously you don't let her cry it out. If it is a tired whiney cry, you may want to consider another minute. I do think I started at 5 months though. My kids usually stopped crying before I had to get them and it was only for 4/5 days and every once in a while. It is worth a try for sanity reasons although if you are not comfy trying it now, maybe at 5 months? Just think - 4 minutes. It will seem longer than it is.

S.

If your baby is breastfed, DO NOT do this. A 4 month old breastfed baby may most likely have legitimate needs to eat. A lot of those baby schedule studies were done in the era of bottle feeding... now that breastfeeding is more widely practiced the schedules don't apply. Breastmilk digests faster, baby gets hungry more.

That doesn't seem right to me. My pediatrician didn't even have me move my daughter into her crib until she was 4.5 months old. At first she woke up often, but as she got older she slept longer periods of time. We used the book Happy Sleep Habits Healthy Child and at about 6 months she started getting up only once a night to nurse. Now at 11 months she sleeps from 6:30 to 6 am. When my daughter does wake up in the middle of the night, I give her about 10 minutes to put her self back to sleep, before I go in and rock her. More often then not she falls back to sleep on her own. I wouldn't let a 4 month old cry it out, maybe you could start by giving her a few minutes to put her self back to sleep and then work up to 10 as she gets older?
Use your instincts, you know whats best for you and your daughter!

Good luck!

I had to respond to your post. My son is 6 mos old and he is not sleeping through the night. His longest stretch is like 4 hours. However, I have noticed that if he does cry, it is because he has gas or is hungry. Ask yourself this. If you were lying in a crib and you were in pain and could not move in a way you wanted to to make yourself feel better, wouldn't you want someone to come in and give you a hug? Your baby is only going to be small for a short period of time and trust me, when we all want to sleep, we get sleep someway somehow right? I am no expert but I am a strong beleiver in NOT letting your baby scream like that unless you can tell it is only because they are trying to minipulate you and at 4 mos, they are not anywhere near trying to do that. Good luck to you!

Absolutely not!!!! Sleeping 6 hours or more is considered sleeping through the night for an infant. My son is 4 months old on the 22nd and he currently goes anywhere between 4 hours and last night 9 hours! He's just getting into a sleeping habit now but don't forget, you're babies stomach is still probably quite small. I would say 6 or 7 hours of sleeping straight is wonderful! My daughter (who is now 2) didn't sleep without waking up in the night until she was about 6 months old. Even at that she only woke up 1 or 2 times to feed unless she was going through a growth spurt. She outgrew it as soon as she was ready and we've NEVER had a problem with her. I know you cherish your sleep but you'll never have this time with your daughter again... enjoy it while you can. :)

It is NOT easy with your first, but we did it, and are SO HAPPY we did. Then, when you have your second (if you are), it's so much easier!

Just remember this.....

As long as you can hear her crying, she is fine. She is in her crib, which is the safest place she can be. She will wake up in such a good mood in the morning, and will have no memory of the night before.

Hi Amy,

My daughter is now 11 months old and sleeps from 9pm until 9am everynight. When she was about 5/6 months old, i finally put her from the bassinet to her crib and of course she was up every 2-3 hours and me being the "oh my god is she ok mom" I would get up with her, give her a bottle and change her diaper thinking she was wet or hungry, but after awhile of doing that and her obviously getting bigger it was just taking a toll on me trying to rock her back to sleep and i was just losing hours and hours of sleep myself at night, which didnt make for a happy mom or wife the next day, besides the fact that my husband would have to get up at the crack of dawn every morning for work, i was keeping him up everytime i jumped out of bed when i heard her crying. Ok my point is that one day i just said to my husband after both of us just being exausted, i think im gonna try and just let her cry it out tonight. Well not as easy as it sounds, ill be honest its tough. I have the video monitor so i sat up in bed all night for 4 nights watching her "cry ot out", but let me tell you something he/she will eventually just go back to sleep. The 1st night she cried for about 45 minutes and i sat and cried in my bed with her, but by the 4th night she cried for about 5 minutes with just alittle whining and she was fast alseep in no time and shes been sleeping throguh ever since. Dont get me wrong she will to this day wake up here and there and whine here and there etc... i just dont move anymore and she will just lay back down and fall back asleep. The "cry it out" phrase sounds so horrible but its the only way they will learn that you will not be coming in everytime they cry. The only time i will go in her room at night is if shes sick other than that it will definetly take a few nights and if you and your husband support eachother and you be tough, it will work! Good Luck

Hi Amy,
I,like you, had a very hard time letting my daughter cry it out...so unfortunately I always gave in... :) When you say her pedi wants her to stay in her crib all that time, does he want you to take her out to feed her? I was afraid that my daughter would learn to hate her crib if I left her in there to cry...My husband or I usually rocked her to sleep first then put her in her crib...which was much easier!! You have to do what works for you and freaking out isnt going to make you feel any better...Do what you feel is best for your baby girl!!
Meg :)

I'm all for letting baby cry-it-out in order to learn to self-soothe, however, from everything I have read, heard and learned, 4 months old is too young. And it seems that your ped. has not given you thorough information on how to successfully accomplish it. Do some research obout the Ferber Method. The ide is that you put baby down with reassuring words, let them cry for 5 minutes, go back in and repeat words, let them cry for 10 min., go back in, then 15 min. etc until they fall asleep. It should only take a few nights to train them to understand that you are not in the room, but still in the house. They learn that they are safe to go to sleep on their own. But putting baby in bed and not going in at all until the morning teaches them abandonment and does not provide security. The Ferber Method is I believe, recommended for babies 6 months and older. Good luck.
A.