Kinda Odd Question (And Long), Wondering How to Best Respond When...

I get compliments on my wedding set all the time. Some people actually are ballsy enough to ask how much it was. My response is, "I don't know but I'm just happy I have a hard working husband who likes to spoil me". I know exactly how much it was...75% off regular price! We are crazy sale shoppers and don't pay full price for anything and we also don't have debt and pay cash only.

You don't have to feel obligated to justify anything to anyone. You are honestly answering people and having a conversation. They way they handle the information is on them.

I heard once that when someone asks you something you don't want to answer, you say, "why do you ask?" And no matter what their answer is, you say "oh, ok" then you still don't answer them and change the subject! LOL!!!

I think you're reading too much into it.
It's just small talk and you can always say you've saved up a long time for something or got it on sale.
Sometimes people are envious and are not expressing themselves very well.
Just over look it.

I think it's a little tacky for people to say things like that, and they are not really thinking about how that would make you feel. But I also think you are taking it way too personally when these people don't mean it that way. They just mean, wow, I'm kind of jealous! Lucky you! You sound nice and not rude or snobby at all. I think you should not worry about it when people say these kinds of things.

You are not expected to respond. They are just commenting on their own situation.. Not judging not wondering, just stating ..

If you feel like you want to reply, you can just say, yes, we are fortunate to have great grandparents for our children..

Because a lot of it really is from the grandparents.in a way .. right?

We are totally middle class.. no inheritances or anything like that, but our daughter has been treated very well by her grandparents. They HELPED pay for lessons, clothing, summer camp, college fund.. the extras that we could have never given her. Usually they were for her birthday or Christmas..

So when someone says something, I say, yes, We are fortunate that Suzy's grandparents are able to help her with the extras..

When someone comments on something nice of mine or something I am able to do for my kids - I say thank you, We are really blessed. I might also say something like, well, it wasn't always this way. We struggled for a few years but we finally have our feet on solid ground.

If they ask me if something is expensive - I give them a sly smile and tell them You'd be suprised, I got a great deal or I'm a bargain hunter.

They're not talking or thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves. It's their issue, not yours.

I wonder if you are feeling a little sensitive about the topic because you feel guilty about having this money. I felt guity for a while after my father left me a good sum of money when he died. But he worked very hard for this money so that he could pass it on to me and my siblings, not so I could feel bad about having it.

I think some of the questions/comments that you have listed are pretty normal in my circle of friends/acquaintances. I don't know that anyone is trying to make you feel uncomfortable. These people might be rude to be making those comments, but if they are more than casual acquaintances, they might be probing around because they are wondering how you can afford these things. Since they feel like they are in the same boat that you are, and yet they can't afford the same things, they might be genuinely curious to know what your "secret" is.

Some people are very guarded about their finances. I am fairly open about mine, and my friends and I are always talking about money -- or rather, saving money. If the topic of money makes you uncomfortable, continue to gracefully dodge the subject like you have been. No one will accuse you of being rude or snobby.

I do not think I would even respond. Or I would say that you would trade it
all to have your parents back! Sometimes people just do not think before
they open their mouths. Sounds like you have your priorties in order and are
doing a great job. Be proud of your family and what you have accomplished.

Maybe you're feeling guilty because you feel like you're getting the opportunity for some stuff by "benefitting" from the death of your parents?

If someone told me (as in your example) that they were taking their kids to France for a month, I probably *would* say "I'd love to do something like that with my kids one day." That does NOT mean I think they're loaded, and wow, we would never be able to afford that. I'm not even trying to be negative about it. It simply means, I'd love to be able to do something like that one day. We may not have the time to do it right now, we may be focusing our finances on a different project, whatever. It doesn't mean "we would NEVER do something like that and wow, you must have SO much money to afford it." Maybe you're reading too much into some of those responses?

As for what to say to those people, I would just say "thanks! we saved so that we could afford XYZ. It's really important for us to "send susie to something she enjoys so much" or "put Johnny in a really good school."

I think people just say stuff in "casual conversation" without thinking about it, so don't let it bother you too much. Plus, people have different priorities. I have friends who spend most of their money on vacations, but think I'm crazy if I spend more than $20 on a pair of shoes. I have other friends who think nothing of spending $250 for a pair of shoes, but think going out to eat at an "expensive" restaurant is crazy.

And then, I have friends who always tell me how they bought this or they're going for a vacation, but turn right around and tell me how they never have any money. :)

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty. What I bet is people who know your husband has been out of work some at times and I'm guessing you're not CEO of a Fortune 500 company do wonder how you do it... Of course it's none of their business but some of these friends may be torn between overspending vs being frugal and look at you and wonder if you're overspending and therefore they should too. ie: all my friends drink a lot so it's ok if I do too. Or maybe they're really self sacrificing now which hurts and kinda hoping you're not by spending so much and will pay the price someday while they're reap the rewards. People do measure themselves against their friends. If I'm torn about buying something, I may think - well Friend A bought it and I don't see how they have much or any more money than we do so maybe I should go ahead." It's not really judging them. It's putting things in context for me. If I know someone had a nice inheritance, I don't bother benchmarking off of them at all anymore. It's just a different game plan at that point. I have to say that when people send their kids to private school and they're not obviously rolling in money, it makes me wonder once again if I'm short changing my kids by not sending them. So it's about me and my kids vs criticizing their choice. If these really are friends/semi-friends vs people you meet once, I'd say the kids' grandparents left them some money. There's someone I know who sometimes complains about money but then does stuff like stay on property at Disney for a week, has a personal trainer etc, isn't working for years now, always said she made way more money than her now ex-husband does and both my husband and I wonder how she does it. If she has some family money, it'd actually make us look at her with a bit more respect. Right now it seems like she's spending money she doesn't have so we wonder if she's a bit crazy. We tell ourselves that it's none of our business and who knows, maybe she did inherit some money but when the pieces don't seem to fit, people wonder a bit. Just human nature. I don't think people should say anything though. They don't really sound like good friends and in a way they're not that close if you've never mentioned a inheritance at all. Most of my friends and I are open about stuff like that - vague, no $ amounts but a mention. And sometimes people just say stuff. ie: we looked at a cruise but too expensive for us. Just a fact. I think to be honest if you'd earned all the money vs inherited some, you'd more be proud. Maybe you feel a little guilty deep down you inherited the money... Inheritances are a weird thing. I think I'd say" well, I was very unlucky to lose my parents so young but I am lucky they were good financial planners and left us some money."

You'll find some moms like that in some groups. Some groups of moms are all about sharing their envy and some keep their opinions to themselves. Unless it's directly towards you like intentionally trying to make you feel bad for doing well then I would just ignore it. I have been known to respond to things by saying, "Lucky dog! Wish we could afford that!" but with no intent of making them feel guilty, so I wouldn't take it personally. There's no real response to those comments and as long as it's not intended to be hurtful then just keep talking. And it doesn't sound like you're out there intentionally trying to flaunt you're good fortune to others so I wouldn't worry about it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

You need a few friends who are way wealthier than you are :).

I think its, in general, rude and tacky to make the comments that you are mentioning. Bad manners. Ungracious.

I'm trying to think if I ever say anythign like that to people? I may say something like.... "Oooh... I love that store, restaurant, etc! Its a little out of our budget now that we have kids but I love it."

I think people who say things like that are jealous (and who hasnt been jealous before?) but I also think, that to be a good friend, you need to focus on how happy you are for your friend (and not sorry for yourself) about the opportunities they have.

If people say something less than positive - say "I feel blessed" or "I feel really lucky..." and then change the subject. Others have suggested that you say something that sort of turns the tables - makes THEM feel bad for saying something envious. I disagree.

I can tell from the tone of your post that you ARE appreciative of what you have and you do feel lucky. Let any green eyed friends know you feel happy for your good fortune and move on to the next topic - like something wonderful going on in THEIR lives.

Response to A: Yes it is pricey but we saved/budgeted for it. Or: Yes, we can afford it because of an inheritance, bless mom's soul...

Response to B: Yes we were fortunate enough to find the jacket on sale. (Possible white lie but no harm and you don't sound pretentious).

Response to C: Yes, we are very fortunate to be able to keep XYZ as an option. Or to second person: I guess it depends on the private school setting...like everything else some are good and some are bad. We feel this school may be worth the expense.

Response to D: Yes, it is.

It sounds to me like these people are just making conversation and are not trying to make you feel guilty (as to why you do...perhaps it is because it is hard to look around and realize that you are a have among have nots; alternatively some people are just not comfortable with inheriting wealth instead of earning it). I don't see what they are saying as negative. They are just matter of fact saying oh, we can't afford that.

Being a have...it is easy for you to say oh, how wonderful, have a great vacation. If you are a have not (through no fault of your own because let's face it there are a lot of hard working people out there who are still dirt poor, barely getting by making $15/hour) and have always been a have not, you tend to sometimes have a woe is me, I wish I could afford to do that attitude.

I really don't think people are trying to make you feel bad or guilty they are just stating something about themselves. You are not expected to respond back but when someone says something like that to me "I'll say they actually caught a great sale or got a good deal something like that. Or you can say it's diffinately a treat we feel very lucky to be able to go. When people ask me what we're going to do next year for our son's school I'll say I wish we could stay at (his current school) but we just can't afford it. I am not trying to make anyone feel bad they asked and I answered. If I read correctly you only have a daughter so you can say something about "well just have one so it's a little easier" but really don't share if you don't want to your not expected to do so. :-)

I have a few friends who I'm not sure can talk about anything without issuing some sort of statement like that. I just disregard it or just agree with them. I've often said to the comment about something we do or have, "That's so expensive!" Me: "Yes it is!" -and depending on what it is maybe I'll add, "But it's extremely important to ____" or "It's my favorite thing on earth."

I also did have a VERY generous mother in the gift-giving department, and I am also fortunate to have a very generous MIL. I have quite the collection of nice Coach bags, but I cannot believe how many people think nothing of remarking on how expensive they are! I usually just say, "I have a very generous mother-in-law." It's true, and even though it's none of their business, sometimes I like to remind people that they don't necessarily know HOW people get the things they get. Money is a very personal thing.

stop feeling guilty about all this. You worked hard for what you have, and so did your parents. And stop giving so much information. That is what is feeding the people. My husband has always said loose lips sink ships and we tell our kids that too. Sometimes when people find out what you have, or what you are doing, they get that way, so sometimes it's good to be mysterious. So we don't give too much info, and no one asks too much anymore either, and we like it that way.

Unless it's the same person who says this every time, then I wouldn't take it personal, some people just don't know how to respond or don't have very good social skills. A lot of people can't afford to do those things, I know we don't... but I wouldn't make it an awkward situation with a friend if it came up. It sounds to me like you aren't bragging, but some people are reaching, whether intentionally or not. Like I said, if it's the same person who keep[s doing this, they have a complex and I would probably answer them more vaguely. If it's just random people, then that is just them commenting and their situations too, you don't need to respond or feel guilty. Just sway the conversation in a more positive way.

What is even worse, when my friends go to Disney and Hawaii two times a year, drive luxury cars, live in massive homes they are constantly upgrading, and they are usually the ones who complain how poor they are. So annoying!

Are you imputing some deeper meaning on their part? Perhaps they just want to kvetch.

On the other hand I do agree that it puts you in an awkward place (which is not polite). I would probably say something like "Well, I'm just so thankful we can do it" and then let let it drop.

I also think many people mistakenly believe that certain professions are wildly wealthy (i.e. docs, lawyers, etc.). Ummm . . . no. :)

Wow, what a great, complex inquiry! Your final paragraph summarizes the deeper questions here. I've been nibbling away at similar questions for my whole adult life, and now that I'm in my 60's, I have some answers. Some are so superficial, I'm pretty sure they are not the "final" answer, if there is any such thing. But here goes:

Chapter 1: In which the protagonist wonders why some people are negative.

All higher-order creatures come into the world with genetic variations that can cause radically different responses as a result of the same stimuli. I notice, in a box full of puppies, that one is intrigued by a strange sound and starts looking around for the source, while another may tremble with fear and back into a corner. Some creatures easily express joy; some seem to assume the worst. Even more so with people, plus we have all these complicated human concepts to wrestle with (some of which you are dealing with in your post).

Then throw in different actual experiences life hands us. For instance, I grew up in a desperately poor family, as were my 3 younger sisters. We have radically different takes on many aspects of our early lives together. Being poor didn't mean much to me until I reached high school and couldn't dress like the popular kids. But one of my sisters was incredibly status-conscious from an early age, and boy, did she suffer for it. I don't think that was her fault – her brain's just put together that way.

If 100 people hear the same neutral comment, like, "I couldn't afford that," there will be 100 different reactions, maybe "What a loser she must be," or "Well, it's not MY fault (feeling guilty)," or "Sure she could, if she worked hard like me," or a simple, factual, "I see that that is true for her," and so on.

There are lots of things I can't afford, and in most cases, the reasons are my business, so even if I comment on it, it's nobody's responsibility to do anything about it. My priorities don't include vacation travel, but I can happily choose less-expensive but extremely rewarding things, like gardening, or even my low-paid work as an illustrator for my husband's small non-profit publishing house. So if I were to tell you, with surprise, "Wow, that must be expensive!" it would be simple wonderment for me, not a reflection on you or your priorities.

So I'll bet it's mostly surprise as your friends "try on" the idea of taking a cruise themselves. There could also be envy, awe, jealousy, displeasure, delight, hatred, sadness, in various combinations. None of that is your responsibility, unless you intended to hook them on envy. It doesn't sound like you're doing that. But it is good to know which friends will share your delight and anticipation with you, and which will run in more negative channels. (Those would be the people with whom you share less, of course.)

Something I've learned, through many years of working to heal my own childhood dysfunctions (I grew up under the tutelage of an emotionally dysfunctional mother), is that other people do NOT "make me feel bad." It appears that they do, but really, it's my own thoughts about what's been said or done that makes me feel bad, good, or whatever I feel.

If another person kicks me in the shin, of course my shin will hurt, but after my initial yelp of pain, I might, if I'm in a good heart space, simply note that that person suffers real unhappiness because of his unconstrained behavior. Or notice he is feeling so bad himself that he's acting out, and I MIGHT just be able to care enough to forgive and respond with a little tenderness. That's actually fairly easy to do if he's a child, but most of us adults are just aging children.

That's my goal, to be able to live in a kind, generous, less-judging space more of the time. Sometimes I'm there. Often I'm far from there – but I'm getting to where I notice my negative thoughts more quickly, with practice. I've gotten tremendous help in this journey from a process called The Work, which anyone can investigate and try for free at www.TheWork.org.

So you ask what you can say to less-than-positive comments. Maybe nothing. Maybe just agree, "Yes, it is going to cost us quite a bit." True, yes? There's real wisdom in knowing you can't make other people wish you well, any more than they can make you not enjoy your opportunities. Although people sometimes try to do both.

Chapter 2: In which the protagonist suffers from guilt.

Guilt, when it's an expression of conscience, tenderness, and an acknowledgement of life's inequalities, is a good thing, and right now, it appears to me that this nation could use a bit more of it. It's not comfortable, but it is informative, and a deep, honest source of our humanity. I've known some seriously struggling people whose luck is all disastrous, no matter how hard they work, and they deserve my sympathy, and whatever help I might be able to offer. In fact, I often believe God put these people within my reach to help me understand gratitude, responsibility, and simple, Christian love.

I'm so glad you appreciate that some of your good fortune is a matter of luck. In spite of our small income, my husband and I live on a beautiful piece of land on a creek. We had the opportunity, skills and physical health when we were younger to design and build a tiny but charming and solid house with our own resources, no mortgage, on land that my mother made available to us at a price we could afford. (She wanted me living next door, too.)

Visitors often wish out loud that they could live in a lovely little cottage on a creek when they see our home. I don't take those comments as envy, or depressed sighs about what they don't have; I recognize that they are just telling their true feelings in that moment. I agree with them. But the location, size and quality of our home are some of life's "options," and is obviously not a "need" that those statements of longing are expressing, because those folks generally are living fine lives of their own choosing, effort, and good fortune.

There are other, genuine, needs that people are struggling without, that do warrant my attention and caring and work to correct. We all share those needs – affordable shelter in clean, safe neighborhoods where families are raising the next generation. Access to nutritious, fresh food. Basic health care that everyone can afford. Education that meets at least some minimum of quality. Access to transportation, and sufficient employment.

If I didn't have a conscience, or stayed too busy protecting all the "rewards" that I have personally "earned" in my life, I would ignore problems in the larger world that need some of my attention, effort and dollars, before they mark a whole generation of kids who will grow up believing in a dysfunctional, dog-eat-dog society with no vision or hope of improving things.

So I hope that at some point, all of us humans will pay attention to those nudges of guilt, right alongside feeling gratitude for what we do have. I will never believe that a rich, powerful man living in a gated mansion is simply not affected by the desperation of the poor, which are a growing class in our "classless" society. But daily, I do hear and see people of comfortable means beating their consciences down under the influence of fear – of what personal comforts they may have to moderate. And that, in my opinion, is one of the basest of human reactions. Our souls may fit through the eye of a needle, but our estates certainly will not.

So guilt is a healthy and necessary nudge, essential to a healthy and connected society. It means we have a functioning conscience. And while guilt can be rooted in fear, can be overdone, conscience is rooted in love, a more positive resource. It's just good to notice when guilt tips into the unnecessary or depressing feedback that keeps us from fully appreciating our good luck and happy opportunities.

I hope you enjoy every minute of your cruise!

Question: I guess what I am wondering is, why are some people like this?
Answer: Because they weren't raised to realize that the proper response to something is "oh that's wonderful" when someone shares news of an upcoming event or vacation.

Question: What can I say if they say something that is less-than-positive?
Answer: Nothing because your parents raised you to be a kind person.

Question: And why am I feeling guilty about it?
Answer: I don't know. I'm more wondering why you surround yourself with these 'friends' who don't really seem to be friendly toward you. If they are casual contacts then I'd probably stop sharing so much with them and stick to topics like 'nice weather we're having' and 'boy I can't believe it's almost April already'.

Some of that in our competitive world is because they are trying to explain why they can't keep up with you. Or...there are several times that friends have told hubby and I that they are going on vacation to xyz or bought xyz car, sending their kid to xyz private school and living in a really expensive house. We know what they do for a living, we know what we do for a living and what are salaries are, and we look at each other and say, "how?" It is more, what are they doing that they can afford this stuff and what are we doing wrong that we can't. We would never say anything to these people's faces, but maybe these people that do are trying to get you to say how you afford it so they can better understand why they can't.

You have had some very good luck and very bad luck.

The good luck is your parents were economically astute and left you money to invest and have fun with.

The bad luck is that your parents passed away. My mom and dad passed away within two years of each other and I would have much rather they lived longer than have left my brother and I money.

The comments you are getting are because they aren't economically astute and don't save their money for such fun vacations. A friend of mine made such comments to me and I simply said that my mom and dad passed away leaving us some money to have fun on so we are following their instructions. I also said that our vacation was much cheaper than atv's and motorcycles and we just chose different ways to spend our money. (He was making payments on two new quads, a trailer to put them on and a nearly new Harley.)

Don't feel guilty. Your parents earned it and you are investing it so you can take the proceeds and have fun. So go and do. BTW, if it bothers you enough, just tell them you are going out of town for the week and leave it at that.

Good luck to you and yours.

They are jealous, "must be nice". Yes, yes it is nice. Take it as a compliment, they probably meant to say good for you.

I usually just reply, It's a good life & smile.

Really what else are you going to say?
Ask them if they can examine their choices & cut back on lattes?
Nah :)

I totally get it! We go through this w/ family. Especially mine.....my parents make the WORST financial choices all the time; eat out instead of paying a bill, by a computer instead of the monthly car payment. It goes on and on. But then my mom's always telling everyone how hard she has it, they are broke, behind on the mortgage, disconnect notices etc...
Well my husband put himself through college. Started at the bottom within his company, and nnow has a great job. We pay all of our bills on time, have great credit, and while we're not "loaded" We are comfortable and due to good budgeting get to do more then my parents and siblings who are also very irresponsible. So I often almost want to not tell them we are doing stuff because I can feel the "It must be nice" vibe coming off of them.
We shouldn't have to explain to others about our financials, or feel guilty. Everyone could do nice things and have nice things if they worked hard, budgeted and were responsible!

We have this problem sometimes as well, and while it is not a terrible problem, it is definitely tiresome and confusing sometimes. We are a military family, my husband is an officer, and while we are not wealthy (government employee, hello!:) we have some breathing room. There is a mythology of sorts, especially among some of the junior enlisted families, that officers make so much money, so quickly, with no struggle, and they can be vocal about it. Sometimes subtly, sometimes not so much. I could tell them about the 4 years of college (ROTC) where money was non existent and I worked full time, went to school full time and took care of our infant daughter, or the very lean times right after commissioning, or the countless sacrifices my husband has had to make to get to where he is now, the 7 moves in 8 years our family has made, etc etc etc. And sometimes, all this flashes through my mind in the seconds right after I get a comment like those you mentioned, or I hear my husband get told, "Yes sir, that's why you make the big bucks!' or the very direct, "Officers and their wives are so lucky, they know nothing about life, everything is handed to them." Or much worse. But then, I remember a lot of the comments are based on ignorance. Of my life, of the Army, the officer corps, whatever. And sometimes it is a defense mechanism, a way to cope with the insecurities or fears that stem from a lack of control and security. Other times it is a cultural difference. Whatever it may be, I, much like you, say something pleasant and generic because I realize I have to choose my battles. If it's a snarky, direct comment, I might offer a little education, but otherwise, I let it go because it isn't their business how well we do and I have no need to defend anything (hello, I didn't do anything bad!). I know that's not helpful, but maybe knowing that it happens at all socio-economic levels might help you to realize you aren't alone and you shouldn't feel guilty. It is nothing you are doing. You could be driving an old Plymouth Breeze with a door that doesn't close right and reminds you constantly with an incessant ding ding ding (and yes, that's what I drove during our first assignment haha), and still, someone who is doing not as well will find a way to let you know it. Just smile, get in your mama's beautiful car, send a silent thank you for her generosity, and move on.

Jealousy maybe? I am poor, awfully awfully poor. Just for right now until I get through school. I didn't used to be poor, I also used to be solidly middle class, until I moved to America, which seems sometimes to be almost third world. I get jealous of people who have the nice stuff, the nice cars, clothes etc. Because for right now I have to live 4 of us in 800 sq ft, drive a 20 year old car, and shop at walmart (Cato if I'm feeling upmarket)
I wouldn't say anything back, it would probably just make me feel worse that I really can't afford what you have, even though I am probably as intelligent and worthy as you are. Just say, yes, it is/was expensive, I agree with you. But don't justify anything, you don't have to.

Why you're feeling guilty...because your friends' comments about their finances make you feel guilty for having the means to do what they can't. Maybe it would be better if you didn't specify what kind of a vacation you were taking. Or in regards to your daughter's coat, suggest you've seen all kinds of name/designer coats online for reduced prices. (shopgoodwill.com is amazing with what they have sometimes!).
They don't mean to make you feel bad. It's probably more like they're looking to feel LESS bad about their situations. And to the financially strapped, your situation sounds like dreams, or extravagance. It's just human nature. Do enjoy your good fortune and vacations. You should. And please, next time, pack me in your suitcase!!!! LOL

isn't it funny? i've been desperately broke and right now we're very comfortable, and i definitely like this better. but sometimes i find myself responding defensively or guiltily to this sort of situation. as if i've betrayed my former penurious self by enjoying an occasional luxury now.
i think we both have to just push past our own discomfort and not project it onto our friends. 9 times out of 10 there's nothing more than interest behind their comments, and there's really no justification necessary or even appropriate. just a smile and 'yes, i really enjoy my nice car' or 'yes, we're so excited about this nice vacation' or 'yes, susie is doing well at this school' is the only sort of answer that works.
if someone is clearly trying to make me feel guilty, then oddly enough it has the exact opposite effect. then i'm more likely to smile gently and say 'luck has nothing to do with it. we're just really, really smart and hard working.'
smiling.
:) khairete
S.

I haven't read the other answers, but I would just say to try to "know your audience". There are some people, like in your examples above, who will always do that to people they are talking to. When I know I'm in the company of someone like that, I don't tell them what they "want to hear". Like in your example C, just leave it at "My child goes to school XYZ."

For the gal who moans about your child's coat, and you get stuck in that conversation, just say that the coat is cheaper at Burlington Coat Factory and change the topic of discussion. She doesn't have to know that you didn't buy it there.

You can do all kinds of thing to mitigate the "stigma" you are getting from these people without lying, without apologizing, and without feeling guilty. What you have to remember is that either they are not capable of making proper conversation, or they want you to feel bad for what you have that they don't have. And you shouldn't have to pay the price to them for either. Period.

Dawn

"We only have a little extra because we have invested the money my parents left us when they died."
"Putting Susie at this gymnastics center is where my mother wanted her to go. She died before she could see Susie do any tricks though."
"That's why both of us work outside the home"

And when someone asks what you are doing or going, is it because they want to see where you are going next, so they can sit there and be miserable. Just tell them we booked a Disney Cruise last year, we have made installment payments for 12 months.
Don't you have to do that anyway?

Or just say gotta save your pennies and switch topics.
I had a neighbor like that. I let the friendship go. I am much happier.