My son rides the bus to and from school, even though we live very close. Next year, they'll let him walk, so this won't be an issue. I could walk him now, but it makes my life much easier to have him ride the bus. He goes 1/2 day, so the only kids on his bus home are other Kindergarten kids.
Today, I could hear some yelling when he got off the bus. He told me that 3 little boys say "Goodbye Mr. Cheese" when he gets off the bus, and he doesn't like it. Apparently they also say "Hello Mr. Cheese" when he gets on after school as well. These 3 little boys are not in his classroom, and it is not a problem on the morning bus. He literally rides the bus for 5 minutes, so I know that nothing serious is going on... just boys being boys.
We talked about teasing, and ways to deal with it... ignore it, try to befriend the other kids (maybe they are teasing because they don't know how to be good friends), tell the bus driver. But I am wondering if I should contact his teacher about it. I know it is pretty harmless as far as teasing goes, but if it makes my son feel bad, I feel bad!
What would you do? Would you email or call his teacher and talk about it? He knows one of the boys names, but not the other two.
**Edited to add - yes it really does make my life easier if he rides the bus. We live in MN, and come Jan., it will be much nicer to have him on the bus. I have a 1 year old and 3 year old as well...
Thanks!
jessica
Thanks for your thoughts so far. I asked him if he wanted me to walk him, and he said "NO! I LOVE riding the bus." So that takes that out of the equation.
I also talked with him a bit about using "I" words, and asking the boys to stop himself. We'll see what happens. He knows one of the boys, and he told me when he sat with that boy, then they didn't tease him, so I suggested that he try sitting with him again, maybe they just want his attention so they can be friends.
I'll monitor the situation, and see what happens. I do not think that removing him from the problem is the answer though... I agree with those posters who suggested that solving the problem is better than just avoiding it at this point. And, for the poster who gave the link to how horrible the bus ride is - thanks for that info. I know, I rode a rural bus route when I was a kid and it was terrible at some points... but my son really only rides around the block. And, yes, maybe I'm a bit selfish in not wanting to bundle my other two kids come January and walk over (or deal with the line of pick-ups) and want him to continue to ride the bus.
EDIT - it seems to be getting better. I ended up discussing it with his teacher a bit, only because we were talking about something else and it came up. She had some good advice, and wants to be kept in the loop. I've figured out that the teasing is related to his shirt color - so I have been reminding him to just tell the boys he has a name, and not to call him Mr. Cheese (when he wears yellow) or like today he said only one of the boys said "Mr. Orange Man" when he got off. He didn't seem upset by it today. Thanks again for your help ladies. I appreciate it.
I don't know what the teacher could do, but perhaps you could speak to the bus driver? See if you can get a take on what is actually going on. Then you might escalate to the teacher if the bus driver is unable to address the issue. I think this kind of thing can make a child dread going to school or getting on the bus, so I would absolutely talk to someone about the problem. Good luck.
I would probably send an email to the teacher and explain what is happening. It would be nice if all of the kindergarten teachers review behavior expectations on the bus with all the kids. I don't know if the other boys are being malicious or just silly, but your son takes it to heart, so they should stop. All the kids should get the message that adults are paying attention to what is said on the bus, and teasing or name calling is never OK, even if you "think" you're being funny, it's not acceptable.
I am sorry this is happening to him. There is no excuse. I would start with the bus driver. I would talk to the driver today if possible, otherwise tomorrow. I would not be afraid of letting the boys doing this hear you, at this age. It is bullying and there should be a zero tolerance policy. If the driver does not stop it, I would talk to the bus co and the principal. I would only talk to the teacher if you think it is effecting him in school - I dont feel this is her/his area, unless it were all kids in your son's class. Good luck. Stand up for him. Teach him, and the other kids, this is not right. Those boys need to learn bullying is NOT acceptable NOW before it gets worse.
S.
Ask your son what he would like you to do. Sometimes the kids have the best answers. Although we can't protect them from everything, sometimes we need to give in to the bad feelings. What would you want your mother to do?
My child came home in tears from the bus the other day. I made sure to ask a lot of questions and then asked her what she wanted me to do. She said I just wanted to let you know what was happening and I will let you know if it keeps happening.
You might just send a note to the bus driver or his teacher so they are aware of the situation. Might help with future complications and will show your support for your son.
You are not selfish for not wanting to drag out to younger children to walk the older one especially since he isn't crying about having to get on the bus and likes riding it. I would ask him why they call him "Mr. Cheese" perhaps he tooted or such. I do know boys pick up on the rudest things possible and make a game out of it. If he would laugh at it then it wouldn't be so bad and they would lose their desire to call him that. Teach him that no matter what someone calls him, it doesn't define who he is but who they are. I know I couldn't believe how some of my childrens friends and my children would tease each other but they did it all in fun and all enjoyed the teasing. It could be that these boys have older children who they witness teasing their friends like that and think that is how friends act. Your son will be fine, it seems he has a lot of self confidence and doesn't seem quite as bothered by it as you were, not if he is still wanting to ride the bus with them.
Since they are so young, I think it is said in fun. If it was an older child or a child that was getting him in other ways; I think I would tell him it was in fun. Tell him to respond back "Back @ You chicken heads". If this is not your tatic, then have him ask them why they call him that. Tell him to ask them to call him "Ryan" and not Mr. Cheese Head. At this age, they really do respond. It is not until they are older that they are ruined. LOL... Living here, I think you are being a good mom by putting him on the bus. Good Luck, but I think it will soon pass. Do know though if he does the "response with a name back at them, it will become a game and go on longer." I do think it is not meant in harm though J..... Just too sad he is sad. SO make it fun or have him smash it. (((HUGS))).
There are 2 parts to this situation: your son learning how to deal assertively with teasing and bullying (which it seems like you are helping him in a very positive way) and the perpetrators who need to learn the difference between joking among friends and teasing other kids that can easily develop into bullying. This is the age their behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. Check with the school and see how they handle situations like this. At my son's school they want incidents to be reported and they have a behavior specialist who works with the kids to help them develop more positive and affirming ways to interact with each other. I encourage you to check into that while still enpowering your son to learn how to handle the situation.
Hi Jessica,
I used to work in a kindergarten and have worked with children for over 25 years, as well as running a local preschool directory and writing a book about going to kindergarten. Please understand that my comments are meant to help your son and not to offend you.
You stated that you could walk your son to school, but that it makes your life much easier if he walks. What about your son's life? Is it making his life easier? What you call "just boys being boys" I call bullying. He's just 5 and needs you to protect him from the ugliness he has experienced on the bus. If I were you, I would make my life harder for a few minutes each morning and afternoon and walk my child to school.
Your son's teacher can't do anything about behavior on the bus. The bus driver has too many kids on the bus to keep track of all of the bullies. The bus seems to be a magnet for bullies. And they've targeted your son.
Here's a link to a study done on the long term effects of bus riding and children's behavior (which your son has already experienced by being called Mr. Cheese). http://www.marshall.edu/jrcp/VE12%20N1/JRCP%20Henderson.pdf
I hope you decide to walk or drive your son to school to help him ease into kindergarten. It can be a tough enough transition without the bus challenges your son is facing. Best wishes to you and your family!
~P. G.
Portland Preschool Directory
We can help you start your own local preschool directory!
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.MrsGowing.com
Have him ignore it and maybe they'll stop if they don't get a reaction. Does he have any idea what "Mr. Cheese" is supposed to mean? Is it supposed to be an insult? Does it refer to anything in particular?
Otherwise, report it. Most schools have anti-bullying programs. Have the bus driver report the other kids' names to the school. Try not to let the other kids see you involved in this.
It will be an issue going forward because kids do stuff like this. But that doesn't mean they should be allowed to continue. And I don't believe if having a different standard of behavior for boys.
There was a show about bullying on Nickelodeon just a couple nights ago. I realize it's only Kindergarten but taking action now can make a difference as these kids will also be in his class or school for years to come. Set it up as taking steps, use the "I" statements, then go to the bus driver, then the school. There is a fine line between "teasing" and being bullied. If it is making your son feel bad then this is not harmless.
It shocked me to learn that there have been 10 and 11 year olds that have committed suicide over being teased and bullied. My daughter had issues on the bus as well and it was only a 3 minute ride. It seems to be a "hot spot" because of the lack of supervision going on.
Another idea is to raise awareness that it won't be tolerated on the bus, just like it's not tolerated at school or at home.
This might be a little much for a 5 year old to say, but.. could he tell the boys something like "You know, that's getting really old. it's not funny, it's just annoying!"
Not sure if that would work for that age. How do you tell a 5 year old that something is lame? lol
Good luck, I hope you can get them to stop! Perhaps some days you can walk your son just to give him a break from it until they learn to stop!
I had this same issue with my daughter last year. I had to call the school principal and tell her what was going on. That just made things worse. She talked to the girls that were teasing my daughter and SHE PROMISED me that she would tell the girls to drop it and not say another word to my daughter, they did not listen. When she got on the bus to go home, these little girls started teasing her again calling her a snitch.... i made my daughter continue riding the bus because she had to learn how to stick up for herself, she made it through the year, it was tough, but she did it!
I guess you do what you think you should. In my case, telling didnt make the problem better, but worse, but then again, harrassing and bullying is not ok!
I work on the school bus and I know that the teacher can do things to help with this and the bus driver can also be notified. I work on a special education school bus and when pre-schoolers are getting on the bus for the first time then the parents get so worried. This all changes when the parents meet with the teacher for the first time. The teacher tells the parents to give the children a little space and let the kids branch out on their own. The bus ride does not hurt anyone. I feel that your son should be taught different strategies on dealing with the bullies. It sounds like you are doing a great job! Boys are so much different then girls and they love to jokingly tease and give everyone nicknames. Maybe it is just a simple game that they are playing and he could just join in. It just may be common banter for them. I have two boys and they are really off the wall when it comes to being around friends. Talk to your son and see what he wants help with.
Is that a reference to the cheese in Diary of a Wimpy Kid? Hmmmm....
Anyway, this is bullying. Teach your son to respond with "I" statements. "I don't like it when you say that." "I want you to stop calling me that." "I don't want you to call me that."
Practice at home with him so he finds and uses his voice if it keeps happening.
Why Mr. Cheese?
Is it really making your life easier to have him ride the bus if he's expressing these feelings of being upset by the teasing? I think if you're concerned enough to ask us about it, you should just walk him to school.
